Another possible dress before ring--should I buy?

[jennredsox]

Well, I know I'll be getting the ring very soon. SO and I designed the ring, and I know he's paid for it and its in the house somewhere. I haven't snooped b/c I want it to be a surprise, but he better do it soon, cuz I don't know how much more restraint I'll have.

Anyway, Henry Roth had a trunk show in my local Sydney area bridal shop over the weekend. I made an appointment, and had no real expectations for the day. I met Henry and had a chat about me, SO, and wedding theme before he pulled dresses. He was so excited when I told him I was originally from Boston. I told him that we're planning to have 2 back to back weddings; a relaxed casual elegant beachside Aussie wedding in Spring---then fly back to Boston for a church Autumn in New England wedding.

As soon as Henry heard "Autumn in New England" he pulled THE DRESS!!! It didn't look like much on the hanger, but WOW!! I'll try to post a photo of it, but not sure if it will work. It's Michelle Roth "Deidre" A-line Chantilly lace in ivory. Simplicity Timeless elegance.--Think Jackie O, Grace Kelly, Carolyn Bissett Kennedy

As soon as I put it on, it took my breath away. It was perfect. I could just picture my dad walking me down the isle in that dress---I got all emotional---my mom passed away 7 yrs ago, and l could feel her--I knew it was the dress my mom would have loved me in. My mom's wedding dress had lace in it. There's a photo of her in her dress with her bouquet by a window and I've always wanted to replicate that photo on my wedding day---I think this dress would be perfect for that. I got emotional and cried--I even made Henry and his assistant--a self proclaimed cynic cry.

The design isn't for retail sale yet (at least in Australia) and takes 6-8 months to make. So I'd have to order soon. I told the bridal store I'd have to think about it. She said no worries--I could take a few weeks to think about it. So I got in my car to leave, and the song "Home" by Blake Shelton came on the radio. Is that a sign or what???

There are just a few things stopping me from buying it right now---since we're not engaged yet, I haven't done any planning---I don't have a budget, a venue, anything. I don't even know if any of the venues I had in mind are available in Sept Oct next year b/c of the very short peak foliage time. Also, I'd probably have to get 2 dresses b/c I don't think this one would fit the Aussie theme.

Should I just buy it and go with my gut? Should I say yes to the dress?

 

[wakingdreams53]

Oh its beautiful!! Does you SO know? Pre-engaged is tough, but you're really only pre-proposal. He's got the ring and is getting ready in his own time. Would he be thrown off if you made a wedding purchase (especially if this is an expensive gown)? Or would this come out of your personal budget, not mutual/wedding budget and you'd be buying it because it's the perfect gown that you definitely want to wear to your wedding?

If he's okay with it/you are very sure that he'd be okay with it, I'm for buying it! It resonated with you, it was THE dress! You even made people cry! I would buy it just for that! But because a wedding is a mutual affair, I'd want to run it by the future-hubby.

 

[Rhea]

Pretty dress! I don't think there's a problem with buying a dress before you have a ring on your finger. I think there can be a problem with buying a dress before you've done any other planning.

We discussed and knew what we wanted pretty damn quickly, or so we thought. Minds were changed several times as we discovered one thing or another. We were lucky in that neither set of parents minded, but that's not what we've seen with most of our friends. We've watched as entire plans have changed based on things that the couple weren't expecting when they started planning.

If it's an inexpensive dress that you won't find elsewhere and could sell quickly, go for it. If you and your partner haven't yet discussed what type of wedding you even want or set a budget, hold off. How ever YOU think your wedding will be will not be what it's like by the time it's discussed with a partner, a budget is set, and both families get involved.

ETA: I had a dress crying moment. I'd forgotten about it until now! It wasn't too dissimilar from the one that you posted if I recall. It obviously didn't end up being my dress. I cried, my mother cried, the bridal store woman said it was perfect, and I put it back and walked out. It was a great dress at a great price and might have even looked better on me than the dress I finally bought. The problem was that it didn't fit our theme, venue, or style. Shug. Such is life. I love the dress I bought and it fit the wedding so perfectly.

 

[dragonfly411]

I say go for it, but we all know why lol! It's a beautiful dress! And the fact that it feels so right with regards to the memories of your mother makes me feel like you know it is the dress for you.

 

[jennredsox]

I did call SO from the bridal shop and he said he didn't care, it was up to me. But he also had me bear in mind that is was one of the very first dresses I tried on, so just make sure its the one I want. It's really reasonable---only $1800. And the seamstress said any alterations would be quite easy to do.

This is my first wedding and SO's 2nd. So the America one I feel will be like my actual wedding, where the Aussie one will be just a relaxed day--outside service with a reception at a restaurant---just so his family can see us get married, b/c I'm pretty sure they won't be able to come to America. And if we had a wedding other than the Boston area, the people who I want to be there the most wouldn't be able to b/c of health, travel expenses, time off work, or kids. And I do want a traditional wedding so I don't think the theme will change much from what I had in mind. Just hoping I can find a venue for autumn next year.

And if we just do a relaxed Aussie ceremony, I wouldn't even really need a "bridal" gown--I could just a nice soft flowy white dress and have fun with different headpieces, facinators or flowers in my hair.

I'm 99% sure I'm going to get it, but I'll have a think about it a bit more. Henry Roth is doing another show in Sydney in about 2 weeks--I'll see if I can book in to that day, and bring some friends from home who live in Sydney.