Anyone have kids while in college?

[erica k]

I''m working on my dissertation right now and teaching for money/experience. I am due in february and am planning on teaching my small seminar (once a week) in spite of everything. My mom will move in with us for a few months to help with the newborn, and my husband will lighten his course load (working on his masters in architecture), to help out. It''s not ideal, and it''s not what I planned.

There are quite a few women in my program who have had children in grad school (after course work), but none that have taught simultaneously. I know it''s going to be really difficult for me, but at this point, I''m committed to this plan.

I knew two girls who had babies during college, and they were just fine. They graduated on time, with the help of their parents and husbands. I agree that having children while taking classes is difficult because you''re juggling so many tasks, but everyone is different, and it''s all about having a good support network (including professors, family, and friends).

I also decided to go ahead with having a baby during this stage because I''d like a few children, and I''ll be 29 by the time I have my first. That said, in an alternate universe, if I were 35, finished with my PhD, working, and a first-time mom, I probably would think that having a baby during the process and teaching while nursing a newborn should be avoided at all costs.

But, what''s done is done, and if this pregnancy is viable, then I will work it out. If I have to give up my seminar, then that''s ok, too. But, I don''t give up easily, and with my mom''s undivided attention and help, I don''t think I''ll have to.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 6/19/2008 11:20:42 AM
Author: TanDogMom

Date: 6/19/2008 11:11:10 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
oobiecoo, you were talking about stereotypes. There were (well are) for those who got engaged/married young. I personally think everyone and every relationship is different. Only *you* know what is right for you.

Tacori, just curious, what is the stereotype for people who got engaged/married young? I got engaged my senior year and married after graduation (DH is a few years older), and while it was not typical for people at my school, I didn''t feel like I was being judged. Unless I was really oblivious...?? I''m just curious what the stereotype was where you went to school?

It was that people who married young were either rednecks/country bumpkins, low class (socioeconomical class) or really religious, at least where I was. I will be almost 24 when I get married and the first from my high school graduating class to marry. My whole family thinks I am young to be marrying as well and are concerned by that fact.

My FI is from a poor, rural area and more than half of his graduating class was married when we met and he was 20 at the time.

I am not agianst marrying young, although statistically they are less likely to last, but urban and upper class people tend to marry later and poor or rural people tend to marry younger statistically, so there is a class judgement I think.

 

[Independent Gal]

Word to what Cara said. Finishing your education is CRITICALLY important. You never ever want to find yourself in a position where you can''t provide for your family alone if you have to. Any number of things could happen - not just divorce - to put you in that situation. You have a responsibility to yourself and to your future kids NOT to be dependent (and not finishing college means you basically are) and to be 100% ready and able to provide if you have to.

That doesn''t mean you need to work outside the home now, but you should be ABLE to do so, should necessity call.

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 6/19/2008 1:09:11 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy

Date: 6/19/2008 11:20:42 AM

Author: TanDogMom

Date: 6/19/2008 11:11:10 AM

Author: Tacori E-ring

oobiecoo, you were talking about stereotypes. There were (well are) for those who got engaged/married young. I personally think everyone and every relationship is different. Only *you* know what is right for you.

Tacori, just curious, what is the stereotype for people who got engaged/married young? I got engaged my senior year and married after graduation (DH is a few years older), and while it was not typical for people at my school, I didn''t feel like I was being judged. Unless I was really oblivious...?? I''m just curious what the stereotype was where you went to school?

It was that people who married young were either rednecks/country bumpkins, low class (socioeconomical class) or really religious, at least where I was. I will be almost 24 when I get married and the first from my high school graduating class to marry. My whole family thinks I am young to be marrying as well and are concerned by that fact.


My FI is from a poor, rural area and more than half of his graduating class was married when we met and he was 20 at the time.


I am not agianst marrying young, although statistically they are less likely to last, but urban and upper class people tend to marry later and poor or rural people tend to marry younger statistically, so there is a class judgement I think.

Oh, that makes sense. We don''t fit that stereotype at all, so maybe that''s why nobody gave us any grief We were just both very mature, and knew what we wanted early on. It worked out great for us!

To Oobiecoo I would say, you are still very young and have plenty of time for babies. If you don''t finish your degree first it will be SO much harder later. Why not finish school, get started with your career, then start trying for babies?

 

[Rhea]

My friend and her husband just had a kid while in school. They kinda planned the kid to be born around this time because they have more time at home while writing papers and don''t put in a 40 hour work week in the traditional sense. I know someone else who is doing the same thing - she goes to school and her husband works full-time.

Wait, are you talking bachelor''s degree or higher degree? The first couple are both working on masters and the female of the second couple is working on her PhD. I seem to recall that several of my female professors had children while working on their PhDs.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 6/19/2008 2:37:02 PM
Author: TanDogMom

Date: 6/19/2008 1:09:11 PM

Author: brazen_irish_hussy

Date: 6/19/2008 11:20:42 AM


Author: TanDogMom

Date: 6/19/2008 11:11:10 AM


Author: Tacori E-ring


oobiecoo, you were talking about stereotypes. There were (well are) for those who got engaged/married young. I personally think everyone and every relationship is different. Only *you* know what is right for you.

Tacori, just curious, what is the stereotype for people who got engaged/married young? I got engaged my senior year and married after graduation (DH is a few years older), and while it was not typical for people at my school, I didn''t feel like I was being judged. Unless I was really oblivious...?? I''m just curious what the stereotype was where you went to school?

It was that people who married young were either rednecks/country bumpkins, low class (socioeconomical class) or really religious, at least where I was. I will be almost 24 when I get married and the first from my high school graduating class to marry. My whole family thinks I am young to be marrying as well and are concerned by that fact.



My FI is from a poor, rural area and more than half of his graduating class was married when we met and he was 20 at the time.



I am not agianst marrying young, although statistically they are less likely to last, but urban and upper class people tend to marry later and poor or rural people tend to marry younger statistically, so there is a class judgement I think.

Oh, that makes sense. We don''t fit that stereotype at all, so maybe that''s why nobody gave us any grief We were just both very mature, and knew what we wanted early on. It worked out great for us!


To Oobiecoo I would say, you are still very young and have plenty of time for babies. If you don''t finish your degree first it will be SO much harder later. Why not finish school, get started with your career, then start trying for babies?

Exactly BIH! I want to add I did marry my college sweetheart...later...so it isn''t that I think you can''t meet your life partner at a young age. I guess we weren''t in a rush.

 

[oobiecoo]

I do appreciate everyone''s input here. I can''t guarantee that we won''t have children while I''m still in school but we aren''t going to "try" to have them. Maybe closer to the end since I''ll only have 1 or 2 classes my last year and I feel that would be manageable considering the courses and workload.

I don''t feel that the stereotype of engaged couples in college applies to Mr. Oobie and myself. He had already finished his undergraduate degree and I was a "Senior" in college when we got engaged. We had both been financially independent for a while and had other serious relationships before meeting each other and becoming engaged. It wasn''t rushed at all or due to us being "rednecks". I do know of some couples who would fit that though.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 6/19/2008 4:29:04 PM
Author: oobiecoo
I do appreciate everyone''s input here. I can''t guarantee that we won''t have children while I''m still in school but we aren''t going to ''try'' to have them. Maybe closer to the end since I''ll only have 1 or 2 classes my last year and I feel that would be manageable considering the courses and workload.

I don''t feel that the stereotype of engaged couples in college applies to Mr. Oobie and myself. He had already finished his undergraduate degree and I was a ''Senior'' in college when we got engaged. We had both been financially independent for a while and had other serious relationships before meeting each other and becoming engaged. It wasn''t rushed at all or due to us being ''rednecks''. I do know of some couples who would fit that though.

Please don''t take it to mean that was my thought. My lovely aunt who has a PHD married young, although she had kids later and I have known a few lovely people who have. I was just answering why the people I know made that judgement.

 

[Clio]

I had my first two children while I was in graduate school. The first was born a couple of months after I finished my MA, and the second was born as I was finishing up my dissertation research.

For me, grad school was an ideal time to have kids - lots of flexibility, and I still managed to finish up both MA and PhD in 6 years.

I had my third during my first year on the tenure track. That was not as easy, largely because my husband traveled a LOT for work at the time.