Anyone been in this situation?

[ihy138]

Have any of you LIW experienced resistance from your significant other's family? My boyfriend and I have only been together for a year (though I met him six years ago but we went our separate ways through college) and he recently told his brother of our plans to take the next step. His brother basically told him it wasn't a good idea and that my boyfriend should get the opinion of other family members. In other words, he thinks we're crazy and doesn't want to be the one to say it.

I think that it scares people that 1. we are so young (22 and 24) and 2. we have not been together for a long time. It's just so discouraging because my boyfriend really respects and listens to his brother. Anyone ever deal with this?

 

[iheartscience]

I think if your boyfriend is mature enough and is ready to get married the opinion of someone else (even his brother) shouldn't sway him. What did your boyfriend think about his brother saying that?

 

[sonnyjane]

I think if your boyfriend is mature enough and is ready to get married the opinion of someone else (even his brother) shouldn't sway him. What did your boyfriend think about his brother saying that?

This. I moved in with my then boyfriend, now husband, after 1.5 years of dating long distance. In my case, it wasn't his family that disapproved but rather my own. My mom cried and told me I was making a huge mistake - that I was too young (24 at the time), that it was too far away, etc. etc. I stuck to my guns and told her that it was the right decision for me. He and I got married 11 months after moving in together and now my mother loves him and gushes to everyone about what a wonderful guy he is. Sometimes when family members don't approve of a relationship it isn't because they don't like the other person involved but rather because they are over-protective of their own family member.

If you two are confident in your relationship and your future, your boyfriend should be able to stand up to his family.

 

[MayFlowers]

I think if your boyfriend is mature enough and is ready to get married the opinion of someone else (even his brother) shouldn't sway him. What did your boyfriend think about his brother saying that?

This. I moved in with my then boyfriend, now husband, after 1.5 years of dating long distance. In my case, it wasn't his family that disapproved but rather my own. My mom cried and told me I was making a huge mistake - that I was too young (24 at the time), that it was too far away, etc. etc. I stuck to my guns and told her that it was the right decision for me. He and I got married 11 months after moving in together and now my mother loves him and gushes to everyone about what a wonderful guy he is. Sometimes when family members don't approve of a relationship it isn't because they don't like the other person involved but rather because they are over-protective of their own family member.

If you two are confident in your relationship and your future, your boyfriend should be able to stand up to his family.

Ditto to sonnyjane. My parents are very protective of me and are also resistant for me to marry at my age, 22. For me, I think it is just that I'm the youngest and my parents, especially my mother, are realizing that they need to let their baby go. Also, anytime they say something, I just remind them that my sister was engaged at 22 and my mother was married at 22.

If your BF really wants to marry you, he won't let his family's opinions change his mind.

 

[ihy138]

I think if your boyfriend is mature enough and is ready to get married the opinion of someone else (even his brother) shouldn't sway him. What did your boyfriend think about his brother saying that?

My boyfriend was definitely bummed. My boyfriend and his brother are close and my boyfriend helped this brother choose a ring for HIS current fiance. I think he told his brother first because he anticipated a better reaction than the rest of his family. This hasn't changed his mind about wanting to move forward, but it has changed his mind about including the rest of his family (parents and other brother) in his decision process with the ring, etc. He's pretty sad about it, but unwavering.

 

[ihy138]

I think if your boyfriend is mature enough and is ready to get married the opinion of someone else (even his brother) shouldn't sway him. What did your boyfriend think about his brother saying that?

This. I moved in with my then boyfriend, now husband, after 1.5 years of dating long distance. In my case, it wasn't his family that disapproved but rather my own. My mom cried and told me I was making a huge mistake - that I was too young (24 at the time), that it was too far away, etc. etc. I stuck to my guns and told her that it was the right decision for me. He and I got married 11 months after moving in together and now my mother loves him and gushes to everyone about what a wonderful guy he is. Sometimes when family members don't approve of a relationship it isn't because they don't like the other person involved but rather because they are over-protective of their own family member.

If you two are confident in your relationship and your future, your boyfriend should be able to stand up to his family.

I guess levels of support can change, that's true. I didn't really think about it like that. We are confident that this is right for us, and we're going to do it when the time is right and just hope that his family can keep up or come around. I guess it might be a protection thing. His brother is more concerned about the length of time we've been dating than our ages. Thanks for your advice though, so glad to know it worked out for you!!

 

[ihy138]

I think if your boyfriend is mature enough and is ready to get married the opinion of someone else (even his brother) shouldn't sway him. What did your boyfriend think about his brother saying that?

This. I moved in with my then boyfriend, now husband, after 1.5 years of dating long distance. In my case, it wasn't his family that disapproved but rather my own. My mom cried and told me I was making a huge mistake - that I was too young (24 at the time), that it was too far away, etc. etc. I stuck to my guns and told her that it was the right decision for me. He and I got married 11 months after moving in together and now my mother loves him and gushes to everyone about what a wonderful guy he is. Sometimes when family members don't approve of a relationship it isn't because they don't like the other person involved but rather because they are over-protective of their own family member.

If you two are confident in your relationship and your future, your boyfriend should be able to stand up to his family.

Ditto to sonnyjane. My parents are very protective of me and are also resistant for me to marry at my age, 22. For me, I think it is just that I'm the youngest and my parents, especially my mother, are realizing that they need to let their baby go. Also, anytime they say something, I just remind them that my sister was engaged at 22 and my mother was married at 22.

If your BF really wants to marry you, he won't let his family's opinions change his mind.

You're also a young bride-to-be?! Glad to know I'm not alone. Though, by the time we get married, I'll likely be 25. We are planning on a long engagement. My boyfriend is also the youngest, and I have a feeling that his brother still thinks of him as a teenager or is not accepting that he is an adult. His brother also took things VERY slow with his current fiance.

We're just trying to emphasize our level of maturity and stability in all of this. I think the fact that we've only been together a year is bigger than our ages to be completely honest. We're both established financially and mentally for our ages (he's finishing his BS soon and I have a Master's in progress). It's happening whether they are on board or not, it's just easier if they are on board.

Thank you for your input!! I've been wondering how other people deal with this.