Any cross culture marriages out there?

[MakingTheGrade]

Thought it might be nice to have a thread to share stories, whether they be funny or frustrating.

I'm Chinese, my husband is American. There have been some interesting moments.

For example, explaining to my fiance why my uncle gave him a 24k gold pig sculpture..

Haha, once my mom came to visit, and she sees him and goes "you're getting fat", and I turned to him and said "Congratulations! She officially sees you as one of her own!"

I'm also trying to prepare him for when I start trying to get pregnant, since more likely than not, one of my parents is going to want to move in once I'm past my first trimester...

I'm lucky that my husband is a patient and understanding man...

It goes both ways though, his family threw me a sort of bridal shower, where I received numerous kitchen items that I could not identify, much less use. My parents were a little offended at the underlying assumption that I would be the one doing the cooking and cleaning, after all the effort they put into getting me to med school, lol.

 

[TravelingGal]

I''m Korean, my husband is Australian (caucasian).

Bizarrely, we have had no real cultural issues.

My mom is the sweetest, most intrusive person I know. So she has not presented any issues. His parents are the second sweetest people I know, and they are also understanding of Asian culture (they seem like asians to me anyway...they love communal food!). So no issues there either.

TGuy uses chopsticks and is adventurous with food. He never had sushi, Korean or vietnamese food before he met me. Now he loves all of them. My mom can make him anything and he''ll eat it.

He''s also picking up Korean words that we are teaching out daughter, which is fun.

Our group is friends is pretty diverse, hispanic, asian, black, white. However it is primarily made up of Asians: Korean, vietmamese and chinese. Lots of intermarriage. TGuy loves hanging out with Asians because of our communal philosophy...everyone shares and no one is stingy with anything (not sure if that is Asian or just generous people.) There is a lot taking turns of paying for entire meals vs going dutch which I like. Nearly everyone is generous with money so it turns breeds more generosity.

Honestly, I couldn''t ask for a better non Asian to marry. He took to my world like a fish to water. And of course, I love all things Aussie and am very proud my daughter can claim she''s half Australian!

 

[LabRatPhD]

My FI and I are not married yet but we are a multicultural family. I am 100% Indian (both of my parents immigrated from India) and FI is half-Japanese, one quarter Swedish and English. Some cultural things have started coming up for our wedding (FI and I didn''t even want to have a wedding) and I think it will be interesting to see how things go when we are actually married. Neither FI or I are religious, but we were brought up with very similar values. I think both sets of parents are on somewhat of the same wavelegth (both are pretty liberal) so hopefully we won''t encounter too many problems!

 

[Clio]

My husband is Vietnamese, and I''m a WASP (southern variant). There were a few bumpy times in the beginning as we each got used to the way our families did things. After 15 years, though, we''ve smoothed most things out. It helps that 1) Steve was raised in the States, and 2) we always assume that our families have good intentions when interacting with us. If you don''t go into a situation looking to be offended, you probably won''t be!

It helps that my parents were hippies and are very much into the whole "rainbow of man" thing. For them, the more diversity, the better! My extended family has a strong love of Asian cultures because my grandmother and her sisters were raised in China (that could have caused some issues as the Chinese and Vietnamese don''t always get along, but thankfully it didn''t). They welcomed Steve with open arms, and my grandmother did most of the planning of our wedding.

My husband''s extended family has also been welcoming, though initially more reserved than my family. Unlike many Vietnamese immigrants, my in-laws were realistic about their chances of ever moving back and about the likelihood that their children would marry Vietnamese (none of them did). Also, when it comes to my home and my children, my MIL is very careful not to overstep boundaries, which is not always true of Vietnamese MILs. One of my proudest moments was when my MIL told me that I have nice manners "like a Vietnamese girl."

 

[jstarfireb]

He''s Chinese-American (born in NYC) and I''m your average white American (Eastern European descent). He''s a first-generation American but still carries a lot of the old traditions with him. English was his 3rd language, if you count Fujianese and Cantonese as 2 different languages. He prefers authentic Chinese food over Americanized takeout...etc. He refers to himself as a "wannabe FOB" (FOB meaning fresh off the boat, not meant to be a racial slur or insulting to anyone as he jokingly refers to himself this way).

His mom is very set in her ways and hasn''t learned more than a few words English after being here for almost 30 years. She called me "white devil" in her native tongue for the first several months of our relationship. Whenever I see her, her first comment is usually about how much weight I''ve either gained or lost since I last saw her. We have to do a Chinese banquet in NYC in addition to our regular wedding, and she has vetoed all the dates we''ve suggested to her because they are "inauspicious."

On my end of things, my dad is pretty cool with everything, but my mom has actually surprised me with how racist she''s been toward him. She constantly uses racial slurs in reference to him and frames all of his behavior in the context of his being non-white.

So the stories have been more frustrating than funny to me, but I guess that''s life!

 

[noelwr]

interesting!

sorry, we''re not so exotic. I am half Indonesian-half Caucasian (European) and he is South African (Caucasian - European descent). even though we were raised across the world from each other, we have had similar upbringings. no wonder our mothers get along!

however, we did notice different things about our schooling. when he was at school, the teachers would whack the naughty kids with a stick and they''d get a chalk mark on their tie so that their parents could see they were bad. I never had this at my school and nor did we have to wear uniforms. also, having lived in a warm country, he was surprised that at my my high school all the classes were inside and you walked from room to room inside a building. at his school, you had to walk OUTSIDE to get from class to class.

 

[Haven]

Sometimes I feel like I''m in a cross-cultural marriage because my husband and I were raised very differently, despite the fact that we are both Caucasian Jewish Americans from the Midwest. Nay, both from Chicagoland!

The difference is neither one of country of descent, nor socioeconomic status, religion, nor race. We grew up not 30 miles apart, yet sometimes I feel as if we do not even speak the same language.

I used to say that he was raised without manners, but that isn''t quite accurate. I have now grown up a bit and learned that our families just have very different ideas about right and proper behavior. It might sound trite or as if I''m joking, but I''m not. We''ve actually gotten into pretty heated arguments over how to react or respond to particular things.

In fact, once upon a time I was engaged to a man who was half Mexican and half Pakistani, half Catholic and half Muslim, yet he was raised in a manner so similar to my own upbringing that we rarely argued about such things.

Strange, isn''t it?

 

[MakingTheGrade]

It is kind of strange Haven, but I''m glad you guys make it work despite the differences.

And it''s funny, the culture clash isn''t between my husband and I per se. Even though he was raised in a large, Catholic Republican near-rural family, and I was raised by Atheist Democratic world travelers, he and I are very similar in values and temperament, even though on paper we look like we''d be the worst match in the world, haha.

It''s more adapting to each others'' families and their expectations. For example, his grandparents are extremely Catholic, and I''ve been advised to never bring up anything at all religious with them because they would find my atheism upsetting. In fact, they refused to recognize the marriage of one of their daughters since it wasn''t done in a catholic church. So we had a full on catholic mass wedding in part due to his family''s strong faith.

On the other hand, my family can be extremely "asian" in how they view the parent-child relationship. They expect deference and they expect to be, for lack of better phrase, "sucked up to". My mom was upset when my fiance sat on a couch playing video games while my dad was assembling a chair he just bought. In their eyes, it was extremely lazy and disrespectful of my fiance not to help, or to ask if they needed anything before he started relaxing on the couch. It was also really disturbing to them when my fiance slept in day after day when we were visiting them in China. Even though they know we sleep in, they expect both of us to adapt to their daily schedule and be awake when they are as a sign of respect and desire to be in their good graces. Etc. It''s the exact opposite at his house, where his parents go out of their way not to wake up until noon if we want to sleep in, haha.

So yeah, it''s more learning to get along with each others families, the two of us don''t really have any problems. He occasionally teases me about not cooking (his mom was a stay at home mom), and I occasionally tease him for not having a graduate degree (my family highly values academics). But we actually don''t fight as much as people might think.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 10/26/2009 12:36:02 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m Korean, my husband is Australian (caucasian).

My mom is the sweetest, most intrusive person I know. So she has not presented any issues.

Wait...she''s the most intrusive person you know? ...is that a typo or does that word mean something else in Australia?

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 10/26/2009 2:51:51 PM
Author: Clio
Also, when it comes to my home and my children, my MIL is very careful not to overstep boundaries, which is not always true of Vietnamese MILs. One of my proudest moments was when my MIL told me that I have nice manners ''like a Vietnamese girl.''

Haha, the first time my parents stayed with us here in the US, we had them sleep in the master bedroom (typically our room) since it was the bigger bed and more comfortable.

After the first night, I went into the room to fetch my lovely fiance some clean clothes (he has the foresight of a lemming sometimes), and discovered that my mom had REARRANGED HIS BOXER DRAWER. Actually, she had rearranged and FOLDED all of his clothes...and my closet too of course. I know that''s her way of taking care of us since neither he nor I are very domestic, and tend not to fold socks and underwear and things. But my fiance found it very odd that my mom folded and color arranged his boxers...

 

[Octavia]

We're cross-cultural. I don't like to post too much info about my DH (he's more private than I am), but he is from a sort of "bridge" country between Europe and the Middle East. I'm a small-town east-coaster with ancestors from a variety of western European countries.

Fortunately, we don't have any religious issues because, although most people are Muslim in his home country and I was raised Presbyterian, neither of us is religious in any way (he never was, I developed my own opinions as I reached adulthood). There are definitely some cultural differences, though, but he's been in the US for long enough to have become somewhat Americanized, or at least acclimated to the culture here. Any differences we have regarding our home life are related more to jobs and stubborn personalities (he'll have to learn to cook at some point if it kills me...which it very well might

) than to our respective nationalities/cultures.

The biggest thing I notice when we visit his country, though, is that his circle of family and friends is very "westernized" (and fortunately for me, most speak English). I don't feel out of place at all when I'm among them, although I do wish I could speak the language. Out and about in the city his family lives in, though, there is an incredible mix of modern and traditional, and I often feel out of place among the more traditional women there.

 

[btrflygrl23]

Not married yet but we''ve been together for 10 years and we are cross cultural. I''m South Asian came here when I was 11 and he is Caucasian Canadian with Norwegian/English roots.

We have no real cross clutural issues but some fun stuff does come up for example my parents refer to the trunk of a car as the boot or the dickie since Sri Lanka was once part of the British Monarchy and the term is used there and it was fun explaining the first time that my dad meant the trunk and not an actual boot that FI had started frantically searching for LOL!
Also when my parents need a flashlight they ask for the torch and now that FI knows them so well he teases them and always asks whether they would like him to pass them the Olympic torch hee hee stuff like that and of course some of the foods I like are a mystery to him but he tries things and then eats what he likes and leaves what he doesn''t...

 

[jjdav]

Date: 10/27/2009 12:17:29 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade

After the first night, I went into the room to fetch my lovely fiance some clean clothes (he has the foresight of a lemming sometimes), and discovered that my mom had REARRANGED HIS BOXER DRAWER. Actually, she had rearranged and FOLDED all of his clothes...and my closet too of course. I know that''s her way of taking care of us since neither he nor I are very domestic, and tend not to fold socks and underwear and things. But my fiance found it very odd that my mom folded and color arranged his boxers...

Oh my gosh, so true!

My mum totally ironed his shirts and made sure there was every kind of snack, fruit and drinks at the house.

I''m 100% Chinese, but spent most of my formative and adult years in Australia and hubby is American (Caucasian with European roots). The interesting thing is we''re so alike in personality and temperament, both our parents thought we''d be together early into our relationship. Hubby studied Chinese in college and can hold basic conversations, this was a huge plus for my mum; he is also generally curious and accepting of other cultures, sometimes he makes shockingly nuanced references that makes my parents proud

My parents and relatives feel that hubby is well-brought up and gentlemanly.

My in-laws are very easy-going people, they pretty much treat us like adults and let us make our own decisions. My MIL is especially pleased that I am able and willing do house work, but she never imposed any of it on me. We''ve not had any conflicts, even the wedding planning. My MIL totally helped out since we were planning the wedding remotely and my parents were coming from Australia; she came up with excellent and practical solutions and often took care of the little details that I overlooked

. All my mum asked for were an auspicious date (turned out not to be so great with various things going wrong, but that''s another story and it all turned out well) and something red for the wedding, so I included a red sash on my dress to satisfy that requirement

After we got married, my mum expected that hubby would call her and my dad ''mum'' and ''dad''; I thought he might not like that, but it was not an issue at all, in fact, hubby uses the Chinese words for it. So I asked my in-laws if they''d like the same, and they did!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

DH is Caucasian and I am Hispanic. The biggest cultural difference for us has nothing to do with our backgrounds (even though my family''s primary language is Spanish and his family''s is English) and everything to do with our families of origin.

DH grew up in a VERY passive aggressive home. When he and his family fight, there isn''t ever an actual fight...they simply stop speaking until someone gets over it. Then they continue as if nothing had happened. This can last for hours, days, weeks, months, and we are approaching years that I''ve witnessed.

I grew up in a very aggressive home. When my family and I fight, we yell and scream, throw things and sometimes quite literally beat each other. But we never stop talking to each other. Ever.

It is completely bizarre to me that my BIL hasn''t spoken to us since our engagement and has not acknowleged our wedding, but DH is completely fine with this. We are hosting Thanksgiving Dinner and BIL and wife aren''t coming and NO ONE has commented on this...and it drives me BAT$#!&!

And it''s very difficult for me to have a fight with DH because I will yell and scream and he will not respond. He will just stay in the study "working" until I exhaust myself and fall asleep. Once I tried to do it, too, to see how long it lasted and we fought on Sunday and I finally broke down in a HYSTERICAL hot mess and accused him of trying to mess with my head by Thursday! It''s funny now that I think about it, but I nearly threw up from the tension at the time.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/27/2009 12:13:46 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade

Date: 10/26/2009 12:36:02 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I''m Korean, my husband is Australian (caucasian).

My mom is the sweetest, most intrusive person I know. So she has not presented any issues.

Wait...she''s the most intrusive person you know? ...is that a typo or does that word mean something else in Australia?

Hahaha, I mean unintrusive, of course.

And honestly, I would have thought it would be rude in any culture not to ask someone if they need help assembling a chair? TGuy''s family is white, but I cannot imagine anyone sitting and playing video games while someone was doing manual labor.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Hehe Tgal, I figured that''s what you meant.

As for the manual labor. It''s possible my fiance offered, and my dad politely declined the help, I don''t remember exactly. But in Chinese-parent-speak "No, I can do it" really means "you should be a good future son in law and insist on doing it anyways".

My fiance had 3 brothers and a father all of whom were very hands on with building things and making renovations to the house. And I think in his home, somebody is always working on something, and they won''t be shy to yell for you if they need your help and if they say they don''t need you, they really mean it. I don''t think his family communications require so much reading in between the lines, he''s a very "say what you mean" kind of guy, haha.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 10/27/2009 11:09:12 PM
Author: wannaBMrsH

DH grew up in a VERY passive aggressive home. When he and his family fight, there isn''t ever an actual fight...they simply stop speaking until someone gets over it. Then they continue as if nothing had happened. This can last for hours, days, weeks, months, and we are approaching years that I''ve witnessed.


I grew up in a very aggressive home. When my family and I fight, we yell and scream, throw things and sometimes quite literally beat each other. But we never stop talking to each other. Ever.

Hehe, sounds like the opposite of my fiance and I in a way. My family is stereotypically stoically asian, and I''ve only rarely seen my parents scream and cry at each other. I don''t think my mom has ever thrown anything in her life! His mom on the other hand, once burned all their wedding photos in a fit of rage, lol.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/27/2009 11:54:02 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Hehe Tgal, I figured that''s what you meant.

As for the manual labor. It''s possible my fiance offered, and my dad politely declined the help, I don''t remember exactly. But in Chinese-parent-speak ''No, I can do it'' really means ''you should be a good future son in law and insist on doing it anyways''.

My fiance had 3 brothers and a father all of whom were very hands on with building things and making renovations to the house. And I think in his home, somebody is always working on something, and they won''t be shy to yell for you if they need your help and if they say they don''t need you, they really mean it. I don''t think his family communications require so much reading in between the lines, he''s a very ''say what you mean'' kind of guy, haha.

LOL, now that makes sense. It took TGuy awhile to figure that out too...the way Asians speak backwards. Stuff like, if my mom says "I''m sorry the food isn''t good," that is actually code for "You can tell me how great my food is!" My mom doesn''t get it that he doesn''t get it sometimes and tries to read between the lines when he speaks. Once my mom was making kimchi soup and the way I like it is the ghetto way of making it with Spam. I was out of town and she was going to make it for him, as well as me when I returned. She asked, "What kind of meat should I make it with?" TGuy said, "TGal likes it with Spam." Which SHE took mean that TGuy must not like it with Spam, so that was his way of saying he liked it with real pork, and if he wanted spam, why did he say I wanted spam?

Poor guy was so confused.

 

[noelwr]

Date: 10/27/2009 2:26:10 PM
Author: btrflygrl23
We have no real cross clutural issues but some fun stuff does come up for example my parents refer to the trunk of a car as the boot or the dickie since Sri Lanka was once part of the British Monarchy and the term is used there and it was fun explaining the first time that my dad meant the trunk and not an actual boot that FI had started frantically searching for LOL!
Also when my parents need a flashlight they ask for the torch and now that FI knows them so well he teases them and always asks whether they would like him to pass them the Olympic torch hee hee stuff like that and of course some of the foods I like are a mystery to him but he tries things and then eats what he likes and leaves what he doesn''t...

we also have language "issues", even though both of us have English as our first language. I speak with an American accent and he more with an English accent. so now he knows to expect trunk and flashlight from me, and he uses boot and torch. others that I like:

chuffed = happy
robot = traffic light
petrol = gas
tackies = sneakers

once I told my nephews that is was his bath time (bath said with with an American accent). and he said to me "I don''t take BATHS [copying my accent]; I take bawths [British accent]!"

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 10/28/2009 5:15:57 AM
Author: noelwr

once I told my nephews that is was his bath time (bath said with with an American accent). and he said to me ''I don''t take BATHS [copying my accent]; I take bawths [British accent]!''

Haha! That''s too cute!!!

And yes Tgal, the asian backwards-speak is sometimes harder to learn than the asian language itself! Once my parents made us dinner, and they made some tofu because I love tofu. And my fiance mentions he doesn''t like tofu, and my parents got really quiet the rest of the meal. I had to explain to him after wards, that he is supposed to pretend to like the tofu anyways since my parents made it for him, and it was really my job to later tell them quietly that he didn''t like tofu. Saying he didn''t like tofu while being served tofu was really saying he didn''t like their cooking. Oy.

I thought of another fun tidbit. For our wedding reception, we booked the party room of a Chinese restaurant, and had a 10 course Chinese banquet because I insisted on having good food. When planning the courses, I made sure to specify things like no bones or heads on the the fish, and no shells on the shrimp for the main courses. I overlooked the shrimp that would be in the appetizers though, and they were not pre-peeled, and so pretty much all of my fiance''s relatives were picking little bits of shrimp shell out of their teeth since they weren''t used to having to peel them themselves. Haha, whoops...

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 10/27/2009 11:56:57 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade

Date: 10/27/2009 11:09:12 PM
Author: wannaBMrsH

DH grew up in a VERY passive aggressive home. When he and his family fight, there isn''t ever an actual fight...they simply stop speaking until someone gets over it. Then they continue as if nothing had happened. This can last for hours, days, weeks, months, and we are approaching years that I''ve witnessed.


I grew up in a very aggressive home. When my family and I fight, we yell and scream, throw things and sometimes quite literally beat each other. But we never stop talking to each other. Ever.

Hehe, sounds like the opposite of my fiance and I in a way. My family is stereotypically stoically asian, and I''ve only rarely seen my parents scream and cry at each other. I don''t think my mom has ever thrown anything in her life! His mom on the other hand, once burned all their wedding photos in a fit of rage, lol.

OMG! I don''t think I would burn our wedding photos, but I did shoot a neighbor with a bb gun for stealing my pencil case! I know... I was crazy even at the tender age of 12!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 10/28/2009 7:33:49 AM
Author: MakingTheGrade


I thought of another fun tidbit. For our wedding reception, we booked the party room of a Chinese restaurant, and had a 10 course Chinese banquet because I insisted on having good food. When planning the courses, I made sure to specify things like no bones or heads on the the fish, and no shells on the shrimp for the main courses. I overlooked the shrimp that would be in the appetizers though, and they were not pre-peeled, and so pretty much all of my fiance''s relatives were picking little bits of shrimp shell out of their teeth since they weren''t used to having to peel them themselves. Haha, whoops...

shark fin soup??

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Haha, no shark fin soup, I feel bad for the poor sharks. It also doesn't taste particularly good. It's mostly the soup part that's tasty, it's be the same if you just used thick vermicelli instead as far as I'm concerned, maybe even better.

 

[chiquitapet]

Great to read all the stories on this thread!

I am half Czech, half Lebanese, born and raised in the Czech republic. DH is Chinese born in Vietnam and raised in Canada. We live in Australia... I am just afraid our future children may get confused

.

We had a lot of ''cultural/race'' issues early on in our relationship coming from our parents, but the two of us never had any problems. We are very different but I can''t imagine a better match for me than my DH.

There is a thread on our story if you are interested (warning: long), called ''fighting the odds'': https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/fighting-the-odds.122823/.

 

[jstarfireb]

Date: 10/30/2009 2:07:13 AM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Haha, no shark fin soup, I feel bad for the poor sharks. It also doesn''t taste particularly good. It''s mostly the soup part that''s tasty, it''s be the same if you just used thick vermicelli instead as far as I''m concerned, maybe even better.

My husband''s brother had shark fin soup at his wedding and I wasn''t terribly impressed. Then again, I''ll take General Tso''s Chicken over pretty much any of the food they served. I ate it and didn''t mind, but my mom was squicked out by the fish with the heads on, jellyfish appetizer, and various other unfamiliar dishes. So much that she and my grandparents have asked that their table has a special "white people menu" at our banquet...

 

[basil]

My husband is Taiwanese-American and I''m Italian/British. I don''t think that we have any more differences than any other couple. There are small things - we grew up eating different types of food and celebrating holidays differently. But aside from things like me never having eaten jellyfish and him never eating gnocchi, there aren''t a lot of differences.

There are some cultural things with his parents - they both speak English but with heavy accents and sometimes I have trouble understanding what they are asking me. Sometimes they behave in ways that are unexpected to me, but I''m never sure if it''s because they are Chinese or just because they are them, you know?

 

[iloveny]

My husband is Caucasian (Swedish-German descent) from the Midwest and I''m African-American from the South. We''ve had no major mishaps with family- our families met for the first time at the wedding, and everyone got along Amazingly well! We were so happy about that. I think as long as politics didn''t come up we were going to be fine! There are a few things about African-Americans that DH has no clue about, but I just tell him about those things and it''s all good. In NYC you see interracial couples all the time, so I barely even think about it anymore...

 

[Alienor]

I am French and my husband is American. I would say most of our misunderstandings/fights have to do with different cultures and English being my second language.

It definitely makes for fun stories. lol In my opinion, for a cross cultural marriage to succeed is to communicate: over and over. That and a patient hubby sure does help tremendously.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 10/31/2009 3:36:24 PM
Author: Alienor
That and a patient hubby sure does help tremendously.

Definitely!

With the holidays coming up, we came to the topic of Christmas presents.
I had to talk to the DH about what an appropriate gift would be for my folks. Gift-giving in general is a bit more important and loaded in my culture it seems.

For example: my cousin who works for my mom, did not send me a wedding gift. However, my other working cousins did send very sweet gifts, even though none of them could actually attend the wedding in the US. My mother was SO furious about the lack of gift since it was very disrespectful to my mom (I actually didn''t matter that much in this equation, haha). My mom now thinks of her as being extremely rude and ungrateful.

So yeah, I had to explain to my lovely DH that we should buy my folks a nice, relatively pricey gift, especially since this is our first year as a married couple, and my parents will read into this gift as a sign of how they can expect to be treated and looked after in the future, lol.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Date: 10/31/2009 3:47:39 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade

Date: 10/31/2009 3:36:24 PM
Author: Alienor
That and a patient hubby sure does help tremendously.

Definitely!

With the holidays coming up, we came to the topic of Christmas presents.
I had to talk to the DH about what an appropriate gift would be for my folks. Gift-giving in general is a bit more important and loaded in my culture it seems.

For example: my cousin who works for my mom, did not send me a wedding gift. However, my other working cousins did send very sweet gifts, even though none of them could actually attend the wedding in the US. My mother was SO furious about the lack of gift since it was very disrespectful to my mom (I actually didn''t matter that much in this equation, haha). My mom now thinks of her as being extremely rude and ungrateful.

So yeah, I had to explain to my lovely DH that we should buy my folks a nice, relatively pricey gift, especially since this is our first year as a married couple, and my parents will read into this gift as a sign of how they can expect to be treated and looked after in the future, lol.

Patient Hubby does indeed help!

And I understand about the Christmas GiftGiving. DH''s family is all pretty well-to-do and by that I mean most of his siblings have not only college degrees but advanced degrees and well-paying jobs. My family is educated as well, but I am the only one with a bachelor''s degree (most of my siblings have vocational degrees) and they just get by.

Christmas is a HUGE event in my family. We buy EVERYONE presents and the little ones think they''ve won the lottery. DH''s family does a White Elephant Gift exchange. I hate that! I want them to each know that I thoughtfully and with intent went out in search of something I thought they would love. Instead last year I ended up with two new cupcake molds! Yuck!

I''ve gone ahead and started my own Christmas fund for my family and they will all receive great gifts from DH, his kids and me, but I will let him do the White Elephant Gift exchange with his own family. Yay! The art of compromise!