another kid Q...any friends/relatives that you know regret

[Dancing Fire]

not having kids later on in their lives when it was too late to turn back the clock?

 

[elrohwen]

Yes. My mom''s best college friend and her husband decided that they didn''t want kids. Some time in her mid-40s, I think they both felt like they had missed out. They very seriously thought about adopting a kid from China or something, but decided it wouldn''t be fair to a kid or themselves to be such old parents. That story stuck with me, and even though I don''t want kids any time soon, I''m afraid to be in that boat.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Yes...my brother and his wife. I wish they had met 15 years ago

They would have had the most gorgeous little babies.

 

[MissMina]

Yes, A lady I worked with
She said that she and her husband wanted to wait till everything
else was in place (house,jobs,savings etc)
One day they realized that that option had passed them by.
She would have made a great mom.

Thee used to be a T shirt that said "OMG I forgot to have children"

 

[asscherisme]

Date: 6/8/2010 12:33:56 PM
Author:Dancing Fire
not having kids later on in their lives when it was too late to turn back the clock?

I do have a friend/neighbor that regrets waiting too long. She has one lovely child. Sweet girl. But she has often commented how lucky I am to have a house full of kids because I started having babies 12 years earlier than her. She would have liked 2 or 3 kids but after her first, she had major infirtility issues and gave up. Infertility can happen at any age but often when you are over 40 getting pregnant can be more of a challlenge.

 

[mrscushion]

I''m really afraid that this is going to happen to me. I''m 29 and I really don''t want kids yet. I don''t feel ready -- which is weird, given my age. There''s too much I want to do, just FI and me. I just hope that I want kids before it''s too late and I can''t have any anymore.

 

[partgypsy]

I only know of one instance (my mom''s friend), but I don''t know if it counts because the woman always wanted kids. She wanted kids, he didn''t, but since she loved him so much she settled and agreed to the no-kids idea. Years later she got cancer. He started divorce proceedings while she in the hospital (didn''t want to be stuck with a non-attractive dying wife and doctor''s bills). She went through a terrible existential crisis, realizing that she always did want to have children, it was too late, and that she had made the wrong choice in deciding to stay with him.

 

[tyty333]

Yes, I have a friend who never met Mr. Right and now she can no longer have kids. She would have been a great mom too.
She doesnt seem all that upset about it but its pretty much not how she had seen her life evolving.

 

[kenny]

My best friend is 53 and she deeply regrets not having kids.

 

[missydebby]

Date: 6/8/2010 1:36:40 PM
Author: asscherisme

Date: 6/8/2010 12:33:56 PM

Author:Dancing Fire

not having kids later on in their lives when it was too late to turn back the clock?

I do have a friend/neighbor that regrets waiting too long. She has one lovely child. Sweet girl. But she has often commented how lucky I am to have a house full of kids because I started having babies 12 years earlier than her. She would have liked 2 or 3 kids but after her first, she had major infirtility issues and gave up. Infertility can happen at any age but often when you are over 40 getting pregnant can be more of a challlenge.

It can totally happen at any age. Got married at 28 and we immediately started trying. After 2 years, we got lucky with insemination. At 32, we tried again. 4 inseminations and 2 invitros. Long story short, I have 1 beautiful precious daughter and have fully, over time, come to terms with not being able to have siblings for her. Wouldn''t wish infertility on my worst enemy. As for my friends, thank goodness, none of them seem to have any difficulties getting pregnant into their 40''s... but everytime I hear a person, even on the young side, say they are waiting, I always have the thought in my head of what potentially they may have to go through. But I never volunteer the information. We all have to go our own directions, and I don''t begrudge antone wanting to have all the hatches batten down before undergoing such a life change. To put it another way: I tried sooooo hard to get pregnant, and when I finally was, I was like "oh sh-t! what am I gonna do now?!?"

 

[that_someone_special]

See, this scares me. I wanted to wait another 5 years but.. what if it takes 5 years to get a lil one? Blah. I want to start trying.. LIKE RIGHT THIS SECOND.. or.. tonight

lol

 

[TravelingGal]

My cousin is struggling right now. Was on the fence, and started trying at 35. She will be 39 this year and no kids yet, even though they did try invitro once.

My other cousin is turning 40. She said to me the other day she doesn''t know if she wants kids. And she admitted she says she doesn''t know because it may be too heartbreaking for her to say she wants them since she''s turning 40 with no man in sight and the odds are that she never will have them.

 

[soocool]

I am 53 and I had DD in my late 30s. One was enough for me. My sister had 3 starting in her late 20s. I have numerous friends my age and some a little older who never had and never regretted not having children. This subject had been brought up in conversation with them before. All of them are professional women and men and their jobs are like their family. They work long hours, have relocated for their jobs, and travel extensively for their jobs. They did not want to give up their lifestyle to raise children. They thought it wouldn''t be fair to their children if they had had any. Don''t get me wrong, they love kids and always give DD attention whenever they visit and even keep in touch with her via phone and email as she is looking into colleges right now.

One couple, my age, retired from their jobs and are moving from Manhattan to Napa because they want to start a winery as a hobby. I guess since they never really wanted children in the first place that they have no regrets. These are people who are extremely happy with their lives.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/8/2010 2:48:25 PM
Author: mscushion
I''m really afraid that this is going to happen to me. I''m 29 and I really don''t want kids yet. I don''t feel ready -- which is weird, given my age. There''s too much I want to do, just FI and me. I just hope that I want kids before it''s too late and I can''t have any anymore.

yep,that''s the risk you take by having lots of fun now.

here''s the other side of the coin...
i''m glad we had our two daughters before we turned 30.we were diaper free by the time i turn 32,now wife and i can do whatever/whenever we want to w/o worrying about baby sitting,etc...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/8/2010 4:42:24 PM
Author: swedish bean
See, this scares me. I wanted to wait another 5 years but.. what if it takes 5 years to get a lil one? Blah. I want to start trying.. LIKE RIGHT THIS SECOND.. or.. tonight

lol

yep,before he runs out of bullets!!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Only one. Do to some things her mother did when she was pregnant, my mom''s friend was born infertile. She would have been a good mom, but settled in her marriage and I don''t think she has enough to care of him and a child anyway.

I know a number of people who are too old, but do not regret it. The interesting this is that they are all male, while almost all the ones everyone else has posted on here were female.

I have one friend whose mother didn''t see a guy on the horizon so she had one herself and was an amazing mom. I also have some family that did not wait to long, but just couldn''t do it despite all the treatments. They were not young when they adopted their daughter, but she couldn''t have found a more loving home.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I know people who have regretted not having children but I''ve never met anyone who regretted having children.

 

[Kaleigh]

That was almost my SIL. She didn''t want kids, and then when she did, she couldn''t have them. They adopted my wonderful nephew and he''s such a blessing. They are wonderful parents, really amazing parents.

 

[audball]

Date: 6/8/2010 8:08:36 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
I know people who have regretted not having children but I''ve never met anyone who regretted having children.

I have met a couple who deeply regrets having a child and resent her like nothing I''ve ever seen. She''ll never know this, because they hide it from her, but they have been absolutely miserable with their life since she arrived. They were they couple who had a child because they were scared into thinking they would regret it one day, and now they wish they never had. They take turns coming over to a mutual neighbor''s house (a childless couple) and cry about their decision. Just to get a break. They were a happy couple pre-baby, now, not so much. It''s not for everyone.

 

[swingirl]

Yep. Just about everyone I know who choose not to have children and made wonderful plans for toys, travel, sleepy Sundays, a clean house and a fulfilling career have found that somewhere around 50 life gets pretty dull. They've traveled everywhere and bought all the fancy cars and purses they wanted. The career has peaked, too. Now they look around and have realized there is no one to share any of the stuff with.

These might be people who didn't have children for the wrong reasons. I do know some people who didn't have children and are still very glad they didn't.

 

[swingirl]

Date: 6/8/2010 8:36:21 PM
Author: audball

Date: 6/8/2010 8:08:36 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

I know people who have regretted not having children but I''ve never met anyone who regretted having children.

I have met a couple who deeply regrets having a child and resent her like nothing I''ve ever seen. She''ll never know this, because they hide it from her,but they have been absolutely miserable with their life since she arrived. They were they couple who had a child because they were scared into thinking they would regret it one day, and now they wish they never had. They take turns coming over to a mutual neighbor''s house (a childless couple) and cry about their decision. Just to get a break. They were a happy couple pre-baby, now, not so much. It''s not for everyone.

I doubt that they are able to hide it from her, poor child.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 6/8/2010 8:59:08 PM
Author: swingirl

Date: 6/8/2010 8:36:21 PM
Author: audball

Date: 6/8/2010 8:08:36 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

I know people who have regretted not having children but I''ve never met anyone who regretted having children.

I have met a couple who deeply regrets having a child and resent her like nothing I''ve ever seen. She''ll never know this, because they hide it from her,but they have been absolutely miserable with their life since she arrived. They were they couple who had a child because they were scared into thinking they would regret it one day, and now they wish they never had. They take turns coming over to a mutual neighbor''s house (a childless couple) and cry about their decision. Just to get a break. They were a happy couple pre-baby, now, not so much. It''s not for everyone.

I doubt that they are able to hide it from her, poor child.

One of my BMs was a girl who the parents wished they had not had. They never told her, but she certainly knows.

 

[waterlilly]

Date: 6/8/2010 8:56:06 PM
Author: swingirl
Yep. Just about everyone I know who choose not to have children and made wonderful plans for toys, travel, sleepy Sundays, a clean house and a fulfilling career have found that somewhere around 50 life gets pretty dull. They''ve traveled everywhere and bought all the fancy cars and purses they wanted. The career has peaked, too. Now they look around and have realized there is no one to share any of the stuff with.

Sorry, I just find that a little hard to believe. This sounds more like something my parents would say to me as a scenario for what will happen when I''m 50 if I don''t have kids. People actually have told you these details and that they regret not having kids because they can''t share their "stuff" with them? Not exactly a reason to have kids in my opinion.

 

[CharmyPoo]

I don''t see a reason why people can''t have children without finding Mr. Right or Ms. Right. I have seen many people who were brave enough to do it one their own and couldn''t be happier. I also know of a lesbian couple who each got artificially inseminated by the same guy .. they have two beautiful children!

 

[audball]

Date: 6/8/2010 9:01:46 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy

Date: 6/8/2010 8:59:08 PM

Author: swingirl

Date: 6/8/2010 8:36:21 PM

Author: audball

Date: 6/8/2010 8:08:36 PM


Author: Cehrabehra


I know people who have regretted not having children but I''ve never met anyone who regretted having children.

I have met a couple who deeply regrets having a child and resent her like nothing I''ve ever seen. She''ll never know this, because they hide it from her,but they have been absolutely miserable with their life since she arrived. They were they couple who had a child because they were scared into thinking they would regret it one day, and now they wish they never had. They take turns coming over to a mutual neighbor''s house (a childless couple) and cry about their decision. Just to get a break. They were a happy couple pre-baby, now, not so much. It''s not for everyone.

I doubt that they are able to hide it from her, poor child.

One of my BMs was a girl who the parents wished they had not had. They never told her, but she certainly knows.

Probably true, she''s only 3 (maybe 4?), and it''s a sad sight to see. I hope it gets better for them as she gets older and less dependent, but I fear it will break their marriage apart before she gets old enough to relieve some of their stress.

 

[february2003bride]

Yes, DH''s closest friend of the last 25 years. She and her DH decided not to have children, but rather be an amazing Aunt and Uncle to their nieces and nephews (and they are). Long story short, she was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer last year. She told DH that she wished they did have a child after all, because she was so worried about dying and leaving her DH alone. He''s very much an introvert and she was more scared about him being alone if she passed away from cancer (which she won''t, thank God) than from actually dying from cancer.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 6/8/2010 9:45:24 PM
Author: february2003bride
Yes, DH''s closest friend of the last 25 years. She and her DH decided not to have children, but rather be an amazing Aunt and Uncle to their nieces and nephews (and they are). Long story short, she was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer last year. She told DH that she wished they did have a child after all, because she was so worried about dying and leaving her DH alone. He''s very much an introvert and she was more scared about him being alone if she passed away from cancer (which she won''t, thank God) than from actually dying from cancer.

This upcoming rant isn''t against you, Feb2003, you reminded me that this line of reasoning really gets my goat! As a DINK by choice, I have heard variants on this sooo many times "You will be alone when you''re old", "Who will take care of you when you are old", "Don''t you want to be surrounded by family when you''re old" etc etc.

Children are not some sort of insurance policy. There is no guarantee that they will even LIKE you, let alone stick around if they do like you, let alone take care of you/keep you company when you are old. How many people here live in the same town as their parents? I adore my mother and hope to have her come live with us when she retires, but I live 1000 miles away. We will never settle close to his parents, despite their wishes. Many of my friends cannot STAND their parents and have not seen them for years, and have no intention of sharing their children''s lives with their parents if they do end up having kids.

What happens when kids grow up. They fly the nest and go their own way, then they stick your wrinkled behind in an old folks'' home. People have this fuzzy dream about being surrounded by adoring children and packs of cheerful grandkids- does YOUR family gatherings, IF they happen regularly, look like that??

And yet people trot out this chestnut EVERY TIME.

Having kids to keep yourself or your spouse company seems like really deluded thinking to me. People still cling to it though, even to the point of forgetting how they treated their own parents and grandparents.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I agree Galateia. I want kids, but never really got the whole thing about how everyone must have them. Dana Carvey once talked about parenthood as being a cult that is always trying to recruit new members. So many people complain endlessly about their parents and yet expect everyone to put themselves in the same condition.

I think it is a combo of people who love their kids so much and can''t imagine how anyone could not feel the same way and a certain level of envy. Although a person my love their children, hearing about a couple without kids amzing trip to Paris with the jewelry and food when they have not slept in days and Johnny won''t stop throwing peas at his sister may make them jelous. If that couple is missing something though, it validates their own choice to have them.

 

[CharmyPoo]

Date: 6/8/2010 8:36:21 PM
Author: audball

Date: 6/8/2010 8:08:36 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
I know people who have regretted not having children but I''ve never met anyone who regretted having children.

I have met a couple who deeply regrets having a child and resent her like nothing I''ve ever seen. She''ll never know this, because they hide it from her, but they have been absolutely miserable with their life since she arrived. They were they couple who had a child because they were scared into thinking they would regret it one day, and now they wish they never had. They take turns coming over to a mutual neighbor''s house (a childless couple) and cry about their decision. Just to get a break. They were a happy couple pre-baby, now, not so much. It''s not for everyone.

All I can say is .. how selfish they are if there is no medical reason for it. Are they both unhappy or just the mom .. or is the mom''s unhappiness making the dad unhappy? Perhaps she has postpartum depression syndrome?

 

[CharmyPoo]

Galateia - What an awaful reality you paint. True but sad. My fiance is very close to his family .. we go for family dinner every Sunday as a rule. My family lives oversea. When our parents grow old, I know we will be having them live with us.