Answering "So when are you getting married?"

[Junkenpo]

My bf and I have known each other forever, but have only been dating the last 3 years... about 1/2 of our (my?) group of friends have gotten married... and now the "So when are you two gonna get married?" question seems to pop up more often...

Why don''t people understand how uncomfortable this question is??

Sometimes I just want to say: "Oh...tomorrow actually, sorry we couldn''t invite you. Space was limited."

And then wait for that uncomfortable pause before cracking up with the "Kidding!" (we wouldn''t invite you anway!)

KIDDING!

Like I wouldnt'' be singing it far and wide when he finally pops the question!!

Thanks for letting me rant.... what kind of replies do you ladies use?

 

[musey]

I always just shrugged and said "I don''t know!" I won''t be able to get away with that for much longer now that we are engaged, huh?

 

[bee*]

wow-I know how you feel! I hate hate hate getting that question! I mean, how can you answer it! I normally just say, hey Ive just gone back to college so we cant do it yet. What I feel like saying is when he damn proposes!!

 

[Beth07]

I always say "well it''s not really up to me!" then divert all talk of engagements to the boyfriend

 

[Fancy605]

"When we decide to" generally worked for me before I was engaged. It sounds abrupt, I know, but I found that people quit asking very quickly ir found a better way to pose the question. I mean, it''s sweet and everything that people are interested in your relationship, but COME ON. "When are you two getting married" is so presumptuous. Awkward, Awkward, Awkward. People should stick to, "So, do you think you want to get married?" or something like that. I almost think that people who ask awkward on-the-spot questions WANT to cause drama.

 

[devotion]

I''ve always been honest and say "When I get big fat rock."

 

[Rosebud8506]

I would always answer "I don't know, ask ________ !" (insert bf's name)

 

[zoebartlett]

Yeah, that''s a hard one. I just smile and say that I''m not sure. That''s always been a funny question though...I mean, why ask me? People should be asking my boyfriend (hopefully when I''m not around) when he''s going to propose. My mom''s been totally bugging me about it lately, asking "casually" -- "so are you engaged yet?" I''d like to say yes, yes I am, and it TOTALLY slipped my mind to tell anyone!

 

[luckystar112]

UGHHH I can't even tell you how annoying that is!

But mostly it just makes me sad, you know? I can't help but take it as, "Is there a reason he hasn't asked you to marry him yet?" Even though I know that isn't what they are saying. I think the reason people go for the girl when asking that question is because they think that girls would be more open to talking about marriage than the guy. Which is true, but it backfires cause it's the girl who has no idea and would probably like to know as much as the person asking!

I spent xmas with my boyfriend's family this year for the first time, and apparently they were all expecting a proposal that didn't happen. (I'll admit, I was expecting it too.

)His family asked ME when I thought we'd be getting engaged when my boyfriend wasn't in the room. I wanted to be like, "YOU'RE his mom/dad/brother/sister-in-law!!!! Why don't YOU ask him! And then tell me, of course.

Seriously, I wish people would ask him as much as people ask me. It'd probably make him hurry up with it! lol

 

[DMBsGirl]

the intelligent ladies on here suggested I say "i don''t know, he wants the engagement to be a surprise." Now that i luckily have a timeline, i tell people "we''ll get engaged sometime this year."
i agree though, it is an annoying question when you''re a lady in waiting. it just makes u think of it more!

 

[TuesdaysChild]

Ugh! I HATE that question. Don''t people understand that it could be a really sensitive subject for us??

Now I just say "We''ll get married when it feels right for both of us." And then I walk away quickly before it can turn into a whole conversation that will end up making me feel like there''s something wrong with me because he''s not ready to propose yet.

 

[LauraLoo]

Errrrr. Latley I feel like I can''t go 1 week without being asked that....and he is usually standing right next to me. Family, friends, friends parents, co-workers.....a friggin waitress! The look on their faces, almost like someone died, when he or I tell them we have been together for over 5 years makes it that much worse. Most of the time when we are asked he just stands there and says nothing! Sometimes I''d say I haven''t been asked, sometimes I say nothing and look at him like, yes, I''d like to know too... I get nothing. Sometimes I say when I meet the right woman

It always makes me mad and I end up being moody with him and then I feel bad about it. What can ya do?

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Here are some suggestions:

"When your husband asks me."

"When Hell freezes over and I get an engraved invitation to the ice skating party."

"When I have to."

 

[Liquiddazi]

It get asked this alot and I''m young! lol. It depends on who ask, what I tell them. Generally, it is a "depends on when we get engaged" or "it is still up in the air."

However, when the boyfriend''s dad ask this and the boyfriend it sitting next to me, which happened this weekend... It was a "I haven''t been asked yet" and the boyfriend replied, "we haven''t set anything official."

So yeah... I don''t know. If you find a good answer, please let me know!

 

[anchor31]

I''m still in college, so I used to say "Not before I graduate"... Worked just fine!

 

[MustangFan]

We really have never been asked that

This best friends FI knows we are going to get engaged and it was just like so when will you get married after you get engaged? I said a long time off from then, I don''t know... many moons in the future.

We have been thinking August 8, 2008,
Somehow I don''t think we will ever be ready for that date, but we won''t tell people untill we book the place.

 

[littlelysser]

I didn''t get that question too often before I got engaged...I actually get it more now that I''m wearing my ering...

Anyway...not a big fan of the "whenever HE ask me" thing...makes it seem like you''ve got no control or power in the whole thing...

I''d be tempted to say something along the lines of "Who knows, we may just end up living in sin forever" or something along those lines. When I was asked pre-engagement, I basically told people that NEITHER of us were in a big hurray...we bought a house together, had two dogs, and were sure we were right for one another - and I wanted a nice ring - so we''d get around to it when we got around to it.

People are rude.

 

[KimberlyH]

My answer would be "When we're both ready."

ETA: For the same reasons that littlelysser voiced. I don't think it's right to throw the love of one's life under the proverbial bus out of frustration, even if only in a teasing manor.

 

[Fancy605]

Date: 2/7/2007 10:15:38 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Here are some suggestions:


''When your husband asks me.''


''When I have to.''

Loves it! People who ask tacky questions basically deserve snide answers.

I have basically decided that the only time it is okay for someone to say, "Sooooo, when are you getting married/engaged?" is if YOU personally initiated a conversation about the possibillity of being engaged/married with that person at a previous time and that person was just following up on a conversation that you brought up in the first place.

 

[cRaSh]

I actually read this yesterday, but didn''t know how to answer, since it had never happend to me. UNTIL last night.

Someone ANNOUNCED loudly at Taco Bell, "If your b/f can afford to put out all these CDs and is making so much money, then he can afford to put a rock on that hand" It didn''t stop there. He kept on, "Why aren''t you guys engaged." "if I were him..".. blah blah. One of those annoying characters. lol


Talk about taken by suprise. I didn''t know what to say. I feel so bad for any of you that are getting that! People shouldn''t put you in that position to answer questions like that!

 

[Beth07]

cRaSh - I would have been so livid and embarassed if I were you! What did you say?! Some people have no tact!

 

[sap483]

If any of our friends ask us that I generally jokingly reply with have you met my bf...referring to his widely know committment issues. For family, I stick with something along the lines of not being in a hurry or when the time is right. Both have worked so far.

 

[Independent Gal]

I got that question one HORRIBLE evening just before I broke up with the ex FF. We had been talking non-stop for a while about the whens the hows and the whys of us getting married and we were both becoming increasingly wound up about it and I wasn''t getting any sleep and he was drinking too much... Not a pleasant time. So, we were at the bar in this very chi-chi restaurant with a bunch of EX''s chi-chi friends and they started talking to this 60ish, very loud, very entertaining, and very jewel-encrusted British fellow at the bar. He suddenly noticed me and that I was kinda being squeezed out of the circle and he says to the EX ''Is this your wife??! Come sit up here . Look at you! Look at her! Is she your wife? Is she yours? She''s gorgeous!'' And EX says ''Uh, no, uh not yet. No.'' And the guy just won''t let it go ''What are you waiting for, I mean, look at her! You should marry her right now! She''s so lovely! If you don''t marry her right now I will. What kind of guy doesn''t marry a woman like this!'' And he''s all looking at me like I''m a tasty snack or something. And he just... won''t... drop it.

I''m sure he meant well, but I was mortified on OH! so many levels. YUUUCK!

 

[cRaSh]

Date: 2/9/2007 9:14:20 AM
Author: Beth07
cRaSh - I would have been so livid and embarassed if I were you! What did you say?! Some people have no tact!

I was really upset and embarrassed. I didn''t say anything. I just sorta ignored him. He''s an idiot, and everyone knew he was.

 

[JCJD]

"I don''t know, what do you think honey? Thursday work for you? No, oh right, you have that meeting. What about Friday?..."

"Ask [insert boyfriend''s name here]. He''s the one you''re waiting for." Alternatively: "Ask [bf]. And let me know! He won''t tell me anything!"

"Why, are you asking me? Cause I''m flattered and all, but...."

"Later."

*Smile sweetly* "I don''t know. When are you [graduating, having that unsightly mole removed, having kids, getting a job, paying off your credit card debt....]?"

 

[BlackDiamond21]

I pretty much tell everyone the same answer, "When we pay off all our debt." I am getting TIRED of that though... starting to feel like it is an excuse rather than a reason...

I need something new... I think I may adopt JCJD''s: *Smile sweetly* "I don''t know. When are you [graduating, having that unsightly mole removed, having kids, getting a job, paying off your credit card debt....]?"

JCJD that had me cracking up girl!!!

 

[Blenheim]

"Whenever he gets me knocked up."

I was out with FI a couple of weekends ago, and a guy who we were talking to asked us when we were getting married. One of us answered, "May 12." It turns out that the guy had no idea that we were engaged and was just saying it to be annoying. So yes, some people realize how obnoxious the question is.