Are you inviting someone you don''t want to invite?

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Im stuffing my invites now and can think of a few (very few) recipients that I''d rather not invite at all... which begs the question, why am I? My sister''s FI''s parents, my mom''s hair stylist, and my cousins itty bitty children (we weren''t planning on having kids attend) make the list. All of these individuals were "self-inviters" and I didn''t have the you-know-whats to say "NO." Ohhhh well. Maybe they''ll all regretfully decline

Am I alone if inviting people I don''t want to invite, or are there others out there in a similar situation?

If you feel daring, let us know who makes the ''why am I even inviting you?'' list! I feel a little naughty for naming my unwanted guests, but the only relative/friend who visits this site on the sly is my mother, and she already knows my feelings on the situation

 

[cindygenit]

Yes, and lets list them

1. a family member of Fi that doesn''t talk to me... EVER... its like I don''t exist to them
2. my MOH''s bf....For the record, no one likes him. Not even the family. I see evil looks on their faces when i told her family (who are invited) that he is sitting at the same table as them.

 

[redfaerythinker]

One of my bridesmaid''s fiance. But I think that situation resolved itself because she''s not a bridesmaid anymore, and even if she comes to the wedding, friends aren''t allowed guests! HAHA

Other than that, my wedding is so small that I was easily able to make blanket no-invite rules that covered just about everyone that I didn''t want there. Except for his sister''s children. Maybe she''ll take the hint that it''s an adult party not fit for children under four.

 

[Lilac]

Yes, I invited about 400 people I didn''t want to invite.

Not exaggerating.

I was lucky enough that my parents paid for the whole wedding, which was GREAT. But along with that came the 400 unwanted guests - mostly parents'' and in-laws'' extended family and friends (which I didn''t have much say over because I wasn''t the one paying for them). Wedding ended up being really amazing anyway and I only noticed the people I really cared about and loved, but I would have preferred something smaller with only people I truly cared about being there.

 

[princessplease]

Yes...dad has these asinine business partners that FI and I cannot stand. He insisted that we invite them because he is paying for some of the wedding. I can''t argue with him, but these guys suck, lol!

 

[SapphireLover]

Heck yeah!

I want a 30 people wedding, DF wants about 60 and seeing as though my mother is paying, we are ending up with 100! That leads to a whole lot of people we don''t want. I don''t want half my mothers friends there. All the weddings I go to are paid for by parents, and the guest list is normally split 1/3 for bride''s family, 1/3 for groom and the final for the couple''s friends! My mother feels bad that we are having a small wedding and can''t invite more. I don''t want all her friends there, especially all the ones that she has become friends with since I moved away from our home town, 10 years ago. I don''t mind all her friends that I grew up with and called Aunty (even if we weren''t related) because I consider them my family, but the rest are just urch.

However, top of the list of people we don''t want there is DF''s cousins husband. He has walked out on her and their daughter so many times, goes back for a week and then comes back. So far its been back on for 6 weeks and they have ripped up the unsigned divorce papers. He is a loser who is messing her and their child around and can''t take vows seriously. He is so pathetic and his and her Facebook status updates are tragic.

 

[purselover]

Yes, including my mom''s friends from work, my sister''s mil, relatives of FI that he sees once every twenty years, 2 of my friends that haven''t been much of friends since getting engaged plus their awful SO''s, FI''s little cousins (I really really wanted no kids).

 

[MagsyMay]

Who isn't inviting people they don't want to!!

Where to begin... oh about 30 people on my FI's side who are second cousins of his mother, who I've never met and pretty sure my FI has never met or seen in the last 20 years.

OH and then I posted about this previously, but one of those second cousin's daughter (who I've never met) is apparently my flower girl (when I don't want one, don't want ANY children there), so yeah, add her to that list. Although of course it's not her fault, FI's mother went ahead and told her she could be it without asking us.

I could do without my mom's book club friends, a few of my dad's work friends, but I can live with those. At least they've known me much of my life, and my FI has met quite a few of my mom's friends. There are also a handful of these, great great uncle and second cousins once removed of my dad's that I'd rather not invite, but since they all live halfway across the country and/or are elderly, my mom assures me they "definitely wont come..." We'll see about that!

We were hoping to have about 100 guests, and absolutely no more than 120, but right not the tentative invite list is hovering around 180... so we have some trimming to do or just have to pray that about lots of people decline.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

My sisters 3 kids.

Within half an hour of being engaged she offered them up as flower girls and a page boy. She wasn''t too impressed when i declined the offer (i have my own daughters) and she said well they had better be invited!! (she didn''t even have kids at her own wedding!)
Urgh, they always have to be at the centre of attention and the youngest one is going through a screaming stage which is not cool.

There are a couple too who we are inviting out of respect for our mothers but neither of us really want them there.. we had a falling out with their daughter who introduced us but i know my mum wont be happy if she is not invited since she is still friends with the family.

Come to think of it i didn''t want to invite any of my family but i couldn''t get away with that. ha ha.

 

[sunnyd]

* The self inviters!
1. A friend of a friend invited himself before we got engaged, then asked when he''d be getting a STD a few months later.

Now he and a date are coming because my mom ''couldn''t invite him alone!!!'' The horror!!!
2. A friend of my parents invited herself and her boyfriend who gives me the creeps. Awesome.

* A coworker of Chris'' who almost caused us to break up last February. (It''s all fine now, but he''s still an immature little boy.)

* Two couples from my group of friends whom I barely see, but didn''t want to leave out because everyone else was invited.

 

[sba771]

Oh my list could go on and on:
-My mom''s sister and her whole family
-a groomsman and his wife
-the family members who you only see at family affairs like weddings and NEVER talk to otherwise. I want to end the cycle!!!
-A couple family ''friends''
-A particular family friend who invited my mother, her date and my 2 brothers to their daughter''s wedding and actually called my mother to say they were leaving me out and would I mind? We have spent holidays with them and though they were close family friends...yeah
-My dad and his homewrecking wife and child...and I probably won''t invite them so I win 1!

 

[tlh]

Ha! yes, at my wedding one of my hubbies friend''s brought a date - who was a girl my hubbie used "to date" and by "to date" I really mean...

. I was mad because we had a "no nudity" rule at our wedding... in that if a guest has seen you neckid when you were

then they couldn''t come. Well I couldnt invite one of my friends who after we

I decided he was better as just a friend... and well this girl came as my Dh''s friends date because they were

and ACTUALLY dating. I just didn''t think it was fair that she was coming, since I couldn''t invite my friend (AND HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND MIND YOU!!!!) just because my hubbie didn''t want anyone that had seen me "in that way" to be at our wedding... BLEH! NO FAIR!

But... when the day came and went, I saw her for like 2 minutes, and was so busy w/ everything else, I could have cared less. So she saw my hubs naked... he LOOKS GOOOOD neckid... and well honestly I just got over it. I am still a little sad that I didn''t invite my friend, but am glad I didn''t play tit for tat (literally ha!) and make my husband uncomfortable, since he really couldn''t do anything about his friend''s girlfriend... and quite frankly, I just didn''t and still DON''t care. (And FWIW the friend and the girlfriend are no longer together... )

 

[FrekeChild]

Not anymore!

For the people who received my breach in etiquette we have:
1. Bro #1, wife and family
2. Bro #2, wife and family
3. My mom''s BFF

What is funny is that it was a MAJOR budget concern, because my brothers would have wanted my dad to pay for them and their families to go out to Vegas (there are 11 of them), all of their hotel rooms, as well as food and entertainment. We were looking at $11,000 AT THE MINIMUM. And I didn''t want to have my dad to have to worry about that. Plus, I just don''t like them THAT much. I maybe see them once every three years.

So we threw the engagement party for them, essentially.

And unfortunately my mom''s BFF just got caught up in the madness. My dad asked me again last night if I wanted to invite her.

What is interesting is that I think we''re going to end up inviting at least 5 more people that I hadn''t originally planned on. When I talked to my dad the other night about the new reception venue, he told me to stop worrying about money, that people being there was more important than the budget.

Note: He said that without asking me what the per head price is.

 

[Diva0413]

Heck yeah!

1. A former co-worker who asked when he was getting his invite (which created a awkward moment), RVSP''d, then didn''t show up.

2. FI''s father 20 friends (BTW, he didn''t pay for anything at the wedding)
3. Another former co-worker who FI wanted to invite, he also RSVP''d, didn''t show, then sent us an email the day after stating he was in the hospital. Too bad we saw him that same day taking a woman out to lunch. D''oh!

 

[Amanda.Rx]

yes!

Mostly just family on both sides that have either never met FI or me or who haven''t spoken to us in YEARS! I don''t think you should have to invite family- just because they are family. If you have a good relationship with them, great. If not, then it''s just uncomfortable and awkward. I don''t want that on my wedding day. Oh well- if moms and dads put them on the guest list then moms and dads can entertain them as well!

 

[Miya03]

Yes!

FI''s parents just sent me a list of their "invitees" which includes distant cousins who all need to be allowed dates. Apparently FI has failed to explain my rule--if the person doesn''t have a serious boyfriend/girlfriend, they don''t get a date. And by serious I mean someone they have been dating for more than 6 months at minimum. Furthermore, my opinion is that single family members like cousins don''t get dates if they are attending with parents/siblings/other cousins. They have plenty of people to talk to and my parents don''t need to pay for people that I''ve never met and won''t meet again.

So I''m going to either have to fight with FI''s parents myself, or cave. But with our ideal 120 guest list up past 160, I might need to put my boxing gloves on....

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I sure did. Our friend''s ex wife made a SCENE last August about being invited to the wedding. Any person unfortunate enough to witness the exchange could very easily say she begged us to invite her. Over the past year, she''s certainly morphed into a person I wanted little to do with. Rather than getting her life together, she began spending all of her time at small bars and slowly became obsessed with a local band. I didn''t want to invite her - especially since her ex husband is in the wedding and has a new love interest. However, FI and I felt that we had to stick to our word and invite her.

Lucky for me, she declined the invite - chosing to follow the small band that plays at the local pub to some Halloween show. I was a happy bride to be AND I felt no guilt at closing the last open avenue of communication between us.

I also invited two of my estraged cousins per my mother''s request. They too declined.

I lucked out, big time!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Date: 10/8/2009 12:38:43 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Not anymore!


For the people who received my breach in etiquette we have:

1. Bro #1, wife and family

2. Bro #2, wife and family

3. My mom''s BFF

Freke: Your breach in etiquette makes you my hero!!! In fact, I am downright in awe of this said breach, and I think you''re fantastic for doing what is best for you, your dad, and your wedding day.

This thread makes me smile. A lot. I felt awful and silly sending invites to people that I simply did not want to invite-- and FI and I are paying for our whole wedding! We should be under no obligation. But it''s good to know I am not alone

 

[merrymunky]

Yep. I had a few I didn''t want to invite. Even the week before the wedding I had to add in three people I really hadn''t wanted to invite. Actually, it was only two, the third was a self inviter. GAH. They are on loads of the pro pics too, looking like freaks. I hate it.

 

[bluestar13]

Oh yeah too many to list unfortunatly...my parents (mainly dad) doesnt know how to invite only people we are close to. To begin with we are hispanic and in our culture there is no such thing as a small party lol...i tried to keep it limited because this is my day and I dont want people I dont know there right?
Me and my fiance decide to send RSVP Cards as well (in our culture it is almost unheard of, they dont even know what it is), anyways dad decides to help me give them to the families on our list...the invite says 5 only and he tells them bring everyone. Thats a mexican family for you lol oh well

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 10/8/2009 9:01:03 AM
Author: MagsyMay
Who isn''t inviting people they don''t want to!!

Where to begin... oh about 30 people on my FI''s side who are second cousins of his mother, who I''ve never met and pretty sure my FI has never met or seen in the last 20 years.

OH and then I posted about this previously, but one of those second cousin''s daughter (who I''ve never met) is apparently my flower girl (when I don''t want one, don''t want ANY children there), so yeah, add her to that list. Although of course it''s not her fault, FI''s mother went ahead and told her she could be it without asking us.

I could do without my mom''s book club friends, a few of my dad''s work friends, but I can live with those. At least they''ve known me much of my life, and my FI has met quite a few of my mom''s friends. There are also a handful of these, great great uncle and second cousins once removed of my dad''s that I''d rather not invite, but since they all live halfway across the country and/or are elderly, my mom assures me they ''definitely wont come...'' We''ll see about that!

We were hoping to have about 100 guests, and absolutely no more than 120, but right not the tentative invite list is hovering around 180... so we have some trimming to do or just have to pray that about lots of people decline.

Me!!! My wedding will be small and as we''re paying for it ourselves it''s easier to simply not invite certain people and let others (who wrongly assumed they''re invted) know that it''s a very small wedding. It won''t be that small but that''s my excuse

I suppose I''m lucky that my mom & FMIL are both easy going and just want us to ''get married already''. They''re not bothered about us having a big showbiz extravaganza

 

[lliang_chi]

Yes! My mom had a list of people that I was just like "WHY?!?"

1. Her business partners in HK
2. Her buiness partners'' mom (WTF???)
3. Her cousins that she NEVER sees anymore
4. Her aunts who she also NEVER sees anymore.

Thankfully NONE of them are coming.

 

[marlie]

yup. fi and i are inviting 70 (friends, work colleagues etc) . my mom is inviting around 50 (my family and my mom''s friends). and fmil is inviting 180. of those 180 i think i know about 40. so there are about 140 people that i won''t know and don''t want there. ugh. i was really upset about it for a while but i''m slowly getting over it. and i''m secretly hoping that since my wedding is in the summer, maybe those people have vacation plans??

 

[violet3]

Of course I am. i hate it.

 

[allycat0303]

I invited a few people I really didn''t want to invite. i.e my husband''s best friend''s girlfriend. All the weeks leading up to it, I wanted to murder her. But on the day of the wedding, I don''t remember her at all. I know she was there, but I was so busy trying to talk to everyone that I didn''t waste anytime with her. I still feel kind of annoyed that we paid for her food and drinks. I don''t think she deserved that.

 

[MagsyMay]

Date: 10/9/2009 6:25:22 AM
Author: Londongirl1

Date: 10/8/2009 9:01:03 AM

Author: MagsyMay

Who isn''t inviting people they don''t want to!!

Where to begin... oh about 30 people on my FI''s side who are second cousins of his mother, who I''ve never met and pretty sure my FI has never met or seen in the last 20 years.


OH and then I posted about this previously, but one of those second cousin''s daughter (who I''ve never met) is apparently my flower girl (when I don''t want one, don''t want ANY children there), so yeah, add her to that list. Although of course it''s not her fault, FI''s mother went ahead and told her she could be it without asking us.


I could do without my mom''s book club friends, a few of my dad''s work friends, but I can live with those. At least they''ve known me much of my life, and my FI has met quite a few of my mom''s friends. There are also a handful of these, great great uncle and second cousins once removed of my dad''s that I''d rather not invite, but since they all live halfway across the country and/or are elderly, my mom assures me they ''definitely wont come...'' We''ll see about that!


We were hoping to have about 100 guests, and absolutely no more than 120, but right not the tentative invite list is hovering around 180... so we have some trimming to do or just have to pray that about lots of people decline.

Me!!! My wedding will be small and as we''re paying for it ourselves it''s easier to simply not invite certain people and let others (who wrongly assumed they''re invted) know that it''s a very small wedding. It won''t be that small but that''s my excuse

I suppose I''m lucky that my mom & FMIL are both easy going and just want us to ''get married already''. They''re not bothered about us having a big showbiz extravaganza

Lucky you!

My situation could be MUCH worse, so I guess I can''t complain too much. Sometimes I do wish we were paying for our own wedding (and were capable of doing so!). It really would make saying no so much easier, but alas, my parents'' are graciously paying so I guess they get a little bit of say! Now FMIL... I know it''s unfair but I really don''t think she should get to have her way with the guest list when she is not paying a dime (not even for rehearsal dinner) and has been pretty absent in FI''s life.

 

[jaylex]

Just ONE example of a person that Fi's mom is trying to throw in:

Fiance's Boisterous EX stepmom! The woman that fiance's father left her for! they ended up getting divorced because she was pretty much insane

. He remarried a wonderful woman but Fi's mom and the ex stepmom became friends SIMPLY because they both hate his father and love to talk about it. It's pretty sad also b/c Fi's mom is one of those people who talks bad about everyone.. especially her "friends" and the ex is no exception. Also, Fiance's dad and his now stepmom have been married for like 8 years and have an adorable little boy (fiance's half bro) who will be our ring bearer. The ex is obviously not in fiance's life...

And along with ex stepmom comes her cocaine addicted, jobless, lives-off-of-other-people boyfriend.

Where the heck do we sit these people at dinner?

I think i'm going to have to put my foot down!



oh yeah, and fi's mom isn't helping to pay for any part of the wedding

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 10/10/2009 2:04:49 AM
Author: jaylex
Just ONE example of a person that Fi''s mom is trying to throw in:

Fiance''s Boisterous EX stepmom! The woman that fiance''s father left her for! they ended up getting divorced because she was pretty much insane

. He remarried a wonderful woman but Fi''s mom and the ex stepmom became friends SIMPLY because they both hate his father and love to talk about it. It''s pretty sad also b/c Fi''s mom is one of those people who talks bad about everyone.. especially her ''friends'' and the ex is no exception. Also, Fiance''s dad and his now stepmom have been married for like 8 years and have an adorable little boy (fiance''s half bro) who will be our ring bearer. The ex is obviously not in fiance''s life...

And along with ex stepmom comes her cocaine addicted, jobless, lives-off-of-other-people boyfriend.

Where the heck do we sit these people at dinner?

I think i''m going to have to put my foot down!



oh yeah, and fi''s mom isn''t helping to pay for any part of the wedding

You THINK!! I''m surprised you would even consider inviting her

I wouldn''t do that to my F''s dad

 

[jaylex]

Date: 10/10/2009 4:53:03 AM
Author: Londongirl1

Date: 10/10/2009 2:04:49 AM
Author: jaylex
Just ONE example of a person that Fi''s mom is trying to throw in:

Fiance''s Boisterous EX stepmom! The woman that fiance''s father left her for! they ended up getting divorced because she was pretty much insane

. He remarried a wonderful woman but Fi''s mom and the ex stepmom became friends SIMPLY because they both hate his father and love to talk about it. It''s pretty sad also b/c Fi''s mom is one of those people who talks bad about everyone.. especially her ''friends'' and the ex is no exception. Also, Fiance''s dad and his now stepmom have been married for like 8 years and have an adorable little boy (fiance''s half bro) who will be our ring bearer. The ex is obviously not in fiance''s life...

And along with ex stepmom comes her cocaine addicted, jobless, lives-off-of-other-people boyfriend.

Where the heck do we sit these people at dinner?

I think i''m going to have to put my foot down!



oh yeah, and fi''s mom isn''t helping to pay for any part of the wedding

You THINK!! I''m surprised you would even consider inviting her

I wouldn''t do that to my F''s dad

ha. yeah.. well i know that if it comes to it and his mother is really insisting I''ll just tell her that she, her husband, fi''s ex step mom and my ex stepmom can all sit at a table on their own!

I obviously don''t want her invited but fi''s mom is really sneaky and underhanded... she''s the type that even after saying "NO!" would then turn around and invite her anyway behind our backs.

The only reason I said "think" is that fiance believes he will be able to handle it but if she doesn''t relent, THEN I will step in. And I can guarantee you it will not be pretty. Ever see a 47 year old woman throw a temper tantrum?