Indylady
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2008
- Messages
- 5,777
Check this out Last name study. Thoughts?
Are you changing your last name after marriage?
- Thread starter Indylady
- Start date
peonies
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2010
- Messages
- 62
What an interesting article... I have gone back and forth on this issue. I think I will keep my last name legally, because my last name is very unique, and my boyfriend''s is very generic (for example, "smith").
However, when it comes to casual conversation and introducing myself to others, I will probably go by Mrs. "Smith" because I know my boyfriend would prefer it that way.
I asked him if he would ever consider taking my last name, but that was an immediate "no way, guys don''t do that!" reaction. : )
However, when it comes to casual conversation and introducing myself to others, I will probably go by Mrs. "Smith" because I know my boyfriend would prefer it that way.
I asked him if he would ever consider taking my last name, but that was an immediate "no way, guys don''t do that!" reaction. : )
Callisto
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2009
- Messages
- 1,152
Ok I kind of see the points of this study BUT here is the irrelevance of it to me:
In the vast majority of your social interactions people will not know whose last name you have (unless you hyphenate I suppose). You don''t introduce yourself as "Hi I''m Callisto LastName, that''s my maiden last name btw" I''ll probably move back to the midwest in a few years which will likely be after my wedding. No one that I work with will know whose last name I have until they meet my husband which is unlikely to be before they''ve already made their assumptions about me.
From what I can tell of the study, they made it clear the last name status of the woman in the passage which may have led to those assumptions but I just think that is an unrealistic situation.
I think there probably is a correlation between personality and whose last name you choose. But there''s also a correlation between ice cream sales and crime... doesn''t mean it matters.
In the vast majority of your social interactions people will not know whose last name you have (unless you hyphenate I suppose). You don''t introduce yourself as "Hi I''m Callisto LastName, that''s my maiden last name btw" I''ll probably move back to the midwest in a few years which will likely be after my wedding. No one that I work with will know whose last name I have until they meet my husband which is unlikely to be before they''ve already made their assumptions about me.
From what I can tell of the study, they made it clear the last name status of the woman in the passage which may have led to those assumptions but I just think that is an unrealistic situation.
I think there probably is a correlation between personality and whose last name you choose. But there''s also a correlation between ice cream sales and crime... doesn''t mean it matters.
RaiKai
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2010
- Messages
- 1,255
I have seen that study, and I think the "assumptions" made about one's choice - whatever that choice is - are.....laughable.
There is a recent thread in Newlyweds about changing names, where I have already voiced my opinions about this, but I will say I think making assumptions either way is just silly and rather...ignorant. I have absolutely noticed in these sorts of debates or studies that people may often see one's decision "as an indication of larger sociocultural issues and project their assumptions onto you", as the author of this opinion piece commented.
Before marriage, I had four last names - my first name, my middle name, my mother's maiden name (as another middle name) and my father's last name. At marriage, I decided to drop my father's last name and adopt my husband's last name (I still have my mother's maiden name as a middle name). This was the right decision for me, there was absolutely NO pressure on me from anyone, I just plain wanted to and felt comfortable with it that way and have had no regrets. I was not interested in hyphenating, or adding his name to my current long list (I did NOT want five names!) or coming up with a "new name" between us, as it just did not fit for ME personally (though it may for others!).
Many years ago, I probably would have chosen a different way and not have changed my name. Indeed, I can remember many years ago railing against what I saw was a patriarchal norm (though I also had different views on marriage then too!) in discussions and was adamant I never would change it (but more so against guys who stated that women should change it as that is how it is done and pressured their girlfriends or future wives to change it). At the time I DID admittedly did project assumptions on those who changed (or did not change) their names! This was unfair of me at the time, but I will say I was taking a lot of gender studies courses at the time and still trying to figure out my place in the world and so on!
I have never felt that it was NECESSARY to do change my name. Indeed, I grew up in a household with four different last names between my parents, siblings and I, and we always felt like a family, so I did not associate a last name with that state. I still do not think it is ever necessary to change it to "be a family" or the like. So when DH and I chose to get married, it was not an "automatic" that I would change it. Indeed, he expected I probably would not by previous conversations. But I realized I really WANTED to change it.
Changing my name was neither, for me personally, either in accordance with social pressures OR as a statement against social pressures (as amongst my own peers it is probably more common NOT to change the name!). I chose to change it purely as I *wanted* to - it is as simple or as complicated as that. I *wanted* to share the same last name as my husband, and I felt very excited about taking the last name HE already had. He has far more pride in his last name than I personally do in mine (I am not close to my father's side of the family either). While my last name was MINE for 30-something years, I no longer identified myself as my last name and I actually was excited to change it up a little after so many years, ha (my last name was always more of a first name, so it was exciting to have a "last name sounding last name"!). DH does not have a stance against changing men changing their name at all, however, he quite likes his name. Plus he has it tattooed on his body, it would not be easy to fix it if he changed HIS name, ha ha.
Oh, and the last name I was born with is still the one on my birth certificate, and still the one on my diplomas and degrees, and it will remain that way. I would not want those changed! But the name I go under socially, professionally, and legally, is my husband's.
I am not going to get into a argument about what my choice may or may not mean about my own personality or character (as either to defend or promote who I am or how I do or do not fit into those assumptions), other than to say that there is far more to a person than their choice about a name and assumptions should not be made either way about someone's personality, character, person hood or political views and the like by whether or not they changed their name. Instead, perhaps one should take the time to get to know the person themselves, or ask them their own reasons for it!
Interestingly enough, my sister recently changed her name just because she wanted to. She is single (well in a long term relationship but not married or anything). She dropped my father's last name, took my mother's maiden name as her last name, and added another middle name. My brother (who is gay) is engaged, and when they marry they plan to adopt my mother's maiden name as a shared name (so brother will drop father's last name, and his partner will take that name as well). Maybe the "assumptions" that should be made based on their situations, in context with my own decision, is that we all feel more pride in our mother's maiden name, and keeping that in our names, than we did in our father's name!
Anyway, in summary....women should be able to do what works for them, for whatever reason for them. If they make the choice based on personal social and political views, great! If they make the choice based on the fact they want to have the same last name they were born with, great! If they make the choice based on wanting to share the same name their husband has, great! If they want to make an entirely new name with their husband, great! If husband wants to change his name to hers, great! If they don't even really KNOW why they do or don't want to change it, just that they do or don't, great!
What bothers me is when either women are PRESSURED to change their name or not change it (by family, future husband, friends, social pressures) or when others make their choice into a "platform" and project their own assumptions about that choice onto them (and as confessed, I used to do this as well!).
There is a recent thread in Newlyweds about changing names, where I have already voiced my opinions about this, but I will say I think making assumptions either way is just silly and rather...ignorant. I have absolutely noticed in these sorts of debates or studies that people may often see one's decision "as an indication of larger sociocultural issues and project their assumptions onto you", as the author of this opinion piece commented.
Before marriage, I had four last names - my first name, my middle name, my mother's maiden name (as another middle name) and my father's last name. At marriage, I decided to drop my father's last name and adopt my husband's last name (I still have my mother's maiden name as a middle name). This was the right decision for me, there was absolutely NO pressure on me from anyone, I just plain wanted to and felt comfortable with it that way and have had no regrets. I was not interested in hyphenating, or adding his name to my current long list (I did NOT want five names!) or coming up with a "new name" between us, as it just did not fit for ME personally (though it may for others!).
Many years ago, I probably would have chosen a different way and not have changed my name. Indeed, I can remember many years ago railing against what I saw was a patriarchal norm (though I also had different views on marriage then too!) in discussions and was adamant I never would change it (but more so against guys who stated that women should change it as that is how it is done and pressured their girlfriends or future wives to change it). At the time I DID admittedly did project assumptions on those who changed (or did not change) their names! This was unfair of me at the time, but I will say I was taking a lot of gender studies courses at the time and still trying to figure out my place in the world and so on!
I have never felt that it was NECESSARY to do change my name. Indeed, I grew up in a household with four different last names between my parents, siblings and I, and we always felt like a family, so I did not associate a last name with that state. I still do not think it is ever necessary to change it to "be a family" or the like. So when DH and I chose to get married, it was not an "automatic" that I would change it. Indeed, he expected I probably would not by previous conversations. But I realized I really WANTED to change it.
Changing my name was neither, for me personally, either in accordance with social pressures OR as a statement against social pressures (as amongst my own peers it is probably more common NOT to change the name!). I chose to change it purely as I *wanted* to - it is as simple or as complicated as that. I *wanted* to share the same last name as my husband, and I felt very excited about taking the last name HE already had. He has far more pride in his last name than I personally do in mine (I am not close to my father's side of the family either). While my last name was MINE for 30-something years, I no longer identified myself as my last name and I actually was excited to change it up a little after so many years, ha (my last name was always more of a first name, so it was exciting to have a "last name sounding last name"!). DH does not have a stance against changing men changing their name at all, however, he quite likes his name. Plus he has it tattooed on his body, it would not be easy to fix it if he changed HIS name, ha ha.
Oh, and the last name I was born with is still the one on my birth certificate, and still the one on my diplomas and degrees, and it will remain that way. I would not want those changed! But the name I go under socially, professionally, and legally, is my husband's.
I am not going to get into a argument about what my choice may or may not mean about my own personality or character (as either to defend or promote who I am or how I do or do not fit into those assumptions), other than to say that there is far more to a person than their choice about a name and assumptions should not be made either way about someone's personality, character, person hood or political views and the like by whether or not they changed their name. Instead, perhaps one should take the time to get to know the person themselves, or ask them their own reasons for it!
Interestingly enough, my sister recently changed her name just because she wanted to. She is single (well in a long term relationship but not married or anything). She dropped my father's last name, took my mother's maiden name as her last name, and added another middle name. My brother (who is gay) is engaged, and when they marry they plan to adopt my mother's maiden name as a shared name (so brother will drop father's last name, and his partner will take that name as well). Maybe the "assumptions" that should be made based on their situations, in context with my own decision, is that we all feel more pride in our mother's maiden name, and keeping that in our names, than we did in our father's name!
Anyway, in summary....women should be able to do what works for them, for whatever reason for them. If they make the choice based on personal social and political views, great! If they make the choice based on the fact they want to have the same last name they were born with, great! If they make the choice based on wanting to share the same name their husband has, great! If they want to make an entirely new name with their husband, great! If husband wants to change his name to hers, great! If they don't even really KNOW why they do or don't want to change it, just that they do or don't, great!
What bothers me is when either women are PRESSURED to change their name or not change it (by family, future husband, friends, social pressures) or when others make their choice into a "platform" and project their own assumptions about that choice onto them (and as confessed, I used to do this as well!).
Indylady
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2008
- Messages
- 5,777
Peonies, my SO''s last name is quite generic as well, and mine is quite unique. Would you consider hyphenating?
Callisto, you make a good point. In my case, I actually do think it would be fairly obvious that I had taken on my SO''s last name. My first name is Hebrew, and somewhat uncommon, and it seems (at least to me!) that it would be obvious that Indy Genericlastname is not my maiden name.
I''ve thought about keeping mine, but I''d also want to share a last name with my children. So..I don''t know yet. My mother didn''t change her name until after 20 years of marriage. It wasn''t so much a "statement" that she was trying to make, but just that she found it easier to keep her maiden name.
Callisto, you make a good point. In my case, I actually do think it would be fairly obvious that I had taken on my SO''s last name. My first name is Hebrew, and somewhat uncommon, and it seems (at least to me!) that it would be obvious that Indy Genericlastname is not my maiden name.
I''ve thought about keeping mine, but I''d also want to share a last name with my children. So..I don''t know yet. My mother didn''t change her name until after 20 years of marriage. It wasn''t so much a "statement" that she was trying to make, but just that she found it easier to keep her maiden name.
dragonfly411
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2007
- Messages
- 7,378
I plan to change my name... I''m just really overly traditional though. I also feel like... I dunno... like it will be a way of stepping forward into my new life. If that makes any sense. I sometimes actually wish that I could use the family name on my mother''s side further back... as in dragonfly H. M. vs. Dragonfly G. M. I don''t feel overly strong ties to my father''s side... although I think I would if I knew more of our historical heritage... but again I''m more interested in his mother''s side. I come from a very matronly strong family. My mother''s family especially. The family stems from two sisters... and we have remained very close to the women not only from my great grandmother, but from my great aunt. We share recipes, and stories, and have strong bonds. I relate more to them than to my father''s name family.
Anyways.. yes I will change my name.
Anyways.. yes I will change my name.
Indylady
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2008
- Messages
- 5,777
This article is also interesting.
RaiKai, I do think that a fundamental part of feminism is that women should make their own choices. However, its inarguable that its a system whose roots are partiarchial in nature, even if a contemporary woman choices to partake in this tradition for personal reasons that aren''t partiarchial.
RaiKai, I do think that a fundamental part of feminism is that women should make their own choices. However, its inarguable that its a system whose roots are partiarchial in nature, even if a contemporary woman choices to partake in this tradition for personal reasons that aren''t partiarchial.
Autumnovember
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2010
- Messages
- 4,384
I don''t think that I''ll be changing my last name. If anything, we are going to hyphenate. My SO has 6 boys in the family to carry on his last name but I don''t have anyone. My families last name is really important to me so I''m really not going to budge on changing it/giving my children his last name unless it is hyphenated.
RaiKai
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2010
- Messages
- 1,255
I do not disagree with this...we live in a patriarchal society. That being said, the fact that most of us are automatically given our father's name at birth is JUST as patriarchal. And as an infant, I did not have the choice. I don't see it as the name I was "born with" - I was born without a name at all - but I was "given" that name at birth (which I am fine with, better than being called "it" the rest of my life!)
I am not saying this is wrong, we plan to give our future children my husband's last name - but I am saying that it can be ridiculous (in my opinion) to rail against patriarchal norms by saying changing your name at marriage is patriarchal, without looking at how you got your name in the first place, and choosing to keep that name, can be just as patriarchal (assuming you have your father's last name), you know? I know even many of my unmarried friends who have had children outside of marriage (and chosen not to get married) have given their children the father's last name.
At least later on I have the choice (as an infant of course I would have been incapable of making this choice)!
So, given I had my father's last name, either way would have been a choice that conforms to patriarchal norms. I opted to keep my mother's maiden name as my middle name, as I had taken that name when I was 7 or 8, but I did not make this choice as a propagation of matriarchal norms or as a statement against the patriarchal norms. I kept it as the name is important to me to have. I dropped my father's name as it was NOT important to me to have. I took my husband's name as it WAS important for me to have. I did not intend or desire to make any social and political statements by doing so (or not doing so).
If we lived in a matriarchal one we may be rallying against that (or at least some would)! It's a bit of screwed if you do, screwed if you don't......
Grlsbestfrnd
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2010
- Messages
- 683
I will definitely take his last name. I love the tradition.
It''s not that I will need to take it to feel more married and closer to him but it will make me feel that way. It gives me the feeling that I''m showing everyone that I CHOSE him and I am taking his last name. I don''t feel like I am giving anything away. Plus, I like his last name more lol.
It''s not that I will need to take it to feel more married and closer to him but it will make me feel that way. It gives me the feeling that I''m showing everyone that I CHOSE him and I am taking his last name. I don''t feel like I am giving anything away. Plus, I like his last name more lol.
amc80
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2010
- Messages
- 5,765
ediana
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2009
- Messages
- 27
I consider myself an independent woman, but had never put two minutes'' thought into whether I''d take my boyfriend''s last name when we get married. I have a very long and unique Italian last name, so having a shorter one (his is short & Scottish) is very appealing!
Aside from that, though, the generational implications of hyphenation are surely worth consideration. I could hyphenate my name, and become VeryItalian-Scottish, and could give our future children the hyphenated name, but what do they do when Kid VeryItalian-Scottish gets married to Kid Japanese? Would they double hyphenate and become VeryItalian-Scottish-Japanese? Do they fight over which name is listed first? What if the person they''re marrying comes with a hyphenated name? Things would get obnoxious.
Aside from that, though, the generational implications of hyphenation are surely worth consideration. I could hyphenate my name, and become VeryItalian-Scottish, and could give our future children the hyphenated name, but what do they do when Kid VeryItalian-Scottish gets married to Kid Japanese? Would they double hyphenate and become VeryItalian-Scottish-Japanese? Do they fight over which name is listed first? What if the person they''re marrying comes with a hyphenated name? Things would get obnoxious.
peonies
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2010
- Messages
- 62
Probably not, I have a long first name, my last name is long, and his last name is long, so I don''t really want to have an 8 syllable name.
Another reason I probably won''t take his officially is because he already has a cousin with my name, so I would be the second person in the family with that name.
beezygal
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2010
- Messages
- 1,539
Autumnovember
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2010
- Messages
- 4,384
Date: 6/28/2010 2:20:06 PM
Author: beezygal
I won''t change my last name. I won''t even hyphenate too. My bf knows that.
About the article, it''s pretty interesting... but I don''t think the last name has anything to do with being more caring or something.
I''m on the fence about hyphenating but SO know''s there is no chance I''m changing mine completely.
lucyandroger
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2008
- Messages
- 1,557
Same here re the highlighted part! This is one of the main reasons I don''t want to full on take FI''s last name. It''s bad enough I would have to take a generic last name and have lots of people throughout the country with my name but WAY worse that there would be someone already in the family with the same name. It doesn''t help that she''s kind of psycho.Date: 6/28/2010 2:11:30 PM
Author: peonies
Probably not, I have a long first name, my last name is long, and his last name is long, so I don''t really want to have an 8 syllable name.
Another reason I probably won''t take his officially is because he already has a cousin with my name, so I would be the second person in the family with that name.
The good thing for me is that our names hyphenated would only be 3 syllables and they sound pretty good together - so, I''m probably going to go that route.
luckynumber
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2009
- Messages
- 665
Man o man some of these studies make me laugh. I will be changing my last name after marriage. I love his last name. We both have very unique last names. My dad actually changed the spelling of our last name a long time ago. Then my mom added a space a few years back. I don''t agree with the idea that taking your husband''s last name shows ownership over you or any of that crap. I really don''t have a strong connection with my last name, so it''s not really a big deal for me. To each their own I say. I think everyone decides for their own personal reasons, and that''s a good thing.
manderz
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2010
- Messages
- 1,539
I''m honestly not even sure what I''d like to do. I have a short last name, and as much as it got me picked on as a child, I''ve really grown to love it. Plus, bf''s brother is dating a girl with the same first name as me, and I will not allow there to be two girls with the same name in the family. I don''t know what their plans are, but they have 2 girls together, and have been together nearly as long as my bf and I have. I''m thinking maybe about hyphenating, but I''m still not sure. I haven''t talked to him about it either.
SweetPea-<3
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- May 27, 2010
- Messages
- 75
I know this may sound strange, and even a little subversive, but... I would really enjoy "tormenting" bar bouncers and restaurant hosts if I took my SO''s last name. He''s Chinese with an Asian-sounding last name, and I''m Caucasian with a German-sounding last name. And stereotypes being as they are, I would probably get lots of funny looks like "Huh? That''s not you!" But I think that it''s a good thing to challenge people''s preconceived notions about race and ethnicity.
All that said, that''s not actually why I want take his last name. To me, it''s primarily about convenience and secondarily about tradition, which is important to both of us. (To honor my family, I''d make my maiden name into a middle name and to honor his family, each child would have both "Chinese" and "American" names.) The chance to raise eyebrows is just icing on the proverbial wedding cake
All that said, that''s not actually why I want take his last name. To me, it''s primarily about convenience and secondarily about tradition, which is important to both of us. (To honor my family, I''d make my maiden name into a middle name and to honor his family, each child would have both "Chinese" and "American" names.) The chance to raise eyebrows is just icing on the proverbial wedding cake
merilenda
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2010
- Messages
- 816
I agree with RaiKai. I think it should absolutely be an individual choice for each person. For me, I want to change my name. It''s important to me to share a name with my husband and children. This may not be a priority for everyone, and that''s totally fine. I realize that there are many ways that this can be accomplished, but hyphenating is just not realistic for me. My last name is already 9 letters (and even more importantly perhaps, my first/last name together is currently 6 syllables). I just don''t want to add more letters and syllables.
I have, however, made it very clear to my FI that changing my name will be MY choice. Frankly, I think there''s a lot of judgment on both sides. I find it ridiculous that 50% of people think that a woman should be required to take her husband''s name (according to an above-linked story). But I also think it''s ridiculous to say that a woman can''t be a feminist and also change her name. I pretty much just agree with RaiKai said on that point.
I have, however, made it very clear to my FI that changing my name will be MY choice. Frankly, I think there''s a lot of judgment on both sides. I find it ridiculous that 50% of people think that a woman should be required to take her husband''s name (according to an above-linked story). But I also think it''s ridiculous to say that a woman can''t be a feminist and also change her name. I pretty much just agree with RaiKai said on that point.
UnluckyTwin
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2010
- Messages
- 317
Definitely won''t be taking his last name. I''ve already got a publication under my name and probably will have several more once I complete my thesis and dissertation and he and I finally have a ceremony. Plus, we don''t plan to legally wed, so I don''t think our families and friends will expect a name change from either of us. Fortunately his side of the family has a few feminists and they''ll be fine with it. My side of the family, while very traditional and not feminist at all, have at least stopped expecting things of me.
Just curious-- those of you who want to take your husbands'' last names so that you either share a name with him or your future children (or both), is there any reason he is not taking your name instead and/or that you are not giving your children your own last name?
PS-- While I LOVE OffBeatBride, I did want to comment on one small bit of the article, either because someone in OBB''s comments or someone here asked about it. The part about women who take their husbands'' last names making less money-- someone asked if it was a blind study with employees, etc. My guess as a sociologist is simply that women who take their husbands'' last names are more traditional than other women, and that women who are more traditional either work fewer hours than less traditional women or don''t work at all (either forever or while raising children), so it lowers their averages. As someone pointed out, gender ideology is probably the spurious variable, just as summer heat is the spurious variable that connects ice cream sales and crime rates.
Just curious-- those of you who want to take your husbands'' last names so that you either share a name with him or your future children (or both), is there any reason he is not taking your name instead and/or that you are not giving your children your own last name?
PS-- While I LOVE OffBeatBride, I did want to comment on one small bit of the article, either because someone in OBB''s comments or someone here asked about it. The part about women who take their husbands'' last names making less money-- someone asked if it was a blind study with employees, etc. My guess as a sociologist is simply that women who take their husbands'' last names are more traditional than other women, and that women who are more traditional either work fewer hours than less traditional women or don''t work at all (either forever or while raising children), so it lowers their averages. As someone pointed out, gender ideology is probably the spurious variable, just as summer heat is the spurious variable that connects ice cream sales and crime rates.
4ever
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2008
- Messages
- 2,260
I''m sure I will probably end up taking his last name. For one people don''t seem to be able to prounouce mine while his is a very common name.
The only thing that''s stopping me from jumping on the name change bus at the moment is I do feel like my last name is part of my identity and I feel reluctance to dispose of part of who I have been for my whole life thus far, even if it really is just a teeny tiny bit.
I am very much considering adding my current last name as a second middle name.
The only thing that''s stopping me from jumping on the name change bus at the moment is I do feel like my last name is part of my identity and I feel reluctance to dispose of part of who I have been for my whole life thus far, even if it really is just a teeny tiny bit.
I am very much considering adding my current last name as a second middle name.
If you read the actual study you find out the students at the University were asked to "imagine" being introduced to a couple where the woman took the man''s last name. Basically they had to imagine how they would react. There was no real study done on the actual employment front.Date: 6/28/2010 6:09:28 PM
Author: UnluckyTwin
Definitely won''t be taking his last name. I''ve already got a publication under my name and probably will have several more once I complete my thesis and dissertation and he and I finally have a ceremony. Plus, we don''t plan to legally wed, so I don''t think our families and friends will expect a name change from either of us. Fortunately his side of the family has a few feminists and they''ll be fine with it. My side of the family, while very traditional and not feminist at all, have at least stopped expecting things of me.
Just curious-- those of you who want to take your husbands'' last names so that you either share a name with him or your future children (or both), is there any reason he is not taking your name instead and/or that you are not giving your children your own last name?
PS-- While I LOVE OffBeatBride, I did want to comment on one small bit of the article, either because someone in OBB''s comments or someone here asked about it. The part about women who take their husbands'' last names making less money-- someone asked if it was a blind study with employees, etc. My guess as a sociologist is simply that women who take their husbands'' last names are more traditional than other women, and that women who are more traditional either work fewer hours than less traditional women or don''t work at all (either forever or while raising children), so it lowers their averages. As someone pointed out, gender ideology is probably the spurious variable, just as summer heat is the spurious variable that connects ice cream sales and crime rates.
UnluckyTwin
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2010
- Messages
- 317
Yeah I could tell that that''s the type of study we were looking at, but I think the part about women getting paid less was separate from that. I don''t know, I didn''t read it, but the first part was presented as "People think you are more X/less Y if you do Z" whereas the second part just bluntly said "Women who do X get paid less" (as opposed to "People think that women who do X get paid less"). Not sure, but I was just trying to address someone asking how or why women with their husband''s last names get paid less. The question may have been asked on OBB though, not here.Date: 6/28/2010 6:21:09 PM
Author: kagordo4
If you read the actual study you find out the students at the University were asked to ''imagine'' being introduced to a couple where the woman took the man''s last name. Basically they had to imagine how they would react. There was no real study done on the actual employment front.Date: 6/28/2010 6:09:28 PM
Author: UnluckyTwin
Definitely won''t be taking his last name. I''ve already got a publication under my name and probably will have several more once I complete my thesis and dissertation and he and I finally have a ceremony. Plus, we don''t plan to legally wed, so I don''t think our families and friends will expect a name change from either of us. Fortunately his side of the family has a few feminists and they''ll be fine with it. My side of the family, while very traditional and not feminist at all, have at least stopped expecting things of me.
Just curious-- those of you who want to take your husbands'' last names so that you either share a name with him or your future children (or both), is there any reason he is not taking your name instead and/or that you are not giving your children your own last name?
PS-- While I LOVE OffBeatBride, I did want to comment on one small bit of the article, either because someone in OBB''s comments or someone here asked about it. The part about women who take their husbands'' last names making less money-- someone asked if it was a blind study with employees, etc. My guess as a sociologist is simply that women who take their husbands'' last names are more traditional than other women, and that women who are more traditional either work fewer hours than less traditional women or don''t work at all (either forever or while raising children), so it lowers their averages. As someone pointed out, gender ideology is probably the spurious variable, just as summer heat is the spurious variable that connects ice cream sales and crime rates.
brazen_irish_hussy
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2006
- Messages
- 2,044
I actually had a Chinese teacher who eloped with her DH of Irish decent. They hadn''t talked about last names since women keep theirs in China. She offered to do it, but her name would have been Chuchaun Monahan.Date: 6/28/2010 5:25:22 PM
Author: SweetPea-<3
I know this may sound strange, and even a little subversive, but... I would really enjoy ''tormenting'' bar bouncers and restaurant hosts if I took my SO''s last name. He''s Chinese with an Asian-sounding last name, and I''m Caucasian with a German-sounding last name. And stereotypes being as they are, I would probably get lots of funny looks like ''Huh? That''s not you!'' But I think that it''s a good thing to challenge people''s preconceived notions about race and ethnicity.
All that said, that''s not actually why I want take his last name. To me, it''s primarily about convenience and secondarily about tradition, which is important to both of us. (To honor my family, I''d make my maiden name into a middle name and to honor his family, each child would have both ''Chinese'' and ''American'' names.) The chance to raise eyebrows is just icing on the proverbial wedding cake
I am going to have the last name as my children, I also kept my last name. I think it should be up to the couple, but I also think it should be closer to 50% of women changing their name, rather than 5-10%. It always bothers me when it is said that well of course, it will make us more of a couple or it makes things less confusing, etc. That may be true, so why doesn''t he change his name? I had 2 professors who did not want to change their name, but did want the same last name, so they both hyphanated. Besides, if one hyphantes and the other does not, they really aren''t the same last name. As for the patriarical nature of the naming system at birth, at least in my case that was not true. My mom kept her last name when she married, but hated her father so had no interest in carrying on his line whereas my dad was the only one in the family who could carry on his rare last name. So yes, I do have my father''s name, but my kids will have their mother''s last name.
This is NOT a critique of women who change their last name, more of a response to the article posted that 1/2 of Americans believe women should be legally required to change their last name
slg47
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2010
- Messages
- 9,667
merilenda I agree with you, it is very important to me personally to share a name with my husband and children, so I want to change for that reason. However, I don''t see anything wrong with people who don''t want to change (and I know a lot of them since I am in the sciences and many women do not want to change after having publications). anyway I don''t think my last name sounds ''good'' with my BF''s last name (they both end in -ER which sounds sort of weird), but at least his name is more common and doesn''t get mispronounced a lot...
FrekeChild
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2007
- Messages
- 19,456
I changed my name. My name was the equivalent to this: Elizabeth Tiffany
My maiden name is a trendy-ish popular girl''s name. Which is fine for the MEN in my family, but when you''re a woman, and you have seemingly two first names as BOTH your first and last names, you often get the:
"Hello, may I please speak to Tiffany?"
or even better:
Them: "Hi, can I have your last name?"
Me: "Sure, it''s Tiffany."
Them: "No, your LAST NAME."
Me: "THAT IS MY LAST NAME." :::insert smoke coming out of ears:::
So basically I changed my name to my husband''s last name as soon as I possibly could. So, I went from Elizabeth Tiffany to Elizabeth Jones.
And guess what? I no longer get calls or have stupid people asking for "Elizabeth Tiffany" or telling me my last name isn''t a last name.
What I find funny is that my husband knows this and thinks it''s funny. And unfortunately he''s witnessed the second scenario multiple times, so he totally understands.
My maiden name is a trendy-ish popular girl''s name. Which is fine for the MEN in my family, but when you''re a woman, and you have seemingly two first names as BOTH your first and last names, you often get the:
"Hello, may I please speak to Tiffany?"
or even better:
Them: "Hi, can I have your last name?"
Me: "Sure, it''s Tiffany."
Them: "No, your LAST NAME."
Me: "THAT IS MY LAST NAME." :::insert smoke coming out of ears:::
So basically I changed my name to my husband''s last name as soon as I possibly could. So, I went from Elizabeth Tiffany to Elizabeth Jones.
And guess what? I no longer get calls or have stupid people asking for "Elizabeth Tiffany" or telling me my last name isn''t a last name.
What I find funny is that my husband knows this and thinks it''s funny. And unfortunately he''s witnessed the second scenario multiple times, so he totally understands.
DuckLovingVegan
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2010
- Messages
- 253
I personally don''t agree with the study at all. Changing or not changing my name should have nothing to do with changes in my personality traits. I am actually changing my name because it''s my choice. I happen to hate my last name it''s my biological father''s who has never been in my life. I''m happy to get rid of it and to take on my future husband''s name.
KatM
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2007
- Messages
- 218
Most likely I wouldn''t, unless it was something that was incredibly important to the SO (but i don''t think that would be the case). In terms of ways that I feel connected to him, the name isn''t really all that important to me, probably because my mom never changed her name. People just called her whatever they felt like, and sometimes assigned her maiden name to me because they assumed it was her married name. i didnt feel less connected to her because i had a different name.
Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings
Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings - 04/14
300x240.png)