Anybody planning to elope?

[dbgaap]

Is anybody planning an elopement?




I am! My boyfriend and I are totally into a super-private wedding. We have family living all over the continent and some are elderly & unable to travel. So we are planning an elopement, followed by a honeymoon, followed by a trip to visit family and upon our return, a simple event at home to mark the occaison. It will be like a wedding-on-the-road.


I am pretty excited about it. (Also we are in our mid-late 40''s so we feel allowed to do whatever we want)




How about destination weddings?




Oh, I have to share one more detail - I am a professional musician on the side and I actually play music at wedding ceremonies, so I have seen LOTS of very nice weddings.


For me, weddings are fun, but definitely an ''industry''. I really love being a part of their special day & feel it''s something I do well.


I just want my own wedding to be much more personal & private.

 

[Nicrez]

TOTALLY AGREE! We are going to try to have a 30 person MAX wedding on an Island (preferably the USVI or BVI) where it's close enough for family and friend in NY and NJ to come out to celebrate with us.

We are young, living together, and thinking that a great big wedding is not only a waste of my stress threshold (which is very very low), but also an expense we would rather see go to our honeymoon or even a house or new car! I have two friends spending $45,000 or so on their weddings with 175-200 people.

1) I am not sure I KNOW that many people
2) Even if I did, I can't say I liked that many enough to feed them all top notch food
3) I don't care to let everyone I ever knew see me and my hubby-to-be in the most important day of our lives, for NO AMOUNT of presents or whatever (you never "recover" costs!)
4) I would scratch out some people I would like to invite, but it's not something I will cry over later on. Our best friends, and family would be there, so those people are the ones that are there years from now.
5) We sort of are cheating, as his parents want to throw us a "big" wedding in his home country, but that's really for their big fam and friends. I will know him, his sister and his parents and THAT'S IT!

I figure if I had it my way, and it wouldn't offend my in-laws, I would TOTALLY just go tt an island, sans most guests and just do it before year's end. Ah...the ease of not caring about others!

 

[alexah]

Cart before the horse but yes, we are! ...first he's gotta P the Q tho

then we can begin discussing the details...

I am my parents youngest & only girl so I know they'd like it if I had a big wedding BUT i've been telling them since i was a wee one that it wasn't going to happen- not my thing AT ALL. And at this point (i'm 31), i think they're glad i've found someone that suits me so well & makes me deliriously happy...!

They watch Sex & the City... they know how hard it is to be a single gal in NY

 

[innerkitten]

I'm also planning some sort of elopement or destination wedding.
Italy maybe.

 

[sumi]

My husband and I were seriously considering eloping for quite a while. Actually, we just assumed we would elope since neither of us were interested in a traditional wedding. There are too many outdated customs in the traditional wedding ceremony that I don't particularly agree with for myself, although I love attending weddings. Neither set of parents tried to stop us from eloping, but we could tell that they were going to be really sad to miss out on seeing us get married. So, we compromised and had a tiny garden wedding instead (only 10 people including us!). The ceremony was very non-traditional to make us happy, and our parents got to be there to make them happy. Everyone was happy.

When we were looking in to eloping, we saw some great eloping packages to Santa Barbara and the Napa Valley. If anyone is considering eloping, they might want to look in to that. I would recommend Santa Barbara to anyone. I lived there for several years and it's a wonderful place.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Your wedding plans sound wonderfully fun and low in stress! Where are you planning your honeymoon?

My husband and I eloped in Vegas in 98(?). We've always been very happy with this choice and even when we renew our vows one of these years, it'll be a simple, private ceremony as well (but with our kids

this time). We're hoping to renew in Hawaii

Hope your celebration and travels goes smoothly. Please post about your experiences.


Michelle

 

[fuffi]

I am totally with you. I think elopments are great. I hate weddings myself, having seen so many of my friends lose their grip on reality while planning theirs.

My husband and had originally planned to elope, but like Sumi, opted instead to have a private ceremony at home with immediate family. It enabled me to have my dad and brother there which was very important to me (and to them). It was a wonderful day and exactly what I wanted.

Good luck to all you guys. You won't regret it. Just make sure you have someone take pictures!

 

[dbgaap]

Thanks for the Santa Clara idea. That's exactly the sort of place we are considering.




If we were going next week, we'd probably fly to Lake Tahoe, get married outdoors somewhere and stay there for several days to relax and chill out. Tahoe is just so darn easy.


We'd rent a car and drive to San Francisco (see family) and head down the coast to LA and San Diego (more family) and return home to renew our vows in a teeny garden ceremony at my house.




At first I wanted something more exotic, but I figure it is best to visit family immediately after our marriage to make everyone happy & feel included. We'll get a photographer and dress up nice, so we can share photos with friends & family.




It will be a whole lot less stressful than a traditional wedding, so I am willing to forego my fantasies of getting married on a gondola in Venice or in a castle in Scotland. I've been perusing a book (I think it's called "Beyond Vegas") with a bunch of creative ideas for eloping.




Our main reasons are the same ones everyone else mentioned:
- I don't want a bunch of people looking at me when I get all soggy and romantic when we speak our home-made wedding vows to each other.


-Weddings can get so competitive and this just ain't about outdoing the Joneses.


-Stress - got enough already, thanks.


-Flexibility - we also have house buying & selling issues and almost-grown kids with schedules and events of their own. Although we are targetting Summer 2005, that could change depending on all the variables of life.




Suntans & white dresses..... sounds good to me......

 

[innerkitten]

I've also heard about this "Beyond Vegas" book. Has anybody here seen it?

 

[Nicrez]

Hee hee, I am SO getting that Beyond Vegas book! For us, we love our family and friends, but we figure the most important part is that we are happy ans stress-free, as all the rest is just silly little details. Frankly, I DO NOT want to be all worried about someone's aunt Sally all huffy about being sat next to someone's mean Aunt Bertha. I don't want to care if we are out of ice, of they are serving salmon instead of the Fillet Mignon, or how the flower girl stuck her hand in the $3000 cake... Frankly, we would rather spend the $$$ on our honeymoon relaxing and on the things that matter most...my diamond eternity band!!

(just kidding!)

I would rather worry about enjoying the peaceful moments together, care-free and surrounded by those we love while they (and we) are still young and still here on this earth. BUT I do want a nice dress, and diamonds on my neck and a great set of flowers. Other than that, the chapel could be on fire, and I wouldn't care, as long as my dress doesn't get singed!

Good luck with the elopement, and may you both enjoy that peace that comes with simple and sweet...The best to you both!!!

 

[Beth]

I eloped and it was wonderful. We married in Figi nearly 11 years ago. We reaffirmed our vows a year or two later with the big dress and all the hoo ha, but the private "just us" elopment was really special. It was unplanned too...still makes me giggle and smile.

 

[EdSkinner]

I was never married, but after years of appraising engagement and wedding rings and seeing the stress people were going through and the unbelieveable amount of money they were spending, I was no fan of weddings. Neither was Carol (she was married once before). So much to both famlies objections we told them nobody was invited, that went over like a lead balloon. We decided we were going to fly to Vegas, rent a limo, and get married at the drive through Chappel of Love and get married by an Elvis impersonator. Alas money and time constraints were against us. Ended up at Yerke's wedding salon in Upper Dary, PA. 10 minutes in and out with a $75 Visa charge. Only me, her, her daughter and my brother were there. Of course some of the relatives have refused to speak to since, but most have gotten over it.

 

[wallace]

We are eloping and we are going to Vegas!!! Have plane tickets and hotel res. already!

I had not heard of that book before, so thanks- I will check it out.

We are simply going to the courthouse. We have chosen a weekday so it won't be so busy. Neither of us wants a traditonal big wedding (first time for both of us). His family, while very nice, are too stressful for him to bear and I have no family. My closest friends are few and live all over the place.

We are both realtively new to the city where we live, which we are not fond of. Civil ceremonies here are held at the courthouse which also the jail! DC still requires a bloodtest (only two states have left that on the books)- has anyone ever lived here? To get anything done in DC is a major project and the bloods have to be drawn, written up on special blue form from the gov., signed by the doc, and then filed within 30 days - if the docs are outdated - no marriage - start all over! We have to pay for our blood tests and take time off of work to do all this running around. For all that trouble, it seems easier to fly to Vegas and just party

!!!

We were going to tell his immediate family so if they wanted to join us in Vegas, they could. But afer a weekend of "meet the parents" we have changed our minds. There are all kinds of family issues on his side that just do not make it worth it. At least, they seem to like me! Just not each other. They say that they will be very hurt if they cannot be at the wedding - but since the wedding will be five minutes of a judge at the courthouse - I am having a really hard time understanding what it is that they need to see!

In time, I think they will be grateful we spared them the expense and the drama of joining us. If they want to throw a reception for the family in his home city, we will go - then they have their wedding and we have none of the headache - the most important moment was just between us - anything else that goes wrong won't matter then

.

I don't consider it selfish since getting married is between us. My FI has never traveled, I have, so getting married had been a great way for us to start our journeys. We got engaged in Anguilla, BWI and will honeymoon (in a few years) at Kruger National Park in South Africa. He got me a gorgeous ring

. And that's how we choose to spend our money - on us. We are not asking one for anything. We are declining gifts by requesting a donation to our favourite charities instead

.

BTW - Has anyone heard of the book "Let's Elope" by Scott Shaw and Lynn Beahan. Full of info. on all types of elopement and semi-elopement and destination weddings with contact numbers.

 

[sumi]

My husband and I were planning on going to the Santa Barbara city hall when we were still thinking about eloping. It is such a BEAUTIFUL city hall/courthouse. There's even a bell tower with an incredible view of the ocean and Santa Barbara and the mountains.

So romantic.

 

[CaptAubrey]

there are elopements and there are elopements. whatever happened to sneaking the girl out of her parent's house with a ladder?

 

[luckyhonu]

I wish I could elope. If my boyfriend and I ever get married, we'd have a whole wedding hoopla for his mom. My parents don't want me to have a wedding but his mom is really insistent.

 

[wallace]

Lucky - You could elope and then have the big family wedding later- then it might not be as stressful. Besides, bride's family traditionally pays for the wedding - you could use that in your favour...

 

[valeria101]

----------------
On 4/2/2004 6:01:31 PM CaptAubrey wrote:


there are elopements and there are elopements. whatever happened to sneaking the girl out of her parent's house with a ladder?
----------------

Still works !

 

[dbgaap]

I like the ladder idea!


And you make a very good point about eloping. In the olden days, it was truly sneaky.


We are, in fact, making a big effort to include our family & friends as much as we can within our own personal limits. And everyone is pretty supportive of us. (OK we have a couple teenagers /almost adult kids and they are the trickiest - but they are great kids)


It sounds to me like this whole concept of marriage without fancy wedding ( a non-wedding) is more popular than I would have guessed.


I am a CPA and conservative-suited professional by day, but I am also a violinist since I was a little girl (I got my bachelors degree in music)


Over the years I have played in string quartets, flute/violin duo, Celtic harp/flute & violin and most recently I'm in a duo with a guitarist.


I have played at a zillion weddings and it is SO MUCH fun to get dressed up & be a big part of the show, but to feel absolutley confident that I know what I'm doing. I guess I get my jollies this way.




But, it is such an industry.


When no one is looking, the caterer is swapping business cards with the officiant. And believe me, we all make sure we get paid up front.


Las Vegas sounds fun, too!


To the new folks in the DC area - if you want a peaceful (bargain) getaway, try Chincoteague Island in Virginia.


It is a national park so the seashore is pristine, gorgeous and the little town is sweet & humble and easy-going.


Not a posh resort, though if that's what you like.

 

[verticalhorizon]

I would love to elope! My mom makes jokes about it all the time, but I know she'd be upset if she couldn't be there (I'm an only child).

But that won't stop me from suggesting it. How much better could it be than to get married on a beach, barefoot, and in shorts? Plus, you'd already be at your honeymoon destination. No additional travel!

 

[Iceman]

Thats what I did , saved a bunch of money from not having a large wedding were everybody is enjoying it but you

We took my tux and her wedding dress and we got married on a 4 masted sailing ship in the BVI. In the first week we picked out all the groomsman and bridesmades as well as a best man and a father to give her away!

We still talk about it. We were all bare foot ! It was under a full moon on the first day of spring and the only music the ship had close was Amazing grace on bag pipes ! Still our song today

Enjoy its a good move

 

[Nicrez]

Ice Man, we are thinking of getting married in the USVI or the BVI, any good suggestions on companies to use...? We want to desperately keep costs under $15K, and the guest list to under 30 people...is it possible? Tell us more about your wedding!

 

[ClownFishFunk]

What exactly separates an elopement from a regular wedding? I always thought of getting eloped as just the bride, groom, and perhaps a witness, but some of you are talking about there being up to thirty or so people? Is an elopement just a very small wedding? Thanks in advance for clearing up my confusion!

 

[innerkitten]

Elopemet is just two people really but I suppose a variation on the traditional elopement could be if you invited a some family members. Then there are destination weddings where you simply go elsewhere to get married whether it is to elope, just the two of you or with a bunch of people. We are planning a traditional elopement.

 

[chousholder]

HELP!!! i want to elope, and so does my fiance! the only problem is that we cant get married because hes not a us citizen and i am. right now hes going through the process of getting his green card and was advised by his lawyer not to get married until he recieves his green card. they told him that could take 6 months! is there a place OUTSIDE the states like puerto rico or the USVI or jamica where we could go and get married in another country but not in the us?

 

[ame]

Holycrap I wish.

 

[gingerBcookie]

I'm one of those girls whose always dreamed of having a huge wedding full of friends and family with the big white cake, the huge receptions, flowers and drunk relatives. But that was before I fell in love with a guy my family disapproves of (due to his race). The more I think about dealing with the logistics of keeping both families happy and minimizing the bloodshed on what should be one of the happiest days of my life AND dealing with a few of my friends who are the quintessential neighbor-to-the-joneses the more lovely a quick quiet getaway to a tropical island and a ceremony under a waterfall sounds. Post honeymoon, we'd have small separate receptions, each catered to our respective families' wishes and everyone is happy and I don't have a headache.

 

[MrsFrk]

My husband and I eloped, and it was the best decision we ever made. If that is your inclination, go for it. I have never regretted it for a moment.

 

[aljdewey]

I have to be a dissenting voice on this one. I'm not an advocate of eloping.

Once engaged, my now-husband and I talked of eloping...and I was the one in favor of it. I felt a bit self-conscious of making a big hulla-ballo at my age (nearly 39).

His take: He felt that we would feel something was missing if we didn't have some sort of special event.

We had a small wedding in July - 30 people including us. Our parents/sibs were there, along with a handful of VERYCLOSE friends. The day was magical, and the love we felt from those around us was so powerful. The look on my father's face when he saw me in my dress was priceless. The look on my mother's face...I will never forget.

In retrospect, knowing what we would have missed, I cannot imagine eloping. I think even worse is knowing that my parents would have missed out. I just cannot imagine denying them the chance to share in that day....one they've dreamed of as much as (if not even more than) I have.

I think there is a middle ground betweeen eloping and the HUGE wedding. It requires a little bit of spine (to firmly but nicely lay out your plans), but it's so worth it.

 

[k8]

I actually got married twice to the same guy. I was moving a distance to be with him - and it was a personal preference not to live with someone before I was married. Exactly 6 months before our "real" wedding we got married at city hall - since I was to move into his apartment. I even wore a black dress.

I always wanted a private intimate ceremony between just me and my spouse - instead of all the hullabaloo that goes along with a large wedding. We didn't tell any of our friends or family about our "secret" wedding until at least 6 months after our public wedding. We didn't tell our families about eloping because we wanted them to have the experience of seeing their children get married. It was a fun secret to keep - and now we celebrate two anniversaries a year

.

I feel like I had the best of both worlds - an intimate personal wedding with my husband at a courthouse - and a big celebration with the family/friends. Everyone was happy and I had a great time both days. I think, if it is possible, it is nice to include your family and friends - afterall, in a wedding you are joining two families.

Do what makes you guys happiest and good luck!!

Kate

ps sometimes making the family happy with something like a wedding can make the rest of your life easier - perhaps a happy medium can be found.