Anyone else have an extremely affectionate spouse?

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/6/2010 9:41:14 PM
Author: Sha
It''s interesting reading about all these super-affectionate spouses, since men are usually accused of being insensitive and unfeeling. Maybe we should be more thankful for them. I think I would prefer a super affectionate man over a ''cold'', unemotional one any day...thinking about it.

You are right Sha! My husband tells me this all the time, "Aren''t you glad I find you so attractive and love you so much?" It''s true! I would much rather have him be this way than treat me like a cold fish.

 

[4ever]

Date: 5/6/2010 9:41:14 PM
Author: Sha
It''s interesting reading about all these super-affectionate spouses, since men are usually accused of being insensitive and unfeeling. Maybe we should be more thankful for them. I think I would prefer a super affectionate man over a ''cold'', unemotional one any day...thinking about it.

I agree, I never feel insecure in our relationship because he is always telling and showing me how much he loves me.

I can put up with a little peskyness for that.

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/6/2010 10:13:39 PM
Author: laughwithme

I agree completely and tell my husband this all the time: ''I am not an object!''

Yes yes YES! I say this too! Sometimes its like he thinks my ta-tas are HIS. Like they are on HIS chest. So he just grabs them, night or day, in the car or in an empty store aisle. I''m like, excuse me?! It also irks me because he often stretches my shirt or my bra. These bras aren''t cheap

YES! I''m so glad I''m not the only one. I get really mad at M when I make it clear that I''m not in a touchy mood and he still feels like he can grab my butt or cup my chest. I''ve told him a few times that he''s at high risk for losing a hand. My body is MY body. Poor guy also gets the "Talk to me when laws and cultural norms are written all over YOUR body and people think they can do whatever with it or tell you what you should do about it because of your genitalia," speech a lot. He rarely earns that one, but he still has had to listen to it a few times a year for 5 years.

 

[galeteia]

Yes. When trying to sleep, when making dinner, when watching TV, when washing the dishes, when cleaning the kitchen. So irritating. Requests to be left alone don't have a lasting effect ...









... because I can't keep my hands to myself, he's just too cute!

 

[softly softly]

My husband is exactly like this and I'm really glad to see that I'm not the only one who finds it annoying. In fact I may have to show him this thread! After 10 years of marriage he has finally got the message that I really dislike it when he randomly grabs my bum or breasts, and I'm working on being more receptive to the constant cuddling. He thinks I have a really over developed sense of personal space.

The funny thing is that I find I am the complete opposite when it comes to my kids. I can't seem to hug or kiss them enough. They have to wriggle away from me! The other day I was laughing at the look of horror on my 5 year old's face when I said I wanted to cuddle him all day long. My husband piped up that he would love it if I wanted to cuddle him that much and I felt a few pangs of guilt at the hopeful look on his face.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/6/2010 11:58:10 PM
Author: softly softly
My husband is exactly like this and I''m really glad to see that I''m not the only one who finds it annoying. In fact I may have to show him this thread! After 10 years of marriage he has finally got the message that I really dislike it when he randomly grabs my bum or breasts, and I''m working on being more receptive to the constant cuddling. He thinks I have a really over developed sense of personal space.

The funny thing is that I find I am the complete opposite when it comes to my kids. I can''t seem to hug or kiss them enough. They have to wriggle away from me! The other day I was laughing at the look of horror on my 5 year old''s face when I said I wanted to cuddle him all day long. My husband piped up that he would love it if I wanted to cuddle him that much and I felt a few pangs of guilt at the hopeful look on his face.

I am totally the same way! And my husband and I have had that exact conversation to the last word and hopeful look.

****

I just read this thread to my husband and he thinks it is hysterical

We both had a good chuckle reading the stories of all the other couples that are JUST like us!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I would be happy to trade with you ladies. As with many things on this forum, we are the opposite. I came from a really touchy feely family (in a good way) and DH was one of 4 boys, so physical, but not in the same way. I would love for him to be all over me like you ladies. He gets a little weird if I do it, I think I embarrass him. I guess the grass is always greener.

 

[luckynumber]

yup, SO is very affectionate.

sometimes gets frustrated, makes puppy-dog eyes at me and says "you know what, i think i love cuddling even more than you, what is up with THAT?"

of course, that amount of cuteness earns him yet another cuddle....

he DOES respect my personal space though, and will not grab me when cooking etc

honestly, i really love that he is touchy-feely, its way better than feeling like he didn''t give me enough affection.

 

[softly softly]

Date: 5/7/2010 1:19:33 AM
Author: dreamer_d

Date: 5/6/2010 11:58:10 PM

Author: softly softly

My husband is exactly like this and I''m really glad to see that I''m not the only one who finds it annoying. In fact I may have to show him this thread! After 10 years of marriage he has finally got the message that I really dislike it when he randomly grabs my bum or breasts, and I''m working on being more receptive to the constant cuddling. He thinks I have a really over developed sense of personal space.


The funny thing is that I find I am the complete opposite when it comes to my kids. I can''t seem to hug or kiss them enough. They have to wriggle away from me! The other day I was laughing at the look of horror on my 5 year old''s face when I said I wanted to cuddle him all day long. My husband piped up that he would love it if I wanted to cuddle him that much and I felt a few pangs of guilt at the hopeful look on his face.

I am totally the same way! And my husband and I have had that exact conversation to the last word and hopeful look.

****


I just read this thread to my husband and he thinks it is hysterical

We both had a good chuckle reading the stories of all the other couples that are JUST like us!

Dreamer that is really funny. Maybe one day our kids can come on pricescope and start a thread about their overly affectionate mothers!

 

[KatyWI]

Date: 5/7/2010 2:48:43 AM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
I would be happy to trade with you ladies. As with many things on this forum, we are the opposite. I came from a really touchy feely family (in a good way) and DH was one of 4 boys, so physical, but not in the same way. I would love for him to be all over me like you ladies. He gets a little weird if I do it, I think I embarrass him. I guess the grass is always greener.

Ditto. I come from a super touchy feely, huggy, lovey family, but DH comes from a broken/mended/rebroken (I sort of hate those terms but it''s the easiest way to describe it)home where he spent lots of time alone. As a result, I''m the more affectionate one, although I''d hardly say I''m all over him, but I''m usually the one going in for a kiss or whatever. I love him and would never change him, but the grass is definitely greener, cause I wish my hubby would be all over me every once in a while!

 

[Jas12]

DH is more affectionate than i am, but not to the point of annoyance. He''s pretty shy so most stuff is private. I would be bothered if he grabbed my butt in public or just grabbed me whenever/where ever, but i totally don''t mind the occassional inappropriate touch/comment if it''s on the sly & the timing is right.

Overall, I think if overdone-affection is the biggest problem in your relationship, you''ve got it damn good

DD--so funny about the kids. DH now has another source to inflict his love of snuggles on. Only problem is, Co is SO not a snuggle kid. Drives DH nuts. he tries so hard to get hugs and kisses to his son (which i think is so cute b/c many men are less affectionate with their sons i find). But poor guy is shot down by both of us on a regular basis. Sometimes he''ll see Co snuggled on me (rare) and has that look of jealousy on his face that you describe

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/7/2010 9:56:32 AM
Author: Jas12

DD--so funny about the kids. DH now has another source to inflict his love of snuggles on. Only problem is, Co is SO not a snuggle kid. Drives DH nuts. he tries so hard to get hugs and kisses to his son (which i think is so cute b/c many men are less affectionate with their sons i find). But poor guy is shot down by both of us on a regular basis. Sometimes he''ll see Co snuggled on me (rare) and has that look of jealousy on his face that you describe

Our sons sound very similar Jas! The only time Hunter sits still to snuggle is when he is in pain from teething and woke in the night or when he is really sick!

 

[Laila619]

So many of us mentioned that our husbands will come up to us and try to hug us when we're busy doing something. I think it's because men are like cats or kids--when you're ignoring them, they don't like it. So they have to come around to remind us they still exist and need some attention.

 

[Clairitek]

Another one in the "my DH/SO is overly affectionate" club. When I am busy or stressed out the last thing I want is someone holding me in one place trying to get affection from me. He gets so pissy when he tries to hug and kiss me when I''m in the process of getting ready or trying to accomplish stuff. I also get super annoyed when I feel like every physical contact HAS to turn sexual. Its like he is incapable of giving me a hug without copping a feel. When I am home before him and in the kitchen cleaning he often comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist and then after a few seconds proceeds up my torso and fondles me. It. Annoys. Me. To. No. End. Makes me feel like a piece of meat! I pointed it out in a kind, joking manner and he has backed off form that. I''m flattered that he is so attracted to me but sometimes he just chooses the wrong time to be all over me.

 

[MMMD]

I agree with Laila. It''s not that they are overly affectionate, it''s a form of insecurity. They need reassurance NOW that they are important to you. More important than whatever else it is you are currently doing. Depending on my mood, sometimes I think it is cute, sometimes annoying.

 

[monarch64]

SO is not annoyingly overaffectionate at all. He is really good at reading me and he knows when is not a good time to launch sneak attacks. There were a lot of catcalls/whistles coming from the bedroom this morning when I was walking in between the two a few times in nothing but a towel, but other than that he''s not an attention whore. I lavish him with it when he needs it, and it''s reciprocated, but we''ve never had an issue with him being too grabby or not being able to keep his hands to himself. I''m probably more guilty of eyeballing him (so his jeans fit well, what?) or worse, touching him in appropriately (but NEVER in public--well not where anyone could see) than he is of doing those things to me.

Have you ladies who get tired of your SO''s amorous advances tried flipping the tables and getting grabbier with them, sort of heading them off at the pass so to speak?

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 5/7/2010 12:35:25 PM
Author: MMMD
I agree with Laila. It''s not that they are overly affectionate, it''s a form of insecurity. They need reassurance NOW that they are important to you. More important than whatever else it is you are currently doing. Depending on my mood, sometimes I think it is cute, sometimes annoying.

I agree also.

I find my husband to be an affectionate person in general with me, but not "overly affectionate" or annoyingly affectionate as described in this thread.

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 5/7/2010 1:14:54 PM
Author: lilyfoot

Date: 5/7/2010 12:35:25 PM

Author: MMMD

I agree with Laila. It''s not that they are overly affectionate, it''s a form of insecurity. They need reassurance NOW that they are important to you. More important than whatever else it is you are currently doing. Depending on my mood, sometimes I think it is cute, sometimes annoying.

I agree also.


I find my husband to be an affectionate person in general with me, but not ''overly affectionate'' or annoyingly affectionate as described in this thread.

Yeah, DH is very, very affectionate, however, I am also, and I certainly find there are times one of us more in the mood than the other or have our own boundaries about certain things...but we respect those boundaries and I don''t find it annoying (nor does he from what he tells me!). I don''t think he is too grabby - though he can be grabby! - and I know that if I conveyed to him that it was too much he would respect that boundary. And the reverse is also true.

And he will hug me just as often when I am not doing something as when I am doing something....just the way he is.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 5/7/2010 12:46:44 PM
Author: monarch64
Have you ladies who get tired of your SO''s amorous advances tried flipping the tables and getting grabbier with them, sort of heading them off at the pass so to speak?

He just takes that as an invitation to be even more affectionate

I do try to be more affectionate at random times though. He does it to me, so I''m sure he likes to get it back, but I don''t think it makes him less annoying at other times.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 5/7/2010 1:28:20 PM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 5/7/2010 12:46:44 PM
Author: monarch64
Have you ladies who get tired of your SO''s amorous advances tried flipping the tables and getting grabbier with them, sort of heading them off at the pass so to speak?

He just takes that as an invitation to be even more affectionate

I do try to be more affectionate at random times though. He does it to me, so I''m sure he likes to get it back, but I don''t think it makes him less annoying at other times.

That sort of move just makes me think I want to get busy.

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 5/6/2010 3:22:15 PM
Author: elrohwen
I can relate 100%.

DH is extremely physically affectionate, but too often it results in being a PITA. He can''t just give me a hug, he has to also try to pick me up, lean on me, jump around, or do something else that turns a nice hug into an annoyance. I believe that part of this is that he grew up with a sister and they would wrestle and rough house (they still occasionally have slapping contests, where they slap each other on the arm as hard as they can

). I''m an only child, so I''m just not used to any kind of rough housing and I don''t really like it. Often I feel like he''s being affectionate to the point where he''s hurting me (by picking me up, jumping on top of me, etc) and then I get angry. Am I being a baby? Of course - he''s not actually hurting me, but it still ticks me off sometimes. I feel kind of claustrophobic when he''s jumping on me and I feel like I can''t get away.

I will say he''s gotten better. We did have serious conversations about it in the past, but he''s to the point where he will get off me when I tell him I''ve had enough. He also used to get me riled up at bed time (tickling, poking, etc) and then I couldn''t sleep, but he''s mostly stopped that too. I think it just takes time to talk it out and agree to some kind of stop signal that he will respect. Right now, it sounds like your FI isn''t reading the signs that you''re not in the mood and he needs to get better at reading those signs or taking your word for it when you ask him to stop.

I don''t want to change DH - he loves me and this is part of the way he shows it - but I''m also glad that we''re to the point where I can tell him to knock it off and he does. I can''t wait until we have kids and he can rough house with them

DH''s favorite line, that usually makes me laugh, is ''But I''m just trying to play with you!'' lol He really is like a labrador retriever sometimes.

eta: Funny enough, just like a lab, exercise helps. The days he''s lifted at the gym or played bball with friends he''s much more calm. The days he comes straight home from work I just know he''s going to be all over me!

That is so cute!

I would say my DH is affectionate, but he also knows that I have a limit, so nothing he does bothers me. I''m not really into a lot of touchy feely PDA. I was deprived of hugs and stuff from my parents as a kid, so I blame it on them.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 5/7/2010 10:35:41 AM
Author: Laila619
So many of us mentioned that our husbands will come up to us and try to hug us when we're busy doing something. I think it's because men are like cats or kids--when you're ignoring them, they don't like it. So they have to come around to remind us they still exist and need some attention.

I completely agree! Sometimes when I'm working, I'll glance up and both DH and the cat will be sitting next to each other, giving me the exact same "I'm about ready to pounce on you" look. And at least one of them usually does.

Date: 5/7/2010 12:46:44 PM
Author: monarch64
Have you ladies who get tired of your SO's amorous advances tried flipping the tables and getting grabbier with them, sort of heading them off at the pass so to speak?

Usually, that's exactly what he wants. It would be playing right into his game, not flipping the tables!

 

[Rhea]

My DH is like this, always with the physical affection. It can get really annoying. I don''t always want to play or be touched. The worst is in the evening when I''m cooking, eating, or washing up. I don''t want to be hugged when I''m washing dishes. I don''t want my stomach touched and my arm stroked when I''m eating. It often happens when I''m busy, getting ready in the morning or doing chores at night. It''s improved a bit, but it still drives me crazy. I''ve snapped at him before and he acts very hurt. I''m not sure how else to get him to back off. Doing the same to him just means that he thinks I want sex and immediately heads to the bedroom. I just don''t want to constantly be touched, I need space sometimes.

 

[Bliss]

I hate being "played with" when I''m trying to go to sleep!

I am a bear who wants to hibernate and God help whoever wants to disturb the sleeping bear! But during waking hours, I love how affectionate DH is. He scoots over on the couch so that he''s touching me in some way...and now he even likes sitting on MY side of the booth at restaurants. We get weird looks sometimes, but I think it''s really cute. I appreciate him always touching or caressing me. There are times he''ll lean over and kiss my shoulder. Of course, when I''m mad at him I''m like, "DON''T TOUCH ME!"

LOL

 

[Lilac]

DH is very affectionate and touchy-feely. I really love it most of the time, but there are those times (like if I''m in the middle of cooking or studying or busy with a certain task) that he''ll come over and start grabbing and I''ll give him a *LOOK* - he knows what that means and he laughs and backs off.

DH and I are both very affectionate people so normally we''re pretty much on the same page. It''s those random times when I''m busy that it can definitely be annoying though! He does seem almost like a puppy seeking attention and someone to play with. It''s kinda cute.

I definitely would rather DH be overly affectionate and touchy-feely than be cold or unemotional. Even the times when the touching gets annoying it''s still kinda flattering and sweet that he wants to. I may give him a *look* to back off, but I still smile about it and I''m happy my husband wants to touch me that much.

 

[Po10472]

My ex-fiasco was a nightmare, it wasn''t affection, it was, I want you now and its non-negotiable which was not not good. Whereas my DH is amazingly affectionate and is always putting his arms around me and kissing me but being considerate, until its chopping onions with large knife time then its a different PO.

When we started going out I had to adapt really quickly as DH doesn''t have a problem with being overly affectionate in front of people, even my family and I was never used to this and got embarassed. But over the years I realised that my dh loves me and when he wants to show his love and affection he doesn''t care who''s there, if they''re embarassed that''s their business and I have gotten used to it although there are times where I think he''s doing it just to embarass me. Grrr men, eh?

I suppose we''re lucky if this is what we have to complain about.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I once dated a smart, rich, talented guy. His downfalls? His HUGE ego and overly affectionate nature. Thus, we did not end up together, it was a deal breaker for me. Now I''m the overly affectionate one in my relationship with dh lol but I have learned that there are times when it just isn''t worth it to try things (ie when he is playing video games, he gets so absorbed that there is no point lol). I don''t really have any advice I guess, just wanted to share my personal experience with this.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 5/7/2010 2:48:43 AM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
I would be happy to trade with you ladies. As with many things on this forum, we are the opposite. I came from a really touchy feely family (in a good way) and DH was one of 4 boys, so physical, but not in the same way. I would love for him to be all over me like you ladies. He gets a little weird if I do it, I think I embarrass him. I guess the grass is always greener.

I''m in Brazen''s camp - I wish that my DH were more affectionate. I am not one to initiate affection usually, but I like to be on the receiving end. When I need him to be more affectionate, I need to let him know that. I wish that he initiated physical contact more. He actually told me that the relationship he had before me was ended by his ex because she felt that he wasn''t affectionate enough. So, when we were dating, he made more of an effort, but now that we''ve been together for 6 years, it doesn''t always occur to him that I need affection most days. He''s otherwise a wonderful husband, father & provider, but I definitely would not be complaining if he was spontaneously affectionate with me from time to time.

He grew up in a very physically cold family, so I guess that''s the only example he had of relationships - it''s kind of sad. I''m super affectionate with our kids, because I want them to be comfortable with hugging and kissing as they grow up.

 

[princesss]

I thought about this thread last night. BF and I were wandering through Target and he put his hand on my butt. I said, "Is there any reason your hand is on my boot?"
"I like your boot."
"Tough noogies. My boot is my boot, and you don''t get to touch it in public just because you want to."
"But what if it''ll make me feel better?"
"It won''t."
"You never know until you try..."

Goofball. But it really is rare for there to be a time when we''re not touching. He''s just pretty well trained with what''s allowed and when. Thank goodness.

 

[geckodani]

Date: 5/10/2010 11:38:58 AM
Author: princesss
I thought about this thread last night. BF and I were wandering through Target and he put his hand on my butt. I said, ''Is there any reason your hand is on my boot?''
''I like your boot.''
''Tough noogies. My boot is my boot, and you don''t get to touch it in public just because you want to.''
''But what if it''ll make me feel better?''
''It won''t.''
''You never know until you try...''

Goofball. But it really is rare for there to be a time when we''re not touching. He''s just pretty well trained with what''s allowed and when. Thank goodness.

This made me laugh, LOL!

So did the rest of the thread. I''ve got an overenthusiastic hubby as well. Most of the time it doesn''t bug me, but it''s like, when I get home and change out of my work clothes, just because my shirt is off does not mean it''s open season on the boobs.

I walked by the bedroom door mostly nekkid in the pursuit of some pajama pants the other day, and he came barreling in from the living room. I was like, um, hi.

He also made a grab at me as we were leaving a party the other day, and I about bit his head off. No grabbing for private bits in public for crying out loud. I asked him how he''d feel if I just randomly grabbed his junk, and the response was that he''d think it was awesome.

I do sense that he gets more affectionate when he is feeling insecure, as others have mentioned. Overall I''d rather have him this way than not interested, but there are moments when it''s like, seriously?!?!

That said, I tend to use him as my own personal pillow when we''re on the couch, so I guess I do my fair share of it too.