Anyone else stressed about guest list?

[nclrgirl]

Ok. I''ve been a pretty laid back bride, compared to my friends/family members whose weddings I''ve been behind the scenes of, but has anyone else experienced anxiety about the guest list. My FMIL originally had a 25 person guest list (out of our originally intended 150 invited). But when she sent addresses, it had grown to 50! Disclaimer: I had talked to her beforehand and told her that we wanted her to be comfortable and she should not leave people out if it would cause bad feelings. I guess I had envisioned a primarily family with a few close friends wedding. When I was addressing invites this weekend, I realized that I will probably not know more that half of the people at my wedding if all of the invited people come!

I know that not everyone will be able to make it. It just made me feel uncomfortable. I''m not sure why. I''m not here to complain. I''m very happy that FMIL will be happy and with her friends on our wedding day. I guess I''m just wondering...has anyone else felt this way, or am I crazy!?

Thank you all so much for reading!

 

[choro72]

We had a similar thing happen. I asked FI how many people his parents will invite. He said "probably 15 at the most...". He asked them later on, and his parents came back with 50

. FI''s response was "Ma...Who the h*** are these people!!!??".

I have to say, I''m not that uncomfortable though. They agreed to pay for these extra people, so we''re not breaking our bank. A lot of them probably won''t come, and if they do we''ll introduce ourselves and keep dancing!

 

[Sabine]

Our original guest list was about 120. We ended up inviting about 200 people, and we''re having a total of 170 come. I totally went through what you went through, since it was FI''s family that kept adding to our guest list. He does have a large family, but his parents also really felt the need to invite some of their friends whose children''s weddings they had attended. I was really upset about this at first, because not only do I not know these people, even FI hasn''t seen most of them since he was little. But in the end it was just easier to keep them happy,, and I figure if these people care enough about FI''s parents to want to come celebrate with us, then the more the merrier!

 

[musey]

Date: 6/16/2008 12:22:21 AM
Author:nclrgirl

Anyone else stressed about guest list?

Ohhhh yes. I get the feeling that it''s very common. It seems to most often be the FMIL, as well

We said "family extended to first cousins." In FI''s case, this is more complicated, as his father was adopted at recently ''found'' his biological family. FI''s father has not met half of them, but FMIL felt it was important to invite ALL of them. Even the ones that NONE of us had met. Her main reason? "Well, J has fewer aunts and uncles than you, so this makes the guest list more even." Cool. Nevermind that out of the 35 aunts/uncles/cousins invited on my side, only 6 are coming.

So we had to lay down the "no family that neither of us have met. This is not an excuse for a meet-and-greet." That seemed to work for family.

For non-family, however, we had more of a problem... she wanted to invite a bunch of her friends because they''d invited HER to THEIR kids'' weddings. We made the mistake of telling her she could not invite friends them because our budget just could not accommodate more people. The real reason was that we didn''t want people at our wedding that, well, we didn''t really know.

She said okay, but then a month later came back with "How about if I pay for their plates?"

I kept looking at FI for help. Nothing. So I told her that while the budget is the biggest roadblock, we also feel very strongly that we want to have an intimate wedding, so we would like to only invite non-family that we both feel very close to (i.e. OUR OWN friends). Her response was "Well, J knows these friends of mine, they''ve been very close to him over the years, right J?" (I know for a fact that this is not true) FI: "I guess, so, mom..."

I decided at that point that it would take a fight, and it wasn''t worth it. They''re only 10 people, but they are 10 out of 85. I''ll just suck it up and deal with having a ton of strangers at my wedding, and hardly any family of my own.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

I feel ya. I''d say that FI''s family alone is 60% of the guest list. I requested FMIL to take a look and let me know if we missed anyone, and to make a list of those we forgot. She proceeded to list 5 couples who have children the same age as her younger children (18 & 13) that are close, and one couple because the guy helped remodel their kitchen. In her words it was "Oh, D helped so much, we can''t NOT invite him..." To which I bit my tongue and later told FI that we''re not inviting people based on what they''ve done for his family. If they are long time friends and FI is close to them, that''s fine, that''s great. But if I have only met these couples maybe once and the invite isn''t based on myself of FI having a relationship with them? I''m not comfortable with that. I, like musey, had the "well if it''s about money I''ll pay for their plates..." Thank goodness we have a few months before anything goes out and we can make a decision. I''m not about having a huge party. We''re inviting people that we love to celebrate with us on our special day, and I don''t want to be meeting people at my wedding.

 

[zoebartlett]

Guest list issues are common. Our original list was 80 but we wound up inviting 169. We have 122 attending. In the end, although our guest list more than doubled, we came sort of close to what we wanted originally. We''re okay with that. Both my mom and my FI''s mom added to the list as the months went by.

 

[nclrgirl]

Ladies, thank you so much for your replies! It really gave me piece of mind. I''m just going to roll with it to keep the peace!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Another girl here with a huge FI guest list. His family is so big compared to mine. My only pieces of advice are stand your ground and breathe deep!