asking your bridesmaids to be bridesmaids

[slg47]

So...when is it typical to ask your bridesmaids to be your bridesmaids? When you tell them about your engagement? I know someone (turbofl?) made some really cute cards...is that typical? I guess what I want to know is...should I ask them when I call to announce the engagement, or after?

 

[mrscushion]

I asked my bridesmaids 11 months before the wedding (8 months post-engagement). I don't think you need to ask them when announcing your engagement; in fact, that sounds quite early to me. I'd only ask them if you're absolutely sure you want them to be your BM.

I used cute little "will you be my bridesmaid" cards I got from etsy. I think it's easy to do it that way because if a BM has any reason to decline, that way she hasn't decide right away in front of you.

 

[slg47]

I was thinking of making cards...I have a lot of scrapbooking equipment/etc.

ETA we are all in different states!

 

[vc10um]

I just used blank cards that were in a black and white floral print similar to the black and white damask that will be used in our wedding, and wrote each girl a note about how much her friendship (or sisterness) has meant to me and asked them to be bridesmaids (or MOH) at the end. I sent the cards a little over a week after getting engaged, which was just under 1 year before the wedding.

I don't think you *should* ask any earlier than a year out, because a lot can change, especially if you're graduating/moving/changing jobs/etc in that time, but you need to make sure the girls have enough time to find, try on, purchase, and alter dresses, buy shoes, etc. I'd say asking at least 8 months prior should be sufficient.

Hope that helps!

 

[slg47]

OK, thanks a lot I just didn't know if it would be awkward to tell them about the engagement but not ask right away. There are only 2 bridesmaids (and potentially a man of honor), I doubt anything will change...but thank you for the advice!

 

[pancake]

Only you can really judge the stability of your friendships and decide how and when you'd like to ask. My best friend got engaged, we squeeeeee!ed and oooooooooh!ed and OMG!ed for a few days; I thought she'd probably ask me to be her BM but wasn't 100% sure (in hindsight, not sure why!). A few weeks later we were chatting on the phone about something (by then I had forgotten about the BM thing), there was a sentence in the conversation about BMs, a pregnant silence, and then, "so.........how would you feel about being a bridesmaid?" (cue more squeeeeeees and ooooooooooohs etc) Her wedding is not for another 15 months but it is just inconceivable that our 12 year friendship would suffer enough of a blow in that time for the situation to change.

I don't think it necessarily needs to be formal or involve a card - if that's your style, then go for it, but I don't think it's necessary and I wouldn't consider it part of "standard wedding etiquette" (although who am I to say...I eloped).

 

[Truthsnark]

I asked my girls over the phone about a week after my engagement, but I have a small bridal party. If you have a larger party or are asking people who could potentially decline, I think that sending a "will you be my bridesmaid" card is a great idea!

 

[jaylex]

I got engaged Sept 12th of last year, and just asked my bridesmaids to be in my wedding lol. (I still have to ask my MOH)

I had little cakes made in their favorite flavors and put a little card that said "bridesmaid" on one side and their name on the other on top of the cake.

For my MOH, I wrote her a poem based around one of our inside jokes.
I wrote a poem about how, like a good bra, I'd like her "support" and telling her how "up-lifting" she is. I bought her a bra from Vicky's secret and I'm going to ship them in a box to suprise her at college.
We'll see how it turns out lol. It sounds weird from and "outside" perspective, but I know she'll appreciate it. lol

I'm glad I waited as long as I did, because at first I had wanted my brother's girlfriend in the party (they were together for 2 years and I became really close with her.. I looked at her like a "little sister".) but they broke up in March. Had I asked my party right after I got engaged, we would have problems last March.
For the record, I don't generally endorse the idea of having siblings "bfs/gfs" in the party... I knew I was taking a gamble there.

 

[CourtLynB]

Technically not a bride, but wanted to chime in. I'm in the midst of 2 different friends planning weddings:

Where I live, people have engagement parties since most engagements are over a year in length. Two of my close friends asked their friends/relatives to be in the bridal party at their parties. One gave out small favors with roses and the other gave a nice picture frame with her fave picture of the two of them(bride and maid). And all the bridesmaids got cards with lovely notes written inside.

 

[slg47]

thanks everyone for chiming in! CourtLyn I like that idea but I don't think we will be having an engagement party...we both live in CA and all of our friends are scattered across the country!