asking father''s permission etiquette

[dbiafra]

hello all - i am close to asking my girlfriend to marry me. in organizing everything and trying to schedule all of the times and dates, I am looking to get some feedback regarding asking the father''s permission. I know this is something I definitely want to do, and I want to do it face to face, but am looking for some feedback regarding how and when to do it. my biggest question is that there seems to be 2 schools of thought on which is proper etiquette....1.) you ask the father BEFORE you propose, and, 2.) you propose and THEN ask for the father''s permission.

I don''t think you can go wrong either way, but #2 seems a bit midevil to me. Does anyone have any suggestions, ideas, or resources for me check out?

Thanks

 

[jcrow]

i don''t know much about all of that, but i would definitely ask for permission BEFORE you propose. Good luck!

 

[pad3006]

I would say its best to ask for his blessing first, and then propose. I think it seems like more of an afterthought to ask him after you have already proposed.
I am not a parent so I dont know what advice to give other then that is seems best to ask for his blessing before hand.
Im sorta in the same position as you are, I am sure like me you are pretty nervous about the situation.
Good luck.

Phil

 

[snuga]

I definitely think you should ask before hand. I think it means a lot to fathers to be asked, it gives them a sense of pride, and if they have any concerns (which I''m sure he doesn''t), they can raise them at that time and you can alleviate them... You can also get the whole "if you ever hurt my daughter, I will hunt you down and kick your butt" conversation out of the way at that time too.

Just Kidding!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Before. My Fi actually asked before on the phone (they live 18 hours away) then during the proposal (because my family was there and he wanted to ask in front of me). The funny thing is people will ask her if you asked her dad so it makes you look like a true gentleman.

 

[ladydee91500]

my best advice is to be as calm as possible... It''s nerve racking but if you''ve met him and are on good terms .. then it shouldn''t be an issue. When my boyfriend asked my dad .. he was sooo nervous he ran to the bathroom to puke.. haha... so just be calm and cool.. and don''t sugar coat things, blurt it out... but plan your wording ahead of time. Also, be prepared to answer questions. hth

 

[monarch64]

Date: 11/2/2005 12:03:06 PM
Author:dbiafra
hello all - i am close to asking my girlfriend to marry me. in organizing everything and trying to schedule all of the times and dates, I am looking to get some feedback regarding asking the father''s permission. I know this is something I definitely want to do, and I want to do it face to face, but am looking for some feedback regarding how and when to do it. my biggest question is that there seems to be 2 schools of thought on which is proper etiquette....1.) you ask the father BEFORE you propose, and, 2.) you propose and THEN ask for the father''s permission.

I don''t think you can go wrong either way, but #2 seems a bit midevil to me. Does anyone have any suggestions, ideas, or resources for me check out?

Thanks

I say definitely ask her father before you propose. It''s just a respect thing, not medeivel at all. He will appreciate having a son in law who felt it was important to have his blessing before he proposed. Here''s my funny story: we live about 5 hours away from my family, so my husband got the ring first and couldn''t wait to ask me more than 8 hours after he bought it, so he called my mom and dad and asked them over the phone! My dad''s response was, "are you sure about this? You know she can be pretty difficult to live with!" Normally he is a very stern, serious person. I was like, thanks a lot, Dad! LOL. I still laugh about it three years later! Back to your question, though...do what feels right to you. Remember that when you marry someone, you marry their family as well. you would never want any hard feelings between you and her father.

 

[magicsock]

Ask him 1st, no doubt about that.. its his little girl, and if you do marry her, then you are primarily responsible for her, so its basicly his last chance to be a gaurding father. So ask him, so that he gets to approve. But when you do it, take him somewhere where he is comfortable, because giving away his daughter is a big deal ya know. so if hes into something particular then go there and slowly break the ice. With the holidays coming up.. now is the best time to ask. go to her parents for thanksgiving.. I think that would be better than Christmas. anyway.. good luck.. and kick ass