Anyone have a pushy former bride in your life?

[fieryred33143]

This isn’t a vent really, just wanting to hear stories from everyone. A coworker of mine is one of these people. I love getting ideas from everyone that has been in my shoes (the planning shoes) but she is pushy!! For example, yesterday we went to lunch together and naturally it was all wedding talk (it was to celebrate my engagement). Everything I said she had an opinion on and a strong one at that:

Me: Well, I really want the list to be about 60 or 75 max
Her: What?! Are you crazy?! You can’t have that many people! What about friend or coworkers. You need to up that guest list!

Me: I was thinking that since it’s a Saturday afternoon, we may not need top shelf liquor and maybe just some signature drinks.
Her: OK are you trying to make your party suck? You need liquor and lots of it. And afternoon wedding? NO one does a wedding in the afternoon!!

Me: After the wedding, we were going to check into the Hard Rock and invite our friends to meet with us to go clubbing and celebrate all night.
Her: You cannot spend your first night as a married woman clubbing with friends. That’s a stupid idea.

LMAO. I don’t pay her any mind because at the end of the day, she’s not paying for my wedding

.
Anyone else have these very “helpful”

brides in their lives?

 

[cbs102]

ugh.. is she a good friend of yours??? i have had that happen to me a little... we are planning to get married in Jamaica next April but people are already putting their .02 . it is frustrating because it is YOUR wedding and you can do it however you want... i simply say that this is how i want to do it and thats that... sorry if you feel differently...

good luck!! in the end this is your day and you deserve to do what ever is best for you too

 

[geckodani]

Oy! People are amazing sometimes with what they think is appropriate. Good for you for just shrugging it off, LOL.

ETA: We got a lot of crap from people for doing a destination wedding, but ultimately it was like: Look, this is my wedding, this is the way I want to do it, and if you don't want to come, that's fine with me, LOL.

 

[Mediterranean]

Oh, wow, yeah...I''m going through that too! You know what? Are ALL the people who do that to you from here? Because I have friends in other cities who tactfully offer advice based on their experience planning (they will say something like "I was thinking of doing that when I got married, but I discovered that XXXXX can happen when you do that, so to avoid the issue, I did XXXXX. Just some food for thought...")

..but when I tell my friends from HERE about an unconventional idea I have (or, heck, just an idea that differs from the way THEY did it) I get the whole "WHHHHAAAAT??? Oh, girl, no!!!!" thing. Miamians are prone to drama? Much? LOL!!

For instance, I finally decided on a venue and a date, and I''d like to get married on the beach (since the hotel we chose is right on the sand) and someone gave me SUUUUCH the time about it!!! She was all like "Oh, no! Don''t do THAT, What if it rains? What will you wear for SHOES? OMG, you CAN''T just get married BAREFOOT in THAT DRESS!!!" You would think I was forcing the girl to eat a tarantula, judging by her reaction!!!

It''s gotta be a geographic thing!

 

[fieryred33143]

Nope not a friend at all. She''s one of my former directors. She''s a cool lady just very, very outspoken. She has a rep for just speaking out like that so as soon as I got back to my desk, I told my other coworker (who is a friend) and we were laughing because she''s crazy like that.

If it were up to her, she would plan my wedding for me for a pricetag of $100,000 minimum.

 

[cbs102]

Date: 8/14/2008 1:21:02 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Nope not a friend at all. She''s one of my former directors. She''s a cool lady just very, very outspoken. She has a rep for just speaking out like that so as soon as I got back to my desk, I told my other coworker (who is a friend) and we were laughing because she''s crazy like that.

If it were up to her, she would plan my wedding for me for a pricetag of $100,000 minimum.

well if she wants to pay for it... then by all means! hahah

 

[StarbuttsKoffee]

is she married? or single? Just wonder.....

not trying to be mean to be single females, but the reasons might be she/they don''t know how stressful on wedding planning and expenses estimation....

that happened to me sometimes too, people are quite demanding nowadays attending weddings... what i mean by that is, bm expecting expensive gifts.... moh expecting you giving her a dress from the same designer of your wedding gown

.... guests put personal opinions (negative ones of course) on whatever you choose (menu, location and style of venue, officiant.... even your photographer and decor choices...or your ring setting)... most of the time i just shrug and go, "sure, you will have that when it is your wedding haha" in a jokingly way...

 

[doodle]

fiery, the quoted convo in your OP reminded me so much of my friend, D! she''s one of my bridesmaids, and i love her dearly because she''s an amazing friend, but MAN is she outspoken! i just dish it back to her--it''s part of why we''re so close, haha! case in point:

D: so what are all of us bridesmaids wearing?
Me: pick whatever dress you want at DB in cornflower and whatever shoes you want in silver.
D: don''t you think silver shoes will look tacky?
Me: of course i do. i''m aiming for tacky faaaabulous as my wedding theme
D: couldn''t we just wear shoes dyed to match the cornflower dresses?
Me: D, if that''s what you want to do, go for it. honestly, i don''t care if you wear @$$less chaps and have your butt tattooed in cornflower blue.
D: hmm...would the chaps have to be cornflower colored leather?
Me: of course.
D: that''s tackier than the shoes. guess i''ll just buy silver ones and shut up!

this is our usual way of communicating with each other, haha!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Opinions are like ***holes...everyone has one!

 

[gtn]

That sounds like my mom and my aunt. It gets tired, fast.

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 8/14/2008 1:40:50 PM
Author: doodle
fiery, the quoted convo in your OP reminded me so much of my friend, D! she''s one of my bridesmaids, and i love her dearly because she''s an amazing friend, but MAN is she outspoken! i just dish it back to her--it''s part of why we''re so close, haha! case in point:

D: so what are all of us bridesmaids wearing?
Me: pick whatever dress you want at DB in cornflower and whatever shoes you want in silver.
D: don''t you think silver shoes will look tacky?
Me: of course i do. i''m aiming for tacky faaaabulous as my wedding theme
D: couldn''t we just wear shoes dyed to match the cornflower dresses?
Me: D, if that''s what you want to do, go for it. honestly, i don''t care if you wear @$$less chaps and have your butt tattooed in cornflower blue.
D: hmm...would the chaps have to be cornflower colored leather?
Me: of course.
D: that''s tackier than the shoes. guess i''ll just buy silver ones and shut up!

this is our usual way of communicating with each other, haha!

Doodle you''re so funny. That''s great.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 8/14/2008 12:49:19 PM
Author:fieryred33143

This isn’t a vent really, just wanting to hear stories from everyone. A coworker of mine is one of these people. I love getting ideas from everyone that has been in my shoes (the planning shoes) but she is pushy!! For example, yesterday we went to lunch together and naturally it was all wedding talk (it was to celebrate my engagement). Everything I said she had an opinion on and a strong one at that:

Me: Well, I really want the list to be about 60 or 75 max
Her: What?! Are you crazy?! You can’t have that many people! What about friend or coworkers. You need to up that guest list!

Me: I was thinking that since it’s a Saturday afternoon, we may not need top shelf liquor and maybe just some signature drinks.
Her: OK are you trying to make your party suck? You need liquor and lots of it. And afternoon wedding? NO one does a wedding in the afternoon!!

Me: After the wedding, we were going to check into the Hard Rock and invite our friends to meet with us to go clubbing and celebrate all night.
Her: You cannot spend your first night as a married woman clubbing with friends. That’s a stupid idea.

LMAO. I don’t pay her any mind because at the end of the day, she’s not paying for my wedding

.

Anyone else have these very “helpful”

brides in their lives?

I have to laugh, only because each one of your ideas, i want to do too (except for the hard rock thing, but i still would want to party). that lady is a bridezilla... for.ev.er.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Nope...you certainly are not the only one.

I get a full range of "help" from people telling me I don't need to be looking into certain vendors so soon to others telling me I do need to be looking into vendors now..right now...and if I wait any longer I just may miss booking someone. Then I get people who tell me wanting to spend money on a really different wedding cake is ridiculous followed by this look

and then there are others who will

at every idea I toss on the table.

In a short period of time I've decided it is our day, we'll do what we want to do. Everyone else can give all the advice and suggestions they want and I will certainly take them all to heart but outright criticism - that can be left behind!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Sounds like two grandma''s I know who are very opinionated..things we say are followed by either.."you don''t need to do that.." "you don''t want to do that.." or "you want to do so and so.." apparently they are the ones who know what we want.

Haha gotta love them though at least they''re trying to help, right?

Hehe. I think you''re handling it fine by just blowing it off.

 

[oobiecoo]

I have a pushy non-bride in my life! She doesn''t know what planning a wedding costs or how much work it takes... she always says she is going to make her daddy pay for hers and hire a wedding planner for her. This is my *sorta* best friend.
She told me I needed to make extra room to invite 3 of our middle school/high school friends. I''m not very close to them anymore and only hang out or talk to them if I''m with my best friend and we all go out together. It''s not that I DIDNT want them there... I just didn''t feel close enough to them to want to pay for 3 more people.
This same friend blasted me for not serving beer at our wedding. I told her we really just wanted wine and champagne for the toast and that most people should be ok with that. She said she doesn''t like wine and only drinks beer... sorry honey but its OUR wedding and WE are paying for the alcohol! S
he also acted shocked that we were only doing one chocolate in a cute box for our favors. She said her step-mom was appalled at how cheap wedding favors had gotten these days and that in her day they used to give a wine glass with the married couple''s name and date on it. I''m sorry but I personally wouldn''t want a wine glass with someone else''s name on it sitting in my cabinet... so why would I give those out? Some people may like them and want to give them as favors but telling me how cheap my favors are won''t make me want to go buy wine glasses.
The step-mom also gave me evil eye-rolling types of looks when she asked why I wore colored (green) shoes instead of white with my dress. *sigh*

 

[WishfulThinking]

Wow, reading this thread is almost cringeworthy. I know a lot of the people cited here probably aren''t *trying* to be terribly rude, but they definitely are! I can''t imagine saying something like that to someone.

I haven''t experienced anyone too pushy. Instead, I encounter a lot of general apathy because of my TINY budget. People often make some remark about how sorry they are for me that I don''t have much to work with, or say how glad they were to not have had such a small budget.

I think that''s a terribly rude thing to say. It''s even worse because while having a small budget is very headache-inducing at times, I am BEYOND thankful for the contributions my parents are making to our wedding. They are not the best off financially, and for them to scrape together money to make our wedding day beautiful and special means far more to me than I could adequately describe. I feel lucky, and I feel like that is totally undermined by all of the pity people feel for me. It''s so different from the way I think about my own situation, and it gets really old after awhile to hear people go on about it.

 

[mimzy]

haha, oh yes.

i have a cousin who i love dearly and am close with, but she has NO filter and a rather high opinion of her personal taste. when i was trying on dresses i showed her a picture of a dress in a very very pale gold color that i really liked and she went on for a good three full minutes about how stupid and ridiculous and "retarded" it was that they would make a wedding dress in that color and how it would be the stupidest thing i could do to choose that color, and this was AFTER i told her that i was really considering it because i thought it was so pretty. i think a LOT of people told her that her wedding was just the greatest and ever since then she just hasn''t had a nice thing to say about ANYONE''s wedding with the exception of her sisters (and even then she was still very judgemental).

i think that people just have their ideas about what a wedding should be based on their experiences and don''t really stop to think that others may not have the same opinion. like others i doubt that people are TRYING to be rude or demean someone.... they just aren''t being very conscientious.

 

[basil]

I keep thinking that the thread title is "Anyone have a pushy bride in your former life?"

 

[princesss]

Date: 8/14/2008 8:14:22 PM
Author: WishfulThinking
Wow, reading this thread is almost cringeworthy. I know a lot of the people cited here probably aren't *trying* to be terribly rude, but they definitely are! I can't imagine saying something like that to someone.

I haven't experienced anyone too pushy. Instead, I encounter a lot of general apathy because of my TINY budget. People often make some remark about how sorry they are for me that I don't have much to work with, or say how glad they were to not have had such a small budget.

I think that's a terribly rude thing to say. It's even worse because while having a small budget is very headache-inducing at times, I am BEYOND thankful for the contributions my parents are making to our wedding. They are not the best off financially, and for them to scrape together money to make our wedding day beautiful and special means far more to me than I could adequately describe. I feel lucky, and I feel like that is totally undermined by all of the pity people feel for me. It's so different from the way I think about my own situation, and it gets really old after awhile to hear people go on about it.

Wishful, seriously??? I can't believe people would pity you for having a WEDDING! Who cares what the budget is, that's hardly the important part. Ugh. People stink sometimes.

ETA: BF says that you ought to tell them you're accepting donations. If they're rude enough to talk about your budget, they can handle a snarky comeback.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 8/14/2008 9:52:16 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 8/14/2008 8:14:22 PM

Author: WishfulThinking

Wow, reading this thread is almost cringeworthy. I know a lot of the people cited here probably aren''t *trying* to be terribly rude, but they definitely are! I can''t imagine saying something like that to someone.

I haven''t experienced anyone too pushy. Instead, I encounter a lot of general apathy because of my TINY budget. People often make some remark about how sorry they are for me that I don''t have much to work with, or say how glad they were to not have had such a small budget.

I think that''s a terribly rude thing to say. It''s even worse because while having a small budget is very headache-inducing at times, I am BEYOND thankful for the contributions my parents are making to our wedding. They are not the best off financially, and for them to scrape together money to make our wedding day beautiful and special means far more to me than I could adequately describe. I feel lucky, and I feel like that is totally undermined by all of the pity people feel for me. It''s so different from the way I think about my own situation, and it gets really old after awhile to hear people go on about it.

Wishful, seriously??? I can''t believe people would pity you for having a WEDDING! Who cares what the budget is, that''s hardly the important part. Ugh. People stink sometimes.


ETA: BF says that you ought to tell them you''re accepting donations. If they''re rude enough to talk about your budget, they can handle a snarky comeback.

Yeah... so often when I talk to people I wonder if they can actually hear themselves and how stupid they sound. It really is unbelievable.

Your response to it suggested by your BF is SO hilarious! I really might have to use it if I encounter anymore unfortunately clueless people. I am alll about the snark.