Asking permission fromt he father after moving in together...

[olydan1]

So...I''m in quite a predicament. I''m quite a traditionalist, but have made the decision to move in with my girlfriend before we are engaged. My plan was to ask her father for permission before we moved in together (over Xmas), but there wasn''t a chance over the two days to pull him aside and have a chat.

Moving forward, we are now living together and have been for 3 weeks, but I need to ask her father for permission. Her dad isn''t too concerned with us moving in together, but her mother is pretty upset and claims I have taken something special from her daughter by moving in together before the commitment.

Any suggestions about how to bring up the topic with the parents under somewhat hostile circumstances?

Thanks,
D

 

[bee*]

I would just be upfront and honest with them and say that you planned to ask them at christmas but there wasn''t a moment to do it. I''m sure they''ll be delighted when you tell them that you are planning to propose. best of luck!

 

[Ucfmanic]

I would say that asking the father for permission is still the stand up thing to do. I am in a similar position, yet we are pregnant with twins and have been living together for 4 months. We were talking about marriage before the pregnancy and moving in together. I am now ring shopping and plan to ask her father as soon as i get a ring. Fortunately both of our parents approve of us being together and there was nothing but happiness when we moved in together as well as anouncing the pregnancy, but in any other situation I would still ask her father for her hand just out of respect.

 

[olydan1]

Yea. Its tough. For me I believe the comment was something like "he has stolen your virtue...isn''t respecting the relationship" but they are slowly getting over it.

Thanks for the response!

 

[Ucfmanic]

yea, no worries. I was actually concerned when we went through what we did on her parents reaction, and I already knew they loved me... Parents want there little girls to ride off into the sunset the "Right" way. But just handle your buisness, and they will respect you for it in the long run. Best wishes bro .

 

[Sha]

Isn''t it a bit weird to be asking for ''permission'' though, since you guys are already living together?

I would explain you and your GF''s reasons for making the move, and ask for their consent/blessing.

 

[door knob solitaire]

I have a TOTALLY different view on this matter.

I feel the whole purpose of the exercise is to express to the parents that you are NOW going to put forth EVERY ounce of your being to provide and protect her. You are vowing to be the best husband you can be...and that you are stripping yourself of the outside cover the world sees and showing them your true intentions of love and dedication. You are laying your heart out there so the two people (or one what ever the case may be) who UP to this point have loved her more than any other...can see your honest and true side. That you think so highly of her to come to them and share your feelings for their daughter. Assure them with your words.

I get a tad upset when this well intended gesture gets turned into something like asking if she can go to the movies...permission that is.

Show them you are the man they hope you are. Tell them how you feel...you can ask "permission" to borrow the lawn mower in the spring!

PS... fast forward 26 years from now...you hear a knock at the door...what do YOU want to hear from the man standing before you with intentions of making your daughter his wife?