Anyone started planning?

[4ever]

BF and I have been talking alot about wedding stuff latley. I asked him, if we were to get engaged in 4 weeks by some miracle, when would he want to get married? He said 4 weeks and 1 day.

Well that''s not going to happen because a) it takes at least 3 days to get a marrige licence and b) I can''t plan a wedding in 1 day, but it got me thinking so I started surching up venues and prices and stuff.

We''ll, it didn''t take long before I was totally depressed about how much it costs to have a wedding, why do venders think that if you add the word "wedding" they can slap on an extra thousand dollers or so to the price of somthing. I don''t want to spend $10k+ on a party, it would be coming out of our own pockets, we havn''t saved for a house deposit yet and frankly I''d rather spend that money on a kick ass honeymoon. So I''ve started thinking of ways we could do a small, classy looking wedding for about 30-40 people on the cheap.

a) Garden wedding and picnic lunch- it costs about $150 to get married at the local botanic gardens, I would then want to hire tables and chairs etc and have a picnic lunch catered (think filled croissants, club sandwiches and various finger foods) and I would make the cake and all the sweet stuff. Pros: Very pretty location, cheaper then dinner at any venue. Cons: I don''t know if alcohol would be allowed, hireage would be a big expense, if it rains we''re screwed, a bit of a walk to the bathrooms.

b) Drinks and deserts wedding- hire a classy looking bar (usually only a couple of hundred dollers or a min anount spent on the bar) with a nice outdoor area which would be decorated with alot of candles and fairy lights, serve fingerfoods, cocktails/drinks and deserts (many of which I can make) and have a later at night wedding. Pros: If the weather sucks we can move inside, way cheaper then dinner, we both like cocktail parties and deserts. Cons: Older guests might not "get" a cocktail party wedding, I would worry about how people would get home.

c) Court house wedding- Screw having guests, pay the $165 (which includes the marrige licence) and get married at the fugly little internal affairs offices. Perhaps meet up with familt after for dinner. Pros: It''s cheap and we could spend the money on the honeymoon cons: no guests allowed at the ceremony, no party, no photos, feels like a bit of an anti climax.


Anyone else have plans for the big day yet?

 

[KittyGolightly]

I don''t have my ring yet, but I''ve already bought my dress and started looking at vendors. We really want his grandmother to be able to join us, and she is not doing well health-wise. After talking with his family, we decided that early October would be a good time to have the wedding.

As much as I would like to have more time to save up for and plan the wedding, I know this is the right decision for us. Plus, having a fast-approaching deadline will probably make me obsess a little less over small details. For me, this is a good thing.

Because BF is Chinese, we''ll be having an evening dinner reception at a Chinese restaurant in Brooklyn (not sure which one yet - his parents will decide which one serves the best food). I struggled a bit with the ceremony venue. I considered the Brooklyn Botanical Garden (which is gorgeous and cheap), but unless you are having your reception there, you have to get married between 9 and 10 in the morning. AND, you can''t set up any chairs for the guests (except for the elderly). I also considered Central Park, but I didn''t want guests to have to go all the way up there and back to Brooklyn. It seemed inconvenient. New York has a nice new clerk''s office for weddings, but I just couldn''t do it. At this point, I''m 99% sure we''re going to have the ceremony at a church.

If I were only having 30-40 people, I would look for a romantic restaurant for both the ceremony and reception. When I was looking around, it seemed like a pretty cost-efficient alternative.

I hope you enjoy the planning process though. What city are you getting married in?

 

[stepcutgirl]

I don''t really have any plans yet even though we are getting married in January (ring is being made now, so not even actually engaged) but I just wanted to say that I LOVE your garden idea! It sounds so lovely.

 

[luckynumber]

erm, yes and i''m dreading it.

it''s a logistical nightmare.

i''m having a religious ceremony, a civil ceremony and two receptions in two different countries.

guest list in the hundreds, lots of high society friends of the family expected to attend, anticipated cost of wedding $75k and rising daily.

yes, it is our parents paying, they are planning even before we are officially engaged (ok he has the ring, but still!)...

i''d frankly rather just have a quiet ceremony on the beach, with 10 guests.

no can do. must not bring shame and dishonor on the family.

oh lord

4ever, i LOVE your cocktail party idea, it''s perfect!!! DO IT!

 

[4ever]

Kittygolightly- October is soon! He better hurry up and hand over the ring

. Good luck finding a nice ceramony site, I know what you mean, I''m athetically focused so couldn''t just do the clerks office either. Finding a nice reastrant with a pretty outdoor space for a ceramony is a good alternitive to the cocktail bar idea also depending on how much they want to charge for a dinner or lunch. I hope I enjoy it also, Unfortunatly I have a very obsessive personality so I anticipate stress. We live in Auckland, New Zealand so will most likely be getting married here although BFs family all lives in the UK.

Step cut girl- Thanks, I like the "prettyness" of the garden idea but it would be the most difficult to pull off. I just looked up their website and they have got a new main building and modern looking cafe that overlooks the gardens which they will do a seated reception or cocktails in also. Sounds like everything would add up very quickly tho so I would need to ivestigate.

Lucky number- most people would love that kind of budget but I think, like me, a big weding just isnt you. Bummer. BF likes the cocktail idea too and I could definatly make it a cheap option and it would be one of the easyer ones to pull off.

 

[KittyGolightly]

Luckynumber, the planning sounds like nightmare (eek! two countries!), but I''m sure the wedding will be fantastic.

 

[beezygal]

Date: 4/29/2010 8:03:27 PM
Author: luckynumber
erm, yes and i''m dreading it.

it''s a logistical nightmare.

i''m having a religious ceremony, a civil ceremony and two receptions in two different countries.

guest list in the hundreds, lots of high society friends of the family expected to attend, anticipated cost of wedding $75k and rising daily.

yes, it is our parents paying, they are planning even before we are officially engaged (ok he has the ring, but still!)...

i''d frankly rather just have a quiet ceremony on the beach, with 10 guests.

no can do. must not bring shame and dishonor on the family.

oh lord

4ever, i LOVE your cocktail party idea, it''s perfect!!! DO IT!

we''re also having two receptions in two different countries. Just thinking about that is stressing me out... My bf has a budget of $20k CND for the wedding since we want to buy a condo also... I hope $20k will be ok...

I''m trying not to worry about that ''til I''m actually engaged.. which is.. soon.. hopefully.. :p

 

[Rae~]

We''ve basically picked a date even though we aren''t officially engaged (ie no ring yet) and haven''t even told anyone yet! But we were discussing our timeline and had narrowed it down fairly specifically already, so we just said, well, that''s the day!

I''m not convinced I want a "wedding", so there''s a lot to work out yet, but even if we go with just a celebrant and nothing else, that''s the date. (Assuming, if we DO go a route that needs a venue, that we can get the venue on that day, too!)

So I''ve started looking at options as well, even though I''ve got more than a year to go.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 4/29/2010 7:24:49 PM
Author:4ever

c) Court house wedding- Screw having guests, pay the $165 (which includes the marrige licence) and get married at the fugly little internal affairs offices. Perhaps meet up with familt after for dinner. Pros: It''s cheap and we could spend the money on the honeymoon cons: no guests allowed at the ceremony, no party, no photos, feels like a bit of an anti climax.

Hi 4ever:

I can''t really comment on the rest of your post, since I never wanted a big/traditional/etc. wedding, but we were just married in a courthouse this past Monday .. it is SO completely anti-climatic! So, if in your heart you know you want a wedding of some sort, I would not suggest the courthouse for you!

I do think either one of your other ideas sounds great, I''d probably choose whichever one is more cost effective and convenient for you/your guests.

 

[legallyspoiled]

I''ve started to do wedding research. I am researching vendors to see who I like and how much they cost. I''ve been in touch with one or two. However, I won''t be doing any vendor meetings or making any deposits until the ring is on my finger. However, I have narrowed down my vendor lists for photography, venues, and a florist. I did try to contact a wedding planner that I met and fell in love with. She hasn''t been very responsive. Not sure whether I should give her one more shot, or just dump her. My purpose for getting a planner is so that I won''t be obsessive and stressed during the planning and become a bridezilla. I really want to be a carefree bride. A non-responsive planner is not a good look.

As far as the budget goes, my mother is paying for 1/3 of the cost, my father is paying for 1/3 of the cost, and I will be paying the other 1/3. I''m not expecting my FF to help me because he disagrees with the amount of the budget. He has said that his parents will chip in but that hasn''t been discussed yet. So for now, that is how things break down.

With the amount that my mother and I have agreed on, I have created my budget for the event. The budget is a lot tighter than I would like for it to be. Especially because things like first rate photography, flowers, and a seated dinner are important to me.

I''ve created a password protected blog to store all of my ideas. It also works well because my mother who is out-of-state can log in and see my ideas. In the next week or two, I''m going to create "my binder" complete with pictures and worksheets so that I will be ready to hit the road running.

FF always wanted a short engagement so I always imagined that I would be running around with my head cut off trying to plan a wedding. However, we have decided on April 2011 which gives me just under a year to plan. Hopefully, with all of my pre-planning research and if I do things as suggested, it will be a smooth ride!

 

[RaiKai]

A wedding need not be expensive. I already had my wedding, but I just wanted to state that there are lots of ways to have a very budget friendly wedding. You do not have to buy into the industry-hype and there are ways to even avoid the crazy extra vendor costs. DH and I paid for our wedding entirely ourselves, and planned it within ten weeks - well, really, we planned it in less than two, but it was a ten week engagement.

Ours was under 10K including EVERYTHING (our flights, our room for three nights, rings, dress and accessories, the outfit DH wore (he sewed his own), venue, meals, hair and makeup, pedicures, manicures, facials, massages for DH and I, etc), very low stress and PERFECT for us. We managed to get a mini-holiday of four days out of it since we could not take a honeymoon right away. So we definitely could have spent a lot less too if we cut out a lot of our pampering. About 1/4 of our budget went to spa credits for our guests, which was important for us, but certainly not a necessity! We did not go into any additional debt for it.

It was small and intimate...a little bit quirky...and very us. It definitely was not a traditional wedding which never really fit for me...but it was definitely a marriage ceremony. We eliminated many of the traditional elements (i.e. cakes, formal reception, bridal parties, professional photographers), put some more towards some other things, and it was wonderful.

We had 16 guests. We really had very little in the way of vendors. We held it at a resort, but we got a screaming deal on things. For example, our ceremony room cost us $170 for 8 hours including chairs, tables, audio equipment, etc. The chair covers in the ceremony room cost us about $100 to rent. Our room - a massive corner suite with ocean views 180 degrees around cost us $250 a NIGHT (less than 1/3 of the normal cost) as we went off season. Also, the resort we held it at was still pretty new to the wedding business - though the resort is well established - so they were more than willing to give us some great deals and personal service to build up their marketing in that area. They even had a gift basket for us when we arrived that including lovely blankets, soaps and candles we could take home.

For flowers, I had ordered more but all that showed up was my bouquet. With some ingenuity the staff at the resort went around finding flowers and arrangements elsewhere and brought them into the room. Looked like it was meant to be that way and I saved a lot of money - if I had never ordered them in the first place it would have worked out just as well!

We went to the dining room at the resort after for our meal. They arranged tables for us in a nice square by the fireplace and it looked lovely. That was free. They printed off menus for our guests without prices. That was free. Everyone could order what they wanted. It ended up costing us about $500-600 to feed everyone - including dessert and drinks. We skipped a cake (neither of us really likes cake anyway!) and guests just ate whatever dessert they liked.

I would definitely recommend going to a restaurant for a meal with a small guest list if you really want to do a dinner-thing. It can really save a HUGE amount of money as you are not paying for catering or extra servers....that is all built into the meal. And if it is a nice looking place, no need to decorate - they will set something up in their style that looks lovely!

As many of our guests are amateur photographers we got lots of nice photos (and some not as nice ones) and put them all up on a photo hosting site that we share with our guests and the site gives lots of incentives (like free prints) for those who sign up and regular deals (like discounts on albums) now and then.

My massage therapist had an outdoor wedding at a nearby national park - standing on a beach astride a mountain lake with mountains all around - followed by dinner with their ten or so guests in a local restaurant. Total cost including rings: $800. Twenty years later she says it was perfect for them!

My mother and stepfather recently got married after 25 years together. They held their wedding at home in the living room (it was winter), with just their children and their partners (DH and I watched by Skype as we live a couple provinces away and it was on a Tuesday night!), the cats and my brother's Great Dane. They had a lovely little ceremony - they had a sand ceremony using the sand from all the places they have traveled together over the many years. They ate a homemade dinner before (lemon chicken!), with a couple bottles of wine they already had, and ate homemade pies after. My mum wore the same dress and jacket she wore to my wedding a couple months earlier. It was one of the best weddings I have been too...and I was not even really THERE! Total cost for ceremony: under $350 (plus rings another $800). Planned in two weeks.

One of my coworkers got married on Boxing Day, in the local park, with just her, her husband and an officiant. They asked two people walking by to be witnesses! Then they just went to their family's Boxing Day lunch, told everyone then and it turned into a wedding celebration lunch. Total cost (not including rings): $200 for license and officiant. Planned only a couple days before.

I think my point is...be creative. Do what feels right for you and your FF. There are plenty of ways to have a wonderful wedding ceremony that don't fit into the typical wedding you may see in bridal magazines.

 

[4ever]

Lillyfoot- I''ve never wanted a big traditional wedding either, and nor has BF. It''s just so not us AT ALL but in the same token I want some sort of celebration, just somthing more low key and unconventional. I will reasurch both options properly when the time comes and go with whatever is going to be easyer/less stressful and cheaper. One thing that''s turning me off the garden wedding idea is how easily it could become very very...conventional.

RaiKai- Your wedding sounds like it was alot of fun and nice and layed back. Since it will be local I think I can keep ours under 5k including everything but the honeymoon if I put alot of work into it. In the (likley) event BF''s parents are unable to fly in from the UK BF wants to broudcast Via skype also. Was it hard deviating from the bridal magazine "norm"? I guess I don''t want people constantly questioning why it isn''t a dinner or why I''m not buying a wedding gown or whatever.

 

[PumpkinPie]

4ever- I deviated from the wedding norm too. We were engaged for about 6 weeks, but only told our families 5 weeks into it when my family came to visit us and meet his family for the first time.

Then when we thought about planning a wedding (which I never wanted to do) and who would have to travel where etc. etc. and realised that everyone essential was already in the same place (my parents and sister, his parents and brother/sister-in-law/baby), we decided to just get married 5 days later on the next weekend.

During those 5 days we were on vacation so we got back to our city the day before the wedding, and pulled it off in less than 24 hours (found the official, decided where to have the ceremony bought dresses (my family members did not come prepared for anything but shorts and tshirts ), flowers, cake etc.). We were married by a creek in a provincial park near our house and went to a restaurant afterwards followed by homemade cake compliments of my MIL at our house. It was wonderful and under 500$. We didn''t have professional photographer, but we had tons of photos taken by family members and I don''t regret any of it! My mom and my FIL tied the bouquet (Gerbera daisies from CoOp) with ribbon and luckily my mom brought pearls with her that I borrowed.

I received no flak for it at all - including when I called family members/friends the following day saying "Guess what we did yesterday??" My SIL has described it to others as the most casual and relaxing/fun wedding she''s ever been part of. My mom had a great time - she was half in shock (saying ''I can''t believe we''re doing this'') but loving every moment of it!

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 5/1/2010 3:25:13 AM
Author: 4ever
Lillyfoot- I''ve never wanted a big traditional wedding either, and nor has BF. It''s just so not us AT ALL but in the same token I want some sort of celebration, just somthing more low key and unconventional. I will reasurch both options properly when the time comes and go with whatever is going to be easyer/less stressful and cheaper. One thing that''s turning me off the garden wedding idea is how easily it could become very very...conventional.



RaiKai- Your wedding sounds like it was alot of fun and nice and layed back. Since it will be local I think I can keep ours under 5k including everything but the honeymoon if I put alot of work into it. In the (likley) event BF''s parents are unable to fly in from the UK BF wants to broudcast Via skype also. Was it hard deviating from the bridal magazine ''norm''? I guess I don''t want people constantly questioning why it isn''t a dinner or why I''m not buying a wedding gown or whatever.

It was not hard at all to deviate from the current norm! Everyone was incredibly encouraging and we still hear from guests it was one of the most enjoyable times they have had in a long time.

Honestly the only people who seemed at all taken aback were those who live their lives placing a lot of weight on what others think and are not very happy people to begin with as a result.They have a hard time being comfortable in their own skin and tend to project that outwards.These people are few and far between in our lives so we haf very little issues.

We personally don''t live that way so do not worry about it, nor do we worry much about people projecting their own issues on us. I don''t think we are cold people at all but life is a lot more enjoyable when I let others be responsible for their own feelings and judgments.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 5/1/2010 2:32:08 PM
Author: RaiKai

I don''t think we are cold people at all but life is a lot more enjoyable when I let others be responsible for their own feelings and judgments.

huge ditto RaiKai! You are so my kind of person

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 5/1/2010 2:41:43 PM
Author: Maevie

Date: 5/1/2010 2:32:08 PM

Author: RaiKai



I don''t think we are cold people at all but life is a lot more enjoyable when I let others be responsible for their own feelings and judgments.

huge ditto RaiKai! You are so my kind of person

Thanks! Based on your posts around here, a ditto goes back at you!

 

[merilenda]

I love the garden idea, but I see your point about the possibility of bad weather. I''m not far enough to actually plan, but I would like to have something non-traditional and low key. I''d love to have a small ceremony in a garden or on the beach (granted, we live nowhere near a beach, so it''d have to be a destination wedding for that, and I''m not sure how well that would go over).

I just don''t like traditional weddings. They''re stressful and expensive, and I don''t want that for myself. I think the two nicest weddings I''ve ever been to have been very low key and small. When my FF''s dad married his long-term GF, it was a morning ceremony by the pool with less than 10 guests. Afterwards, we had brunch and cake at a nearby restaurant that was pretty much empty except for us.

One of my friends got married in an outdoor/garden type ceremony with less than 20 people. They had the reception in their backyard following the ceremony. I normally dread weddings, but those two were lovely. That''s the kind of ceremony I''m wanting.

 

[HopeDream]

I haven't done any planning, of dresses, flowers, colour schemes etc. but last summer BF brought up our hypothertical wedding and we basicaly planned out were we wanted to have it (Where we met) and what we would eat, who might come etc.

We probably won't get married until 2012, so I've got lots and lots of time and want to enjoy the planning process.

 

[babycush]

We''ve talked through some of the details, but haven''t acted on any of it yet. Here''s what we''ve got:

1- Date: June 2011, on a Sunday morning (Jewish tradition!)

2- Location: a beautiful hotel in my college town, which is near his family. They do TONS of weddings and can take care of most of the details. I plan on doing as little as possible, so it seems like a good match.

3- Food: Since we are going to have the wedding on a Sunday morning, we are going to do a brunch reception. Both of us share a profound love for breakfast foods, so it seems natural to make that part of our wedding.

4- My dress: I''m going to try to make my dress. I''m pretty good at sewing, and I''ve got a beautiful picture in my head using a white queen sized bed sheet (100% cotton- perfect for summer in the south!) and a beautiful piece of fabric I took off a skirt from India for the waistband. If it turns out looking like crap, I''m going to buy a J. Crew dress. I love how simple and elegant they are!

5- Bridesmaid dresses: wear any black, knee-length dress. I''ll make a matching sash for each of them.

6- Guys'' clothing: wear any black suit they want, and I''ll make each a tie that matches the sashes.

7- Flowers: whatever is in season and local.

8- Stationary: everything from zazzle.com. They have great invitations that don''t look like the boring, typical wedding stuff.

 

[4ever]

Update: Have found THE COOLEST venue EVER for a cocktail party wedding. It's a bar/reastrant in part of a 100 year old ex-industrial building. Think high ceilings, lots of old brick, exposed wooden beams, lots of candle chandeliers and a big balcony strung with lanterns and fairy lights with views of a park in front and the sky tower off to the side. They also do take function bookings for smaller groups (yay!) which is great as many other bars I've looked at have a really large min number of people. BF and I are going to go for a drink and visit this week.

It would be great to have this venue on NewYears eve as well because it would be warm enough in the evening to use the balcony and there is a fireworks display off the skytower at midnight.

Now I really need a job so I can get the ring and start saving and planning!

 

[Daffodil]

We aren''t officially engaged yet, so I haven''t started officially planning anything. However, I keep a long list of great ideas that I''ve come across recently (ceremony sites, dresses I like, color schemes, etc). That way, after we''re engaged, I''ll have a bit of a running start!

 

[luckynumber]

great update!

i have managed to get my parents to agree to a much smaller wedding, YAY!!!

now that SO has the ring, i feel more comfortable starting to plan more seriously.

this is currently one of our (SO and I) venues of choice, and in keeping with the scale of wedding our parents want:

http://www.blenheimpalace.com/hospitality.html



any opinions??

 

[4ever]

Date: 5/11/2010 3:59:58 PM
Author: luckynumber
great update!

i have managed to get my parents to agree to a much smaller wedding, YAY!!!

now that SO has the ring, i feel more comfortable starting to plan more seriously.

this is currently one of our (SO and I) venues of choice, and in keeping with the scale of wedding our parents want:

http://www.blenheimpalace.com/hospitality.html



any opinions??

Yay to a smaller wedding *high five*! ....define smaller?
That venue looks very beautiful and grand, I like it alot.

Lucky number, since you're in the UK you might be the right person to answer this, I was told in the UK you can only get married certain places like churches and castles and places like the venue you linked, not anywhere you want, is that true?

 

[luckynumber]

small wedding means 200 guests!

i like the venue too, we really would like to have the dinner in the conservatory, and the ceremony in the palace itself.

yes, in england, you must get married in a venue that holds a licence for civil weddings, so no you can''t just get married anywhere! you can do so in scotland though.

also, you must get married between the hours of 8am and 6pm.

i did not know that until 2 days ago!!!

 

[KittyGolightly]

Date: 5/10/2010 12:16:57 AM
Author: 4ever
Update: Have found THE COOLEST venue EVER for a cocktail party wedding. It''s a bar/reastrant in part of a 100 year old ex-industrial building. Think high ceilings, lots of old brick, exposed wooden beams, lots of candle chandeliers and a big balcony strung with lanterns and fairy lights with views of a park in front and the sky tower off to the side. They also do take function bookings for smaller groups (yay!) which is great as many other bars I''ve looked at have a really large min number of people. BF and I are going to go for a drink and visit this week.

It would be great to have this venue on NewYears eve as well because it would be warm enough in the evening to use the balcony and there is a fireworks display off the skytower at midnight.

Now I really need a job so I can get the ring and start saving and planning!

This sounds so romantic! Good job on finding such a great venue.

 

[4ever]

Date: 5/11/2010 6:49:24 PM
Author: luckynumber
small wedding means 200 guests!

i like the venue too, we really would like to have the dinner in the conservatory, and the ceremony in the palace itself.

yes, in england, you must get married in a venue that holds a licence for civil weddings, so no you can''t just get married anywhere! you can do so in scotland though.

also, you must get married between the hours of 8am and 6pm.

i did not know that until 2 days ago!!!

200 guests is small?

I wonder why that is, that you have to get married somewhere that has a licence for it. In NZ you can get married where ever the heck you want, on a random moutain, on a beach, in a park, in your back yard as long as you write the location on your marrige licence application.

 

[4ever]

Date: 5/11/2010 7:22:43 PM
Author: KittyGolightly

Date: 5/10/2010 12:16:57 AM
Author: 4ever
Update: Have found THE COOLEST venue EVER for a cocktail party wedding. It''s a bar/reastrant in part of a 100 year old ex-industrial building. Think high ceilings, lots of old brick, exposed wooden beams, lots of candle chandeliers and a big balcony strung with lanterns and fairy lights with views of a park in front and the sky tower off to the side. They also do take function bookings for smaller groups (yay!) which is great as many other bars I''ve looked at have a really large min number of people. BF and I are going to go for a drink and visit this week.

It would be great to have this venue on NewYears eve as well because it would be warm enough in the evening to use the balcony and there is a fireworks display off the skytower at midnight.

Now I really need a job so I can get the ring and start saving and planning!

This sounds so romantic! Good job on finding such a great venue.

Thanks! I''m super excited about seeing it in person- I''ve only seen the outside bits and some photos. We were going to go today but the weather is terrible so I don''t know if I feel like the trip.