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Anyone experiencing jewelry buying guilt?

jaysonsmom

jaysonsmom

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2004
Messages
4,950
I'm having a hard time getting pulling the trigger on my 20th anniversary bling upgrade project. Besides the obvious Covid-19 pandemic, and social injustice & unrest, widespread poverty and loss of jobs for many, there are also personal factors such as my daughter turning 16 and needing a car and my son starting his first year of college (tuition, room and board) for us to cover.

Although dh and I have been fortunate and have been gainfully employed for most of our adult lives, been frugal with frivolous spending, and can afford my upgrade despite all of the other expenditures for our kids this year, I'm thinking of postponing my upgrade until my 25th wedding anniversary.

Have any of you had the same experience? Would you mind sharing your story and outcome?
 
I would get the upgrade. As you said you can afford it and circumstances may change in 5 years so if you can do it now, go for it.
Personally I’ve never felt guilty. We work hard for our money and I don’t regularly upgrade my diamond, so when I did upgrade for my 25th anniversary, I had no guilt at all.
We all have bills and expenses that can justify not getting an upgrade- I personally have four kids and two of them I am paying school tuition for (my daughter’s high school tuition is over $30k a year and the other one is in college).
But if I really want something and I’ve been waiting 10 years to get it, then I would definitely get it!
 
I'm not in your position, but you've stated you can afford the upgrade and family obligations, and have a cushion, then I say go for it, with joy! But if you'll be feeling uncertain or guilty then wait. 20 years is such an accomplishment and I think highly worthy of guilt free bling!
 
If it’s only a matter of guilt because of the state of the world, then do something nice to help assuage your feelings. Maybe make a bigger donation than usual to your charity. Or look at your upgrade as you helping to support your vendor’s business and whom they employ. You are stimulating the economy! Life is too short to carry the world of your weight on your shoulders! Treat yourself when you can and while you can still enjoy the fruits of your labor.
 
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Never!
 
I am back to the drawing iPad on two projects - unapologetically/without guilt. Our bills are paid, family needs/responsibilities are met, and we contribute to retirement & savings accts regularly.

Separate your feelings - is the "guilt" or concern for your household or others/‘society’? If it’s your household, maybe further explore ‘why’ before you splurge. But if it’s for others/society or situations you didn’t create/cannot control, I’d move forward. We believe donating/helping others is kind & admirable, but also believe no one is obligated to do so nor should they be "guilted" or "shamed" about situations to the extent they suppress their own happiness.

Life is short - buy the bling. You’re contributing to the economy and livelihoods of many who also benefit by your purchases. :wavey:
 
If you love it and can afford it get it. Life is hard. Life is short. Enjoy the good. It really makes a difference especially when life is challenging. Enjoy it without guilt.

You want my story. Here it is.
I saw Bubbalah but it took me two years to finally pull the trigger. And I almost lost her. I was in love with her from the get go but agonized over the money. In that time she sold and I thought of her every week. But luckily it was meant to be and she found her way back to me. Where she belongs.

It was wasted angst on my part and I’m glad it didn’t ultimately cost me Bubbalah.

I know we’re all different but if you have the funds and if it’s not a hardship and you will enjoy and wear and love the piece I say go for it. Seize the day. Or rather the bling.
BB1AC91A-922E-43E9-B7E9-AD9877B0E2BD.jpeg
 
Other purchases, yes; jewellery, no!

DK :lol-2:
 
The pandemic and people out of work is a factor in favor of the bling spending. My jewellers have been grateful they have enough work to get by.

I think your worrying about the kids' college fund is a mark of a very Asian mentality. I personally think that Asians, unless they major in business or accounting, tend to be late to mature financially because mommy and daddy pay for everything until you get your first job, unless they're not financially well enough to help you. Speaking from personal experience, my brother was always very lax with his spending and a bit willy-nilly about college (switching majors and schools) because he never had to pay a dime when he gave up 3 quarters into a tech degree at an out-of-state private university to start over in California with a non-tech major.

It's legitimate to be concerned about the kids' college expenses, but you won't know exactly how much it'll cost or if there'll be today's and turns. I wouldn't worry too much, since you can't plan for everything, and there's no need to feel guilt whatsoever for spending your own hard-earned money in a way that gives you joy.
 
Get over the guilt--sounds like you can easily afford it.
Celebrate 20 years--that is a big accomplishment!

I feel your pain though. It is hard for me to spend on myself-lol.
 
HI:

I believe the world will continue to toss and turn; somedays will be better than others. But guilt will not add value anywhere and wanting things is not bad or wrong or useless nor does it cancel others success.

Live the life you want.

cheers--Sharon
 
I don't do guilt.
I avoiding guilt by not doing what I feel is wrong.
 
I realize that I never shared my experience—which you asked us to do. So here goes. I didn’t not buy my dd a car when she turned 16–although it could have made
Our lives easier and I could afford it—I enjoyed driving her around and spendIng time with her bc she was always so busy otherwise. I’m blessed bc she had 4 Parents and we all juggled and appreciated it bc of the quality time. I put her through college to an extend. I asked her to pay for her personal expenses beginning her sophomore year. Her freshmen year I had her take out a loan and told her I would pay it off if she got straight A’s— and she did. So her sophomore year I told her she was responsible for her food, books and spending money when she moved from the dorms to an apartment. She managed it with no problem bc she worked summers and during the school year. Finally, after her internship last summer, she paid for her tuition. All the while I kept buying bling guilt-free bc I was helping my daughter to develop into a financially responsible young adult! So again—splurge on your life! I’m sure your kids will never resent you for it.
 
I am kinda in the same boat as you. It is our 15th wedding anniversary and I have been saving since November for the bling. In addition to taking on 3 extra projects so that I can earn more money not just for the bling but also for the savings and college accounts for our 2 children. This is in addition to working overtime and teaching over the summer! Still, I have a guilt for spending it during these difficult times. I thought about waiting until next summer to splurge but then I thought about inflation and what if diamond prices surge next year? What I could afford this year, perhaps I can’t afford next year. So I say screw it, I’m going for the bling! See how wise I am? I am trying to save money (I am being sarcastic)
 
Haha, I always feel guilty about buying jewelry simply because I'm the only one enjoying it--for now. My girls will get whatever I have. Yet I always feel like I'm being selfish, and it's not just about big ticket items either. It's just a known stage for me, and I do get over it.
 
I think the guilt is self imposed, and predominantly associated with inability to get anything for myself. We set up college accounts for our kids since they were babies, so my sons college tuition etc are not an issue (I also made him get a job) and I have set aside money for my daughter’s car for the last 2 years so it is not a familial hardship.

As for the greater needs of others due to the pandemic I have been doubling my normal contributions through church and city run food banks, as well as helping out friends and family in need. I honestly don’t know why I feel this guilt, perhaps is due to what @lyra said, I would be the only one enjoying my new bling. If I spent the money on an RV or vacation cabin (dh’s wants and something everyone would enjoy) I would probably wouldn’t have this spending guilt.
 
Just do it, it’s helping the economy and giving someone a job. Who knows where the prices will be in 5 years.
 
jaysonsmom said:
I think the guilt is self imposed, and predominantly associated with inability to get anything for myself. We set up college accounts for our kids since they were babies, so my sons college tuition etc are not an issue (I also made him get a job) and I have set aside money for my daughter’s car for the last 2 years so it is not a familial hardship.

As for the greater needs of others due to the pandemic I have been doubling my normal contributions through church and city run food banks, as well as helping out friends and family in need. I honestly don’t know why I feel this guilt, perhaps is due to what @lyra said, I would be the only one enjoying my new bling. If I spent the money on an RV or vacation cabin (dh’s wants and something everyone would enjoy) I would probably wouldn’t have this spending guilt.
Click to expand...

Maybe the notion that “happy mom = happy kids” would help? Part of your job as a parent is to show your kids what self love and self care looks like. Sometimes that means planning for and buying things that you would like to have! Treat yo self!
My mom is a very caring wonderful person, but she is also a martyr, and it does not bring her happiness. And it does not bring ME happiness to see her deny herself. So if you can 100% afford it, I think you need to give yourself permission to feel ok about this. Would you want your kids to feel as conflicted as you do, if they were in your shoes? Do you get a gold star for denying yourself things you want?

Maybe I’m extrapolating too much. But if you’ve saved to get to where you are now, and you can still meet your future goals if you go for this bling, I see absolutely no reason not to do it.

That being said, I haven’t gone anywhere since mid-March so I have really changed my own bling plans. Staying at home and reassessing my values has forced me to re-evaluate some things. For this reason I am strongly considering putting my bling projects on hold- for how long, I do not know. If you’re experiencing a similar shift in values, that’s a whole ‘nother story :)

Best wishes to you, whatever you decide! And I think maybe we could do with some inspiration pics to better help you make your decision? ;-)
 
Don't do something if you'll feel guilty. That generally leads to regret and I don't think you want to feel that way when you think about your 20th bling upgrade.
But also explore why you are feeling guilty...from what you posted I don't see a lot to justify it. Maybe you need a little more time. Is your DH involved with the decision since it's marking an anniversary? Would that help assuage the guilt?
Like a few others here, I try to avoid guilt. I also try to avoid regret. Will you regret waiting?
I would also say while the 5's and 10's are milestone anniversaries for most there's nothing wrong upgrading in an off year if you'll feel better about it then.
 
I dont feel guilty over jewelry heck I havent bought for quite some time..however I did buy a newer SUV a 2016 Lexus and for some reason like you I feel guilty about it...I didnt need a newer one I wanted it...that makes me feel guilty, me and hubby have worked all along so our income never changed...but it just seems so in wrong with all that is going on...however I did it anyway and I dont regret it...
 
Many of us have moms that were hardworking, frugal women who never treated themselves. I understand that many cultures pride themselves on that sort of self-sacrifice but I also think that women need to treat ourselves better. My mom deserves buckets of diamonds and your kids probably feel the same about you!
 
Perhaps you are not feeling that excited about the purchase anymore? That would be OK, too.
 
Revisiting this thread.

My mom always sacrificed for us as you probably do for your kids. My mom went to work full time after my sister (the youngest) went to college so my mom could help pay for our education since my dad didn't make enough for all our expenses plus college (at that time early 80s my sister and I were at Barnard/Columbia where cost was 25k per year including room and board for each of us). Our parents always put us first. Rightly or wrongly as I am not debating that issue now. They wanted to pay for our entire education. I have my own thoughts about that perhaps for another thread.

All this to say self sacrificing moms who give their all to their kids deserve joy too that is separate from their kids well being. You are not sacrificing their well being if you get this upgrade and in fact a happy mom equals happy family IMO. So if you are still on the fence I share this to say get the bling. Wear the bling. Enjoy the bling (if you want the bling). If you are happy and content your kids and dh will be happier too. That is a fact.
 
Being married for 20 years is plenty reason enough to upgrade! You sound very sensible as far as money is concerned, you can afford it, so why not? Don’t feel guilt, as others have said, you’re helping the economy when it really needs it, and you could look at it this way, you’re investing in the future, because one day it’ll be an heirloom that you’ll pass on. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it :mrgreen:
 
Thank you for all your responses everyone! An update, our 20th anniversary is at the end of September, and my husband FINALLY asked me yesterday, if I started looking at or started gathering ideas for my upgrade, because it is about 3 months out. In my heart I was waiting to hear the go-ahead from him, because this is jewelry piece that celebrates a joint event, and I wanted his involvement, to know that he is okay with me spending on something that only makes ME happy.
We agreed early on in our marriage that I could upgrade at significant anniversaries, I wanted to make sure he is still on board despite the big expenses for our teens. He actually asked to see my ideas and I showed him last night. My original ering was a 0.81ct rb, my 10 year upgrade was a 1.81ct rb.....so you guessed it, I would like to upgrade to 2.81ct for my 20th wedding anniversary. I don’t know if I want another rb. Fancy cuts start looking incredible at this size, and so to old cuts because you can really see the faceting. So that is all I’m saying right now :) stay tuned!
 
Happy hunting!
 
Guilt is the most useless feeling.

I don’t do guilt, I try to act ethical. Otherwise just make something right.

Guilt over bling or because the world is going through such bad times? No way!

I want to feed positivity, not negativity. The world and we need more positivity and endorphins now more than ever. The economy needs this too. People need it throughout the chain.

You really deserves this and your DH agrees.It does bring a smile on my face. See? You just did something positive. I am very happy for you guys!
 
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