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Anyone ever had to call re: guest write-in on response card?

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Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Aug 8, 2005
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40,198
I had to call people. It sucked. How they acted really just depended on their expectations. Most were nice and understood when we put it the right way. Key is to not make them sound like idiots and get them defensive.

Personally we only invited one person 'and guest' in the end. Anyone we would have allowed an 'and guest' to we called and asked in advance if they were going to bring someone, and if so who that person would be so we could address the invitations correctly. The only people we would have allowed to bring a guest we didnt' know were close family members so it was easy. The one person we did invite and guest I invited didn't RSVP till the day BEFORE the wedding, despite my numerous attempts at follow up (and my giving the caterer a YES for them cause I didn't want to run out of food!) and then apologized for not being able to make it (nice), and never sent a card. I don't call them anymore, or write. Or anything. Just plain rude.

Ahh... good times. Glad they are over.
 

zoebartlett

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Dec 29, 2006
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12,450
Hi KTF!

One of my friends wrote in a guy''s name on her reply card, although the invitation was only for her and not "and guest." We also had a couple other guests ask if they could invite others as well (1 brought a niece and 1 brought her sister), even though they were already bringing their spouses. My mom and I didn''t have the heart (guts) to say no to these requests, so in the end, we had a few more guests than we wanted. It annoyed me but to be honest, I didn''t really notice it during the reception. I said hi and welcome, but that''s about it.

So, that was a much longer answer than I had anticipated giving. If I had the guts to call, I would, and I''d definitely call if it was a space issue (which yours is).
 

hawaiianorangetree

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 17, 2009
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2,692
Hmm, these situations can be tricky... and i have been thinking about how i am going to handle this one as well! I think i have decided that I will be putting everyones individual names on the invites and if i am not sure of the name of someones plus one i will find it out beforehand, just so i can avoid having things like ''plus one'' and ''guest'', as this could cause confusion as to why some people have ''and guest'' on their invite and some people don''t.

Also i feel that if you say ''and guest'' that means they can bring anyone with them, but if you name a person then they are limited to bringing that person, and this may help with your numbers situation.

I also don''t like the idea of strangers coming to my wedding and by putting the individual names on the invites i can control that a little!
 

teapot

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 5, 2009
Messages
165
I made a point to speak all the folks who would not be allowed a guest before they received the invitation and that helped a lot. We also put the name(s) of the people on the response cards so we didn''t get people filling in names.
 

Keepingthefaith21

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 17, 2007
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1,531
Thanks ladies! Most of our friends know they will not be getting an "and guest" option. Those that are allowed a guest, I will be calling them between the STD packages going out and when we need to get our address list over to our friend for printing - at that point I will be asking for the names of their dates so none of these g/f and b/f''s feel like I didn''t take the time to find out who they are.

I''m just worried some of my friends won''t understand that an invite in just your name means only you are invited. I have been spreading the word that we are limited so hopefully that helps.

I suppose when it comes up then I will deal with it. No use worrying about it now - I will only drive myself mad!
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
Date: 4/3/2009 5:58:39 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
Thanks ladies! Most of our friends know they will not be getting an ''and guest'' option. Those that are allowed a guest, I will be calling them between the STD packages going out and when we need to get our address list over to our friend for printing - at that point I will be asking for the names of their dates so none of these g/f and b/f''s feel like I didn''t take the time to find out who they are.

I''m just worried some of my friends won''t understand that an invite in just your name means only you are invited. I have been spreading the word that we are limited so hopefully that helps.

I suppose when it comes up then I will deal with it. No use worrying about it now - I will only drive myself mad!
I''ve been worrying about this a lot, too, even though I haven''t sent out invites yet! (Just Save the Dates.) My fiance thinks I''m crazy, but already a friend of mine didn''t get that he didn''t get to bring a guest! My twin sister had to convince him that you don''t get a guest unless you are specifically invited with their name or an "and guest." And he doesn''t even have a girlfriend so I''m not sure who he thought his guest would be!

I''m getting irritated just thinking about it, but I WILL call people up and tell them that they and only they are invited. I''m going to mention it "in passing" to the people I work with about how I''m just going to sit them all together since I couldn''t invite them with guests, and I told my fiance to do the same. I just figure that if he doesn''t mention it "in passing" to his friends, he''s going to be the one who has to call them and tell them no guests, so it''s his problem!
 

Octavia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
2,660
I''ve only sent out save-the-dates and I''m ALREADY dealing with this. My aunt and uncle have apparently taken it upon themselves to invite my cousins (their children) even though the s-t-d was very clearly addressed to "Aunt and Uncle" and their kids are in their 20s and would have gotten their own if they were invited. One of my cousins may have already booked flights, too. Luckily my mom is dealing with it for me.

I''m afraid it will only get worse...but I''m hoping to deal with as much as possible now, rather than later. BLECH. Good luck to you, keepingthefaith! It will be okay in the end
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Date: 4/3/2009 7:20:51 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Hmm, these situations can be tricky... and i have been thinking about how i am going to handle this one as well! I think i have decided that I will be putting everyones individual names on the invites and if i am not sure of the name of someones plus one i will find it out beforehand, just so i can avoid having things like ''plus one'' and ''guest'', as this could cause confusion as to why some people have ''and guest'' on their invite and some people don''t.

Also i feel that if you say ''and guest'' that means they can bring anyone with them, but if you name a person then they are limited to bringing that person, and this may help with your numbers situation.

I also don''t like the idea of strangers coming to my wedding and by putting the individual names on the invites i can control that a little!
This is what we did. I would never write "and guest" on a wedding invitation; we sent a separate invite to all significant others if they didn''t live together, and we put their actual names on the outer and inner envelopes if they did. (And writing "and guest" certainly isn''t the old fashioned thing to do!)

If people end up adding uninvited guests onto the response cards you can easily call them and say "We just got your response card, and we are so excited that you''ll be joining us on our wedding day. I wish we could accommodate your guest, but we simply can''t. But don''t worry, so-and-so and you-know-who will be there, too, so you''ll have plenty of great people to talk to."

I''ve read threads on here from brides who had guests who wrote people in, and then told the bride or groom that they really wanted to bring their guest because they wouldn''t know anyone else at the wedding. Seriously? Your guests are attending to see *you* get married, and to share in that celebration with you. If they know they aren''t good socially, you can be sure to introduce them to someone interesting at the reception.
 
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