Wedding And Guest issue

[sweetjettagirl04]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:18:42 PM
Author: musey

Date: 7/3/2008 1:05:43 PM
Author: sweetjettagirl04
Sweetie, take a deep breath, and don''t sweat it. In the long run, it''s trivial. You have WAY too much stuff with wedding planning to wonder if someone may be offended if their name is on the invitation.

Personally, we just received an invitation that said Mr.SweetJettaGirl and Guest''. This is a high school friend of FI, and he didn''t know we were engaged. He has met me before, but it''s not a big deal that my name wasn''t written on the invite. If it was a close friend who knew we were together, yeah, I might start squealing some wheels, but that''s totally different. I just send the reply card and clearly print my name as his date so it''s spelled right on the escort card!

You can''t make everyone happy. And if someone is put off because you didn''t call to see what their GF/BF''s name is - they''ve got too much time to worry.

ETA: This actually happened at a wedding of very close friends, where the invites were just made out to the guys, and no girlfriends were included, no and guest, nothing. It was a very awkward phone call for FI to make to see if I was invited, and all the SO''s were. At least you let them know that they could bring a guest...

Thanks, SJG

I know you all are right, I just need to stop stressing. All of my wedding stress has revolved around whether or not something I do will upset/offend someone. It''s getting tiring!

Besides, so many people have different ideas of what proper etiquette is anyways, you need to do what''s right for you. I think it''s a lovely idea of telling them there are seats in their honor. I think that alone is reason enough to not worry about the "and guest". I would feel very warm and happy about the wedding, with just that line alone!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 7/3/2008 12:49:43 PM
Author: musey
Be mad at the rules, not the person.

That''s just it!! Ya don''t KNOW the "rules" until you''ve planned a wedding. (And some of us even after

) Some folks LUV any excuse to get riled up. Not like they''re gonna give the benefit of the doubt and do some research to find out the rules before their feelings go straight to their throbbing temples and out their smoking ears!

 

[musey]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:24:53 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 7/3/2008 12:49:43 PM
Author: musey
Be mad at the rules, not the person.

That's just it!! Ya don't KNOW the 'rules' until you've planned a wedding. (And some of us even after

) Some folks LUV any excuse to get riled up. Not like they're gonna give the benefit of the doubt and do some research to find out the rules before their feelings go straight to their throbbing temples and out their smoking ears!

LOL Deco!!

This is what you made me picture:

 

[musey]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:20:27 PM
Author: fieryred33143
To be fair to the LIW (my current home

) its not like any of us have planned a wedding so we''re saying it from the receiving end.

I''m sure that once we get down to the details, finding out every single person''s name would probably be impossible (or too time consuming).

It''s all relative.

I totally get that, but like I was saying, it was the response from other posters that had me worried (primarily those who are married/engaged).

 

[musey]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:21:41 PM
Author: sweetjettagirl04

Date: 7/3/2008 1:18:42 PM
Author: musey

Date: 7/3/2008 1:05:43 PM
Author: sweetjettagirl04
Sweetie, take a deep breath, and don't sweat it. In the long run, it's trivial. You have WAY too much stuff with wedding planning to wonder if someone may be offended if their name is on the invitation.

Personally, we just received an invitation that said Mr.SweetJettaGirl and Guest'. This is a high school friend of FI, and he didn't know we were engaged. He has met me before, but it's not a big deal that my name wasn't written on the invite. If it was a close friend who knew we were together, yeah, I might start squealing some wheels, but that's totally different. I just send the reply card and clearly print my name as his date so it's spelled right on the escort card!

You can't make everyone happy. And if someone is put off because you didn't call to see what their GF/BF's name is - they've got too much time to worry.

ETA: This actually happened at a wedding of very close friends, where the invites were just made out to the guys, and no girlfriends were included, no and guest, nothing. It was a very awkward phone call for FI to make to see if I was invited, and all the SO's were. At least you let them know that they could bring a guest...

Thanks, SJG

I know you all are right, I just need to stop stressing. All of my wedding stress has revolved around whether or not something I do will upset/offend someone. It's getting tiring!

Besides, so many people have different ideas of what proper etiquette is anyways, you need to do what's right for you. I think it's a lovely idea of telling them there are seats in their honor. I think that alone is reason enough to not worry about the 'and guest'. I would feel very warm and happy about the wedding, with just that line alone!

Well, that's really good to know! Thank you for saying that.

Yeah, it's not as though I have an "and guest" anywhere... there's only an outer envelope with the name and address, and on the rsvp card it says the "2 seats in your honor" line. I do hope that that's enough

I'm off to mail the invitations now, so we may find out soon whether it pisses anyone off

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:35:09 PM
Author: musey

Well, that''s really good to know! Thank you for saying that.

Yeah, it''s not as though I have an ''and guest'' anywhere... there''s only an outer envelope with the name and address, and on the rsvp card it says the ''2 seats in your honor'' line. I do hope that that''s enough

I''m off to mail the invitations now, so we may find out soon whether it pisses anyone off

Funny thing...I recently went to a wedding where placecards had "Guest" listed (not for me but at my table). Now THAT is poor taste!

 

[peridot83]

In fairness to the ladies over in LIW, I don''t think they''re upset because of the rules or not (and the etiquette rules clearly say you are to try and invite everyone by name). The question is does it hurt when you think you are close enough to the bride and groom to warrant a named invite and then you don''t get one?

And I think it''s perfectly reasonable to say yes. Many of us would believe we''ve been "adopted" into our significant others'' family after being together 10 years. Yet the invite comes and it says SO + 1.

"and guest" is just a placeholder for WHOMEVER your significant other is dating at the time. That they couldn''t care less who your SO was bringing. This shows that there is no real relationship between those getting married and yourself. ...And here you thought that there was.

I don''t think it''s a big deal, but I can also clearly see why the original poster in LIW was taken aback when she got the invite.

 

[gtn]

I would not be offended if you were to send me an invitation like that. Don''t feel guilty.

 

[musey]

Peridot, yes, I understand. I was in no way trying to say that the OP in that thread was overreacting or being unreasonable. Like I said, it just made me worry--and primarily that was caused by others' reactions to the situation (saying that it's ALWAYS lazy or rude if there is no SO name included), not the situation itself.

None of the invites in question are for family members, though, so it's a safer situation for me.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/3/2008 5:14:28 PM
Author: gtn
I would not be offended if you were to send me an invitation like that. Don''t feel guilty.

Good to hear, thanks gtn!

 

[bee*]

Date: 7/3/2008 1:05:18 PM
Author: musey

Date: 7/3/2008 12:57:17 PM

Author: FrekeChild

Musey!!!!Here''s one LIW who doesn''t care one way or the other!!! Don''t sweat it love!!!!

Thanks Freke!!! That''s how I was when I was a LIW, honestly I don''t think I''d even care if I were ''and guested'' after being married... I just don''t see why it matters.


(Thanks Deelight, too)

I''m the exact same too. I wouldn''t stress about that at all Musey, especially if you''ve never met their SO''s.

 

[musey]

Thanks bee

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

The rules are that you should send the "and guest" their own invitation to their own address. Would I be offended if someone sent an invitation to my boyfriend's house with both our names on it? no! Invitations are expensive Some people get offended not because of any particular etiquette, but because someone who KNOWS them personally and knows of their relationship has labeled them as an "and guest." The very point that you all made about not knowing if the people will still be dating is what offends some of the ladies. To some ladies, not putting their name implies that you think there's a chance that their relationship won't last until the wedding and their boyfriend will have a new person to take. I have never been offended by being an "and guest", but it did make me happy when my name was specifically written on my boyfriend's invitations instead of being his "guest".


ETA - I don't think you did anything wrong at all! You don't know if they are dating anyone in particular so you are completely fine! It would be much different if you hung out with these people all the time, had met their significant others several times, etc. YOu have nothing to stress about