Another friend got engaged this weekend

[therighttime]

I''m happy for her of course. But I guess I''m jealous too, and wouldn''t admit that anywhere else but here, so thanks ahead of time for letting me vent.

One of my other friends is getting married 6 months from today! She got engaged last December, so I have been through all the wedding preparations with her for this past year. She and her boyfriend had been dating about a year longer than me and my bf, and she is also a whole lot younger than I am so I never really felt jealous over her engagement and upcoming marriage.

But this other friend that got engaged this weekend is different. She is my age, been married before, as have I.. and I think I always thought of her as my single mom friend... that she and I were in the same boat. She has been dating her fiance a WHOLE lot less than I have been dating my bf. My friend went back to college and her boyfriend is struggling to make ends meet, has to pay a lot in child support, lives in small apartment and my friend moved back in with her parents. My bf and I both have stable good jobs, I own my home, and we have been dating longer! I guess I just think that it should be MY turn, not hers. I know that is selfish and I do know that my time is coming soon though.

Anyway, my friend has a horrible engagement story. Thought I''d share. She had given her bf a deadline of February to propose. She said he was one to not get into gear unless she made him. As I said, he really struggles financially so he put a ring on layaway at a pawn shop. She knew the ring was on layaway but that is all she knew about it. So Friday he calls her and tells her, "I paid off your ring and I''ll bring it to you later." He brought it to her and said...."here it is" and handed it to her. Very romantic, huh? AND the only request she had about the ring was that it not be yellow gold. Guess what? It IS yellow gold.

I have no reason to be jealous... I have no reason to be jealous... I love my bf and it will be "therighttime" soon..... right??????

thanks for reading!!!!

 

[poptart]

You''ll be engaged before you know it! As for your friend, I feel so badly for her. It doesn''t sound like a very happy engagement in the first place, so I would be more worried for their future rather than feeling jealous. At least you know this won''t happen to you!

*M*

 

[therighttime]

Thanks, poptart! You are right... I do feel sorry for my friend. She is such a sweet girl and a great friend, but she has made some horrible mistakes when it comes to men. I really think she just desperately wants to be married so she can have someone to support her and she can move out of her parents house. (She is 31 years old, by the way!) Also, her fiance doesn''t get along that well with her children which would be an immediate end to the relationship for me. I can be soooo thankful that my bf loves my son, and they have known each other for 6 years and already think of each other as family.

Thanks for reminding me that the grass is always greener!

 

[poptart]

I hope someone talks to her about her new fiance. It sounds like a disaster slowly in the making. She should maybe rethink her decision? It''s great that your BF and son get along so well, and that the two of you have been together so long. Surely he is just preparing the perfect proposal, and as soon as it happens you will forget the sharpness of the annoyance you felt during the waiting period. It''s true that waiting is one of the worst places to be in life, no matter what the wait is for.

*M*

 

[IrishAngel7982]

You will have your ''right time'' soon dear. I feel for your friend...a very similar thing happened when my friend got engaged. He bought her a ring, gave it to her as her xmas present and said "You know what this means." It''s sad when these guys never officially ask you know?

 

[DMBsGirl]

I know how you feel! I have had three friends get engaged before me, all had been dating their boyfriends less time that I had! Then this past weekend, my boyfriend''s cousin got engaged, and she just got divorced about 8 months ago! I was happy for her, but terribly jealous because I also felt like it should be MY turn. Unfortunately, it''s not something we can do anything about except wait and hope that our boyfriends don''t keep us waiting forever

 

[janinegirly]

i find it very difficult to see friend after friend get engaged before me. I even notice that some friends have sort of figured it's not going to happen for me anytime soon and therefore have their radars on other friends to be engaged soon/next. Although i guess i can't blame them since it's taking my bf soooo long.
it's very difficult to see friends get engaged after meeting their bf's long after i met mine (and get married AND celebrate anniversaries). Or to see my bf's brother break up with his gf and find a new one and get serious immediately. Or watch another friend divorce, go through heartbreak, meet someone new and MARRY in the time I've been with my bf. I have countless other examples. Each time it takes a little out of me, but I try to remember everyone is different, and my time will come etc. It's just not easy and I guess I get jealous easily. My bf is completely unaffected by others' as he feels everyone is different and who cares. Sighh.. sometimes I think he's right, other times I think, hey, i'm only human and it's hard to see others move faster in any area of life.

 

[allycat0303]

therighttime,

I think it''s really hard to watch other people have/get what you''ve been waiting for, so I understand how you can feel jealous. I think it''s really hard to just admit "ok. I''m jealous" but I don''t think it makes you a horrible person. I think it''s natural and healthy (and of course feel free to vent as much as you want here). I think you would be selfish, horrible etc., if you acted on your jealousy, which you are obviously NOT doing so your feelings really aren''t hurting anyone. Don''t be so hard on yourself!

 

[Becky P]

I definitely understand the jealousy. Every time someone else gets engaged, I just have to remember that it''s not a personal attack against me, although sometimes it does really hurt. Anyone ever see that Friends episode when Monica was getting married and Phoebe and Rachel were talking about how they weren''t jealous at all, they were 100% happy for her. Then, later, they were 2% jealous, 98% happy, and so on? I love that episode! I''m sure we can all relate to the mixed feelings upon hearing another friend is engaged, so definitely feel free to vent here. Ironically enough though, when one of the ladies here gets engaged, I don''t feel jealousy - wierd. I''m just so happy for her. I never realized that until just now... Well, happy waitiing.

On another note, I''m sorry that your friend''s proposal was so poorly done. If he''s having a hard time supporting himself, then how is he going to support her too? Sounds like he''s doing what he needs to do to stay in the game, but I hope they both end up happy in the long run...

 

[janinegirly]

becky, what's your latest? are you still just assuming an engagement is 2-4 yrs away since your bf has established that as his timeline? And you're still moving with him to NC in Jan/Feb, but not sure if it's to live together or not? just curious..

 

[Becky P]

therighttime - sorry for the temporary hi-jack.

janinegirly- I just posted a mini-update on the "Top 20" thread that just got bumped back up. No decision has been made yet about moving. We are flying down next Wednesday (Nov. 29) and will be there through Sunday (Dec. 3) just to check out the area and see if it''s even anywhere that we want to live. It sounds fairly likely that we will be moving although all the details have yet to be worked out - I figure a lot of things will be figured out the weekend that we''re there. I am assuming that since I would be compromising a ring, he will be compromising having separate places. He''s been talking positively about looking for "our" place, needing to have room for "all of our furniture", "when we get a dog". He''s a thinker, and seems to need some space to process through all of the big life changes that might be about to take place (moving, new job, relationship step). So, I haven''t brought it up lately. I don''t wanna rush it - it needs some time and space to sort itself out naturally without feeling pushed. So, we''ll see what the next 2 weeks brings... Meanwhile, I''m just trying to self-reflect and make sure that I''m being true to myself through this whole process.

 

[therighttime]

Thanks everyone who responded! It does make me feel better to know that others are in the same place!!! I agree that my friend is not in the best situation and I do want to talk to her about it, but right now she is on cloud 9 from the proposal and I''m afraid anything I said would sound demeaning or jealous!

Don''t worry about highjacking! It''s good to hear from everyone about where they are in the waiting process!

My birthday is Wednesday.... no signs at all of a proposal coming... but a girl can hope, right?

 

[poptart]

Perhaps he is simply waiting for the holidays?

*M*

 

[Tacori E-ring]

It is totally normal to feel jealous and it does NOT make you a bad person! Just remember that.

Waiting for my DH to propose was horrible. I had a very hard time with it. I don''t really like surprises. They make me nervous and I don''t like to be out of the loop (though I *DO* have a great proposal story). Your friend''s story is the worse. She should really think about it long and hard before she marries him. He is obviously not into the marriage idea and doesn''t even have enough sense to at least fake it and spare her feelings. He sounds like a jerk and they OBVIOUSLY have some serious relationship problems. If he really loved her he would make it important. I am not saying that needs to cost him lots of money. Some of the best proposals are free and if she only had one request (that it be WG) and he didn''t even care to get that right....doesn''t sound like you should envy her too much!

Back to you, there will be an end to your long wait and it WILL be WORTH it. I promise!

 

[therighttime]

Aw thanks, Tacori... I''m sure you are right and it will be worth the wait! My bf is NOT romantic or sappy, but he does listen to what I like and always makes an effort to make special times more special. He always reminds me that just because someone got engaged or married quicker than someone else is NO guarantee they are happy, or will last. And he says that he knows what he is doing and when the right time will be, and I have to trust him... so I guess I will for now.

Although it''s hard!!!!!!!!

My friend is just so happy to have snagged someone. It''s sad. This is the 2nd guy she has given an ultimatum to in 3 years. Obviously it didn''t work on the first one.

~Tacori...I''ve been snooping in on the BIW board... did you get your pro pics yet????

~Poptart... maybe he is waiting for the holidays?? That''s what all my friends are betting. We''ll see!

thanks ladies!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Thanks for asking! No pics yet.

LIW everywhere have them put the date in the CONTRACT or you may have to wait FOREVER for the pics. I *almost* don''t even care anymore. I am sure once I finally see them I will be all excited again. We''ll see.

I would not consider my DH romantic BUT he does some through when it is something big (like the proposal). We also say that no one knows what the relationship is like behind closed doors. Everyone has issues and no relationship is perfect. Like I have said before. Life is not a movie and is unscripted. However, there is no excuse for your friend''s proposal. If she is happy with that then that is really sad. A little effort goes a *long* way.

 

[bestdeal]

Dont worry, my best friend has just announced her engagement to her boyriend of two weeks!! yes thats right TWO WEEKS!! and he is hot, nice, funny has a great accent and is sooo much better than any of her previous boyfriends - although i have given her the "be careful" lecture- the more i get to know him the more i think that they may just work- crazily!! But the other side makes me soo sad!! Why has not my b-f proposed- why does it take some people no time when others seem to take years!! Even my parents and his parents have given up on him!!! i am happy for my mate- but also sad that it never seems to be our turn!!

Bloody men!

 

[the other Jake]

Date: 11/21/2006 8:33:33 PM
Author: bestdeal
Dont worry, my best friend has just announced her engagement to her boyriend of two weeks!! yes thats right TWO WEEKS!! and he is hot, nice, funny has a great accent and is sooo much better than any of her previous boyfriends - although i have given her the ''be careful'' lecture- the more i get to know him the more i think that they may just work- crazily!! But the other side makes me soo sad!! Why has not my b-f proposed- why does it take some people no time when others seem to take years!! Even my parents and his parents have given up on him!!! i am happy for my mate- but also sad that it never seems to be our turn!!

Bloody men!

I didn''t know that really happened. I guess some people just move more quickly than others...

 

[therighttime]

Date: 11/21/2006 8:33:33 PM
Author: bestdeal
Dont worry, my best friend has just announced her engagement to her boyriend of two weeks!! yes thats right TWO WEEKS!! and he is hot, nice, funny has a great accent and is sooo much better than any of her previous boyfriends - although i have given her the ''be careful'' lecture- the more i get to know him the more i think that they may just work- crazily!! But the other side makes me soo sad!! Why has not my b-f proposed- why does it take some people no time when others seem to take years!! Even my parents and his parents have given up on him!!! i am happy for my mate- but also sad that it never seems to be our turn!!

Bloody men!

My parents and his parents have given up on my bf too!!! His sweet little grandmother told a mutual friend a few months ago that she didn''t know what the hold up was and that it "wasn''t good to date so long." (what does that mean anyway?)

 

[KimberlyH]

therighttime,

I''m sure it''s hard to watch friends become engaged while you remain an LIW. Please remember that while it''s hard not to compare, you are not them and they are not you, so your lives will not run the same exact paths.

More importantly, my guess is if you want to marry this man you wouldn''t trade him for your friends'' fiance even if it meant a proposal would have already occured.

And take deep breathes and keep your chin up...it will happen when the time is right for the two of you as a couple!

 

[bestdeal]

I know exactly what your talking about! I was having dinner one night with my mum, and his parents while he was away for work and they decided it was a great time to tell me
1- i should ask him because he is to slow
2- if not ask him i should just try to trick him into it!
How crazy is that! And then my friend after about a year of listening to me talk about when its going to happen just ups and goes and gets engaged after two weeks!! ahh some people!! Crazy!

 

[RoseAngel04]

What you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal. I also had a friend who got engaged 5 months before FI and I and I was so shocked when I felt that tinge of jealousy towards her. It wasn''t that I wasn''t anything but thrilled for her, I was just also ready to be engaged. Luckily my wonderful FI proposed this August and we''re saying I do on 8/4/07! So even though she got engaged a few months before I did, I will be married for 1 year and 2 months when they get married in October of 2008. They''re having nearly a 3 year engagement.

Hang in there, I''m sure your time will be here before you know it!