Anyone have two cermonies?

[Anonymous]

For a variety of reasons, we''re considering the idea of having two ceremonies - a legal one this June, then a spiritual one with family and friends (on the opposite coast) next June.

I''m curious if anyone else has done this, and if so, would you share some thoughts on it? Would you do it again? Did you regret it (if you''re comfortable being honest about it)? Did you get a lot of grief from family and/or friends? Do you feel like your second ceremony was as special as it would have been if you hadn''t had a previous one?

If needed, I''ll go into the details but there''s nothing dramatic (baby on the way, deployed, etc.). It just would make things a lot easier on us and better for our lives. I should add that FI and I have been together for nearly 3 years, and have lived together since August of 2009. Both of us are definitely at the point in our relationship where we wouldn''t feel rushed into marriage. The only reason we planned it so far out is to allow friends and family to attend, and save money for the wedding.

Thanks!

 

[onedrop]

I'll probably take flack for this, but we actually had three ceremonies, if you can believe that!! I don't think I've ever mentioned it on PS before, but yeah we had 3. We had to do this for a number of reasons among them being DH is originally from another country and the majority of his family would not have been able to see us married, so we did a ceremony there first to be able to celebrate with his family. In addition the marriage ceremony is performed much differently in his country so we have special memories from that. We ended up having a civil ceremony here in the US at some point later and then finally the "real" wedding as we call it. All of these ceremonies occurred in the same year over several months.

So with all of that, do I have regrets? Absolutely not. It was what we needed to do and everyone ended up happy.

Did we get grief for the multiple ceremonies? No. Everyone was aware of the ceremony in DH's country and of the third "real wedding" and they understood why we had two ceremonies. But we kept and continue to keep the civil ceremony between the two of us. We decided to keep it private because that choice was for us to make for reasons that would only directly affect us, and we felt there was no real reason for anyone else to know.

I thought I'd have issues enjoying the last "real" wedding because of the other two ceremonies, but as it turns out I was just as excited (if not more) on the day of our "real" wedding.


I hope posting my experience helps you!

ETA - I think all of our ceremonies were special and very different in their own ways, so I think that is why I feel at peace with our decision to do the multiple ceremonies.

 

[Octavia]

Not two ceremonies, but we will be having a second celebration in DH''s native country this summer. Secular ceremonies are nothing special there, just going to the courthouse, and we aren''t religious, so having another ceremony wouldn''t make sense, but most of his family and old friends couldn''t come to our actual wedding and we wanted to be able to celebrate with them, too. Not sure exactly what is going on now, as his brother has decided to get married this summer either just before or just after we arrive there, and I don''t know whether they will want a celebration all to themselves...but that''s another story.

We know several people who have legally married first and hen had a ceremony later, and nobody has seemed to mind. I would only mind if people made a huge deal out of the first one, and then a huge deal again about the second, and expected something from me both times.

 

[choro72]

onedrop, we had 3 too! tammy, do it! My family was all for it. If our friends were judging us, we don''t know about it. We had 3 different vows, 3 kisses, and 3 ring exchanges. Wouldn''t change it for anything!

 

[yssie]

Not married yet

we''re planning on two ceremonies but they''re both on the same day, does that count? A Hindu one in the morning and a Jewish one in the evening.


Originally I wanted one but the two religions and cultures are so different, and so differently practiced, we found it impossible to combine the elements we wanted into a single ceremony that would flow well. I think this way will please the more conservative family on both sides too - we''re not ''bastardizing'' either religion or culture by trying to mix them (not that I think this, but I''m sure some do.)

 

[onedrop]

Date: 5/25/2010 12:03:46 PM
Author: choro72
onedrop, we had 3 too! tammy, do it! My family was all for it. If our friends were judging us, we don''t know about it. We had 3 different vows, 3 kisses, and 3 ring exchanges. Wouldn''t change it for anything!

Yaaayyy! Good to know I am not the only odd ball out there!

yssie: I have heard of and been an attendee of dual ceremonies on the same day. It''s very common where I live.

 

[Anonymous]

Thank you for all of the replies! FI and I talked about it a bit more last night, and I talked to FMIL (I love that woman, seriously!) about it as well. There''s a lot to it, but I think at this point we''re going to try to wait for the June 2011 date. If something major happens, we still may go with a civil ceremony then the traditional wedding ceremony/spiritual ceremony, but for now we''re ok.

I tend to panic and my mind runs in "what if X terrible thing happens?!?!" circles, and I need to not let that dominate this really wonderful time in our lives. *breathes*

Thanks again though, it''s really nice to see that if we change our minds and go with both, I have examples of times that it''s worked well for others.