Are you obsessed with having fun?

[nala]

I am. I think that after I got my Master’s and sent my DD off to college, I felt entitled to enjoy life more. Don’t get me wrong, I have always maintained a really good balance between work and fun. I take summers off—I’m a teacher—and I stick to a great work schedule during the school year. So work is not the issue.

I have become really spoiled though. I don’t cook. I don’t clean. I don’t work out. I don’t engage in anything productive after work. I just come home and hubby and i will treat ourselves to dinner and drinks—for me bc he doesn’t drink—relax and watch movies, shows, etc. Sometimes we swim or go for a walk. Weekends call for extreme fun. We go on day trips, nicer restaurants, casinos, weekend getaways, etc.

It sounds ideal. What am I complaining about? I’ve gained weight. Ugh. And I eschew responsibilities like spending time with my elderly mom. I took her out last night and I realize how bitter it made me—like taking care of her was interfering with my fun!

I sound like a spoiled brat! And here’s the kicker. I think that I do this because I feel entitled but also, because I know myself. And I know that I can become obsessed with a disciplined lifestyle! Bc I used to be that person. Uptight. Obsessed about doing productive things. And I wasn’t happy! I didn’t know how to turn off my to do list. Now, I don’t know how to turn off my Fun Time! I’m afraid that if I do, I will revert back to that miserable person that I was—which granted—was more productive! But not as relaxed or mentally healthy. Tho I don’t know if I’m mentally healthy now if I’m obsessed with having fun.

Would love to hear your thoughts. Stories. Similarities. Differences. Advice.

 

[seaurchin]

When I worked a full-time job, I did not have the time or energy for a whole lot more than that so my feeling is you might be a little bit out of balance but maybe not hugely so. I think enjoying yourself and your time with you partner are actually pretty excellent and include a lot of wisdom tbh.

But if you're looking for advice, I'd say maybe look at your post above and pick out a couple/few specific changes to incorporate, hitting on the things that bother you the most.

For ex. if the weight gain is a biggie to you, make a rule or two. For ex, keep enjoying the restaurant meals but the rule is only order from the "lighter fare" section of the menu, split an entree with your husband and each get a side salad, or ask for a takeout box when your food arrives and take half the meal home with you. Personally, I like to see solid numbers along with any more vague plan though so I'd add hopping on the scale every morning to this, with a goal weight.

And set a weekly schedule to see Mom and stick to it. And if she wears on your nerves, plan a treat afterwards for getting that duty done and done cheerfully. Or try to combine the visits with something that makes the visit better for you. For ex. if just sitting and talking with her is when the annoyance starts, try to do something with or for her. Or try to get your husband or a friend to go along. If she lives alone, she may enjoy the chance to be around more people too and more included in your larger life in that way. In my experience, other people can be a buffer with someone who tends to get on your nerves. (I'm saying this because I feel like your interpretation of the situation might not be quite fair to yourself. If she gets on your nerves, imo it doesn't necessarily mean you're the problem lol).

Cleaning, blah. If you don't have a housekeeping service, I'd hire one. Cleaning is my least favorite chore so I can definitely relate. I'd much rather cook, do laundry or buy groceries or just about anything else. I have no idea why though because once I get started, I remember that it's not so bad. Especially if I put on some music.

So now I feel a little envious of your life ha.

 

[nala]

Ty @seaurchin for taking the time to share advice.
I can already tell that the thought of scheduling my mom will annoy me bc did I also mention that I’m non-committal lest it interfere with spontaneous plans?
Cleaning is only an issue bc I’m picky, lol. Hubby does a fair job and I don’t complain, but I know that I could do better yet I refuse. No cleaning people for us bc I don’t like strangers in my home and most of the mess is my refusal to clean out my closet! Ugh!
I think that what I need is reassurance that if I devote time to obligations it will be time we’ll spent and will not make me revert back to the ocd person that I used to be. I don’t know If I believe that it’s possible.
I see that character trait in many of my friends and I admire their decluttered lives and healthy weights, but I also hear about their endless stress to maintain it all.
I guess I want to know if it’s possible?
Is there a secret formula, lol?
Like 50 percent work and then how do you divide Your time?

 

[seaurchin]

Once in a while I feel like I've got it all together but it doesn't last. I'm usually a disaster.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

nope
always been too busy working and paying bills

 

[MissGotRocks]

Balance. It is all about as balance. Your fun times may wear out too since that is all you do besides work. Sounds impossible but I think you can get burned out with anything.
Some people think they have to be entertained all the time but some quiet time to think and reflect can be good quality time as well.

You must try to spend some quality time with Mom. They don’t last forever so don’t take her for granted.

I am glad you are enjoying your free time with hubby. It is a good feeling to have the kids grown up enough to have space and time for yourself. However, I could never shun all the home responsibilities nor would I be happy with my house in disarray. Just wouldn’t work for me but if it does for you then I guess it is ok. I enjoy our free time together because I don’t have any guilt about things not getting done - we both like things a certain way. Very rewarding to go have some fun time after the work is done!

There is a time for work and a time for play. I sense that you are feeling some twinges about the imbalance because you are writing about it. You will just have to figure out what your priorities are and yet never stop having some fun. It is as important as the work part of life. Again, balance is the key and I think we all struggle to figure out the perfect combo!

 

[CalliopeCladdagh]

I really don't intend this to sound mean or rude but your life sounds incredibly privileged. To that end, have you considered spending some of your free time volunteering? This could be a nice midpoint between 'work' and 'fun' while also being productive in the sense that you are helping others.

 

[yssie]

I think I remember the last time I just lay back in bed and relaxed *completely*… Not one single thought about the things that I really should be doing right now, the things that really still need to get done, worrying about #TheFuture… It was the day I finished my final exams, end of high school…

Yeah… So that says more about me than I’d like. I’ve been called “high strung” a time or two.

 

[nala]

I really don't intend this to sound mean or rude but your life sounds incredibly privileged. To that end, have you considered spending some of your free time volunteering? This could be a nice midpoint between 'work' and 'fun' while also being productive in the sense that you are helping others.

Hi. You aren’t rude. But I teach, lol. And I give it and my kiddos 100 percent but I do set boundaries for my sanity. I’m lucky that my work is very rewarding and that I feel so giving while I do it, that I don’t think that I need to volunteer more than I do. I give my kiddos lots of unpaid time.

 

[Mrs_Strizzle]

I say you deserve it! Teaching is a hard and wonderful job. Raising a baby to a decent adult and good citizen of the world is hard work. Life can be hard so I say you need to really enjoy life when it feels good!

We have 5 children, 3 still at home. I am not ashamed to say I look forward to being empty nesters when some of the responsibilities are lifted. By the time our youngest graduates ai will have been a Mom for 29 years, and I think I have fully earned that time when it comes!

One big lesson I've learned from the past few years is the meaning of life. Working to pay bills, cleaning house for the chance someone might see it messy, and wearing myself out at the gym like what I look like truly matters, is history for me. Live and love your life I say!

 

[Lookinagain]

I'm not obsessed with having fun. But I do things that I enjoy when I'm not working. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm out and about at restaurants, casinos, plays, etc. because those may be fun, but I'll settle for enjoy (although I do like an occasional night at a casino). I actually really enjoy cooking, it relaxes me. So that means I also eat food that I like. My housekeeper moved out of state which has forced me to start cleaning more, as, like you, I don't really like strangers in my house. So I do have to spend some time cleaning, which I don't enjoy, but don't totally mind. I guess what I'm trying to say is that "fun" might mean different things to different people. Is doing something you enjoy "fun" or do you mean exciting fun? Not much excites me anymore.....but I do enjoy a lot of what I do.

One more thought. Having I read in the past that you take your mom to a casino? Why not do that more often and combine your obligations to her with something you enjoy? Would that help?

 

[nala]

Balance. It is all about as balance. Your fun times may wear out too since that is all you do besides work. Sounds impossible but I think you can get burned out with anything.
Some people think they have to be entertained all the time but some quiet time to think and reflect can be good quality time as well.

You must try to spend some quality time with Mom. They don’t last forever so don’t take her for granted.

I am glad you are enjoying your free time with hubby. It is a good feeling to have the kids grown up enough to have space and time for yourself. However, I could never shun all the home responsibilities nor would I be happy with my house in disarray. Just wouldn’t work for me but if it does for you then I guess it is ok. I enjoy our free time together because I don’t have any guilt about things not getting done - we both like things a certain way. Very rewarding to go have some fun time after the work is done!

There is a time for work and a time for play. I sense that you are feeling some twinges about the imbalance because you are writing about it. You will just have to figure out what your priorities are and yet never stop having some fun. It is as important as the work part of life. Again, balance is the key and I think we all struggle to figure out the perfect combo!

Hi. Always the voice of reason. Ty. I am writing about this because I do know that I have to make changes. My weight, for one, Is becoming an issue.
So today after posting this I started to clean out my closet—on a Sunday! And made a lot of progress. Then, hubby and I went grocery shopping and are making a meal as we speak.
After dinner, we will both work on my closet. One day at a time.

 

[nala]

I'm not obsessed with having fun. But I do things that I enjoy when I'm not working. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm out and about at restaurants, casinos, plays, etc. because those may be fun, but I'll settle for enjoy (although I do like an occasional night at a casino). I actually really enjoy cooking, it relaxes me. So that means I also eat food that I like. My housekeeper moved out of state which has forced me to start cleaning more, as, like you, I don't really like strangers in my house. So I do have to spend some time cleaning, which I don't enjoy, but don't totally mind. I guess what I'm trying to say is that "fun" might mean different things to different people. Is doing something you enjoy "fun" or do you mean exciting fun? Not much excites me anymore.....but I do enjoy a lot of what I do.

One more thought. Having I read in the past that you take your mom to a casino? Why not do that more often and combine your obligations to her with something you enjoy? Would that help?

Hi! Ty for taking time to advise me. Fun to me means not being tied down to any commitments once I get home. Incredibly selfish of me, I know. I think subconsciously I’m also doing this bc I experienced a lot of fatigue earlier this summer—as a result of perimeno. I had zero energy or desire to even try to have fun! I’m feeling much better now and I’m trying to make the best of it all.
I did take my mom to the casino last night, but now that she is elderly, I have to be more of a caregiver when I take her out and that, in turn, makes it’s harder to enjoy myself. But I do take her there once a month and try not to lose it on her bc she is very high maintenance. Hubby is great and bc we do it together, mom doesn’t realize how laborious it is to do it. It’s especially upsetting bc she doesn’t dare ask her sons to take her out—bc she doesn’t want to be a burden to them —but I guess she has no problem with demanding her daughters wait on her. But I digress. Posting this thread is allowing me to reflect a lot. Ty.

 

[nala]

I say you deserve it! Teaching is a hard and wonderful job. Raising a baby to a decent adult and good citizen of the world is hard work. Life can be hard so I say you need to really enjoy life when it feels good!

We have 5 children, 3 still at home. I am not ashamed to say I look forward to being empty nesters when some of the responsibilities are lifted. By the time our youngest graduates ai will have been a Mom for 29 years, and I think I have fully earned that time when it comes!

One big lesson I've learned from the past few years is the meaning of life. Working to pay bills, cleaning house for the chance someone might see it messy, and wearing myself out at the gym like what I look like truly matters, is history for me. Live and love your life I say!

Wow! 5 children!!!! I only had one and had such a hard time letting her go, lol. What am experience it must be to have 5!!!
I think the meaning of life has especially been on my mind since my sis in law died at 49 back in April. I’m still trying to process how someone so young, who spent her life working out, planning for the future, working hard—could have just been robbed of her life bc of cancer. And I admit maybe this awareness has been fueling my obsession with fun. That and perimeno. Ugh. Stages in life.

 

[nala]

I think I remember the last time I just lay back in bed and relaxed *completely*… Not one single thought about the things that I really should be doing right now, the things that really still need to get done, worrying about #TheFuture… It was the day I finished my final exams, end of high school…

Yeah… So that says more about me than I’d like. I’ve been called “high strung” a time or two.

I used to be like that. It took so many experiences and years to unlearn that behavior and I’m afraid to go back to that me. Yes. It got me to a comfortable stage in my life but I never want to go back—even if it means I don’t reach the top of my self-actualization?

 

[Mrs_Strizzle]

Wow! 5 children!!!! I only had one and had such a hard time letting her go, lol. What am experience it must be to have 5!!!
I think the meaning of life has especially been on my mind since my sis in law died at 49 back in April. I’m still trying to process how someone so young, who spent her life working out, planning for the future, working hard—could have just been robbed of her life bc of cancer. And I admit maybe this awareness has been fueling my obsession with fun. That and perimeno. Ugh. Stages in life.

Yes, losing someone so dear and so young really hits hard. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dear friend years ago who was the biggest and brightest light that I knew. She died unexpectedly during a medical procedure and I will never be the same. I think about her all the time and ask myself what she would do. The answer always is the fun thing! I'm an introvert by nature and we were quite the odd pair, lol. Her memory has helped me brave in moments I wanted to crawl into my shell and those decisions have improved my life tremendously.

 

[kenny]

No.

 

[nala]

Yes, losing someone so dear and so young really hits hard. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dear friend years ago who was the biggest and brightest light that I knew. She died unexpectedly during a medical procedure and I will never be the same. I think about her all the time and ask myself what she would do. The answer always is the fun thing! I'm an introvert by nature and we were quite the odd pair, lol. Her memory has helped me brave in moments I wanted to crawl into my shell and those decisions have improved my life tremendously.

My condolences to you. I’m glad you have made peace with it and have been able to grow. I wasn’t close to her at all—I think that is what has caught me off-guard. Sigh.

 

[dk168]

I have been working part time since November 2018 when I came out of my last permanent full time job to become an independent contractor.

I have been repeatedly asked if I would consider returning to full time employment and I said no, as I would like some spare time to do things that I like to do, such as volunteering for charitable organisations, and other leisure activities especially during weekdays when it is quieter.

I have been working more hours since February 2022 after taking on an additional contract.

All good as it means more gainful employment, and more spare pennies for blings!

However, it means I have less time for myself - I had not been to a cinema during weekday afternoon for 2 months!

No moaning or complaining as I am very grateful for being busy at work, as I shall lose one of my contracts soon, so I shall make the most of it while I can.

I still have some spare time left to do as I please, so all is good.

DK

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Hi. You aren’t rude. But I teach, lol. And I give it and my kiddos 100 percent but I do set boundaries for my sanity. I’m lucky that my work is very rewarding and that I feel so giving while I do it, that I don’t think that I need to volunteer more than I do. I give my kiddos lots of unpaid time.

 

[missy]

I enjoy each day to the fullest. Doing what I love doing. I am very fortunate in this respect.
I will add I do not feel entitled to anything. I am super grateful for each day I get to spend with my husband and I take nothing for granted. I know how fragile life is and how everything could change in an instant. And for me, gratitude goes a long way in appreciating all we have. We are truly fortunate and I appreciate every single moment.


My husband and I have worked hard most of our lives (many years of schooling to earn my degrees that enabled me to have a career I loved and where I felt I made a difference in the lives of others) and we are now reaping the benefits of having more free time to do as we please. I have always had a good work/life balance though...I never felt like work was a chore and that I could not wait for the weekends. I have always made it a priority to enjoy our free time and now I have lots of it to enjoy. Not obsessed but rather just living our lives and enjoying each day.

I have always worked out (since I was 17 years old that is) and for me, it is a luxury. Something I do for myself every single day. It is a priority for me. I enjoy working out. It's a de-stressor and allows me to get out of my head and just feel at peace with things and content with life. So for me, working out is something I love doing and couldn't imagine not doing it. I did this all through my work life too. It was and still is, one of the first things I do every day. After my morning coffee and PS that is.

Sure there are things I have to do I would rather not do. Like doctor appointments, tests, procedures, etc. But it's a necessary part of my life and so I view it as just a small part of my life. The great majority of my days/weeks/months/years are spent doing what I love doing. Cycling by the sea, hiking, and just enjoying time with my sweet darling husband and kitties. Whatever we do, doing it together makes it worthwhile. There's no other way I would want to spend my life. For me this is purrrfect.

 

[missy]

What am I complaining about? I’ve gained weight.

My only advice is find something you love doing activity wise and just do it.

As we get older it can be harder to keep off unwanted lbs. I find working out is not only a great way to de-stress but a great way to keep in shape. I am the same weight I was when I was 17. I attribute part of that to eating healthfully and part of that to working out daily and lifting weights every other day.

There's a saying- nothing worthwhile comes easy and that is true here IMO. Very few of us can maintain a healthy weight without working at it. Sure some people can but the great majority of people have to put some energy into being healthy and staying at a healthy weight for them.

And if you have an activity you love doing it makes working out more palatable and something you are more likely to stick with doing. Anyone can do something for a short time period but it's doing it for the long haul that will make the difference. IMO.

 

[missy]

’m still trying to process how someone so young, who spent her life working out, planning for the future, working hard—could have just been robbed of her life bc of cancer. And I admit maybe this awareness has been fueling my obsession with fun. That and perimeno. Ugh. Stages in life.

Forgive me for responding in piecemeal as I am reading each post and then replying.
I am so sorry for your loss.

Life is random. Life is fragile. Anything can happen and change things in an instant.
For me, how I deal with this is just enjoying each moment to the best of my ability and being thankful for each day we are here on earth. Because none of us are guaranteed a future. We are only guaranteed this moment right now.

It is not easy to learn to live like this. In the moment. But it is the only path to true happiness. So much is out of our control and we can only control what we can and we have to accept what we cannot. Stay in the present moment because this is the only time you have control over. And being grateful for what we have and for this time right now.

Be happy for this moment.
This moment is your life.
This is the path to joy.

 

[missy]

I really don't intend this to sound mean or rude but your life sounds incredibly privileged. To that end, have you considered spending some of your free time volunteering? This could be a nice midpoint between 'work' and 'fun' while also being productive in the sense that you are helping others.

This is important IMO. Doing for others makes one's life worthwhile. There is no such thing as true altruism IMO because when we do good for others we feel good about ourselves. That is the great thing about volunteering and doing good deeds. We are not only helping others we are helping ourselves. And again, I am grateful we are in the position where we can help others. Makes all the difference.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I say good for you Nala for living your best life, I can’t really comment on the mother thing though since I have no experience there.

As for me, I don’t really have conventional fun, my idea of fun is alone time whether it is in the car listening to music or taking a nap. Literally obsessed with naps! This is probably because I’m an extreme introvert and have been really shortchanged on alone time since the pandemic started.

I’m really focused on my kids especially our eight year old because he is so behind in school and it’s been very obvious since he started third grade. It’s really hard to have a kid that was pulled out of school at kindergarten and has not had a normal school year until starting third grade this year. So until he is thriving I would have a hard time enjoying any real fun time.

Anyways, I do think everyone needs to practice self care and if having fun is part of that then I don’t see any problem with it. The suggestion to try to incorporate quality time with your mom with an activity you enjoy is a good one and would probably work out well for you if you can figure something out.

 

[nala]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I am taking in all your advice.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I can sort of relate Nala, I think a lot of it is Covid fatigue. I spent the last 2+ years cooking 3 meals a day for the whole family, doing my own cleaning because we didn’t want the cleaning ladies in and out of the house, and frankly I’m just done with chores! As of last week, we are officially empty nesters, both our kids are in college now, so for the past week or two I have had a few “girls night out” type of outings with different groups of friends and lots of take out food and way too much drink. Luckily it has only in the past 2 weeks that I have been living a life of debauchery, so I think the weight gain can still be curtailed. I think it is okay to let loose for a bit and just enjoy life, especially since you went through 2 major milestones….but I think you’re mentally ready to go back to a more disciplined life, hence this post Wishing you all the best in getting back on the healthy life wagon

 

[qubitasaurus]

It sounds like you want more quality time/rest and recharge time for you. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that, it makes perfect sense. I think maybe changing the activities slightly to involve something like yoga, or lighter eating options though might make you long term happier.

I have seen my family take care of elderly relatives and it is litterally exhausting even to watch. I do think scheduling it into one night a week though may make it easier as then they kind of get into the pattern as well. Maybe it'll be easier to bring them home, and order in. Maybe they'll be willing to join an activity like swimming which you enjoy (depending on how elderly they are).

For what it is worth we are the same -- we keep looking at trying to teach our children something at night but instead we usually end up eating take out and watching a movie. But then again it's 5 am here and I am trying to convince myself to get out of bed so I can finish the work I had to stop at 11 pm last night when the baby woke up. Its not so much about being lazy, it's just overwhelmed by the last few years. And I always think teachers and nurses have back breaking jobs, so I can imagine it's a super busy life.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

What advice are you asking for? Life sounds great for you. Kick the guilt away. Life can change at any time. I know. I am so glad I took advantage of fun opportunities that came along for me. I quit jobs if someone said, "Le6s have some fun". Its lasted a lifetime for me.
My suggestion. Take a walk after dinner. Simple and nice. Hear the birdies sing.

Annette

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I am. I think that after I got my Master’s and sent my DD off to college, I felt entitled to enjoy life more. Don’t get me wrong, I have always maintained a really good balance between work and fun. I take summers off—I’m a teacher—and I stick to a great work schedule during the school year. So work is not the issue.

I have become really spoiled though. I don’t cook. I don’t clean. I don’t work out. I don’t engage in anything productive after work. I just come home and hubby and i will treat ourselves to dinner and drinks—for me bc he doesn’t drink—relax and watch movies, shows, etc. Sometimes we swim or go for a walk. Weekends call for extreme fun. We go on day trips, nicer restaurants, casinos, weekend getaways, etc.

It sounds ideal. What am I complaining about? I’ve gained weight. Ugh. And I eschew responsibilities like spending time with my elderly mom. I took her out last night and I realize how bitter it made me—like taking care of her was interfering with my fun!

I sound like a spoiled brat! And here’s the kicker. I think that I do this because I feel entitled but also, because I know myself. And I know that I can become obsessed with a disciplined lifestyle! Bc I used to be that person. Uptight. Obsessed about doing productive things. And I wasn’t happy! I didn’t know how to turn off my to do list. Now, I don’t know how to turn off my Fun Time! I’m afraid that if I do, I will revert back to that miserable person that I was—which granted—was more productive! But not as relaxed or mentally healthy. Tho I don’t know if I’m mentally healthy now if I’m obsessed with having fun.

Would love to hear your thoughts. Stories. Similarities. Differences. Advice.

i bet you are fun to be around in real life
although we would never get the same time off work as i dont have children and parenst always get first dibs .....(and 2nd and 3rd) on holiday leave)

edited to add mothers are complicated so zero judgement there, but try to remember your mom also had a mother too once

btw i sell donuts and pies and cakes for a living (and we get a free lunch...)
it doesnt require the brain power of my last job but its a lot eaiser to make people happy and having happy customers makes work a whole lot nicer