Are you planning on *ahem* abstaining before the wedding?

[Lanie]

Are/did you ladies avoid "contact" with your FI''s before the wedding? My FI thought it was an odd idea...he wasn''t opposed to a couple of nights before, but when I suggested 2 months before, he laughed and said Good Luck. Hahaha. If all happens as it has been happening, we will have 3 weeks under our belts before the wedding.

I also suggested staying at a friend''s house (we live together) for the week before the wedding and he thought that was utterly ridiculous.
What about you ladies?

 

[honey22]

Nup! We have lived together for over 12 years and we really don''t sleep well at all without each other, so we have decided to spend the night together at the resort before our wedding. FI actually suggested it (I did have another room booked). We decided that tossing and turning and not getting any sleep the night before our wedding wouldn''t do us any favours for the big day, so we are staying together, having breaky together and then going into separate rooms to get ready.

 

[laughwithme]

I think we will abstain for 3-4 weeks. We are also spending the night before the wedding apart (him at parent''s house, me at hotel.) My main worry is on the wedding night, if he''s gone a month without doing the deed, he might be pretty...ummm....short-lived on our wedding night...no fun for me! So, we need to get creative and think of a solution Maybe I will require him to have "boy-fun" with himself that night before the wedding?!

 

[LadyBlue]

I stayed the night before the wedding at a friends house, but the days before we were did not make any different as usual.

 

[Octavia]

Well, my FI will be out of town for a week before the wedding, returning the day before. I might make him wait until the wedding day, just because of his poor scheduling choices and the stress he''s causing me as a result.

We''ll see, though -- I don''t feel any need to decide ahead of time.

 

[sba771]

I totally understand why people abstain, but for us, IMHO, it just seems silly because we have done it and even if we did it the night before the wedding, when we finally do it as man and wife it will be like new and special in its own right. With that in mind, by default we probably won''t be doing it the week up to the wedding due to circumstances. I will probably be in Philly finishing up wedding prep while he will be in NY and won''t come up until the day before the wedding. Also I will be ''old fashioned'' in the sense that after I go to mikvah (the Jewish ritual purification bath/ceremony) I won''t want to be intimate until our wedding night, but I am trying to just go the night before the wedding, just in case he surprises me and comes to Philly early.

 

[Lanie]

Date: 7/11/2009 8:30:13 PM
Author: laughwithme
I think we will abstain for 3-4 weeks. We are also spending the night before the wedding apart (him at parent''s house, me at hotel.) My main worry is on the wedding night, if he''s gone a month without doing the deed, he might be pretty...ummm....short-lived on our wedding night...no fun for me! So, we need to get creative and think of a solution Maybe I will require him to have ''boy-fun'' with himself that night before the wedding?!

Hee hee hee!

 

[pan_manda]

I was actually really surprised when DF suggested that we abstain before the wedding. I had been thinking about it and wanted to discuss it but was trying to figure out a way to bring it up. I was thinking 2 months, but we ended up compromising and will be abstaining for at least 1 month pre-wedding.

Also, he will be staying at his parents'' house the night before the wedding, and I will be staying in a house with my bridesmaids

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 7/11/2009 8:30:13 PM
Author: laughwithme
I think we will abstain for 3-4 weeks. We are also spending the night before the wedding apart (him at parent''s house, me at hotel.) My main worry is on the wedding night, if he''s gone a month without doing the deed, he might be pretty...ummm....short-lived on our wedding night...no fun for me! So, we need to get creative and think of a solution Maybe I will require him to have ''boy-fun'' with himself that night before the wedding?!

 

[Bjedifish]

Date: 7/11/2009 8:30:13 PM
Author: laughwithme
I think we will abstain for 3-4 weeks. We are also spending the night before the wedding apart (him at parent''s house, me at hotel.) My main worry is on the wedding night, if he''s gone a month without doing the deed, he might be pretty...ummm....short-lived on our wedding night...no fun for me! So, we need to get creative and think of a solution Maybe I will require him to have ''boy-fun'' with himself that night before the wedding?!

"boy-fun" LOL!!!! but good idea!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 7/12/2009 4:01:41 AM
Author: sba771
I totally understand why people abstain, but for us, IMHO, it just seems silly because we have done it and even if we did it the night before the wedding, when we finally do it as man and wife it will be like new and special in its own right. With that in mind, by default we probably won''t be doing it the week up to the wedding due to circumstances. I will probably be in Philly finishing up wedding prep while he will be in NY and won''t come up until the day before the wedding. Also I will be ''old fashioned'' in the sense that after I go to mikvah (the Jewish ritual purification bath/ceremony) I won''t want to be intimate until our wedding night, but I am trying to just go the night before the wedding, just in case he surprises me and comes to Philly early.

Ditto. We aren''t doing anything to abstain, until I go to the mikvah. But that will be two days before the ceremony. Poor H!

 

[Lanie]

I have never heard of the mikvah until now! That is so interesting...I read up on it on Wikipedia (GREAT source, huh?) and it didn''t say anything too much in detail. What do you do for it? (If you don''t mind sharing)

 

[Tuckins1]

Haha... We decided not to "do anything" after midnight the night before our wedding. So of course, we were enjoying each other''s company at 11:59!!

 

[blueroses]

NO.

 

[swingirl]

If you already have a sexual relationship what is the reasoning behind abstaining? Like to pretend you are virgins again? I don''t get it.

 

[honey22]

Actually, I have given this a bit more thought, and it might be nice to create a bit of anticipation!!!! However, we are spending the night before in a fancy 5 star suite at the resort, and that always makes me feel cuddly

Before that, we will be spending 5 nights at my parents house, which usually isn''t a problem, but there will be other people staying there and it would probably be a bit too crazy there anyway. Will have to ask FI what he thinks?

 

[laughwithme]

Date: 7/12/2009 9:50:31 PM
Author: swingirl
If you already have a sexual relationship what is the reasoning behind abstaining? Like to pretend you are virgins again? I don''t get it.

In my own opinion, and after talking to friends who have "abstained", I think its just for fun...trying just a *teeny tiny* bit to make it new again. Of course it wouldn''t be anything like the actual first time but I think there is something to be said in removing it from the relationship for a time...at least in my case, we will just be that much more excited to get back to the hotel after the reception.

 

[Lanie]

Date: 7/12/2009 9:50:31 PM
Author: swingirl
If you already have a sexual relationship what is the reasoning behind abstaining? Like to pretend you are virgins again? I don''t get it.

For us, it wouldn''t be like trying to be virgins again. It''s more of the building of anticipation (like someone said above). So that once the wedding night comes, it''s better (?) than a regular night because you have held off for so long. Maybe? Hahaha...I have a bunch of friends who did it and said it was fun.

 

[Dannielle]

I think its a nice idea, because I know that if it has been awhile since the last time we have been together its alot more exciting than if we have done it the night before. However, I don''t think there is any way it could not be special on the night of our wedding

 

[Lilac]

DH and I waited until our wedding night so that wasn''t an issue for us to abstain for a certain amount of time before the wedding. However, any other "fooling around" activities stopped about a month before the wedding with the exception of light kisses, hugs, and cuddling (I needed those to keep my sanity with all the stress leading up to the wedding!)

We didn''t see each other the entire week before the wedding (because of our Jewish custom not to see each other for that week) and I also went to mikvah that week so we didn''t touch at all after that until after the ceremony when we were married.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 7/12/2009 12:10:38 PM
Author: Lanie
I have never heard of the mikvah until now! That is so interesting...I read up on it on Wikipedia (GREAT source, huh?) and it didn''t say anything too much in detail. What do you do for it? (If you don''t mind sharing)

Lanie: I can''t speak for others (everyone has a different level of what they observe for this) but personally I go to mikvah every month. The law technically is that during a woman''s period and the 7 days after it stops a woman and man (husband and wife) cannot touch each other (like I said, there are different levels of observation of this - my husband and I DO touch and hug/kiss/cuddle, but nothing more than that during those 5/6 days of period and 7 days after that). When those days are over, the woman goes through several preparations before going to the mikvah. She removes all her nail polish from hands and toes, takes off all makeup, brushes all hair, brushes teeth, cleans all areas of her body, takes a bath for around a half hour (in a regular bathtub), and then takes a shower and washes her hair (usually the shower is done at the mikvah but many people do the other preparations at home). The woman goes to the mikvah and goes into the water (of the ritual bath) and is watched by another woman to make sure she immerses herself entirely. She immerses once, recites a blessing, then immerses twice more. Then she gets out and that''s it! She can go back home to her husband and feel free to touch or be intimate (and usually it''s pretty special because they''ve been waiting 12 or 13 days at that point). It''s almost like a honeymoon again because there has been so much anticipation and preparation for it.

Some people are more stringent with these laws, some are less. Some only go to mikvah right before their wedding to "purify" themselves before getting married, and some go every month. There are a ton of different smaller laws within these, but this is the basic idea.

 

[sba771]

Date: 7/13/2009 9:51:50 AM
Author: Lilac

Date: 7/12/2009 12:10:38 PM

Author: Lanie

I have never heard of the mikvah until now! That is so interesting...I read up on it on Wikipedia (GREAT source, huh?) and it didn''t say anything too much in detail. What do you do for it? (If you don''t mind sharing)

Lanie: I can''t speak for others (everyone has a different level of what they observe for this) but personally I go to mikvah every month. The law technically is that during a woman''s period and the 7 days after it stops a woman and man (husband and wife) cannot touch each other (like I said, there are different levels of observation of this - my husband and I DO touch and hug/kiss/cuddle, but nothing more than that during those 5/6 days of period and 7 days after that). When those days are over, the woman goes through several preparations before going to the mikvah. She removes all her nail polish from hands and toes, takes off all makeup, brushes all hair, brushes teeth, cleans all areas of her body, takes a bath for around a half hour (in a regular bathtub), and then takes a shower and washes her hair (usually the shower is done at the mikvah but many people do the other preparations at home). The woman goes to the mikvah and goes into the water (of the ritual bath) and is watched by another woman to make sure she immerses herself entirely. She immerses once, recites a blessing, then immerses twice more. Then she gets out and that''s it! She can go back home to her husband and feel free to touch or be intimate (and usually it''s pretty special because they''ve been waiting 12 or 13 days at that point). It''s almost like a honeymoon again because there has been so much anticipation and preparation for it.


Some people are more stringent with these laws, some are less. Some only go to mikvah right before their wedding to ''purify'' themselves before getting married, and some go every month. There are a ton of different smaller laws within these, but this is the basic idea.

Great summary Lilac. I wasn''t sure how to go about summarizing without getting into the confusing nidah laws. (I grew up Orthodox and Jewish day school for 13+ years drills this stuff into your head) You gave a great simple explanation. I will also add that I think mikvah is a really nice custom and while I don''t plan to go monthly since I no longer observe strictly, it is the thing I am looking forward to the most in terms of my wedding prep surprisingly since it is a tradition all the women in my side of the family have upheld.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 7/13/2009 9:56:36 AM
Author: sba771

Date: 7/13/2009 9:51:50 AM

Author: Lilac

Date: 7/12/2009 12:10:38 PM


Author: Lanie


I have never heard of the mikvah until now! That is so interesting...I read up on it on Wikipedia (GREAT source, huh?) and it didn''t say anything too much in detail. What do you do for it? (If you don''t mind sharing)

Lanie: I can''t speak for others (everyone has a different level of what they observe for this) but personally I go to mikvah every month. The law technically is that during a woman''s period and the 7 days after it stops a woman and man (husband and wife) cannot touch each other (like I said, there are different levels of observation of this - my husband and I DO touch and hug/kiss/cuddle, but nothing more than that during those 5/6 days of period and 7 days after that). When those days are over, the woman goes through several preparations before going to the mikvah. She removes all her nail polish from hands and toes, takes off all makeup, brushes all hair, brushes teeth, cleans all areas of her body, takes a bath for around a half hour (in a regular bathtub), and then takes a shower and washes her hair (usually the shower is done at the mikvah but many people do the other preparations at home). The woman goes to the mikvah and goes into the water (of the ritual bath) and is watched by another woman to make sure she immerses herself entirely. She immerses once, recites a blessing, then immerses twice more. Then she gets out and that''s it! She can go back home to her husband and feel free to touch or be intimate (and usually it''s pretty special because they''ve been waiting 12 or 13 days at that point). It''s almost like a honeymoon again because there has been so much anticipation and preparation for it.



Some people are more stringent with these laws, some are less. Some only go to mikvah right before their wedding to ''purify'' themselves before getting married, and some go every month. There are a ton of different smaller laws within these, but this is the basic idea.

Great summary Lilac. I wasn''t sure how to go about summarizing without getting into the confusing nidah laws. (I grew up Orthodox and Jewish day school for 13+ years drills this stuff into your head) You gave a great simple explanation. I will also add that I think mikvah is a really nice custom and while I don''t plan to go monthly since I no longer observe strictly, it is the thing I am looking forward to the most in terms of my wedding prep surprisingly since it is a tradition all the women in my side of the family have upheld.

Haha so funny for me to read this because I thought if I even mentioned the word "nidah" on pricescope NOBODY would understand what I was saying. Obviously I was wrong! I did try my best to keep it simple though.

 

[elrohwen]

Nope. We live together and wouldn''t think of separating. I can''t wait to wake up next to him on the morning of our wedding! I plan to see him the entire wedding day except when I''m getting hair and make up done or changing into my dress. I want to spend time with him instead of separating, but that''s just us. I know a lot of girls like the excitement that separation brings.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 7/11/2009 8:30:13 PM
Author: laughwithme
I think we will abstain for 3-4 weeks. We are also spending the night before the wedding apart (him at parent''s house, me at hotel.) My main worry is on the wedding night, if he''s gone a month without doing the deed, he might be pretty...ummm....short-lived on our wedding night...no fun for me! So, we need to get creative and think of a solution Maybe I will require him to have ''boy-fun'' with himself that night before the wedding?!

Lol. This is all so true, but so funny!

 

[NuggetBrain]

I broached that idea to my FI because I thought it was romantic and sweet. Our conversation went as follows:

Nugget - "I think we should not do it for a while before the wedding night. I think it will make it even more special and fun, don't you?"

FI - *Looks at me like I offered to have his dog skinned and stuffed for a wedding present*

Nugget - ".....so that's a no then."

 

[newsboysgrl777]

For us, it WAS our first time (trying) on our wedding night...and, being married for only 10 days now, I can say I'm still trying to get used to it. :-\ Sorry if I'm being too graphic, but it hurts me SOOO much that we've only been able to do a little bit at a time and the rest is 'fooling around' (I guess you'd call it)?

Also, for us, it's a religious thing....that we didn't do anything before we were married. But, I do have a question for others of you that waited until you were married because of this reason. HOW did you go from "this is wrong and not allowed outside of marriage" to "this is okay to do now?" I mean, I 'get it' in my head, but it's a hard thing to really CHANGE instantly! And, for those of you that don't have the same spiritual beliefs, please don't think I'm judging or anything like that! I'm just trying to share how I'm feeling and looking for guidance from anyone who has gone through the same thing.

Additionally, though, for EVERYONE, a question I have is this: how soon were you able to have intercourse without difficulty? Is it just an individual thing? Are there any tips? LOL.

Again, sorry for being graphic....Thanks again for any advice/help

 

[LitigatorChick]

Here are a few tips newsboysgrl - First and foremost, try to relax!!! Take a hot bath, have a massage, and take it easy. If you a tense, it will be hard. Second, try some lubricant - KY, astroglide, something to ease the process. Finally, experiment with some different positions that may be more comfortable. Good luck and have fun!!!!!

 

[LitigatorChick]

My BF wants to wait to have sex until we are married. So in our 3 1/2 months together, no sex. We get to fool around in every other way. I don''t know if we will make it to "I do".

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/13/2009 3:04:55 PM
Author: newsboysgrl777
Thanks again for any advice/help

I honestly can''t remember...

Ditto "relax." Give it a couple more tries

And to answer OP: No, we won''t abstain weeks prior, but I think the night before we''ll separate so I can spend some girl time with my mother, cousins and aunts who are coming from out of town.