amount of dollars to spent on a wedding gift...

[gemgirl]

Date: 2/16/2010 2:51:53 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/16/2010 10:26:42 AM
Author: gemgirl

Date: 2/16/2010 10:09:26 AM
Author: elle_chris

Date: 2/16/2010 9:59:24 AM
Author: Burberrygirl
Hmm, interesting question. My mother always told me that the amount of money she gives as a present depends on her relationship with the couple, the venue (price of the meal), and how many people are invited. I haven''t been to many weddings without my family (none of my friends are really getting married yet), but I always consider how well I know the couple and then how much the dinner costs. I think people should give what they''re comfortable giving financially.

Same.

I agree with the ladies above. We decide what we''re going to give based on our relationship to the couple and the venue. Maybe New York is different because we have such a wide variety of places for couples to have their reception. We give a minimum of $250./$300. but it can go much higher because we have some pretty pricey venues here. My girlfriend''s son celebrated his wedding at Robert DeNiro''s roof top restaurant in Tribeca where they paid $700.- a couple for the dinner, and then we have Oheka that starts at $1,000.- per couple. Yes, where the reception is being held matters because we''ve both been taught that you try to cover the cost of the meals.

Then again, another girlfriend''s daughter got married in the backyard of her new in-laws house. I bought her a strand of Akoya pearls and gave them $50.- in a card, which didn''t turn out to be such a bad decision until they got divorced and she hocked the pearls

.

gg...that''s how feel too,but what if you invited me to a $1000 per couple dinner and i can''t really afford to gift $1000?

To be honest, we would respectfully decline the invitation and send the couple a third of that in a nice card. I personally haven''t been invited to a wedding there yet, so we haven''t had to face that situation.

 

[gemgirl]

Date: 2/16/2010 1:23:51 PM
Author: elle_chris
hisdiamondgirl- No one said you ''have'' to. It''s just what some of us do. It could also be a regional thing. In NY (at least the people I know), we give cash, not gifts because weddings here are generally expensive and you want the family to recoup the costs.

But if the family is paying 700 a plate, i can totally see how most people aren''t going to cover it. Hell, I wouldn''t either if they weren''t close. But if they are close, I''d have no problem giving that plus more.

Yes, that''s something that''s different about New York weddings too. We always give cash as gifts. All of the friends and family I have outside of NY have gotten household things as gifts at their weddings.

 

[purselover]

It depends on the couple, funny enough my brother is throwing around the idea of either getting married in the backyard or the Four Seasons, I plan to give the same amount regardless in this instance.

 

[gemgirl]

Date: 2/16/2010 7:32:15 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Date: 2/16/2010 1:11:18 PM
Author: hisdiamondgirl

Date: 2/16/2010 10:26:42 AM

Author: gemgirl

Date: 2/16/2010 10:09:26 AM

Author: elle_chris

Date: 2/16/2010 9:59:24 AM

Author: Burberrygirl

Hmm, interesting question. My mother always told me that the amount of money she gives as a present depends on her relationship with the couple, the venue (price of the meal), and how many people are invited. I haven''t been to many weddings without my family (none of my friends are really getting married yet), but I always consider how well I know the couple and then how much the dinner costs. I think people should give what they''re comfortable giving financially.

Same.

I agree with the ladies above. We decide what we''re going to give based on our relationship to the couple and the venue. Maybe New York is different because we have such a wide variety of places for couples to have their reception. We give a minimum of $250./$300. but it can go much higher because we have some pretty pricey venues here. My girlfriend''s son celebrated his wedding at Robert DeNiro''s roof top restaurant in Tribeca where they paid $700.- a couple for the dinner, and then we have Oheka that starts at $1,000.- per couple. Yes, where the reception is being held matters because we''ve both been taught that you try to cover the cost of the meals.


Then again, another girlfriend''s daughter got married in the backyard of her new in-laws house. I bought her a strand of Akoya pearls and gave them $50.- in a card, which didn''t turn out to be such a bad decision until they got divorced and she hocked the pearls

.

Are you kidding me?!?! $1000/couple?!?! I was invited to a wedding there in April and there is NO WAY I would even consider covering the cost of our meal if that is what it costs there

They will probably get the standard $300 I give for not-so-close friends...I didn''t pick their venue, why should I feel obligated to cover the cost of my attendance?

Regarding Oheka Castle.....I LOOVVEE that place, and yes unfortunately it is $500 per head (the Jonas kid who just got married had it there.....Derek Jeter is having it there...you get where I am going with this? lol)

Etiquette does dictate that you should base your gift on the venue, and basically cover what you estimate the per person price to cost (basically. covering your plate). The problem is, people have no idea what you spent! lol. Some people may not know what Oheka costs, or some people may book at a very nice venue but modified the menu or booked short term/off season to get a better rate. Or vice versa, book at a place perceived as cheaper but upgraded the menu/bar. Because of this, I cant tell you how many phone calls I get from wedding guests (for those that dont know, so this makes sense to you, I am a wedding planner) asking me how much the couple is spending per head so they know how much to give!

I never answer that question because I think its private and wont share personal information, and frankly tacky on the guest''s part. This is why many people end up bringing a card and writing in the amount on the blank check once they get to the event.

Thats what etiquette says. Honestly, I say give what you can afford to give, and like others have said, I give based on closeness to the couple (although I will admit I was a little irked that my FI and I gave $500 to his cousin for a wedding with no DJ/Dancing, no dinner and just a carving station and an Italian station. Thats is! no heavy CH at least or even dessert) so it couldnt have cost more than $35/head). if its a close family/friend more than lets say it was a work colleague or distant relative.

It''s supposed to be hush-hush (LOL!) but I think everyone on Long Island knows that Derek Jeter is getting married on Nov. 5th at OC.

It''s hard to believe that any place could put any type food on any piece of china for $500.- a person but it''s true and that''s just the starting price. If they change or add anything (which all of the rich and famous do).... cha-ching! Then again, only the wealthy get married at OH. The "regular folk" get married at any one of the many country clubs we have out here and they pay a more respectable $200.- a plate.

I am so glad I''m already married.

 

[elrohwen]

I'm against giving a gift based on the cost of the meal - for the most part I just consider how close I am to the couple.

However, if I have friends who can only afford a backyard wedding, I might be even more inclined to be generous because they don't have a lot of spare money and would appreciate it a lot. If my friends can pay $1k per head, I don't see the need to give them $1k back - clearly they're not hurting for money. Not that I would skimp on their gift either, I guess I am just more inclined to be extra generous when I know somebody needs it and will appreciate it.

If someone wants to pay a ton of money for my meal, that's their choice and I don't think I need to pay them back for that.

 

[hisdiamondgirl]

Date: 2/16/2010 7:32:15 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Date: 2/16/2010 1:11:18 PM
Author: hisdiamondgirl

Date: 2/16/2010 10:26:42 AM

Author: gemgirl

Date: 2/16/2010 10:09:26 AM

Author: elle_chris

Date: 2/16/2010 9:59:24 AM

Author: Burberrygirl

Hmm, interesting question. My mother always told me that the amount of money she gives as a present depends on her relationship with the couple, the venue (price of the meal), and how many people are invited. I haven''t been to many weddings without my family (none of my friends are really getting married yet), but I always consider how well I know the couple and then how much the dinner costs. I think people should give what they''re comfortable giving financially.

Same.

I agree with the ladies above. We decide what we''re going to give based on our relationship to the couple and the venue. Maybe New York is different because we have such a wide variety of places for couples to have their reception. We give a minimum of $250./$300. but it can go much higher because we have some pretty pricey venues here. My girlfriend''s son celebrated his wedding at Robert DeNiro''s roof top restaurant in Tribeca where they paid $700.- a couple for the dinner, and then we have Oheka that starts at $1,000.- per couple. Yes, where the reception is being held matters because we''ve both been taught that you try to cover the cost of the meals.


Then again, another girlfriend''s daughter got married in the backyard of her new in-laws house. I bought her a strand of Akoya pearls and gave them $50.- in a card, which didn''t turn out to be such a bad decision until they got divorced and she hocked the pearls

.

Are you kidding me?!?! $1000/couple?!?! I was invited to a wedding there in April and there is NO WAY I would even consider covering the cost of our meal if that is what it costs there

They will probably get the standard $300 I give for not-so-close friends...I didn''t pick their venue, why should I feel obligated to cover the cost of my attendance?

Regarding Oheka Castle.....I LOOVVEE that place, and yes unfortunately it is $500 per head (the Jonas kid who just got married had it there.....Derek Jeter is having it there...you get where I am going with this? lol)

Etiquette does dictate that you should base your gift on the venue, and basically cover what you estimate the per person price to cost (basically. covering your plate). The problem is, people have no idea what you spent! lol. Some people may not know what Oheka costs, or some people may book at a very nice venue but modified the menu or booked short term/off season to get a better rate. Or vice versa, book at a place perceived as cheaper but upgraded the menu/bar. Because of this, I cant tell you how many phone calls I get from wedding guests (for those that dont know, so this makes sense to you, I am a wedding planner) asking me how much the couple is spending per head so they know how much to give!

I never answer that question because I think its private and wont share personal information, and frankly tacky on the guest''s part. This is why many people end up bringing a card and writing in the amount on the blank check once they get to the event.

Thats what etiquette says. Honestly, I say give what you can afford to give, and like others have said, I give based on closeness to the couple (although I will admit I was a little irked that my FI and I gave $500 to his cousin for a wedding with no DJ/Dancing, no dinner and just a carving station and an Italian station. Thats is! no heavy CH at least or even dessert) so it couldnt have cost more than $35/head). if its a close family/friend more than lets say it was a work colleague or distant relative.

I get that and I was raised the same way too...to try to cover the cost per head. But sorry, my friend is NOT Derek Jeter so if he chose to get married at a place that is $500 per head, he should not expect to recoup that and I should not be expected to give it. Now I feel bad with the $300 I was planning on giving (they are not close friends)...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/17/2010 10:07:23 AM
Author: gemgirl

Date: 2/16/2010 2:51:53 PM
Author: Dancing Fire


gg...that''s how feel too,but what if you invited me to a $1000 per couple dinner and i can''t really afford to gift $1000?

To be honest, we would respectfully decline the invitation and send the couple a third of that in a nice card. I personally haven''t been invited to a wedding there yet, so we haven''t had to face that situation.

better yet,go and enjoy a "FREE" $1000 dinner.

 

[LilyKat]

I base it solely on how close I am to the couple and my own financial situation (I give more now I''m working than I would have as a medical student).

I don''t even CONSIDER the cost of my "plate". That''s a choice the host makes when they decide to HOST their party. If anyone even suggested I should cover the cost of dinner, they''d get a nice card and a polite decline to their charity fundraiser - ahem, sorry, their wedding.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/17/2010 10:09:50 AM
Author: gemgirl

Date: 2/16/2010 1:23:51 PM
Author: elle_chris
hisdiamondgirl- No one said you ''have'' to. It''s just what some of us do. It could also be a regional thing. In NY (at least the people I know), we give cash, not gifts because weddings here are generally expensive and you want the family to recoup the costs.

But if the family is paying 700 a plate, i can totally see how most people aren''t going to cover it. Hell, I wouldn''t either if they weren''t close. But if they are close, I''d have no problem giving that plus more.

Yes, that''s something that''s different about New York weddings too. We always give cash as gifts. All of the friends and family I have outside of NY have gotten household things as gifts at their weddings.

same with Chinese weddings.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

Date: 2/15/2010 3:05:46 PM
Author: elledizzy5
I would give what I could afford and felt comfortable giving, regardless of venue.

I agree with this. It also would depend on how close I was to the bride/groom.

 

[Blackpaw]

Im quite interested in this topic as i have a wedding to attend shortly...

For me, i was also brought up being told that you should cover the cost of your attendance, and i think that is absolutely fair most of the time. However, if someone is paying $500 a head i would assume they dont really need the money that bad, so id adjust what im giving.

In the case of DWs though (which i would ultimately like to have), i dont think its fair to expect gifts at all. Though a card is nice, and maybe a token gift.

Now this wedding i have to attend....id like some advice if i may?!
So this wedding is not a DW, its being held at home in Melbs...except i live in Canada now. So for me it kinda is a destination wedding! THe couple getting married are very very close friend of mine and my SO, and so we decided to suck it up and go back for it, despite the cost.

Now my SO will sign the marriage cert and i am a bridesmaid. Knowing that we''re coming a long way, and we''re earning significantly less than we would in Aust, the bride is paying for my dress, hair, makeup, and for us to stay at the venue on the night (its out of town so most people will have to stay somewhere for it).

Now she says dont get her a gift, the present is that we''re coming etc. But given she''s putting us up for a night and buying me a nice dress i feel like we should put something towards her honeymoon registry, even if its not heaps.

What does everyone think?

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 2/18/2010 3:39:19 PM
Author: Blackpaw
Im quite interested in this topic as i have a wedding to attend shortly...


For me, i was also brought up being told that you should cover the cost of your attendance, and i think that is absolutely fair most of the time. However, if someone is paying $500 a head i would assume they dont really need the money that bad, so id adjust what im giving.


In the case of DWs though (which i would ultimately like to have), i dont think its fair to expect gifts at all. Though a card is nice, and maybe a token gift.


Now this wedding i have to attend....id like some advice if i may?!

So this wedding is not a DW, its being held at home in Melbs...except i live in Canada now. So for me it kinda is a destination wedding! THe couple getting married are very very close friend of mine and my SO, and so we decided to suck it up and go back for it, despite the cost.


Now my SO will sign the marriage cert and i am a bridesmaid. Knowing that we''re coming a long way, and we''re earning significantly less than we would in Aust, the bride is paying for my dress, hair, makeup, and for us to stay at the venue on the night (its out of town so most people will have to stay somewhere for it).


Now she says dont get her a gift, the present is that we''re coming etc. But given she''s putting us up for a night and buying me a nice dress i feel like we should put something towards her honeymoon registry, even if its not heaps.


What does everyone think?

blackpaw-

what''s a DW?

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 2/18/2010 3:39:19 PM
Author: Blackpaw
Im quite interested in this topic as i have a wedding to attend shortly...


For me, i was also brought up being told that you should cover the cost of your attendance, and i think that is absolutely fair most of the time. However, if someone is paying $500 a head i would assume they dont really need the money that bad, so id adjust what im giving.


In the case of DWs though (which i would ultimately like to have), i dont think its fair to expect gifts at all. Though a card is nice, and maybe a token gift.


Now this wedding i have to attend....id like some advice if i may?!

So this wedding is not a DW, its being held at home in Melbs...except i live in Canada now. So for me it kinda is a destination wedding! THe couple getting married are very very close friend of mine and my SO, and so we decided to suck it up and go back for it, despite the cost.


Now my SO will sign the marriage cert and i am a bridesmaid. Knowing that we''re coming a long way, and we''re earning significantly less than we would in Aust, the bride is paying for my dress, hair, makeup, and for us to stay at the venue on the night (its out of town so most people will have to stay somewhere for it).


Now she says dont get her a gift, the present is that we''re coming etc. But given she''s putting us up for a night and buying me a nice dress i feel like we should put something towards her honeymoon registry, even if its not heaps.


What does everyone think?

Whitby, DW = Destination Wedding

Blackpaw, I have a friend coming to my (non-destination) wedding, from Australia. I will honestly be HORRIFIED if she gives me a gift (especially monetary) in addition to forking out for plane tickets for her and her boyfriend. Her attendance truly is her gift. If you really feel bad, perhaps get a small, personal, inexpensive gift (like a framed picture of both of you, a piece of silver jewellery etc) as a token?

 

[Blackpaw]

Thanks LK

yes i know what you mean...i dont know i just feel bad seeing as she''s paying for my dress and accomm the night of

maybe a framed photo of the four of us would be good if i can get one before the wedding...

Whitby how funny are the acronyms bandied about here on PS

i learnt Destination Wedding from BWW...but i pop into the family/kids threads sometimes and i get absolutely lost