ask me what i want and then do what you want instead? odd bf behavior

[beautifuldisaster]

well my boyfriend has done it again, lol.

i told him what i wanted (he asked of course) in a ring. i ended up changing my mind on the stone about nine million times but then narrowed it done to two shapes.

he bought the stone without me knowing about it ahead of time. i was a little scared because i was fearful he didn''t know what he was doing, no offense to him, but this was supposed to be my project but he went to solomon brothers apparently and got an amazing sparkler.

i had wanted to work with this wonderful jeweler that i have been corresponding with and had told my bf of the quote he gave me. after some talking, he just informed me that he wants to get me the ring that he has decided on. he said that he knows what i want, halo-pave-antique and will get me what i want, but also, he wants it to be a bit of a surprise if it''s ok with me. how could i say no to that when i saw the look in his shiny eyes?

i feel bad though because i really like the jeweler and i had decided on my ring..finally.

i guess perhaps i should not be such a beeyatch and realize that he loves me, knows what i want and is being a sweetheart because he wants to have a hand in picking it out.

ok....the guilt is wearing off a little bit...thanks for allowing me to vent.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Sorry this is a frustrating experience, but your BF supposedly got you a beautiful "sparkler," maybe he''ll get you an incredible setting too!? Who knows, maybe he wants to throw you off the trail and go to your preferred jeweler!?!?!

 

[icekid]

aww, it''s tough to let go of the control!! i helped my bf pick out the stone, though he will pretend that he can''t remember which stone he picked. however, he wants it to be a bit of a surprise too so he is dealing with the details of the setting. ack! i keep writing him emails about certain things that i would prefer, but i don''t think he is listening anymore. trust him, i''m sure your ring will be perfect!

 

[NoonersMom]

Beautiful.....I think sometimes we forget that this is as much their "thing" as it is ours, if not more theirs. Ideally we would all love to pick out our stones & settings. However, it sounds like your BF has done his homework regarding your taste & understands a few of the principles regarding the big sparkle. lol. I haven''t worked with Solomon Bros, but have heard good reviews. He should be in fine hands, especially if he mentions PS.

Sorry this is a little frustrating for you....just keep in mind that he is being a sweet heart, he wants to have a hand in it & be as proud of the finished product as you will be. Repeat after me...."serenity now, serenity now". hehe.

 

[JCJD]

I told now-FI that I wanted a RB 4 or 6 prong plat solitaire. He gave me the most beautiful ring I have ever seen! It''s nothing like what I thought I wanted, but everything I did want! It''s simple...and intricate. Unique...and classic. It''s very me, very him, and very us all at the same time! Trust him - he may surprise you! And if you do end up hating it, be honest with him and negotiate something.

Ring (cause I''m obsessed and love showing it off!!): See avatar, and HERE!

 

[beautifuldisaster]

thanks ladies.

i hope that it didn''t sound too awful and i don''t come across as a spoiled brat.

i have done some thinking since my last post and the lightbulb went off.....

bottom line, i just want to be his wife and if it is from him and from his heart, it will mean alot to me.

 

[beautifuldisaster]

oh and JCJD...your ring is beautiful

i wil let go now and relinquish control of the situation, which should be easy considering i have to lol

 

[FireGoddess]

BD you did not come off anything like a spoiled brat! Yours is a common reaction and really - it is a little hard to give up control of something girls fantasize about since they were little! And it is something you will be wearing and seeing every day from now on, so it''s completely normal to want to make sure he knows exactly what you like and what you don''t! Since he knows you want the halo/antique look I don''t think there''s too much room for him to go wrong. Perhaps he got a setting as well as the stone from Solomon brothers?? Does he know which jeweler you got the quote from? Maybe he did end up using that jeweler but wants to throw you off the trail? I bet you''re going to love it...since he knows you definitely have preferences I''m sure he doesn''t want to screw it up either...and must have a very good idea of what you desire if he doesn''t want any more help.

 

[katrina_33]

I''m going through the same thing, except nothing has been purchased yet. I''d always just assumed that I would be 100% involved in picking out the ring (as in, doing all of the dealing & communication with the jeweler - who I''d choose of course). We''d never really talked about it that specifically in terms of how/where we''d get the ring. I assumed we''d buy the stone online from a PS vendor to save $ and ensure a great cut - when we finally got down to it, he tells me he''d NEVER buy a diamond online (which surprises me because we get everything else online, even major furniture we''d never seen in person). He said he wanted to go through his friend''s diamond dealer, and he said he wanted rough guidelines from me about what I wanted, and educational pointers about how to pick a good stone, but didn''t want me directly involved in the process at all. I dont even think he''d want me to send him specific pics of designer settings I like with the expectation that he''ll get one of them!

I was shocked, and kind of nervous at first, but now feel really good about it. My BF has good taste. He''s pickier about weird things you wouldn''t think a guy would have opinions on, like dishes and silverware, than I am! His guy friends who have gotten engaged recently are well off, went to great jewelers, and got great rings, so if he seeks out guidance from any of them it won''t be a disaster. He always educates himself before buying anything. And, when it comes down to it, if he gets me a 4 prong platinum ring with tiny dimaonds on the band and a well cut round center, how much could I really dislike it? It might not be exactly what I would have picked, but it''s a diamond ring for pete''s sake, and an engagement ring at that! Really, I like almost all diamond rings (except for really crappy maul ones that look dated - but he''d never get me something like that anyhow).

I''m blabbering like crazy, but point is, now I LOVE the idea of him taking the lead on the ring. I think it''s sweet, old fashioned and romantic that he wants to! (Either that, or an excuse to stall and drag the process out, since I''m not involved I can''t nag him every step of the way or make it happen on my own timeframe ; ) When I do get the ring, it will be such a special story that he picked it out and totally surprised me with a proposal. I won''t know when the ring is done, or when he has it, and I like that idea. (Better story for friends & family than saying "I did all the shopping, put the ring I wanted on hold, gave him the jewlers card, and told him to go buy it" which is how I''d envisioned the process!)

Bottom line, look on the bright side - you''ll probably end up with a great ring that will be all the more special because he picked it without your help! If the salespeople at any good jewelry store hear that you want an antique style setting with a pave halo, they will get what is meant by that look and help him take it from there. That''s specific enough IMO - none of that type of ring I''ve seen on PS or out in the real world are really bad when you think about it.

And remember, when you see rings on the internet, the photos are so blown up that every tiny detail looks like a major design element. the differences between those details in person are so much more minor that even if you''re particularly attached to or turned off by certain design elements based on photos, in real life it might be a much more even playing field and you might like them all almost the same.

Congrats!

 

[northstar_78]

Beautiful my bf has very little interest in jewelry of any kind, so finding the perfect stone and band are in my corner! He said that he trusts my judgement and all my due diligence enough to leave it up to me but he knows that I''m realistic enough not to go after something really expensive.

It kind of bums me out sometimes that he''s not more interested but I''m a more informed consumer then he is and I''d hate to think that he''d get burned.

I''ve kept him in the loop though, showing him pictures, ideas and discussing the different vendors that I''ve been corresponding with so when the time comes he will know. But he has his own ideas too...I''d be happy with a simple engagement band but he really wants me to have a classic engagement ring.

I think we all become emotionally attached to the whole planning part, for better or for worse! Yes we are the ones who will be wearing it every day but if he wants to pick it out I''d let him.

I can''t figure out where the reference to Solomon Brothers came from but I''ve spoken to them and emailed them on many an occasion and they are wonderful to work with.