Asking her parents for permission...

[KingofCarat]

Hello everyone, I’m new to this forum but love to read about the proposal ideas and checking out the rocks. My question is more directed to the women but everyone feel free to share. I plan to propose to my girlfriend and my questions revolves around-asking her parents for permission. Her parents live about 15 hours from me so her and I are unable to spend as much time with them as I would like. We spend a lot more time with my parents. So what creative ideas can I ask her parents for permission? They are not super traditional so they wouldn’t expect me to fly and ask them, plus my girlfriend would figure it out. Would it be acceptable to make a video talking about their daughter, my love for her and than ask for their blessing. I don’t think I can do it face to face because I will get emotional. If a nice creative video wouldn’t be acceptable, what other ideas can you think of? As we get closer I will post the ring. Looking forward to some helpful feedback.

 

[lilyinct]

Congratulations! The video idea sounds nice, but what about sending some flowers and a nice card with all your thoughts written out?

 

[JDCFA]

How "mandatory" is it these days to still ask for permission in the first place. My feel is that while this is still the traditional method, it is no longer an absolute. It seems more and more people are skipping this step now. Am I flat-out wrong here?

Also, I really want to perserver the suprise factor and am 99.9% certain her mom simply wouldn''t be able to keep the secret ( here Dad passed away years ago).

any thoughts or advice here?

thank you.

 

[ame]

I like the video idea a lot. But a letter is just as heartfelt.

 

[door knob solitaire]

King of carat

I think your video idea is heartfelt and a wonderful idea! I have heard of this video (because of distance and time) done before and heard the parents response have always been positive. They will be able to see your expressions and hear your voice...can''t express that with pen and paper. In todays world, when a man asks for the daughters hand the parents will appreciate the tradition you honor and the respect you show for the sanctity of the marriage to their daughter. What better way to begin the union into the family than with your intregrity over what is done today?

Your girlfriend started planning her husband...wedding...marriage when she was a wee tot. We girls all do that. I married David Cassidy and Donny Osmond and on really special days I was married to Elvis. (man that was a wedding...) Anyway, parents of a little girl do the same thing. Envision the first day of school...sweet 16...HS graduation....milestones to picture start out early. There is another milestone that is often thought of and that is permission for her hand.

Many posters remind you it isn''t done anymore...It is obvious it is important to you...trust me, it is important to the parents. Your display of honor and respect will be well received. And futher more, the video will be something treasured for years to come by your wife. The technology age allows different and creative ideas...and your video idea is indicative of the times still honoring tradition.
Wow...I am weeping!

DKS

PS. I do hope the parents won''t call the daughter and say..."Hey we just got a video from your beau...do you know what this is about?" Maybe you could call ahead of time, or write...and tell them you have a special package coming to you...it is a suprise and I don''t want Nicole to know about it...just yet. The idea of the floral bouquet arriving...may be a great opportunity to give them a heads up...with alittle note in the flowers...Either way you choose...yes yes yes...ask the parents!!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Oops, sorry AME...I was writing my novel before I read your post...sounds as if my post was arguing with yours...just a different view/angle/opinion.

No offense intended.

DKS

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think it is a great idea. We live in NC, my parents in WI so it''s a distance as well. My Fi asked my dad on the phone, flew to WI to surprise me while I was visiting them, and asked again in front of me as part of the proposal. My mom was left out of the loop the first time because she would have spilled the beans to me. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[Faerievert]

My fiance asked my father over the phone. I''m amazed my dad was able to keep the secret, turns out I ended up calling him 5 minutes after he finished with me sweetie! A couple weeks later he flew out and surprised me with the proposal (got my roommate in on the plan to sneak him into the apt with out my knowledge!) I think the phone is probably better than the video because that might just confuse the parents initially. Besides, it''s easier to keep your composure over the phone, and don''t have to sit around waiting for the mail to get to them and then for the response call back to you. A letter would be annoying for the same reasons. I''m sure this is nervewracking enough- just go for the instant gratification!

 

[sparkly_stars]

I think the video is a GREAT idea, especially seeing as if you tried to ask in person she''d figure it out.

I don''t think asking permission is required, but for some (like me) it''s just important. It''s not even the traditional side of it that matters, I just want them involved and to give him the "okay" that will ensure things to be perfect. (I don''t know if that made sense). But my parents LOVE him, and it will (whenever it happens of course) put him at ease to get their okay''s!

BEST OF LUCK!