am i being rude? i said no gifts allowed...

[Dancing Fire]

the old hag is turning 50 tomorrow and our daughters is throwing their mommy a surprise 50th BD party.i told the friends that i had invited "no gifts allowed",just come for dinner at this restaurant,so am i being rude?

 

[cellentani]

Date: 5/22/2010 6:34:28 PM
Author:Dancing Fire
the old hag is turning 50 tomorrow and our daughters is throwing their mommy a surprise 50th BD party.i told the friends that i had invited ''no gifts allowed'',just come for dinner at this restaurant,so am i being rude?

Uh, YEAH!!!! Totally rude to call your wife an old hag!

But instead of saying no gifts allowed, I would say ''the pleasure of your company is gift enough'' or something similar.

 

[RaiKai]

I think "no gifts please" would be fine.

No gifts "allowed" seems a bit harsh...what if someone brings one anyway? Some people are just gift givers!

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 5/22/2010 6:40:44 PM
Author: cellentani

Date: 5/22/2010 6:34:28 PM

Author:Dancing Fire

the old hag is turning 50 tomorrow and our daughters is throwing their mommy a surprise 50th BD party.i told the friends that i had invited ''no gifts allowed'',just come for dinner at this restaurant,so am i being rude?

Uh, YEAH!!!! Totally rude to call your wife an old hag!

But instead of saying no gifts allowed, I would say ''the pleasure of your company is gift enough'' or something similar.

Ditto this!

 

[yssie]

So long as you''re prepared to have a couple of guests show up with gifts anyway! Though if you stated ''no gifts'' as your preference I think it''s rude to bring a gift - especially publicly.



Happy birthday Mrs. DF!!!

 

[Upgradable]

DF, it is not funny at all to call your wife an old hag! I know you are trying to joke, but it is offensive.

 

[somethingshiny]

Etiquette dictates no mention of gifts in any invitation. So, by etiquette standards, yes you are being rude. If we let that slide and assume that mention of gifts is okay, the word "allowed" is still off-putting.

btw-I''d totally beat you if I were the wife you were calling an "old hag."

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/22/2010 6:40:44 PM
Author: cellentani

Date: 5/22/2010 6:34:28 PM
Author:Dancing Fire
the old hag is turning 50 tomorrow and our daughters is throwing their mommy a surprise 50th BD party.i told the friends that i had invited ''no gifts allowed'',just come for dinner at this restaurant,so am i being rude?

Uh, YEAH!!!! Totally rude to call your wife an old hag!

But instead of saying no gifts allowed, I would say ''the pleasure of your company is gift enough'' or something similar.

i''ve been calling her an old hag for many yrs.

nothing new.

 

[Kaleigh]

People will bring gifts even when you say no gifts...

And no that''s not rude to say on the invite..

Happy 50th Mrs Dancingfire!!!!!

 

[VRBeauty]

That doesn't mean it isn't rude or hurtful.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/22/2010 6:42:06 PM
Author: RaiKai
I think ''no gifts please'' would be fine.

No gifts ''allowed'' seems a bit harsh...what if someone brings one anyway? Some people are just gift givers!

that''s what said in Chinese.

just got a little mix up when i translated back into English.

 

[rms]

I typically write "we kindly request no gifts"

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/22/2010 6:50:18 PM
Author: Uppy
DF, it is not funny at all to call your wife an old hag! I know you are trying to joke, but it is offensive.

she calls me an "old geezer", so we are even,no harm,no foul.

 

[choro72]

haha, I busted out laughing! Maybe it will help if it was explained that "Old hag" is a direct translation of the term "wife" in Chinese.
I''m raised in Japan by Chinese parents. My dad once went to the baker to order my mom a birthday cake. He told them the Chinese characters he wanted put on the cake, and they were horrified

As for the note on the invitation, if I was the guest I wouldn''t think much of it, especially coming from you

.

 

[cellentani]

Date: 5/22/2010 6:51:11 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
i''ve been calling her an old hag for many yrs.

nothing new.

HAHAHA!! This doesn''t surprise me at all! I''m sure you maent it as a loving term of endearment, lol! Happy birthday to your dear wife, by the way - I hope she has a wonderful celebration with family and friends!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/22/2010 7:01:37 PM
Author: rms
I typically write ''we kindly request no gifts''

there''re no writen invitations. i told her best friend to sent Email invitations or call whomever she felt comfortable with. her best friend would have a better idea of whom to invite than i would.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/22/2010 6:53:41 PM
Author: Kaleigh
People will bring gifts even when you say no gifts...

And no that''s not rude to say on the invite..

Happy 50th Mrs Dancingfire!!!!!

i''ll be sure to tell her "CRAZY" Kaleigh

said Happy Birthday!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/22/2010 7:58:07 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 5/22/2010 6:53:41 PM
Author: Kaleigh
People will bring gifts even when you say no gifts...

And no that''s not rude to say on the invite..

Happy 50th Mrs Dancingfire!!!!!

i''ll be sure to tell her ''CRAZY'' Kaleigh

said Happy Birthday!

HA, after being here and dealing with you, perhaps I am a tad crazy!!! LOL!!!!

But best wishes to your lovely wife, on her big 50!!!

 

[Tuckins1]

Old hag!?!

Does Mrs. DF know you call her that?

 

[tigian]

Date: 5/22/2010 6:42:06 PM
Author: RaiKai
I think ''no gifts please'' would be fine.


No gifts ''allowed'' seems a bit harsh...what if someone brings one anyway? Some people are just gift givers!

I agree. By any chance, DF, was that gorgeous 3 stone necklace a 50th birthday present for Mrs. DF?

 

[Amethyste]

If my husband called me an old hag, I'd sock him a good one right between his eye*balls*...

I actually do not know which one is Ruder...? Calling your wife an old hag or to say " I said no gifts allowed ".


But hey, if you have been calling her that way for a long time, she knows it and is fine with it, then a happy 50th Birthday!

On a more serious note, I guess you could say "Please, instead of bringing gifts, generously donate to the "old Hag" Botox fund."

 

[risingsun]

Date: 5/22/2010 6:50:18 PM
Author: Uppy
DF, it is not funny at all to call your wife an old hag! I know you are trying to joke, but it is offensive.

Seriously, DF. Not OK

 

[loriken214]

Date: 5/22/2010 10:37:57 PM
Author: tigian

Date: 5/22/2010 6:42:06 PM
Author: RaiKai
I think ''no gifts please'' would be fine.


No gifts ''allowed'' seems a bit harsh...what if someone brings one anyway? Some people are just gift givers!

I agree. By any chance, DF, was that gorgeous 3 stone necklace a 50th birthday present for Mrs. DF?

Yeah, I wanna know, too!!!!

Happy Birthday Mrs. DF!!!!

Lori

 

[Cehrabehra]

I think its fine to ask for no gifts for your own party but for a surprise party where the person cannot say for themselves I don''t like it. There is a difference also between no gifts needed and no gifts allowed - some people ENJOY giving gifts while others are grateful to be off the hook.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/23/2010 1:39:04 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
I think its fine to ask for no gifts for your own party but for a surprise party where the person cannot say for themselves I don''t like it. There is a difference also between no gifts needed and no gifts allowed - some people ENJOY giving gifts while others are grateful to be off the hook.

that was the reason i said "no gifts" to the guests i invited. i don''t want them feel obligated to give my wife "red envelope" with cash.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/22/2010 7:14:48 PM
Author: choro72
haha, I busted out laughing! Maybe it will help if it was explained that ''Old hag'' is a direct translation of the term ''wife'' in Chinese.
I''m raised in Japan by Chinese parents. My dad once went to the baker to order my mom a birthday cake. He told them the Chinese characters he wanted put on the cake, and they were horrified

As for the note on the invitation, if I was the guest I wouldn''t think much of it, especially coming from you

.

...i knew Americans would take it the wrong way.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/22/2010 10:37:57 PM
Author: tigian

Date: 5/22/2010 6:42:06 PM
Author: RaiKai
I think ''no gifts please'' would be fine.


No gifts ''allowed'' seems a bit harsh...what if someone brings one anyway? Some people are just gift givers!

I agree. By any chance, DF, was that gorgeous 3 stone necklace a 50th birthday present for Mrs. DF?

that pendant was for the mistress.

 

[Cehrabehra]

DF you''re incorrigible!

 

[yssie]

Date: 5/23/2010 3:06:20 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 5/22/2010 7:14:48 PM
Author: choro72
haha, I busted out laughing! Maybe it will help if it was explained that 'Old hag' is a direct translation of the term 'wife' in Chinese.
I'm raised in Japan by Chinese parents. My dad once went to the baker to order my mom a birthday cake. He told them the Chinese characters he wanted put on the cake, and they were horrified

As for the note on the invitation, if I was the guest I wouldn't think much of it, especially coming from you

.

...i knew Americans would take it the wrong way.

Really? I just learnt that 'wife' and 'handcuffs' are the same word in Spanish... apparently it's a pervasive opinion//

 

[CasaBlanca]

DF, you have over 11 THOUSAND posts. I know you as well as one can by reading them. You got nothing but a giggle out of me!

I got the lighthearted inference in your post. Actually within just a few words of the same sentence you even used MOMMY which is a term of endearment your kids use for her. A SURPRISE party for Her is endearing on it''s own. (What a thoughtful gesture). Your term OLD HAG didn''t offend me, nor should it have-as I am just the reader. But it did make me giggle and realize you two probably have a great time together as we do.

Endearment for some can be expressed in entendre, double entendre (homograph) or a completely opposite synonyms or antonyms. I shudder to think the boards response to my hubbies and my monikers for one another. We keep one another laughing each day with creative and fun monikers for one another. He continues to teach me a wealth of wonderful words and challenges me to find the correct reply. You and I should open our own thread and exchange them!

Ok, "you old Geezer", since you corrected your original post ALLLOWED to PLEASE, (which I did find ALLOWED a bit too harsh) I don''t think you were rude at all. If I were a guest to the soiree I would have immediately gone into present mode thinking and then on to wrapping mode. What is the most perfect gift to give her? I would toil in worry. So with the caveat of no gifts I would have appreciated it greatly. Your gathering is casual and will be shared with friends. None of them will bring an etiquette book and smack you upside the head with it. Just their appreciation for the clarity. There will be some that will say to you, "I feel terrible that YOU!!! asked that we give her no gifts". Just their way of dealing with their empty hands. Just smile and say as others suggested, "Your preSENCE is Present enough" (there is a word with two meanings huh?)

I think it was thoughtful of you, and it takes the stress off of your wife for feeling her adult birthday burdened people to purchase gifts. Some times surprise gatherings can make us feel selfish or overwhelmed; that everyone went to great lengths to participate, so not presenting gifts is so appropriate, and usually appreciated by all.

So you are good to go in my book.

But you need to know I have no book, really. HA HA HA. So not sure what that book statement means.

Have a wonderful time tonight!

You might share with your beloved how the women on this board came to her defense. She has "sisters" she didn''t even know she had defending her! Women, on this board are great people, got everyone''s backs, don''t cha think?