Wedding Always fighting with a bridesmaid

[blissfulbride]

She and I can''t ever get along. We fight alot in my option only, because I compare it to my other friendships. I''ve know her for so many years that maybe we feel comfortable enough to argue like sisters, but it to much. This friendship is so high maintence, and im so tired. She is very stubborn and I can never get though to her. She and I have changed alot. I am engaged ,and she is still very single and always in a club. To be honest the only time i do see here is when we are having a drink somewhere so she can meet horrible men. I feel like im growing out of this friendship, but she has a way of making me feel like everything is always my fault and im the crazy one. meanwhile when i talk to my mom, fiance and bestfriend. they all seem to understand where I come from.

I cant even have a real converstion without her raising her voice, and i feel its so immature. I wish I could break ties with her but I never can because I care about her. Then when I try to distance myself she always comes around again, and the cycle begins all over again. oh and btw she was going to be one of my maids of honor and i got into to a big fight with her, and told her i only wanted her to be a bridesmaid. Now i dont even know if i want her to be in it because I have a feeling in her mind she would be doing me a favor by coming out in it, and I dont need any favors, I want people to be in my wedding because they want to be.

advice please !

 

[sumbride]

Sometimes loving someone means letting go. I think you probably have grown out of this friendship and the best thing to do for your sanity is let go, cut ties, end it. Breaking up with a friend is not easy, but it can be for the best. I''ve done it. It was messy. But it was the right decision and I don''t regret it. I think you need to let her go.

 

[Aim_Turbo]

That is a tough situation for sure. I''d probably take her out of the wedding. I realize that''s a tough decision but if you feel that you have nothing in common anymore or feel that you can''t talk to her then there isn''t much there to hold onto. The other option is to just ignore it and don''t involve her in any important decisions, keep her at arms length. I dunno, bridesmaids are supposed to be "your girls", the girls who are there for you, understand you better then anyone else and to have someone who you can''t even talk to stand up for you kind of brings a bad vibe to your day.

Bottom line..do what you feel is necessary to make the day go smoothly, don''t have people there that will throw wrenches into your day.

 

[diamondfan]

I think you know the answer. I really know it is tough to make this type of decision but you have to. It is not right for her to be miserable to you even if you two are in different places. Let it go, nicely, but just say you think it is best the two of you move on as you both seem to want different things in the friendship. If something occurs and she changes in time, fine, but I would end the cycle.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/22/2008 2:10:29 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think you know the answer. I really know it is tough to make this type of decision but you have to. It is not right for her to be miserable to you even if you two are in different places. Let it go, nicely, but just say you think it is best the two of you move on as you both seem to want different things in the friendship. If something occurs and she changes in time, fine, but I would end the cycle.

I agree. I''ve ended friendships before and it''s not easy, but there''s no sense in hanging onto something that you''re not enjoying. May I ask how she became a bridesmaid in the first place? I''m not passing judgement -- just curious.

 

[blissfulbride]

zoe -

When I first got engaged I felt ,because she was one of my oldest friends that she should be the maid of honor but then when I would ask her to help me with the planning. She would huff and puff. She made me feel like it was a bother. Then she started to act really jealous of me and would always say snippy things. Then we had a big fight and stopped talking for a few months. Then i went out with some friend and saw her and we made up. that was only like 5 months ago and the fighting started again.

Ive decided not to call her at all or email her and if i see we can be cool. i have to really think about having her in my wedding.

thanks PS- princesses

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

She might be crazy, or she might have a point. Have you considered anything she has told you in regards to her feelings or why she feels put out? If you truly value your friendship with her, then put down the defense and ask her if you have done something to offend her. Tell her that she is hurting your feelings with her actions, and you want to know if there''s something you can do to repair the friendship. If she doesn''t respond well, then at least you tried. Some friendships are meant to last and others are purely an effect of circumstance. No one on this thread but you knows which type of friendship you have.


Just remember that getting married gives you one special day to be the center of attention, not a year (planning time). I''ve seen plenty of brides get this tunnel vision where all they see is their own wedding, and their honeymoon, and every little detail is the topic of every conversation with them. Whether you go out to bars or not, that is still her life. If you want her to care about your life - getting married - then you should show that you care about hers.

 

[diamondfan]

I think that while the wedding is about the one day, a lot of planning and time goes into it and I just would want to be with people who are at least not being awful to me. Not all friendships go the distance, sad but true. The issue is deciding when enough is enough for you and knowing when to sever things. You have the right to be treated with kindness and respect. If you feel you have done nothing to cause the current state of things, then I would just back away. If time presents itself to have a discussion, and you wish to, fine. Otherwise, it might just be that this relationship has run it''s course for now and you have to be able to see that and accept it. When you are in a different place than a pal, sadly it does sometimes cause issues in the relationship. I had to sever a tie over it too, and to this day that friend of mine is still single. She could not accept that I was getting married and tortured me over it. I ended the friendship and just in the last few years have contact again. She has mellowed which is nice.

 

[Harleigh]

I''m tired, but I wanted to say that I had a friend for over 13 years that I tried to "break up" with numerous times. I finally decided that it just wasn''t worth trying so hard, and I finally let her go. As someone else here said, sometimes loving someone means letting them go.

I think it would be in your best interest to do just that...this is not a time for you to be stressed out and worried about her. Maybe let her know that you care about her, but you just can''t allow her to suck the very life from you all of the time, and maybe you can work on your friendship after the wedding, but that for now you just need to have positive influences in your life.

HTH!

 

[bee*]

I agree with Guilty Pleasure in that I would try and talk to her and ask have you done anything wrong etc. If she responds badly, then I''d end the friendship. At least that way, you''ll get your answer either way.

 

[blissfulbride]

I swear I really dont deserve the way she treats me. My fiance hates her and always has. She can be an evil person, and that energy is so bad for me. I excited about getting married, but I really dont talk about it to much. Then again I dont think I should really have to worry about talking about it to much when im happy. My happiness shouldnt bother my real friends.

The fight was about money! she ask if I could lend her some which by the way is so tacky in so many ways. Then pretty much puts me on the spot at that moment. No heads up! I was so upset, because she knows im saving for this wedding and how dare she. Plus don''t get yourself in a situation where you have to borrow money. We aren''t in high school we are adult ! Then when I asked her for it she got pissed. So that''s when I sent her a text and told her. WHATEVER KEEP IT AND DONT EVER ASK TO BORROW MONEY FROM ME. then she called me and we started to argue bad.

money and friend to me is a no no and im right because look at what happened.

 

[IrishBreakfast]

Yes, you are right about money and friends. You are also right about others negativity affecting you - you truly don''t need it. It does sound as if you have outgrown this person and that''s nothing to be ashamed of. It happens. I had to cut off my best friend from high school and it wasn''t easy. I''ve never regretted it though and I don''t think you would either. Just look at how much of your time, effort and energy she is taking away from you? I know it''s hard but walk away quietly and get on with enjoying your upcoming marriage and life. *hugs*

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 5/22/2008 10:53:51 AM
Author: sumbride
Sometimes loving someone means letting go. I think you probably have grown out of this friendship and the best thing to do for your sanity is let go, cut ties, end it. Breaking up with a friend is not easy, but it can be for the best. I've done it. It was messy. But it was the right decision and I don't regret it. I think you need to let her go.

I couldn't agree more. It's causing you unnecessary stress. You shouldn't feel guilty, you've simply outgrown her and it's time for you to move forward.

 

[blissfulbride]

I think you are all right ! She calls me everyday at work, and she hasn''t. I really feel better than I thought I would. I''m thinking about her, but not as much. I think if i just keep away i cant get over her faster then I thought.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 5/22/2008 10:53:51 AM
Author: sumbride
Sometimes loving someone means letting go. I think you probably have grown out of this friendship and the best thing to do for your sanity is let go, cut ties, end it. Breaking up with a friend is not easy, but it can be for the best. I''ve done it. It was messy. But it was the right decision and I don''t regret it. I think you need to let her go.

Say something to her. If you have been friends such along time you should be able to bring it up in a mature fashion. There may be an underlying cause for this behavior. Feelings might get hurt but such is life.

These things have a tendency to run there course.

 

[ramona.cc]

I feel ya on that one. One of my ex-bridesmaids and I had been friends since we were 10 and well I picked a dress and no one wanted to spend that much money (it was $130) (what can I say we''re all cheap!) so we switched dresses and no one had ordered them except for this friend and I told her to call and cancel her order since she had said she just ordered it within the last 24 hours cuz we were changing dresses once again to please everyone...well come to find out she never even ordered the dress and when I told her I knew that she didn''t she went off on me and said how dare I call her a liar...well that''s what she did was lie....so anyways we haven''t talked since and I have found a new bridesmaid. It was hell but I''m so much happier now that the drama is done.