Always the GF, never the Bride...

[trillionaire]

Kind of a vent, kind of a confession...

I hate being referred to as FI''s GF!

It really irks me, and it surprises me that it does! I was never the type to think the title of girlfriend was not substantial enough for our commitment or juvenile sounding before we were engaged, I was quite happy to the be girlfriend. I''m sure because we''ve been together for many years, and didn''t broadcast our engagement announcement to every human being that we know, there are some people who just missed the memo, but I hate it! I hate being called his girlfriend, and I hate even more that it would seem really awkward to go around correcting people... ''No, no, we''re engaged... I''m his Fiancee''..."

Gag, sounds so... obnoxious.

Anyways, posted here any case anyone can relate, or anyone wants to yell at me for being silly and tell me to get over it. I feel better now that I''ve ''said it out loud''.

lol it''s Friday, I probably just need a glass of wine...

 

[yssie]

Date: 1/29/2010 6:29:49 PM
Author:trillionaire
Kind of a vent, kind of a confession...

I hate being referred to as FI's GF!

It really irks me, and it surprises me that it does! I was never the type to think the title of girlfriend was not substantial enough for our commitment or juvenile sounding before we were engaged, I was quite happy to the be girlfriend. I'm sure because we've been together for many years, and didn't broadcast our engagement announcement to every human being that we know, there are some people who just missed the memo, but I hate it! I hate being called his girlfriend, and I hate even more that it would seem really awkward to go around correcting people... 'No, no, we're engaged... I'm his Fiancee'...'

Gag, sounds so... obnoxious.

Anyways, posted here any case anyone can relate, or anyone wants to yell at me for being silly and tell me to get over it. I feel better now that I've 'said it out loud'.

lol it's Friday, I probably just need a glass of wine...

::HUG!!::


It stinks, I'll agree with that! It's such a silly little thing, in the grand scheme of things, but it sure does sting

.


I never cared when we were dating either, but now I want to wave my left hand in front of their faces - fortunately, it doesn't happen often since the grapevines are very efficient

 

[MissMina]

I see nothing wrong with letting people know that you have been "upgraded" so to speak or "changed your status". In fact that is just what I might say followed with a big smile. Keep it light and no one will feel awkward.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/29/2010 6:29:49 PM
Author:trillionaire
Kind of a vent, kind of a confession...


I hate being referred to as FI''s GF!

It really irks me, and it surprises me that it does! I was never the type to think the title of girlfriend was not substantial enough for our commitment or juvenile sounding before we were engaged, I was quite happy to the be girlfriend. I''m sure because we''ve been together for many years, and didn''t broadcast our engagement announcement to every human being that we know, there are some people who just missed the memo, but I hate it! I hate being called his girlfriend, and I hate even more that it would seem really awkward to go around correcting people... ''No, no, we''re engaged... I''m his Fiancee''...''

Gag, sounds so... obnoxious.


Anyways, posted here any case anyone can relate, or anyone wants to yell at me for being silly and tell me to get over it. I feel better now that I''ve ''said it out loud''.


lol it''s Friday, I probably just need a glass of wine...

Just wave your left hand and say, "Sweetie, please. Girlfriends don''t get these!" and wiggle your finger.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I think it probably just takes people a while to remember the change, especially since you didn''t broadcast it. It''s like when you change your last name (if you do)... people will still refer to you by your maiden name for some time. I think it''s a bit silly to be angry with people about not calling you by your "correct" title, but I could see how it would get annoying at the same time. And as long as you correct them in a humble manner, I don''t see anything wrong with letting them know you are his fiance, not his girlfriend.

 

[iheartscience]

I actually hate the word fiance so I never called my now-husband that and I certainly didn''t mind being called his girlfriend. We still forget sometimes and call each other boyfriend/girlfriend and we''ve been married for over 6 months!

We were together for 6 years before we got married so the new titles are definitely going to take some getting used to by everyone-myself included! I''m sure it''s the same for your friends and family since you were together so long before getting engaged.

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/30/2010 11:55:53 PM
Author: thing2of2
I actually hate the word fiance so I never called my now-husband that and I certainly didn''t mind being called his girlfriend. We still forget sometimes and call each other boyfriend/girlfriend and we''ve been married for over 6 months!

ditto all this. I hate the word fiance with a passion so being called his gf never bothered me. Even now that we''re married I''m always calling him my bf as I forget that he''s now my husband. It doesn''t bother me now if someone calls me his gf-I know and he knows that we''re married so that''s all that matters to me.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I actually prefer gf over fiance and others such as ''the cook'' or ''the missus''

 

[CharmyPoo]

I am the opposite too - I hate being called the fiance but I am just getting used to it. My fiance always introduces me as the fiance now whereas I keep still calling him my boyfriend (not on purpose). My friends make fun of me by purposely referring to him as my fiance instead of his name.

 

[trillionaire]

LOL, fiancee'' is a weird word, and for the longest, FI would just call me (privately) his wife. He''s started doing it again recently

. As for other people, FI corrects people, because they are usually his friends and associates that get it wrong... my friends are all on the up and up. I don''t feel comfortable flaunting a ring, but I will say something like "Actually, we''re getting married this fall!" It feels less awkward, and usually people will glance at your hand after you say something like that... Like some of you, FI and I have been together for many years (6+), so I guess it''s a sense of the title of FI being very well earned at this point

It''s not a huge deal, it''s just been happening a lot lately, and it gets me a bit.

On the upside, people who don''t know we''re engaged don''t ask us a million questions about when and where the wedding is, blah blah blah... Which might be worth it in and of itself!

 

[LilyKat]

It''s funny, I feel really embarrassed by the word "fiancee" (or calling my FI "fiance"). It just sounds so... poncy (do you use that word in the US?), as though I''m giving myself French airs and graces. I still use the word boyfriend quite a lot as a result! I can''t wait to be able to use "wife" - so much better.

But if it bothers you, just casually say "actually it''s fiancee now!" with a big smile and a left hand flutter (to make it a bit tongue in cheek). No-one could possibly feel offended/awkward about that - you aren''t even really correcting them, just giving them good news!

 

[Tuckins1]

I know it does seem like a silly thing to be upset about, but it DOES get annoying! I once had this girl that was TOTALLY jealous of me and DH refer to me as his girlfriend- right in front of me. I just said "Yeah, i''m his WIFE". It probably sounded snarky, but oh well. I am proud to be married to him, just like you are proud to be engaged to your FI. I understand.

 

[jaylex]

Date: 1/31/2010 1:08:05 PM
Author: trillionaire
LOL, fiancee' is a weird word, and for the longest, FI would just call me (privately) his wife. He's started doing it again recently

. As for other people, FI corrects people, because they are usually his friends and associates that get it wrong... my friends are all on the up and up. I don't feel comfortable flaunting a ring, but I will say something like 'Actually, we're getting married this fall!' It feels less awkward, and usually people will glance at your hand after you say something like that... Like some of you, FI and I have been together for many years (6+), so I guess it's a sense of the title of FI being very well earned at this point

It's not a huge deal, it's just been happening a lot lately, and it gets me a bit.

On the upside, people who don't know we're engaged don't ask us a million questions about when and where the wedding is, blah blah blah... Which might be worth it in and of itself!

Fiance calls me his "wife" in private too and actually has since before we got engaged! And now that we're actually engaged, he does it more almost as if "fiance(e)" isn't enough lol.

Fiance and I have been together for four years and my grandmother (bless her soul) introduces him as my "boyfriend" on accident. But I have a really great relationship with her so I just correct her "grandma, jason is my FIANCE, remember?". She loves it because then she gets to gush all over again about the fact that we are finally engaged lol.

But I do understand your frustration. And I especially understand the feeling of having earned the title.

Like you, I wouldn't feel comfortable "flaunting" my ring ("oh... you must be his girlfriend?!", "actually.... {shoves ring in persons face}!"). That's not really my style. But I will say "as of last september, we're actually engaged.. so...

" or something similar to that.

We're both relatively young so sometimes, I feel like I'm taken less seriously now when we say "fiance(e)" then when we said "gf/bf" lol. It's almost seems like "Oh.. you're engaged? But you're young. You must be pregnant" lol.

 

[janinegirly]

I think this is a totally legit sentiment! I really hated the term gf..even when that''s exactly what I was. I was fine with fiancee even if it sounded a bit silly/stuffy but wife feels much more right (although for the first few months I felt like I was play acting or something..haha).

Anyway, in my case I was well into my 30''s and we''d be dating seriously for several years, so GF just didn''t seem like a suitable title..it made me feel like I was in high school and wearing his jacket or something! Also who knows how many girls before me shared that title...it didn''t make me feel special.
But that was just me and in my case was yet another symptom of how I was reallly ready (or past ready) to move onto the next phase in our relationship. Once we were engaged, most did refer to me as the fiancee so I didn''t really have the same issue I suppose.

I think it''s perfectly fine to correct people--you can do it jokingly! I know there was an episode on Seinfeld about people being annoying and saying "oh my FIANCE did this", so while we can all laugh about titles and terms sometimes it does have an impact!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 2/3/2010 12:08:16 AM
Author: jaylex

Date: 1/31/2010 1:08:05 PM
Author: trillionaire
LOL, fiancee'' is a weird word, and for the longest, FI would just call me (privately) his wife. He''s started doing it again recently

. As for other people, FI corrects people, because they are usually his friends and associates that get it wrong... my friends are all on the up and up. I don''t feel comfortable flaunting a ring, but I will say something like ''Actually, we''re getting married this fall!'' It feels less awkward, and usually people will glance at your hand after you say something like that... Like some of you, FI and I have been together for many years (6+), so I guess it''s a sense of the title of FI being very well earned at this point

It''s not a huge deal, it''s just been happening a lot lately, and it gets me a bit.

On the upside, people who don''t know we''re engaged don''t ask us a million questions about when and where the wedding is, blah blah blah... Which might be worth it in and of itself!

Fiance calls me his ''wife'' in private too and actually has since before we got engaged! And now that we''re actually engaged, he does it more almost as if ''fiance(e)'' isn''t enough lol.

Fiance and I have been together for four years and my grandmother (bless her soul) introduces him as my ''boyfriend'' on accident. But I have a really great relationship with her so I just correct her ''grandma, jason is my FIANCE, remember?''. She loves it because then she gets to gush all over again about the fact that we are finally engaged lol.

But I do understand your frustration. And I especially understand the feeling of having earned the title.

Like you, I wouldn''t feel comfortable ''flaunting'' my ring (''oh... you must be his girlfriend?!'', ''actually.... {shoves ring in persons face}!''). That''s not really my style. But I will say ''as of last september, we''re actually engaged.. so...

'' or something similar to that.

We''re both relatively young so sometimes, I feel like I''m taken less seriously now when we say ''fiance(e)'' then when we said ''gf/bf'' lol. It''s almost seems like ''Oh.. you''re engaged? But you''re young. You must be pregnant'' lol.

LOL @ Grandma! Mine is 91, and though she was present when we got engaged, she usually forgets, so we have to remind her, but it makes her happy, so I totally get where you are coming from. She loves FI, and it''s good that he has been around for a while, because she always forgets who my brother is and isn''t dating anymore, LOL!

And yeah, I guess we haven''t gotten the pregnant one, so I should be please... ha!

 

[BeachRunner]

I think it just takes some time to get used to. It was hard to call my DH my "fiance", and I''m sure he was my BF on occasion.

We''ve only been married for 3 months, but yesterday I slipped and said "Hello, this is first name, maiden last name". Whoops!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 2/4/2010 9:58:21 AM
Author: janinegirly
I think this is a totally legit sentiment! I really hated the term gf..even when that''s exactly what I was. I was fine with fiancee even if it sounded a bit silly/stuffy but wife feels much more right (although for the first few months I felt like I was play acting or something..haha).

Anyway, in my case I was well into my 30''s and we''d be dating seriously for several years, so GF just didn''t seem like a suitable title..it made me feel like I was in high school and wearing his jacket or something! Also who knows how many girls before me shared that title...it didn''t make me feel special.
But that was just me and in my case was yet another symptom of how I was reallly ready (or past ready) to move onto the next phase in our relationship. Once we were engaged, most did refer to me as the fiancee so I didn''t really have the same issue I suppose.

I think it''s perfectly fine to correct people--you can do it jokingly! I know there was an episode on Seinfeld about people being annoying and saying ''oh my FIANCE did this'', so while we can all laugh about titles and terms sometimes it does have an impact!

I was discussing this with a friend a week ago, about how as nearing 30 adults, she didn''t feel like the term ''GF or BF" were suitable for serious relationships. I guess I never thought about it, because we were 20/21 when we started dating, and FI had never dated anyone else, lol. I can certainly respect sentiment though!

 

[cakeny]

Heh, I totally get this. Recently, an acquaintance at a dinner party asked me if I wanted to save a seat for my BF. I looked at DH and told him to move down a seat since apparently my BF was going to show up!

Date: 1/31/2010 2:31:54 PM
Author: LilyKat
It''s funny, I feel really embarrassed by the word ''fiancee'' (or calling my FI ''fiance''). It just sounds so... poncy (do you use that word in the US?), as though I''m giving myself French airs and graces. I still use the word boyfriend quite a lot as a result! I can''t wait to be able to use ''wife'' - so much better.

+1 I loved *being* his fiance but whenever I had to say it out loud, I was internally saying "fiong-SAY" and giggling. BTW, I am totally incorporating the word "poncy" into my daily vocabulary.

 

[Lozza]

Date: 2/4/2010 1:03:57 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 2/4/2010 9:58:21 AM

Author: janinegirly

I think this is a totally legit sentiment! I really hated the term gf..even when that''s exactly what I was. I was fine with fiancee even if it sounded a bit silly/stuffy but wife feels much more right (although for the first few months I felt like I was play acting or something..haha).


Anyway, in my case I was well into my 30''s and we''d be dating seriously for several years, so GF just didn''t seem like a suitable title..it made me feel like I was in high school and wearing his jacket or something! Also who knows how many girls before me shared that title...it didn''t make me feel special.

But that was just me and in my case was yet another symptom of how I was reallly ready (or past ready) to move onto the next phase in our relationship. Once we were engaged, most did refer to me as the fiancee so I didn''t really have the same issue I suppose.


I think it''s perfectly fine to correct people--you can do it jokingly! I know there was an episode on Seinfeld about people being annoying and saying ''oh my FIANCE did this'', so while we can all laugh about titles and terms sometimes it does have an impact!

I was discussing this with a friend a week ago, about how as nearing 30 adults, she didn''t feel like the term ''GF or BF'' were suitable for serious relationships. I guess I never thought about it, because we were 20/21 when we started dating, and FI had never dated anyone else, lol. I can certainly respect sentiment though!

I HATED being called his GF. Since we moved in together and joined finances, we''ve called each other ''partner'' rather than BF/GF. I still often call him my partner, because even though we''re engaged, I feel that we are life partners now so it''s more appropriate. I can see myself calling him partner after our wedding though - hard habit to break!

 

[ANGEL WANTS A HALO]

I remember when my DH and I first got engaged (his mom was not too happy about that) and whenever we''d go to his family''s house and they had new friends that I''ve never seen at that time. DH''s mother had introduced me as her son''s girlfriend too. I was pissed off because she knew we were engaged. I think around that time we were engaged for only 6 months. That was a years ago though. I hate it when that happens but the people that are saying do remember they are just being jerks because they know it pisses you off lol.