Am I overreacting for nothing?

[IrishAngel7982]

Hello everyone, I''m a hopeless romantic so I love looking at diamonds and in doing so found this forum. Anyway, I love my boyfriend with all of my heart and marriage is coming in the next 1-2 years...when I finish grad school and we decide if I''m moving to New Jersey or he''s moving back home to Chicago. He told me about a month ago that he has a diamond that has been passed down in his family for generations and he wants to have it set to give to me as an engagement ring when the time comes. He said it was a gorgeous diamond, about 3/4 carat, and he thought it was appraised at around $6,000 a few years back. I thought, good for him he can save his money, and it sounds gorgeous right? Anyway I was visiting him and we went to Manhattan so his best friend/roommate brought us to Tiffany''s. My honey called his parents just to find out the specifics of what I''d be getting and she said that the diamond is 1/2 carat. I''m sure it''s absolutely gorgeous and I''ll just be elated when he officially asks me to spend the rest of my life with him, but here is what I''ve been worried about:
1.) My mother''s engagement ring is a quality 1/2 carat round diamond and it''s beautiful (set in a thin yellow gold band which is what I''ve always wanted), but I''ve tried it on before and I don''t like how it looks on my hand (size 7.)
2.) Being the only girl in my huge Irish family, I''ve been told to "never accept anything less than 1 carat."
3.) Being that this diamond has been passed down through my boyfriend''s family, he has already said that he''d like to be able to give it to our children or grandchildren one day. I know my engagement ring and wedding ring will be my most prized possessions so I also know I''m never giving them away.
There''s my dilemma...I know this is at least a year off so I don''t want to cause any tension, but I''m conflicted because I don''t know if I''m being materialistic in really wanting close to 1 carat, and never wanting to give my diamond away. I''m afraid the day will come where I might be disappointed and I don''t want to put that on him, because everything is perfect with us. Sorry for the long post, I know I''m rambling...what do you think?

 

[JulieN]

You can''t take it with you when you''re gone...

 

[IrishAngel7982]

True, but God willing I''ll be around when my kids (and hopefully my grandkids) get married, so that''s what I''m worried about.

 

[JulieN]

he said "one day." I don''t think he''s going to expect you to pry your e-ring off your hand so your son can propose! *swat* bad husband!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

I sure hope not. He did say he''d like to pass it down to our kids so if he uses that for my ring...I''m a little confused. Have to get that cleared up, but I''m in a weird mood hence the reason I blabbed my crazy thinking here.

 

[diamondfan]

I think it might be nice if you think you can broach it to say something like, you love the sentiment and the meaning but you would really love to have your own special ring, one that you and he chose together, and maybe someday you can present it to your daughter as a gift or to your son as a stone for his future wife. Try to frame it in a positive way. It seems like you have a long while to find the right moment and phrasing for this...again, I would not mention one carat in the discussion. then you can start maybe looking at stones and settings to give him a sense of what you would like. when you are trying on, try to stay with approx one carat stones, and keep casually mentioning how because you have a large ring size etc, you just love the proportions of these rings (which all coincidentally happen to be around a carat!) Worth a try. No one gets upset hopefully this way. You have a while to stew over it...

 

[JulieN]

Or the alternative: this is a half carat in the Ritani Endless Love halo, size 6.5 ring.

 

[blodthecat]

If you are going to wear you ering all your married life, then surely your opinion counts....right?

Tell him it isn''t exactly what you had in mind, and would like to choose a ring together.

Good luck

 

[ladykemma]

ask if you can see the stone first. you may hate it.

i think it may be impolitic to not use this stone. suggestion: get a larger right hand ring later.

 

[blodthecat]

Date: 5/6/2006 6:02:45 AM
Author: ladykemma
ask if you can see the stone first. you may hate it.

i think it may be impolitic to not use this stone. suggestion: get a larger right hand ring later.

Ok..If its impolite not to except it, tell your BF you think it would look stunning set in a necklace!

Your ering should have the ''WOW'' factor....not just ''oh well, it will have to do''

I agree that if you do have larger hands, it could look a bit lost.

Hold out for the ring of your dreams....1ct

Get this project back on track.....talk to your BF!

 

[ladykemma]

there are more factors to consider: what is your boyfriend's employment, income and debt? is he going to buy you a house? did'nt y'all just get out of grad school?

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Ok, (I knew this would happen) I went to bed thinking I was being ridiculous and woke up feeling the same way. Thank you for your input, and thanks for not telling me that I was being incredibly stupid in my thinking. I''m still in grad school, hence the reason we''ve still got 1 or 2 years, but he''s out in Jersey doing very well in his job and has no debt so I guess the most important thing is to put the money he''ll be saving towards a house when we go down that road. I''ve never seen the stone and I don''t know if it''s ever been an e-ring...his dad gave it to his mother in a necklace and I''m pretty sure that''s how it''s been set for a while. But, it''s his to do whatever he wants with and if that''s what he wants to give me it''s not the most important thing. It might not be everything I''ve ''dreamed'' of but I''m sure it''s beautiful and it represents so much more. We''ll see, thank you for your ideas and keep them coming!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

That''s absolutely gorgeous Julie!

 

[diamondfan]

There is no doubt the ring is a symbol and not the only part that matters. Even so, I think one wants to be thrilled if possible. I am not saying go into crazy debt or wear something ridiculous for your means or lifestyle...and I think it is a nice thought about the stone from his mom. Again, as others have said, I think there is nothing wrong with getting something you chose together...so how it happens to unfold...

 

[moon river]

Like the Endless Love setting shown, there are several settings that make the center stone ''pop'' and appear larger. Look around. Consider it maybe the center of a three stone ring. Or put a halo around it. Later on, talk about an upgrade and move it to your rh. Then in the future you can pass it down to your child or grandchild and you will have added your own ''history'' to the ring.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 5/6/2006 11:53:50 AM
Author: IrishAngel7982
Ok, (I knew this would happen) I went to bed thinking I was being ridiculous and woke up feeling the same way. Thank you for your input, and thanks for not telling me that I was being incredibly stupid in my thinking. I''m still in grad school, hence the reason we''ve still got 1 or 2 years, but he''s out in Jersey doing very well in his job and has no debt so I guess the most important thing is to put the money he''ll be saving towards a house when we go down that road. I''ve never seen the stone and I don''t know if it''s ever been an e-ring...his dad gave it to his mother in a necklace and I''m pretty sure that''s how it''s been set for a while. But, it''s his to do whatever he wants with and if that''s what he wants to give me it''s not the most important thing. It might not be everything I''ve ''dreamed'' of but I''m sure it''s beautiful and it represents so much more. We''ll see, thank you for your ideas and keep them coming!

house more important.

this is what we did: we had 5000 dollars when we married. we paid 500 for a ring in 1995 dolllars the rest went to the purchase of a house. good luck!

 

[sk8rjen]

Moon -- I was thinking about the same thing -- A 3-stone ring could be a good solution -- where it''s one of the 2 sides and she has her 1ct in the middle! Sounds yummy...

jen

 

[IrishAngel7982]

I love those 3 stone rings...I''m sure it would be the perfect size for a center stone. Maybe we''ll do that, although I''m not sure how much more it''ll be to have to buy two more diamonds and a setting, vs just a nice setting. The problem is that I''m stubborn and I want to be surprised when the time comes, but I think I''d really love something like that halo setting (only I''m a yellow gold girl!) Great idea though I think that would be gorgeous also and I''d absolutely love it!

 

[ladykemma]

you can have the halo in the yellow gold!

3 stone ring yummy too!

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Good to know.

Maybe I''ll have to break down and help him decide, as he has openly said he knows nothing about diamonds and e-rings. We''ll see what happens!

 

[moon river]

YEY!!! Glad to see you excited about having the ring!!!! Maybe you could compilesome pics of a few settings you love and let him pick from them.

That way you'll be surprised, he'll have put some effort and planning into it, and you'll have a special ring that you really love.

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Thanks.

I should talk to him about it and figure out what exactly he has in mind, but I''m not sure how to bring it up, or if I should bring it up at all. I think that''s what I''m most confused about now. So I dunno...

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Yeah, I was dumb...I shouldn''t even be thinking about this until we can decide for sure which state to live in. Nevertheless, we talked tonight and once again he brought up how he can''t wait to marry me when everything falls into place, etc etc (I LOVE HEARING THAT!!!) So I thought maybe I could just tell him my concern about how I know it''s important to give his family diamond to our children, but that won''t happen if it''s on my left hand because it won''t ever leave. Then, all by himself, he said he just wants me to be happy and he can get me another bigger ring so we can pass on his family diamond to our children. I honestly said nothing about the diamond itself...I''d be happy with it because I''d be thrilled to be marrying my guy, and a half carat is a decent size diamond. I was like whoa...totally not what I expected...further proof that I have the best guy EVER! I''m sorry to ramble, I know I was a little whacked! Yikes!