rainbowtrout
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2005
- Messages
- 2,105
Sigh. OK, so in advance, this is just a tough situation for all. But I honestly can''t see if I should be wanting to kick her butt for this, or if it is just one of those situations where it is hard for everyone:
FI''s elderly grandmother is in a bad financial situation. TO make it as easy as possible, she has given over control of her financies to this snake of a financial planner who has wormed her way into her confidence through gifts, coming over, etc. THe grandmother now trusts this woman over her own family and will do whatever she says. She especially trusts the planner over FMIL (given how FMIL treats her mom, I can''t say I blame her). He has been helping his mother try to put the inheritance money in a trust to keep it away from this woman, who is basically trying to steal it.
So, as her health has been declining, and FMIL declines to take significant time off from work to spend time with her, FI has been taking one for the team. Because no one else was doing it, and well, a man stands up. And that''s who he is, and I''m proud of that. But it is just rough. As in, I''ve been doing most all of the wedding planning. As in, every time we are having a really great moment lately he gets a call from FMIL about "the trust" and something horrible about his grandma and a shadow passes over his face and I just want to smack the heck out of her because this isn''t HIS JOB. SHE should be the one figuring out the trust, SHE should be the one taking time off from work, SHE should be the one helping HER MOTHER. Not using her excuses about how "family sticks together" to avoid spending more than one lousy weekend down there. I have had my mother be seriously ill, I have had her scream at me when she didn''t want my help, and you know what, you suck it up--you don''t shove it off on your son. (not that I have a son, but you take my point).
But I don''t know what else we are going to do. We can''t abandon his grandmother to this woman, or the inheritance his grandfather worked his whole life to earn. To be fair to FMIL, Grandmother is belligerent to her and does not want her help (they have legitimate mother/daughter issues). But I feel like, as always, she is shoving it off on FI because he is the "good son" and she can use him, once again, to replace her husband.
I guess this is on this board because that "vent" post I just put up was inspired by finding out that FMIL had just announced that his brothers had suits in shades close enough to what we said we wanted already, and she wasn''t buying them new ones, so tough. (btw, one brother is 26, one is 21). Along with statements implying that if he doesn''t help her get the money she won''t help us buy a house (NOT THAT WE ASKED HER TO!) Bah.
Sigh..thanks guys. I am kiling myself not yelling this at FI.
FI''s elderly grandmother is in a bad financial situation. TO make it as easy as possible, she has given over control of her financies to this snake of a financial planner who has wormed her way into her confidence through gifts, coming over, etc. THe grandmother now trusts this woman over her own family and will do whatever she says. She especially trusts the planner over FMIL (given how FMIL treats her mom, I can''t say I blame her). He has been helping his mother try to put the inheritance money in a trust to keep it away from this woman, who is basically trying to steal it.
So, as her health has been declining, and FMIL declines to take significant time off from work to spend time with her, FI has been taking one for the team. Because no one else was doing it, and well, a man stands up. And that''s who he is, and I''m proud of that. But it is just rough. As in, I''ve been doing most all of the wedding planning. As in, every time we are having a really great moment lately he gets a call from FMIL about "the trust" and something horrible about his grandma and a shadow passes over his face and I just want to smack the heck out of her because this isn''t HIS JOB. SHE should be the one figuring out the trust, SHE should be the one taking time off from work, SHE should be the one helping HER MOTHER. Not using her excuses about how "family sticks together" to avoid spending more than one lousy weekend down there. I have had my mother be seriously ill, I have had her scream at me when she didn''t want my help, and you know what, you suck it up--you don''t shove it off on your son. (not that I have a son, but you take my point).
But I don''t know what else we are going to do. We can''t abandon his grandmother to this woman, or the inheritance his grandfather worked his whole life to earn. To be fair to FMIL, Grandmother is belligerent to her and does not want her help (they have legitimate mother/daughter issues). But I feel like, as always, she is shoving it off on FI because he is the "good son" and she can use him, once again, to replace her husband.
I guess this is on this board because that "vent" post I just put up was inspired by finding out that FMIL had just announced that his brothers had suits in shades close enough to what we said we wanted already, and she wasn''t buying them new ones, so tough. (btw, one brother is 26, one is 21). Along with statements implying that if he doesn''t help her get the money she won''t help us buy a house (NOT THAT WE ASKED HER TO!) Bah.
Sigh..thanks guys. I am kiling myself not yelling this at FI.