Are people afraid to comment on weight loss?

[kathleenmv]

I''ve lost 50 pounds. (I got a little carried away with the whole "eating for two" thing with my pregnancies!) I still have 20 pounds to go, but I think I''ve come pretty far. What''s a little surprising (or maybe not??) is that no one has commented on my weight loss other than my husband and best friend. Not my parents. Not my coworkers. Not my other friends.

So what gives?

I wonder if it''s because people are afraid that a comment/compliment might be taken the wrong way. Or if they''re reluctant to bring up anything weight-related. Or maybe they just don''t notice because it''s taken place over time--or don''t notice physical appearance in general.

I don''t necessarily "need" this kind of positive feedback. Feeling better has given me great momentum to continue!

I''m just curious that I haven''t heard a peep about it.

Anyway...Just thought I''d see if you all had any thoughts or experiences to share.

 

[Lorelei]

Kathleen - many congrats on your weightloss!! I feel your pain, I have often noticed ( apart from Hubby) if anyone even bothers to comment on my weight loss, it is usually in a negative vein

. Even a close relative will ignore my success. I don't know why this is, although I have some theories, but know you have done superbly well and THAT is what matters!!!

I think there can be various reasons as to why - some perhaps resent your success because they are a bit jealous, and don't know how to handle the ' new you.' Others would rather ignore the topic in case congratulating you could be misconstrued. I have found people react in weird ways to change over the years, so I do understand how you are feeling.

 

[Po10472]

Wow - 50lbs is a lot to lose. Well done!! How did you do it, how did you get into the mindset to keep going? Can you tell I''m struggling and looking for tips?

Do you think maybe people haven''t commented because they see it as ''baby-weight'' and that it ''should'' be coming off anyway? That its kinda like you''re getting back to normal? I don''t agree with this, but in my experience this is the way people think around here.

I totally understand you hurting because it takes a lot of hard work to lose weight when you''ve not just given birth and have a new baby to contend with and the fact that you''ve done so brilliantly well with a wee one, I can only say that you deserve more credit.

Regardless of what people think, keep it going and get to your goal.

po
x

 

[Cleopatra]

Congrats to you Kathleen! What an accomplishment!!

My FI recently lost 30 pounds - he wasn''t large before, but now he looks very healthy and slim. No one has told him "wow - you''ve lost weight" - but they often comment to me "wow, Cleopatra, how much weight has FI lost?!"

I think that making a "wow" comment to someone implies that they once thought someone was fat - even if they weren''t - making a comment implies that the weight loss was noticeable and some may feel uncomfortable bringing it up to you in case you had any insecurities about your prior weight...

What matters is that YOU know and YOU are proud! That''s quite an accomplishment! Congrats to you!

 

[Po10472]

oh and for the record.........I meant my community, not PS.

 

[diamondfan]

Wow, I would be so all over it if I saw that! That is quite an accomplishment. You must be very proud.

 

[Skippy123]

Awesome on the 50 lb loss.

I would ask your mom or hubby. I think that is wonderful and you should be proud!!!

 

[somethingshiny]

Wow! Congrats on such an accomplishment!

I tend to agree with Po. I think since it''s "baby weight", people just think it is supposed to come off and you''re supposed to work at it until it does. I have a cousin who gained over 70 pounds with one pregnancy and I was one of the very few who could actually say "well done". It''s a weird stigma that surrounds women. You should be able to get pregnant and carry a baby for nine months. Then, you should lose the weight within 6 weeks after birth! Even my mom feels this way. It''s not right, but it''s widespread!

Good luck on your reaching your goal!

 

[dragonfly411]

Well first of all Congratulations on the weight loss!!! That is a huge accomplishment and well worth a pat on the back.

I wonder if maybe they see you every day on a day to day basis and maybe don''t see the extreme difference yet? When I look in the mirror daily, it takes at least a 5lb difference for me to even notice a tiny little thing. And my SO who sees me every day is the same way. He''ll say a few weeks later "wow you look great". Maybe they just don''t realize how much it is?
The other thought is it may be that they know you still want to lose more, so don''t want to say anything for fear that you will find need to point out the negative spots you still want to fix? I''m sure they''ve noticed and feel great for you. Maybe they want to celebrate when you''ve hit your true end goal!

 

[kathleenmv]

Wow! What wonderful, supportive responses! I''m so touched, I''m actually a little teary!! Your kind words mean so much.

Lorelei, thank you for the congratulations and words of encouragement. I think about joining the WWT, but I''m such an inconsistent poster, I wouldn''t be a very productive/contributing member! Glad to hear that I''m not the only who has gotten weird responses. Maybe it''s somewhat universal?!

Po10472, thank you for the encouragament! It''s taken me a long time to take off 50 pounds. I''m 15 months post-partum, and have been going pretty slowly because I was breastfeeding until DD was a year old. I attribute my success to exercise. I''m FAR from an athlete, but I do enjoy running. I find it''s easier for me to focus on what my body can do (run three miles) than what it can''t (eat cheesecake). It''s worked for me so far, but I still have a long road ahead!

Cleopatra, thanks for weighing in (no pun intended--really!). I think you may be right about people being fearful that their compliments could be misconstrued. They might feel it''s safer to say nothing, and I can kind of see that. And congrats to your FI!! That''s awesome!

Diamondfan and Skippy, thanks, ladies!! You are so sweet. I''m proud of my accomplishment, too. I keep trying to focus on that rather than what I have left to lose. I can get discouraged if I look too far ahead! Twenty pounds sounds daunting, even though I''m already 50 down. (Weird, huh?)

Somethingshiny, thank you!! You know...I think you and Po are onto something with the baby weight thing. I wonder if people feel it''s easier to lose or something? Like the laws of metabolism don''t somehow apply. And, yes, there''s this stigma to pregnancy-related weight gain and a real cultural urgency to take it off ASAP. I''m just now taking off the weight I gained with my first baby, and he''s three years old!

(PS Was that your post about the water moccasin wrestling? Made me LOL because my hubby''s from FL and has all sorts of scary cottonmouth stories. Eek!)

Dragonfly, thanks to you for the congrats! I do wonder if people are fearful that I''ll discount a compliment with a negative remark about myself or take it the wrong way. I hadn''t thought about people wanting to celebrate at my true goal. That could be true, too!

You all have given me a lot of food for thought and really encouraged me to continue my journey! Maybe I needed those kudos/attagirls more than I thought.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/13/2008 12:54:07 PM
Author: kathleenmv
Wow! What wonderful, supportive responses! I''m so touched, I''m actually a little teary!! Your kind words mean so much.

Lorelei, thank you for the congratulations and words of encouragement. I think about joining the WWT, but I''m such an inconsistent poster, I wouldn''t be a very productive/contributing member! Glad to hear that I''m not the only who has gotten weird responses. Maybe it''s somewhat universal?!

Kathleen, I am so glad to help! We have redone the WWT now to the Weekly Healthier Lifestyle thread, so that folk who want to join who don''t workout, or just want to post as and when, can do so! So absolutely no pressure if you do want to join, no pressure to acknowledge every poster, just post as and when you want to - you would be most welcome in anyway that suits you!

 

[kathleenmv]

Awwwww...thanks, Lorelei! You''re always so kind and welcoming. I think you were one of the first people to welcome me to this community when I was a baby PS-er. (Well, with so few posts, I''m still a baby PS-er. Maybe then I was a fetal PS-er.

)

I''ll check out the new thread. I don''t want my commitment to flag now that I''m getting (relatively) close to my goal.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/13/2008 1:41:47 PM
Author: kathleenmv
Awwwww...thanks, Lorelei! You''re always so kind and welcoming. I think you were one of the first people to welcome me to this community when I was a baby PS-er. (Well, with so few posts, I''m still a baby PS-er. Maybe then I was a fetal PS-er.

)

I''ll check out the new thread. I don''t want my commitment to flag now that I''m getting (relatively) close to my goal.

LOL!! I am glad you are here! Try out the new style thread, and pop in and out as you wish!

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/healthier-lifestyle-thread-12th-may-till-18th-may.85100/

 

[somethingshiny]

Kathy~ Yes, that was my snake story. Apparently you DO lurk on the WWT (now the HLT) We would love to have you there! We''re not all hard-core uber bodies. We''re just trying to get healthy or stay healthy. Seems that you fit that quite nicely!

Again, congrats and I hope you join HLT!

 

[kathleenmv]

I do lurk over there sometimes. I''m going to head over to HLT and join you guys!

 

[miraclesrule]

Awesome job on your weight loss!!!!

I think that most people are afraid to say something. After I gained a bunch of weight while unemployed (from sitting around eating homemade nachos...I even cut up the tortillas and fried them myself), I started a new job 50 lbs heavier than I had ever been in my life.

After my first year at the new job and the end of a bad relationship, I committed to losing all of it to regain my sense of self. Everyone was a little wierd about it. I have to say that some of the profuse compliments sort of bugged me. Everyone would say stuff like "OMG, you look so amazing, doesn''t it feel great with the new you!?!?!" It was hard not to say, "Um, yeah, it feels better to be back to where I was before I started here" "Yeah, it feels great to get back to being me". Finally I found myself getting annoyed but then had to remember that they had never seen me before.

If you are losing it while still working and hanging out with people who knew you before you gained the weight, they don''t notice or say much at all. Well, that''s not true. Men definately notice.

I suppose the other folks might be afraid to say anything because some people are probably a) envious b) afraid of being charged with sexual harassment or c) want to know, or assume you had gastric bypass and are embarrassed to ask.

No matter what...Yayayayayayayaya for you... Awesome Job!!

 

[marcy]

Congratulations on loosing 50 pounds, that is awesome!

I think the reason people don''t say anything is probably a combination of some people aren''t that observant, some people think they should be loosing weight so don''t want to face it, some people might think you are sick and hate to bring up a touchy subject and if they see you everyday sometimes it takes a long time before it sinks in you are different.

I hope to see you on the HLT. It''s a great group of people.

 

[kathleenmv]

miraclesrule, thanks on the congrats and congrats back to you for your 50 pounds! I can totally see how zillions of comments/compliments could start to get annoying--especially since they didn''t know that the new you was the old you! And I think you''re right about why people are reluctant to say anything. Guess it''s pretty tricky territory.

marcy, thanks for kind words and your perspective. I hadn''t thought about how weight loss could make people think about their own weight situation. Great point. I also think the seeing-me-every-day thing has a lot of validity. My weight loss was definitely very gradual, maybe so much so that it "snuck up" on people.

You all have given me great feedback. The answer is probably: "all of the above," reflective of my friends''/coworkers''/family members'' personalities/lives. And that''s okay!

 

[marcy]

Kathy, when I had lost about 50 pounds a lot of people asked my husband if I was sick. Once they found out I was okay they would approach me about it. Quite a few people were really jazzed about my success and said they were inspired to loose weight but since most of them didn''t follow through on it they don''t talk to me about it anymore. I like the reactions I get to my driver''s license photo now - one guy looked at it and said "Woah! You''ve lost some serious weight". I just said "Thank you".

The reflection in the mirror will show you how much you''ve changed and I am sure other people notice whether they say anything or not. Woo hoo for coming so far! I am very proud of you.

 

[bee*]

Woohoo on the 50lb weight loss

That''s a huge achievement! I think that people are funny about weight and some people don''t want to mention it. It is very frustrating though to have lost weight and to have no one say a thing about it. Congratulations though-what a great loss!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I generally don''t comment for a few reasons.

1. worry that "you look great" sounds like I am also commenting that they didn''t before.
2. I am very thin and fit and since changing off a specific medication, have little trouble maintaining my weight. I feel like it is somehow is rude for me to be commenting on others weight, even positively, when I have such a different situation.
3. I generally don''t comment on apperance, although I do notice it, to people who aren''t really close to me.

My best friend used to be large and when he lost weight I did comment because I knew he wouldn''t take it the wrong way, especially from me who has an astonishing ability to screw up my meaning. I di not however, comment on the weight loss of a coworker who has dropped about 20 pounds for the above reasons.

 

[AmberGretchen]

kathleen - congrats to you - well done!

Its so funny, except for the baby part, I could have written your post myself. I lost 50 lbs as well, and I''ve been really interested by who has said something and who hasn''t. Almost no one at my lab where I''m doing my thesis work has said a word, but a lot of my friends are (they knew I was trying to lose it), and my husband has. My MIL said NOTHING, which my husband called her on, and she claimed she had noticed but we just didn''t hear her say anything. I suspect that maybe has something to do with her being extremely overweight herself and seemingly unable to lose weight.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that what all the others said is true - you should be proud of yourself for your big accomplishment. But do know that you''re not the only one experiencing this, and that it doesn''t diminish what you''ve done in any way.

 

[kathleenmv]

Thanks for the feedback and kind words, ladies!

Marcy, very interesting about people wondering if you were sick. I never considered that possibility! Thanks for the pats on the back. You''re such an inspiration to me!

bee* and brazen irish hussy, thanks for the insight. I think you''re right about people being reticent when it comes to weight loss comments. The reasons for not commenting do make sense.

AmberGretchen, thanks for sharing your experience! Sounds like we''ve been in the same boat. Funny about your MIL. In fact, it''s my own mom''s silence that most perplexes me. She''s very thin/weight-conscious and always not-so-subtly prodding me to lose weight. At first, I felt like my reduction "wasn''t enough" for her. Now, though, I realize that a) it doesn''t matter what she thinks/says about it and b) it''s likely that she just didn''t notice and I''m reading into things! Interesting how this kind of thing can be a magnifying glass for other things.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Congratulations! That''s 175,000 calories that you burned/cut from your daily intake!

I didn''t lose as much as you but I''ve had the same experience. I was so excited when one coworker finally said, "You lost weight, right? You look great." But be careful what you wish for because then I started getting negative comments from this one much older (has been retired and working as a substitute since I''ve known her) coworker. Every time she saw me she''d say, "Ew! You lost too much weight!" or "You know got strep throat because you lost too much weight, right?" until finally I had to call her out on it. She immediately tried to deflect the awkwardness by making fun of another teacher for dressing poorly, so she''s just a bully, but I also had another coworker get drunk and tell me that "everyone" but her thinks I''ve lost too much weight (my doctor, husband, and real friends do not think this).

I also had some students from last year tentatively ask me if I''d lost weight. When I told them I had, they replied that they could tell but weren''t sure if it was rude to say anything. I don''t think an adult would admit to not knowing if something was taboo, but I think this reflects a general attitude that we shouldn''t talk about weight period.

People who have lost weight will get some compliments, but probably also some comments about how they didn''t need to lose weight, etc. 2/3 of America is overweight or obese, so that means a majority of people need to lose weight themselves and may not always react by gushing over how great you look. They may react with negative comments to deflect that nagging thought that perhaps they could do it too.

 

[clicker]

Congratulations on the weight loss!

I guess my opinion would be that as a friend or co-worker I would be afraid of making you feel uncomfortable. It is such a touchy issue.

It is so positive when you can lose weight and feel healthy about yourself and body - I can speak from experience as well!

Keep up the good work - at worst you could where a shirt "50 pound and proud" ?

 

[marcy]

You are vey welcome Kathleen! I will help in any way I can.

Phoenix, very interesting to figure out how calories Kathleen has cut / burned on her journey.

 

[kathleenmv]

Phoenixgirl, clicker and Marcy, thanks for sharing your insights and experiences!!

Phoenixgirl, it was awesome to see my hard work in such a concrete, numerical way. Thank you!!

That''s a lot of calories!

Appalling about the negative comments from your coworker. Sheesh. Guess there is no pleasing some people. Very good perspective from yoru students, too. Weight is sort of a a taboo topic, so I''m surprised I''m surprised! I think I may have gotten used to horribly prying questions/comments when I was pg (weight gain, birth plan, state of my cervix--nothing was off limits, even from strangers!!

).

clicker, love the shirt idea! If only I were bold enough!!

Congrats to you on your weight loss!

Thanks for the post, Marcy! As always, I love to hear your thoughts.

I actually did get some "Boy, you lost some weight" comments this weekend, which were nice. What was even nicer was going through photos taken about 50 pounds ago. That really crystallized everything. I think I had forgotten what I looked like and even started wondering if I did, in fact, look any different. (Weird, huh?) Anyway, it was nice to see the progress that I had been feeling. It fueled me to get off my buns and keep on keepin'' on.

 

[marcy]

Kathy, thank you so much for your kind words. That is wonderful people noticed your hard work this weekend. I am so glad you had pictures to compare to 50 pounds ago. I had a hard time finding old photos of me since I usually threw them away. I wish I had taken photos of me once a month after I started my journey but I didn’t start until I’d lost about 70 pounds.

Phoenixgirl, I am going to have to go do the math on how many calories I’ve cut / burned from my daily intake. Math doesn’t lie.

 

[krisvrn]

I am not afraid to give a positive comment but I am careful when I don''t know that person that well. For close friends and relatives, I do provide a positive comment! Weight (thin or heavy) is a very touchy subject!

 

[metro]

Wow - I was just thinking about this today!

I''ve lost about 20lbs since April and only a few people have commented on my weight loss

Even my DH - he made his first comment/compliment to me last week! I was begining to think it wasn''t noticable to anyone else expect me.

kathleenmv - 50lbs weight loss is AWESOME! Congrats on your hard-work and payoff!