Are Wishing Wells Anonymous Or Not?

[Deelight]

I have a wedding to attend in a couple of weeks and there will be a wishing well at the wedding. For those that are unfamiliar with the term essentially a well that the guests are asked to put money into. The last two weddings I have attended have both stated in the invitation that there was a wishing well, money would be appreciated. The first wedding a year or so ago I had never heard of these before and placed money in a card and dropped it into the well, the last wedding I was informed by one of the BM''s that WW''s are anonymous so I stuck an envelope with cash in the well (which made me feel stupid that I put the money in a card at the last one). At the last wedding where I did anonymously the next the day the brides MIL came down to the hotel lobby with all the envelopes then proceeded to mention that there were unidentified amounts from people and showed about 3 envelopes without cards and mentioned someone had just dropped a $20 note into the well, I got the impression that this was wrong I didn''t know what to do so I said nothing.

I am not adverse to someone knowing the amount I gave them (well not 100% adverse, I would still rather buy a gift) but I am unsure what the protocol is, does anyone know what the right way to do this is?

TIA

 

[diamondfan]

Are you supposed to do it in lieu of a gift?

If you would rather do a gift, do it. You are not obligated to do this. I would not think it is anonymous, how would anyone write thank you notes then?

 

[Deelight]

Yahha in lieu of a gift.

The wedding I did it with the card: No thank you note.
The wedding without a card: No thank you note but I don''t think the bride sent them out as no one I know got one.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 6/6/2008 9:27:34 AM
Author: Deelight
Yahha in lieu of a gift.

The wedding I did it with the card: No thank you note.
The wedding without a card: No thank you note but I don''t think the bride sent them out as no one I know got one.

How rude!

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/6/2008 9:42:15 AM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 6/6/2008 9:27:34 AM

Author: Deelight

Yahha in lieu of a gift.


The wedding I did it with the card: No thank you note.

The wedding without a card: No thank you note but I don''t think the bride sent them out as no one I know got one.

How rude!

The sad thing I don''t think this is unusual, I have to out it down to either my friends don''t know any better or just don''t care, I have a feeling it is the former. However recently I attended an engagement party for one of my FF''s friends and it was really nice to get an invite that did not stipulate anything about gifts (which in turn made me and him go the extra mile) and we did receive a really lovely and thoughtful thank you note , it was really nice.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/6/2008 9:27:34 AM
Author: Deelight
Yahha in lieu of a gift.


The wedding I did it with the card: No thank you note.

The wedding without a card: No thank you note but I don''t think the bride sent them out as no one I know got one.

That is really really rude. I don''t agree with this type of thing in the first place (i.e., asking for money outright), but if you are going to do it at least send thank you notes! Geez!

 

[sumbride]

I''ve never heard of this, but if I were to participate I definitely would enclose the money in a signed card. The couple should send you a thank you note!

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/6/2008 10:42:20 AM
Author: sumbride
I''ve never heard of this, but if I were to participate I definitely would enclose the money in a signed card. The couple should send you a thank you note!

Thanks for the responses so far as always much appreciated .

Sumbride usually there is a poem enclosed in the invitation asking for money in a cute way, either way it is not something I would personally do but each to their own.

I would feel like a royal git if I did anonymously and that was not right but I would also feel like a git if I was the only one that added a card with the money in it. Unfortunately I don''t really talk to anyone else that is going to this wedding so no way to ask around either.

 

[ringster]

ugh, i don''t like these types of things at all. i would opt out of doing it and just give a wedding gift which could be money.

i personally don''t like getting gifts when i don''t know who they came from as i always like to send a thank you card.

but that is just me. i know some cultures have the money dance or something like that and i am sure they don''t know who gave what which is maybe supposed to be a good thing for the guests -- they can give what they feel comfortable with and not feel any pressure b/c they are anonymous.

 

[Sabine]

I''ve only ever seen this with extra change (at a shower, too, not a wedding), so it was anonymous since it was a small amount. I imagine if you are giving a significant amount you should put it in a signed card as the gift.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I have only been to one wedding with a wishing well and as I am an artist, I drew a small protrait from a picture of them to include with it. I have NO problem giving money, but they were close to me so I wanted to add something a little personal. I did get a thank you, but the bride is very on the ball.

 

[LegacyGirl]

I'm going to put on my invitation just to come with a signed blank check and the bride will fill it out herself....

 

[sumbride]

Date: 6/6/2008 7:27:21 PM
Author: LegacyGirl
I''m going to put on my invitation just to come with a signed blank check and the bride will fill it out herself....

NOW you''re talking!!!

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 6/6/2008 7:36:23 PM
Author: sumbride

Date: 6/6/2008 7:27:21 PM
Author: LegacyGirl
I''m going to put on my invitation just to come with a signed blank check and the bride will fill it out herself....

NOW you''re talking!!!

I know I have all the best ideas...

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 6/6/2008 7:27:21 PM
Author: LegacyGirl
I''m going to put on my invitation just to come with a signed blank check and the bride will fill it out herself....

You might as well LG. It sounds like that will be the next fad

Seriously who doesn''t know that it''s the ultimate in poor etiquette to mention money or gifts at ALL in your wedding invitation. Like a cutesy poem makes it OK

 

[zoebartlett]

I''ve never heard of this either. I''m not a fan though, so I''d just skip it and buy a gift or do my own thing.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/6/2008 8:10:36 PM
Author: purrfectpear

Date: 6/6/2008 7:27:21 PM

Author: LegacyGirl

I''m going to put on my invitation just to come with a signed blank check and the bride will fill it out herself....

You might as well LG. It sounds like that will be the next fad

Seriously who doesn''t know that it''s the ultimate in poor etiquette to mention money or gifts at ALL in your wedding invitation. Like a cutesy poem makes it OK

LOL Legacygirl you could be on to something I think it is a fad that is quite taking off here in Australia, so far I have seen it at two engagements and three weddings and that was out of three engagements and three weddings so almost 100%, all of these were included in the invitation as well. I have already stipulated to FF under NO circumstances would we have a wishing well for the record he is against them as well so that is all well I just personally could not ask a guest to give me a gift let alone hey give me cash.

I think I will most likely pop the cash in a card


ZoeBartlett I know many people who have skipped events all together because of these kinds of things which I can understand I have even done it myself.

 

[emeraldlover1]

The one wedding I attending with a "wishing well" was a different expectation. Actually, it was a shower and instead of wrapping your shower gift you were supposed to bring an unwrapped gift and a bottle of wine for the wishing well with a note to the bride and groom as to why that wine was special to you. They called it a "wine wishing well". You can draw your own conclusions about the couple but that was my first and only experience with the wishing well. BTW...there was about 200 ppl at the shower. LOL...that is a lot of wine. I should call her...

 

[mimzy]

Date: 6/6/2008 11:16:55 PM
Author: emeraldlover1
The one wedding I attending with a ''wishing well'' was a different expectation. Actually, it was a shower and instead of wrapping your shower gift you were supposed to bring an unwrapped gift and a bottle of wine for the wishing well with a note to the bride and groom as to why that wine was special to you. They called it a ''wine wishing well''. You can draw your own conclusions about the couple but that was my first and only experience with the wishing well. BTW...there was about 200 ppl at the shower. LOL...that is a lot of wine. I should call her...

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/6/2008 11:16:55 PM
Author: emeraldlover1
The one wedding I attending with a ''wishing well'' was a different expectation. Actually, it was a shower and instead of wrapping your shower gift you were supposed to bring an unwrapped gift and a bottle of wine for the wishing well with a note to the bride and groom as to why that wine was special to you. They called it a ''wine wishing well''. You can draw your own conclusions about the couple but that was my first and only experience with the wishing well. BTW...there was about 200 ppl at the shower. LOL...that is a lot of wine. I should call her...

That much wine would last me longer then a lifetime OMG thats insane

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 6/7/2008 10:51:30 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 6/6/2008 11:16:55 PM
Author: emeraldlover1
The one wedding I attending with a ''wishing well'' was a different expectation. Actually, it was a shower and instead of wrapping your shower gift you were supposed to bring an unwrapped gift and a bottle of wine for the wishing well with a note to the bride and groom as to why that wine was special to you. They called it a ''wine wishing well''. You can draw your own conclusions about the couple but that was my first and only experience with the wishing well. BTW...there was about 200 ppl at the shower. LOL...that is a lot of wine. I should call her...

That much wine would last me longer then a lifetime OMG thats insane

Let me guess, the happy couple met at AA?

I''ll stop.

I shouldn''t be talking anyway... that much wine would only last me a week

hehehe I kid I kid...

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Hmm I hadn''t heard of these. Sorry for not answering your question, but thank you for the post because in lieu of a guest book I want to have a place where people have leave their thoughts for us on small cards or something. I was going to call it people leaving their well wishes..but I am not asking for money and I don''t want people to think that, so I need to come up with a new idea I guess. It''s definitely not the same thing, but if people get the wrong idea they might drop money in there and that''s not what I want. I don''t even want cards in there, just the small like place-card size notes. Anyway, thank you again.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 6/7/2008 8:02:24 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Hmm I hadn''t heard of these. Sorry for not answering your question, but thank you for the post because in lieu of a guest book I want to have a place where people have leave their thoughts for us on small cards or something. I was going to call it people leaving their well wishes..but I am not asking for money and I don''t want people to think that, so I need to come up with a new idea I guess. It''s definitely not the same thing, but if people get the wrong idea they might drop money in there and that''s not what I want. I don''t even want cards in there, just the small like place-card size notes. Anyway, thank you again.

I don''t think you need to change your idea. My sister did this at her wedding not too long ago. She and her husband left all types of eclectic postcards and pens, silver markers, etc., on a card table and had everyone write well wishes. There was a note on the table, asking guests to write their thoughts, hopes, advice, etc. for a long and happy marriage. I''m not sure that it had a name like "well wishes" but it was the same idea as what you described. My mom collected all of the cards and mailed them to my sister and my BIL every week or so throughout their first year of marriage. They looked forward to opening their mail because they knew that there would probably be a card to read. They loved it! They put the cards in a photo album afterward, and it looks beautiful.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/7/2008 9:09:42 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett

Date: 6/7/2008 8:02:24 PM

Author: SarahLovesJS

Hmm I hadn''t heard of these. Sorry for not answering your question, but thank you for the post because in lieu of a guest book I want to have a place where people have leave their thoughts for us on small cards or something. I was going to call it people leaving their well wishes..but I am not asking for money and I don''t want people to think that, so I need to come up with a new idea I guess. It''s definitely not the same thing, but if people get the wrong idea they might drop money in there and that''s not what I want. I don''t even want cards in there, just the small like place-card size notes. Anyway, thank you again.

I don''t think you need to change your idea. My sister did this at her wedding not too long ago. She and her husband left all types of eclectic postcards and pens, silver markers, etc., on a card table and had everyone write well wishes. There was a note on the table, asking guests to write their thoughts, hopes, advice, etc. for a long and happy marriage. I''m not sure that it had a name like ''well wishes'' but it was the same idea as what you described. My mom collected all of the cards and mailed them to my sister and my BIL every week or so throughout their first year of marriage. They looked forward to opening their mail because they knew that there would probably be a card to read. They loved it! They put the cards in a photo album afterward, and it looks beautiful.

Sarah I agree I would not change your idea it sounds fantastic , I think if your worried maybe get your MC or the best man to explain to your guests what it is and ask them to participate at their leisure .

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Sounds good!!

Will keep it as is then! Woohoo!

 

[icekid]

Date: 6/8/2008 2:46:39 AM
Author: SarahLovesJS
Sounds good!!

Will keep it as is then! Woohoo!

Sarah- Hubby and I did something moderately similar. We bought a really fun cookbook that has recipes for the holidays throughout the year. Then we made a little poem asking that our guests wrote us a note with advice/ thoughts/ whatever they wanted in the cookbook. Since then, we''ve been choosing a new recipe to try on the occassional holiday and take pictures while we''re cooking. (yes, we''re dorks.) But I''m really happy with how it turned out! Otherwise, I suspect we would not have looked at our "guestbook" since the wedding. This way, we see their notes fairly regularly.


And I have no words for the wishing wells, and then not even having the decency to send thank you notes.......

 

[spike13]

Wow - you can put out a bucket and ask people to drop money in?

If I knew that I would have gotten married a long time ago -- LOL.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Date: 6/7/2008 4:28:09 PM
Author: LegacyGirl

Date: 6/7/2008 10:51:30 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 6/6/2008 11:16:55 PM
Author: emeraldlover1
The one wedding I attending with a ''wishing well'' was a different expectation. Actually, it was a shower and instead of wrapping your shower gift you were supposed to bring an unwrapped gift and a bottle of wine for the wishing well with a note to the bride and groom as to why that wine was special to you. They called it a ''wine wishing well''. You can draw your own conclusions about the couple but that was my first and only experience with the wishing well. BTW...there was about 200 ppl at the shower. LOL...that is a lot of wine. I should call her...

That much wine would last me longer then a lifetime OMG thats insane

Let me guess, the happy couple met at AA?

I''ll stop.

I shouldn''t be talking anyway... that much wine would only last me a week

hehehe I kid I kid...

Haha...I think even they didn''t realize how much wine they were going to get. However, when our friends get together...I always know who is brining the wine. On another note...there were 17 boys in the bridal party and 13 girls. I love this couple to death but they would litterally meet people they didn''t know and invite them to their wedding. I really am glad that I have friends that are this inviting into their world because they are increadibly fun but I do worry about them.

IMHO...I don''t think I would to a wishing well because its not my style. However, I would think that they are not anonymous. Sorry for the threadjack.