are some people''s lives just more dramatic...

[ficklefaye]

or is it the way they view life? i have a friend who is nice, sweet and would do anything for her friends. but she always seems to have so much drama going on in her life, from relationships to breakups to work. i don''t know if it''s because she''s single, i haven''t been single for many years now, but i just don''t remember being this dramatic when i was single. i understand that all people have these types of issues, but everything just seems so amplified when i hear it from her.

am i being a bad friend because i don''t always want to hear about this drama? don''t get me wrong, i don''t want to lose her friendship. she is a very good friend and i do enjoy talking and spending time with her, but i just don''t know how to tell her. should i just listen and not say a thing?

any thoughts?

 

[LilyKat]

Everyone gets into difficulties at certain times in their life. But when someone is constantly in drama mode over years, I tend to feel it's a self-created position. Our own behaviour determines how people respond to us more than we'd care to admit. And no, you're not wrong for getting tired of constant drama llama updates.

Good friends give and take. If she is constantly taking to the point that you feel used and drained, I would address it before it builds resentment and ruins your friendship altogether. I would start with a light comment and see if she takes the hint, such as, "Wow, you have such an exciting life. We never seem to get round to talking about anything else!" with a smile. If she responds with an apology and questions about you, that's a good start. If not, you might have to sit her down and have a more serious talk.

 

[Shoopy]

I believe that when someone constantly has drama in their lives, it''s because of their attitude. Everyone goes through hardship but there are people out there that have way too much drama for it to just be bad luck.

My former friend was like this. The girl *always* had something going on. There was never any happy news. And even when she did have something to look forward to or something exciting in her life, she always managed to find the negative. It got exhausting especially since the advice I really wanted to give her (i.e. divorce your husband and go live with your mom for a few years) is not exactly something that I really could say because it wasn''t my place. So I would just offer my ear. Our very last conversation was about everything that was going wrong in her life and I just couldn''t take it anymore so we haven''t really talked since.

 

[dragonfly411]

I think this can be viewed both ways really. Some people are just dramatic and play up the drama. Others really do have dramatic things happen. I''ve had a friend get cancer, a friend pass away, a friend''s mother get cancer, a friend attacked at a pool hall, a horse choke, all in the span of two months. Nothing I could do to control them, but others might view that as a lot of drama. I view it as, sure do wish it weren''t all being thrown at me at once.
Some have lower maturity levels and really bring it on themselves, such as break ups, cat fights, work issues etc. It really all depends on the person and the situation.

 

[purselover]

drama goes where drama''s wanted

 

[monarch64]

Hmm...I do have friends who always seem to be encumbered with negative drama. I think I have a lot of drama myself, but I don''t bring it up unless it''s solicited, and most of my drama has a happy outcome.

 

[janinegirly]

Ahhh one of those! I def believe some people create their own drama, or amplify it in order to feel more alive! Drama is addictive, because then you can talk about it endlesssly to x number of friends and then it feeds the need for drama.

It''s true that when you''re single, more "dramatic" things are likely to happen (since you''re interacting with more new people, dating around, and most importantly less to keep you busy!) But still alot is self-created in my opinion and that''s not to say there aren''t over dramatic married folks who stir up family issues out of same need. And I also notice drama queens seem to have the most health issues..and I''m never sure how true it all is (because why is there the need to share all health issues?)

In your case, the best thing to do is avoid. Be busy when she calls, learn to cut her off politely but firmly when she goes on and on ("I really have to go, I''ll catch you later"). Eventually she''ll get the hint and save the long drawn out drama re-caps for another captive listener! Or ask her questions that lead her away from the topic at hand..although in my expereince it''ll still always end up coming back (ie "OH that reminds me of x guy....you know the one who........"

 

[Bia]

Yes. I firmly believe that some people love drama. It follows them around because they invite it. My cousin is like that. When I was younger I let it slide (more like put up with it) because she was older and I looked up to her. Now I don''t let it bother me, and honestly, our relationship has changed as a result--and not for the better unfortunately

 

[strmrdr]

Everyone goes through periods of drama in their life.
I know I have been having a lot.
It really depends on what it is how I respond.
There is drama that cant be helped like health issues then there is self inflicted drama.
I try to lend a kind ear to anyone, what goes around comes around.
What I have no patients for is people who create drama about non-real events like movies or tv, that drives me nutz!

 

[Squirrly]

i agree that sometimes it''s the person attracting drama into his/her life and others it''s just everything happens all at once and is uncontrollable. i realized awhile ago that a lot of my drama in my life has had to do with how i handle bad relationships and breakups. of course i''m not too horribly old so i suppose i could just chalk it up to youthful immaturity, but either way personally i''ve found that hanging out with generally less dramatic people and avoiding potentially dramatic situations has really made my life much more enjoyable.

our society as a whole seems to have an addiction to drama though, otherwise we wouldn''t have "reality" tv. it seems people''s problems sell well though.

 

[decodelighted]

I''m of two minds ... bad stuff happens to amazing people. People who DO NOT deserve it karmiclly (sp?) People who DO NOT "want" it. There are horrible strings of bad luck. But I think those cases are more rare than

The Drama Queens. Whose lives have soundtracks and a title sequence in which they are all the leading characters. Those types will wear on your last nerve. The younger you are, the more energy you have to deal with other people''s cr*p -- the older you get, the more you need to CONSERVE your energy for your OWN ever accumulating pile o'' poo.

 

[tigian]

I definitely think some people attract more drama than others because they like the attention that it creates around them. I also think it is the way someone reacts to events in their life. There are those that go and make the best of it and there are those that love to tell everyone around them all about it. The more they react and see reaction from others, the more they feed off of the event, good or bad.

 

[Matata]

Date: 6/25/2009 11:05:09 AM
Author: decodelighted
The Drama Queens. Whose lives have soundtracks and a title sequence in which they are all the leading characters. Those types will wear on your last nerve. The younger you are, the more energy you have to deal with other people''s cr*p -- the older you get, the more you need to CONSERVE your energy for your OWN ever accumulating pile o'' poo.

Oh, double AMEN and HALLELUJAH to that sista!!

 

[jet2ks]

Date: 6/25/2009 11:05:09 AM
Author: decodelighted
I'm of two minds ... bad stuff happens to amazing people. People who DO NOT deserve it karmiclly (sp?) People who DO NOT 'want' it. There are horrible strings of bad luck. But I think those cases are more rare than

The Drama Queens. Whose lives have soundtracks and a title sequence in which they are all the leading characters. Those types will wear on your last nerve. The younger you are, the more energy you have to deal with other people's cr*p -- the older you get, the more you need to CONSERVE your energy for your OWN ever accumulating pile o' poo.

You said it!!! Drama Queens (and a few Kings) are sometimes good for comedy relief, as long as you aren't getting sucked in to their drama vortex.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think the single years are far more dramatic than the happily married years.

 

[princesss]

I think dramatic things happen to just about everybody. People die, people get sick, acts of God, etc. And you can tell a lot about a person by how they handle themselves when these things happen.

But there are also dramatic people. Everybody is against them, or they have to create drama and insert themselves into everything even when it has nothing to do with them. I've had friends like that, and it's exhausting. And when you talk to them about it, it's like they're the victims. (The drama follows them, doncha know.) I was kind of like this for a while. Everything was a big drama, something crazy was always happening...and then I realized how much I just plain like my life, and I don't need all the drama to keep things exciting. The drama was exhausting. I still have a little bit of a flair for the dramatic, but now it's more as a joke than because I truly believe that drama just happens to me. (Seriously, I can't believe how long it took me to realize that drama didn't happen to me - I invited it and dragged it along with me wherever I went.) Now I have no patience for people who suffer from that delusion, and my life is much more peaceful.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 6/25/2009 11:43:10 AM
Author: princesss
I think dramatic things happen to just about everybody. People die, people get sick, acts of God, etc. And you can tell a lot about a person by how they handle themselves when these things happen.

But there are also dramatic people. Everybody is against them, or they have to create drama and insert themselves into everything even when it has nothing to do with them. I''ve had friends like that, and it''s exhausting. And when you talk to them about it, it''s like they''re the victims. (The drama follows them, doncha know.) I was kind of like this for a while. Everything was a big drama, something crazy was always happening...and then I realized how much I just plain like my life, and I don''t need all the drama to keep things exciting. The drama was exhausting. I still have a little bit of a flair for the dramatic, but now it''s more as a joke than because I truly believe that drama just happens to me. (Seriously, I can''t believe how long it took me to realize that drama didn''t happen to me - I invited it and dragged it along with me wherever I went.) Now I have no patience for people who suffer from that delusion, and my life is much more peaceful.

Amen, Princesss!

Been there, done that. Don''t want any part of it again. I''ve eliminated the dramatic people from my life IRL, and it''s been pretty awesome every since.

 

[Skippy123]

Ditto peoples responses, the biggest thing is I know we all go through it, some more than others (which I know we can't always help) but I do think at the end of he day you learn a lot about a person on how they respond (deal with it) drama. There are some people I know that have been through so much and they don't complain much and show so much grace and strength that I admire that.

I will listen but when it becomes a constant complaint then I stop listening because I have to take care of myself too; it becomes too emotionally tolling sometimes and it starts feeling bad for my soul then I have to cut them off for my own well being.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 6/25/2009 11:43:10 AM
Author: princesss
I think dramatic things happen to just about everybody. People die, people get sick, acts of God, etc. And you can tell a lot about a person by how they handle themselves when these things happen.

ditto!!!!! I think some people never see that others deal with dramatic problems too and it is because you don't hear the person complaining.


eta: I also think some people feed other peoples drama (the real drama queens) too sometimes and that is why they continue.

 

[princesss]

Date: 6/25/2009 11:52:35 AM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 6/25/2009 11:43:10 AM
Author: princesss
I think dramatic things happen to just about everybody. People die, people get sick, acts of God, etc. And you can tell a lot about a person by how they handle themselves when these things happen.

ditto!!!!! I think some people never see that others deal with dramatic problems too and it is because you don''t hear the person complaining.


eta: I also think some people feed other peoples drama (the real drama queens) too sometimes and that is why they continue.

True. I know that sometimes I end up doing that because I get so frustrated with it that I forget it just feeds the beast. So now I''m trying to hit the mental "ignore" button. It doesn''t always work, but it''s working more often than not.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Some people THRIVE on drama. A friend of mine is so bad that even when life is "perfect," she'll come up with someting and/or anything to cause a huge amount of chaos. Even more, when desperate, she'll bring up something a year back and go through the whole thing all over again. She IS married. Whenever she is bored, suddendly, she'll create problems between her and her husband and make me listen to hours of why she wants to get divorced. Then she'll call back a few days later and say all is good. THEN another month or two later, the same thing pops up. DRAMA, drama, drama. Often I do not return her calls.

I hate drama and try everything I can to avoid it. . .unfortunetly, I feel like everyone around me creates it as often as they can!

 

[Mannequin]

Date: 6/25/2009 11:48:21 AM
Author: Skippy123
Ditto peoples responses, the biggest thing is I know we all go through it, some more than others (which I know we can''t always help) but I do think at the end of he day you learn a lot about a person onhow they respond (deal with it) drama. There are some people I know that have been through so much and they don''t complain much and show so much grace and strength that I admire that.

I will listen but when it becomes a constant complaint then I stop listening because I have to take care of myself too; it becomes too emotionally tolling sometimes and it starts feeling bad for my soul then I have to cut them off for my own well being.

I agree with you, Ms. Skippy, especially with the part I bolded above. I believe you learn more about a person''s character through how he or she handles the worst day of his or her life than on any average day.

During a personal low point two years ago, my aunt told me something wise: "God wouldn''t give you tough things to deal with if He didn''t know you could handle them." I took that to heart and keep it in mind whenever things get rough. Dramatic behavior strikes me as being self-serving and stagnant - problems continue to grow rather than move toward resolution. I have let friendships go and cut ties with others due to drama in the past and will continue to do so throughout my life. I am pretty even keeled and laid back, and I hate when others try to jump in and rock my boat.

 

[somethingshiny]

I do believe some people thrive on drama and will look for it everywhere.

I KNOW that drama just seems to follow some people. I''m one of them. (not hardships per se, just crazy stuff that is always happening)

Your friend sounds like the former. Some people just WANT to be involved in things that will get them attention. Some people seem to make mountains out of mole hills. I have a friend who is overly-dramatic about EVERYTHING that happens even though 90% of it is really no big deal. I have to "prepare" myself to talk to her. She takes a lot of time and energy and I just can''t do it like I used to. It seems that she is finding new friends who really love the drama and she spends more time with them now, which is fine with me. She still knows I''m here if she really NEEDS something, but I don''t feed into it anymore.

 

[radiantquest]

some people are just more dramatic than others. i have a friend that is very dramatic and she is also a hypocondriac. there is always something wrong with her and when there is the slightest hiccup it is the end of the world to her. i love her very much because she is sweet and kind and has a good heart.

the way i handle it is i tell her that she is overly dramatic and that she is a hypocondriac and it is kind of a joke between us. if she starts complaining about some new ailment. i sigh and say to her "what is it now, is your leg going to fall off, has your body stopped pumping blood?!" we laugh a little and she knows that i love her but think that she makes too much of it and the subject changes.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

It''s her reaction that feeds the drama beast. I have had some things happen recently that would quality as dramatic in anyone''s eyes but I refuse to be a victim and allow unhealthy emotions take over me. Some people thrive on the attention and intense focus a dramatic life brings them.

 

[TravelingGal]

Most people who thrive on drama have victim mentality. "Me vs world" is a dramatic story indeed.

I also find people who are into drama have very little sense of humor. It''s very hard to be in DRAMA when you view the world as a COMEDY, albeit a dark one sometimes.

 

[trillionaire]

My life is low drama... that''s how I like it! SO and I are distinctly even-keeled and undramatic, but I have friends and family who do invited drama into their lives. Often this has to do with their unwillingness to recognize unhealthy relationships, and having the strength to cut them out of their lives. I have very nice friends and family members who don''t want to be ''mean'', so they keep interacting with toxic people.

Sometimes you have to grow up in order to learn to be selfish with yourself and who you share yourself with.

 

[KimberlyH]

Bad things happen to everyone, how we respond to it is what creates the image of a person being dramatic or not. I know people who have suffered terrible tragedies in a graceful manner, they would never be called dramatic, and then there are those who hit bumps and make such a big deal of it that they and their lives are seen as complicated/dramatic.

 

[mysterylover]

Some people love drama. Frankly, it exhausts me. I shun drama wherever and whenever I can.

I''ll offer an excellent example of DRAMA that happened just today: Woman at work says someone''s out to get her, maybe hurt her. Her car''s been tampered with. Now, we all know, just from the story, and the sheer implausibility of it, that she messed with her own car to get attention - - particularly from her husband, who is now quite concerned that she could be a ''target'' of some weirdo.

Drama lovers are usually a bubble or two off plumb. Just like my co-worker.

 

[lyra]

I once had a friend end a relationship with me (and my DH and kids) because she felt "we brought her and her DH down too much". Okay, wow I thought, sorry that our personal problem of having lost a job in a most hostile manner, and having to transfer across the country 2000 miles brought *her* down so much. ??? Seriously. We went through a rough period with employment issues for several years after that, which created crippling debt which we are still paying off. So I''d say, yeah, we had a dramatic period then, but we are not dramatic people. Is being very depressed dramatic? I was very depressed during that time but I didn''t share it so openly.

There are people who create drama. I stay away from them, yet they seem attracted to me somehow. But these are two totally different things IMO, as others have already stated.