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Are you changing your name?

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flopkins

flopkins

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I swear there was a thread on this before, but now I can''t find it, and I''m feeling lazy so here''s a new one!

What have/are you gals doing?

This is a subject of much contention between FI and I; he wants me to change my name, I don''t want to. The reason I don''t want to is because I''m a phD graduate student, and I really want my maiden name on that diploma!! I''ve been working for my degree so many years, I will definitely be graduating after we''re married- but I feel a lot of ownership over my name and my work as a graduate student, I want my own name on there!

However, I don''t care much if people call me "Mrs. simpotun" etc... in fact, socially, I don''t think I would mind much at all... I think for now we have compromised - I will consider legally changing my name after my graduation, at which time I can reevaluate how I feel...
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Some don''t, some do
In the end, it''s up to you.
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You won''t be any less married whatever people call you.
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I have such mixed feelings....He has such a pretty last name "Kelly" and I have a very ethnic italian first and last name (first name is Pia)....it does not really go but all my life I have always been assumed to be 100% italian and actually my dads mother was from cork, ireland...so I guess I will finally have my irish last name!
 
I''m also working on a doctorate, and I''m going to change my name legally and hyphenate it professionally. You can definitely legally change your name but keep your maiden name professionally, but I''m not sure if your university will put your maiden name on your diploma if it''s not your legal name. You could just change your name legally after you graduate...
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Another doctoral student here, I'm gettng married next month and should be defending oh any day now (probably also in the next month or two). I'm definitely keeping my name professionally and up until a few days ago wasn't even considering taking his name sociallly. Now i'm not sure, i keep going back and forth. Regardless, I want my last name on that diploma too. I'm thinking maybe I can take his name as my middle name, not sure how it would work though. My fiance really doesn't expect me to take his name at all, if he did it would be a problem. But since he doesn't, makes me wonder if I should surprise him.
 
I kept my ex-husband''s last name and did not change it to my current husband''s.
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My husband is okay with this. I did it because I have children from my first marriage who are still young. Once they''re grown I might change it to his, however I might not. I have spent so much of my life with this name and all my college degrees have this name on it.

As far as your diploma goes, I''m not sure about your school but mine has a form you fill out and you put down what name you want on your diploma/degree. So you could change your name legally to his and still have your maiden name on your diploma.

It would not take 8 months to get your name changed (as mentioned in another post) because you don''t have to go to court when the name change is due to marriage...no matter how much time has passed since the wedding. I have been married 5 years and could go any day to the BMV and get my license changed by showing my marriage certificate. Same with Social Security, the credit card companies, and anything else that would need changed. All without charge or going to court. So you could change your name at any time after your marriage without difficulty.

Could someone explain to me how you still use your maiden name professionally when all of your legal identification would have a different name?
 
I dropped my middle name and changed it to my maiden name...no hyphen. But I really don''t expect to use my middle name much at all.
 
Good question! I have mixed feelings on what to do. The other female docs I work with are no help because they all do something different!

One uses her maiden name professionally, married name personally
One dropped her middle name and uses her maiden name as her middle name
One dropped her maiden name completely and just goes by her married mame!

I graduated with my doctorate with my maiden name and its hard for me to drop it completely because its the name I've always known, its my dad's name and he died when I was 11. I have no brothers or male cousins to carry on the name so I kind of feel in a way I should keep out of respect for him. This probably sounds pretentious, but it also seems fair to keep some of the honor that my family gets from me being a doctor in my family by using my last name profesionally. They made a LOT of sacrifices to get me where I am and I owe it to them too.

However, my current last name has been and will remain a source of entertainment for people and my patients who LOVE to make fun of it! (I know, rude right???)

Dropping my given middle name is not an option because I really like it!

I've always felt that hyphenation was kind of cool and professional sounding, so I may do that, at least at work and on my research and professional presentations at our academy meetings, etc. That way people will still recognize me and my work yet also acknowledge me as a married woman.

BTW, any of you who DO hyphenate, do you introduce yourself by both names? For instance, would I then introduce myself to my patients as "hello, I'm Dr. Smith-Jones, nice to meet you"???
 
It''s your decision but professionally, I agree - keep your maiden name. At least for your diploma. I''m not a ''professional'' in that sense, but I still can''t imagine losing my last name when we get married.

Both my fiance and I are hyphenating our last names. Surprisingly, he hasn''t gotten a lot of slack for it and most people think it''s pretty cool. And if we ever have kids, we''ll just keep the hyphenation instead of a middle name. I don''t have a middle name and never missed it! Socially, I couldn''t care less what people call me, althought I cringe everytime I see something written like this:

Mr & Mrs John Doe -- ugh that makes me so mad...
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I am going to change my last name to his... but check this out... my last name is Williams and his last name is Will... so I''m literally only giving up part of my name!!
 
Date: 4/8/2005 5:23:57 PM
Author: ammayernyc
You can keep your name professionally and change it personally. It takes about 8 months to legally change your name anyway.

Here''s the link to the other thread:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/are-you-changing-your-name.26527/=
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I am in the military and changed everything the day I got married (the first time) It took a while for the Social Security card to come in, but I was wearing the name that day.
 
It is so funny, my mother and I were having this conversation the other day. My mother was saying that she wished that she kept her maiden name. Her father died when she was young and she was an only child, she felt like it would have been nice to keep her maiden name as a kind of way to honor her father. Her maiden name was very different, my grandfather and grandmother are from Italy. I am kind of attached to my maiden name, getting married in 4 months. My FI last name is Gifford. Not bad but I mean I am forever tied to "Kathy Lee and Frank", no relation!! :) I talked to my FI about it and we decided to compromise (that wonderful word :) We didn''t want to have our children and have hypenated last names SO, we decided to name our 1st Daughter Brinlee- my maiden name. Not every one can do that with their maiden name, but if you are creative you can figure out a way to keep it! In regards to the professional- I can agree to that. My grandmother was remarried a few years ago and kept her 1st married name (my grandfather passed) because she spent her 35 years with that name building a career with Boeing, I respect that. I think that later in life as well as in the middle it is important to take credit for what you have worked hard for. Once you get married and if you decide to change your name, you can build something new together! :)
 
hi everyone!

I am also working on my doctorate (if I pass my prelims!) so I would like to hyphenate it on my PhD diploma but then I plan on taking his name both socially and professionally. By the time we are getting married I won''t have published much under my maiden name so professionally switching isn''t that bad. If I did "make a name for myself" prior to getting married, I think it would be much harder to make the decision whether or not to switch.
 
interesting topic...
my FH doesn''t mind either way but i think i''ll be taking his last name. he''s chinese and i''m japanese so i''ll kinna be changing ethnicities by changing names. but my first name is a japanese one so i''ll still be able to preserve the japanese-ness there. i was also thinking that since i don''t have a middle name, i could use my maiden name as my middle name. i don''t know what the legalities involved are but i think it''ll all work out.
 
Your name doesn not determine who you are, in the same way hair color or eye color doesn''t. It''s given to you and you should keep it as it is, but things can change and you will still be you.

I had a tough last name I always had to spell with 6 letters. I HATED it growing up. Not the only child, or a boy so I dreamed all my life of marrying a Smith or Jones. Instead I end up with a foreigner hubby-to-be, and 8 letters in a very tough to spell and pronounce last name. I am still changing my name, because I do love him and to me I would be proud to say that I am part of the "new" family. Our children will have his last name, why shouldn''t the whole family?

I will always be the same me to everyone who has known me by my maiden name, but I feel it''s a true commitment to drop your name and take the man''s, because technically you ARE starting a new family, and as tradition goes we ladies have to drop the name, but usually the poor guys are stuck dropping their wallets for our rings!!!
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I pretty much have to change my name because of my job. There is one other person in my office who has my exact name and just before my wedding, there is going to be another person with my name in an office in Texas. So I really need to have a new name!

It is going to be a pain to change it on all my professional licenses, etc., but I''m happy to do it because traditions like that, although not needed anymore, are important to me...
 
i want to keep my last name because my father''s family is huge and we have a lot of family pride and unity. but i''m definitely a traditional kind of girl, so i''m taking my fiance''s name. i think what i''ll end up doing is tacking on my maiden name to the end of my middle name, which makes sense anyway because my middle name is my korean name. that way i get to preserve it but my middle initial won''t change. confusing, i know. i would hyphenate, but it sounds ridiculous with two asian names!
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Date: 4/8/2005 5:23:57 PM
Author: ammayernyc

It takes about 8 months to legally change your name anyway.
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I''m not sure where that came from, but I can assure you it doesn''t take eight months!
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I married on 7/11/2004; the next day, I took our marriage license to the town clerk and got a certified copy while I waited. When we returned from the honeymoon, I went to both SS office and the DMV on the same day -- 7/22/04 -- and changed my name in both locations. I got temporary ID on the spot with my married name.

On 8/3/2004, my new iidentification arrived in the mail with my married name. Start to finish, it was just over 3 weeks after I married.

Because I was lazy, it took me a bit longer to notify my credit card companies, etc., but that doesn''t affect your legal status. As soon as social security accepts your change, you are legally changed.

Even if I had mailed in the marriage license, it would have only taken 4-6 weeks for the town clerk to mail a certified copy to us (that''s what we were told), and again, another 1.5-2 weeks from there to get new ID from government.
 
Date: 4/13/2005 11:54:45 AM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 4/8/2005 5:23:57 PM
Author: ammayernyc

It takes about 8 months to legally change your name anyway.
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I''m not sure where that came from, but I can assure you it doesn''t take eight months!
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I married on 7/11/2004; the next day, I took our marriage license to the town clerk and got a certified copy while I waited. When we returned from the honeymoon, I went to both SS office and the DMV on the same day -- 7/22/04 -- and changed my name in both locations. I got temporary ID on the spot with my married name.

On 8/3/2004, my new iidentification arrived in the mail with my married name. Start to finish, it was just over 3 weeks after I married.

Because I was lazy, it took me a bit longer to notify my credit card companies, etc., but that doesn''t affect your legal status. As soon as social security accepts your change, you are legally changed.

Even if I had mailed in the marriage license, it would have only taken 4-6 weeks for the town clerk to mail a certified copy to us (that''s what we were told), and again, another 1.5-2 weeks from there to get new ID from government.
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I am not married, but I have two friends who have told me that it takes about 8 months to change every little last thing to their new names. SS#, credit cards, bank accounts, passport, paycheck...

Maybe it varies from state to state...
 
Date: 4/13/2005 12
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4:17 PM
Author: ammayernyc

I am not married, but I have two friends who have told me that it takes about 8 months to change every little last thing to their new names. SS#, credit cards, bank accounts, passport, paycheck...

Maybe it varies from state to state...
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Ah, got it. The 8-month thing is probably how long it took each of them.....depending on their schedules.

Your initial comment was how long it takes to *legally* change your name.....not how long it takes to notify everyone. That's where the confusion stems from.

Once you change your name with the Social Security office and the DMV, it's legal. It doesn't matter if it takes you another several months to notify everyone else.....it's still your legal name.

On the topic of making it easier to notify.......I found a great form letter online to send to c/c companies, etc. saying "Dear Whoever: I'm writing to inform you of my recent name change due to marriage. I've attached a copy of my marriage license for your records, and ask you to please update my account accordingly. Sincerely......."

In the months prior to wedding, as I paid bills, I made a running list of accounts that would need to be changed. I ran a bunch of these off on the printer and sent them out after the wedding. For the bank, we went to our local branch office on the Saturday we returned from honeymoon with a copy of our marriage license. They updated accounts on the spot, and my new bank card came in 4-5 days.
 
I''m not changing my name just because I like it and don''t want to change it. I''m a Robbins.
 
thanks everyone for all of your comments.. very interesting to see how everyone''s doing it!
after reading all your posts, and talking w/my FI abt it, I am considering adding his name to mine, but not hypehenating. I don''t know why, I just don''t like the hyphen, sue me.
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FI has a friend who did that, and she uses either last name, depending on what context... sounds good to me!
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If you don''t hyphenate and just add his last name, i wonder what name you end up putting on documents as your last name? I''m curious because it seems like not hyphenating would just mean that whatever name is last (his?) ends up being your last name and your maiden name just ends up being your maiden name and usually you''ll have just a space for your middle initial on papers. My middle name now is my mom''s last name and usually I only have space for the initial. I insisted on having it on my driver''s license though and DMV ended up hyphenating my last name even though it''s not supposed to be.
 
I am dropping my middle name and using my maiden name instead, and then adding his last name. So first name, maiden name, his last name. My mom does it this way, and I really have never thought of doing it any other way.
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No worse than my Asian friend who is named Lau as her maiden name.

Her intended''s last name is....Lau.

I say she hyphenate to Lau-Lau. I think it has a nice ring to it....
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Date: 4/14/2005 8
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3:13 AM
Author: elepri
If you don''t hyphenate and just add his last name, i wonder what name you end up putting on documents as your last name? I''m curious because it seems like not hyphenating would just mean that whatever name is last (his?) ends up being your last name and your maiden name just ends up being your maiden name and usually you''ll have just a space for your middle initial on papers. My middle name now is my mom''s last name and usually I only have space for the initial. I insisted on having it on my driver''s license though and DMV ended up hyphenating my last name even though it''s not supposed to be.
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There''s nothing that says you have to hyphenate, nor anything that says you cannot have more than one middle name.

It strikes me that the solution would be FIRST NAME, ORIGINAL MIDDLE NAME, NEW MIDDLE NAME (MAIDEN NAME), AND NEW LAST NAME.

So, Jane Elizabeth Doe now becomes:

First Name: Jane
Middle Name: Elizabeth Doe
(or if you like, hyphenate the middle name.....Elizabeth-Doe. Who cares, no one will call you by that anyway and you''ll never have to write it.)
Last Name: Smith

Those who are signatures sticklers.......Jane E.D. Smith
 
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