Alcohol consumption in your household...

[stephbolt]

Trill, I can relate to the pattern you are talking about...when FI and I first started dating we lived 30/40 min apart so usually saw each other maybe one night durning the week and on weekends. It was very typical for us to drink a bottle of wine or have a few beers on those nights. When we moved in with each other in March, at first we carried that pattern over into our day to day life. After a month or so of that we realized what a hit we were taking both calorie wise and to our wallets! I now don''t drink during the week at all, and FI will maybe have one beer one or two nights a week. On the weekends we will still indulge a bit but overall we''ve settled into a much healthier drinking pattern.

 

[Lauren8211]

When DH and I first started dating we were drinking heavily 5-7 times per week.

Now I rarely drink (once a month? maybe?) and it''s usually only 1/2 or 1 full glass of wine. DH drinks socially on weekends. Maybe twice a month.

 

[CurlySue]

We''re pretty regular drinkers and tend to do so at home more often than when we are out.

My BF is a homebrewer and will, on average, have one beer each day. I am more of a wine drinker and drink less often. I''ll have two glasses of wine a few nights a week. We did go through a phase (a few weeks) where we were into mixed drinks, which was a bit much. That didn''t last too long!!

We still have the occasional night where we''ll have more to drink than necessary and will find ourselves tipsy or drunk, but that only occurs maybe once every few months.

 

[katamari]

We drink regularly at home and always have a range of wines, homebrews, and microbrews on hand. We tend to drink alcohol as we would drink a non-alcoholic drink. Just as I would only have 1 soda or 1 glass of juice with a mea1, I will also only have 1 beer or glass of wine with my meal.

My guess is that you two will shortly fall into a routine that involves less alcohol. My husband and I had a three year LDR before cohabiting and we were both elated to be living near and with each other and this led to, I believe, more celebration and alcohol. However, we now no longer see being together something worth toasting and express it in lamer, sober-er ways. In fact, I would probably be more excited tonight if DH came home with two eggnog milkshakes than a six pack.

If you want to make sure you can do it, like others have suggested, give it a try for a week. I don''t see any reason to worry and you might feel more at ease having done it.

 

[monarch64]

I typically drink 3x a week. Usually it''s Tuesday or Wednesday night after work, and Fridays and Saturdays. SO''s drinking habits are about the same--we go out once during the week and then he drinks on the weekends. It just happens to fit with our lifestyle right now, we don''t have children and we like to see live music or attend other events at which alcohol is present and drinking is encouraged. The past two concerts we have been to, though, both of us had only one beer. $6 for a bottle of New Castle or $9 for a tall can of Miller Lite is ridiculous. We agree that we have a great time together minus drinking.

I will say that I do enjoy drinking wine and beer and very occasionally dirty vodka martinis. For me, a glass of wine or two is not only relaxing, it motivates me to get certain chores done around the house. I am much more inclined to tackle bathrooms or a messy kitchen if I''ve had a drink.

 

[princesss]

I drink maybe once a week. I''m a social drinker, so it''s very very rare for me to drink at home. It''s not worth the calorie count to me to drink unless I''m out with friends. BF likes good beer, and he drinks a beer a few times a week. Both of us are very picky about what we drink, and will only drink things we really like - and those tend to be expensive, so it cuts down our drinking a lot just based on budget alone.

 

[yssie]

Neither of us like beer, so we only wind up drinking that if we're out with friends with no alternatives.

FI and I will have a glass of wine with dinner when we're celebrating something, which usually happens once a fortnight. We've never been big drinkers together, though, so this pattern is same old same old

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/15/2009 6:04:42 PM
Author: vespergirl
I''m pregnant right now, so not at all, but usually we each have one to two drinks per day.

Both of our families are immigrants from Europe, where a daily glass of wine with dinner is part of the culture. My family also makes wine, so we were raised by having one sip with Sunday dinner from around age 6 or so, the way that things are done in wine-producing countries.

Many Americans from Protestant backgrounds have religious restrictions on drinking, but over much of the world, a daily glass of wine or beer (or the local spirit) is normal.

Big ditto!

There are some weeks where TGuy and I will drink every night of the week. I have a glass of wine while I make dinner and he might have a beer. We have a glass or two of wine with dinner. To us it''s no big deal...it''s having a beverage with a meal that complements it so much better than a soda or something. Speaking of sodas...how much of that stuff Americans drink is very excessive!

He and I go long stretches without drinking. In fact, last month during open enrollment for health benefits, one of the questions was how many drinks you have a week. He did add it up in his head and although a drink or two a night is fine by me, it does SOUND like a lot when you add it up. So for grins and giggles, TGuy decided to not drink at all for the month of November. He''s had no issues and has had fun with it. To make it easier on him, I haven''t opened anything either.

Speaking of culture, when TGuy first moved here, he didn''t have a job and stayed at home helping around the house. I''ll never forget the first full workday of mine he was here (I worked from home) and he made a beautiful lunch for me and on the table he also had a couple of glasses of white wine. I said, "Uh...we don''t do that here." He was genuinely surprised. In Australia where he worked, it was no big deal to have one beer or a glass of wine with lunch.

 

[Clairitek]

We have a kegerator and when there is something on tap DH will be more likely to have a beer after work. Generally, it is only the one beer though. He drinks almost exclusively microbrews and has them more for the taste experience than the alcohol content. On weekends sometimes he will mix a Jameson Irish Whiskey with coke or apple cider, but this only happens twice a month maybe. I''d say we go through 2-3 bottles of wine a month, depending on how much we eat out (because we pretty much patronize BYOBs exclusively). If I have a weeknight drink it is typically less than half a glass of wine. I am drinking far less now that DH is on business travel all the time. I guess without him around I just don''t think about it as much since for me alcohol is a social thing.

 

[Circe]

My husband and I both drink regularly, not to excess: he''s of Swedish descent, and I''m of Russian descent, so alcohol is culturally sanctioned (kidding!). We''ll generally have wine with dinner, or cocktails when we''re out. What you''re describing sounds completely normal to me ... except for the part where it''s making you uncomfortable.

I actually think it''s much healthier to have alcohol be a not-a-big-deal part of your life then it is to reserve it for party-nights: growing up, my parents let me have champagne on New Year''s Eve from childhood on, in my teens I could have wine on special occasions, in college it was no big deal if I drank at home. As a result, drinking never seemed like the magical forbidden big-deal that led so many of my friends to drink to excess, to drink in order to get drunk.

It sounds like you''re drinking more because booze is one of the signifiers of celebration to you than because you''re cultivating oenophilia. If you like alcoholic beverages for the taste or the buzz, I''m the last person to criticize - but if it''s making you uncomfortable, cut back a little. Not in an all-or-nothing way (unless you think that will make you happiest), but in the same practical way that you''d cut back on any good thing to keep it a treat. You don''t eat chocolate cake for every meal, so ... same principle. All things in moderation, right?

Lastly, trust your instincts. Even if every one of us popped in to say we swigged a case of merlot each and every night, or guilt-tripped you about how the body is a temple and wine not *technically* a sacrament, the bottom line is *your* comfort level. If this is making you leery, then listen to yourself on cutting back ....

 

[charbie]

we dont drink much during the week. DH doesn''t drink at all during the week unless we are at our bowling league. then we have a couple beers while we bowl with friends. I may have a glass of wine every so often if im in the mood during the week.

i''ll admit, we will go out and get pretty drunk. DH does this maybe once every other month or so, usually with his high school friends. they live about 2 hrs away, so when they all get together, they drink more than they need to. holidays, parties...we are always safe about it, but yeah, get pretty drunk. most weekends if we are going out with some friends, we just have a couple beers.

it wastes an entire day, his hangovers are awful. we actually just talked about the fact that it totally isn''t worth it, to lose a day of the weekend every other month.

 

[purrfectpear]

It depends entirely on why you drink wine or beer IMO.

If you''re both drinking it because it''s alcoholic, then yeah maybe you want to watch whether it increases.

On the other hand, if you were French and you drank half a bottle of wine daily because that''s the liquid you drink (not because it contained alcolhol per se) then no, probably not a problem. Ditto if you were German and drank beer for lunch and dinner every day. It''s all relative ya know.

Personally I think beer is pretty weak, so a guy knocking back 3 beers a day is not a concern for me.

 

[SapphireLover]

CAGE
FAST

The above 2 scales are useful for detecting whether or not your drinking is something you need to address. In the UK the guidance is that women should drink no more than 14 units a week, and a maximum of 2-3 a day. If you are drinking more than this, it means you may be a hazardouse drinker. This doesn''t mean that you are an alcoholic, have a problem etc, it just means you might want to alter how you are drinking. There is a move in the UK to move services to include the hazardous drinker (the ones that have half a bottle of wine 5 nights a week) in a "lifestyle management" approach, in order to get them thinking about their alcohol use.

 

[janinegirly]

DH and I used to enjoy our drinks when we were dating---we spent a lot of time at restaurants, new lounges/bars and lived in NYC, so it''s part of the "single" lifestyle. He says it was more me than him (hmm, not so sure). Once living together, it eased off, since we started to go out less and stay in more. Got married, and went out even less. I got preggo and zero drinking and now with the baby we never go out! Such a cliche! I don''t drink with meals, so result has been I now have no tolerance so drink maybe 1-2x a year! DH drinks maybe 1-2x a month now and does still like a beer here and there. Things have really changed, I guess my point is it evolved on it''s own, and very well may for you. Wine with dinner is of course perfectly acceptable--we just don''t do it.

 

[TooPatient]

I have one glass of wine with or after dinner every day. If it is a wine I especially like, I might have an extra 1/2 glass.
B has one to two glasses of wine with/after dinner each day.
(I believe our glasses hold 6oz. when full to the rim and each glass is poured to 1/2-3/4 of the way)

That is about 1/2 to 3/4 bottle between the two of us each day. (including week days)


But:

If we have somewhere to go after dinner, the wine is skipped until after the event and sometimes skipped altogether.

I don''t really care for beer, but B likes a nice beer sometimes. If he has a bottle of beer, he has less wine or skips the wine entirely. (beer is usually in summer and a 6-pack lasts him anywhere from two weeks to two months)



My personal views on alcohol (note, I am using "you" in the generic anyone sense and not "you" in particular:

People react differently to it. Some can process it better than others.
If you like to drink it because you like the taste, then enjoy -- in moderation.
I do not think it is healthy to drink because of how it makes you feel (dulling pain, emotions, whatever).
If you are a recovering alcoholic, DON''T drink ANYTHING. Not even a sip.
If there is alcoholism in your family, think carefully and pay close attention to what and how much you drink. Maybe even make the decision to not drink alcohol.

Alcohol is a normal part of life in most cultures. When enjoyed in moderation, there is nothing wrong with it and it even has health benefits (heart stuff and more).

 

[partgypsy]

I also wonder what is "too much". They say for a female you can have 1 drink a day, after that it has averse health consequences. I maybe average 1 drink a day; maybe 1 drink 4/5 days of the week. In contrast my husband habitually drinks 2 beers pretty much every night. It is rare a day he does NOT have a drink. But at the same time, maybe 2 beers to him is like to 1 drink for me? Because I have alcoholism in my family I''d prefer that he didn''t drink daily but on the other hand I can''t point to a specific problem he has with it. In general he does not seem to have an additive personality (when he decided to quit smoking was able to do it just like that, one time one of his friends decided not to drink so he also didn''t drink for a month to be supportive)...

 

[snlee]

DH and I hardly drink alcohol. Just not something that interest us.

 

[Kay]

Date: 11/16/2009 1:47:58 PM
Author: purrfectpear
It depends entirely on why you drink wine or beer IMO.

If you''re both drinking it because it''s alcoholic, then yeah maybe you want to watch whether it increases.

On the other hand, if you were French and you drank half a bottle of wine daily because that''s the liquid you drink (not because it contained alcolhol per se) then no, probably not a problem. Ditto if you were German and drank beer for lunch and dinner every day. It''s all relative ya know.

Personally I think beer is pretty weak, so a guy knocking back 3 beers a day is not a concern for me.

Pre-baby, I thought of myself as French.

(DH and I went through a bottle or more a day on our first trip to France since the French wine is so much cheaper in France than here.) It was pretty common for me to have 1 or 2 glasses of wine with dinner 3-5 times per week. There are certain foods/meals that I know I just won''t enjoy as much without wine. For instance, I refuse to eat a good steak without a nice glass of red wine. These days, I am so tired that 1 glass will put me to sleep, so I am only drinking wine with the occasional, really good meal. I probably have wine 4-6 times per month now.

 

[TooPatient]

We always have bottles of wine in the house. Sometimes have beer in the house.
The only other alcohol we keep around is rum and brandy. I use those for cooking. (just had to buy another bottle of brandy -- we finished a small bottle in 2 1/2 years)

We DO NOT go out to drink. If we are eating out, it is just water or tea. Either of us would be more than fine to drive home again after a single glass but why push your luck?

If we are having dinner at a friend''s home and they serve wine, we may or may not have a glass.

We have lived together for 4 years now (as of Nov 1 and I have NEVER seen him get even a little tipsy.


How much is too much?
Different for each person. There are so many factors (male/female, weight, eaten recently or empty stomach, how often the person drinks, had enough water during the day, how quickly the body processes, etc.) that there can not be a single right answer.

The most I''ve ever had is two glasses. Not a problem. Not the slightest hint of tipsy/drunk/anything.
On the other side --
The adult daughter of one of my employers can have 1/2 a glass of wine with dinner and barely be able to stand.

 

[Kay]

I noticed recently that my attitude toward alcohol has changed with age. In my teens and twenties, I drank because I wanted to get buzzed or drunk. Now, I really enjoy good wine, and wish I could drink more (because I like the flavor), without the effects of alcohol.

 

[ladypirate]

We usually have a glass or two of wine with dinner (sometimes we''ll do a beer instead if we''re having pizza or burgers or something) and occasionally we will have a mixed drink, but not often. For us it''s certainly not about getting drunk--we''re just into wine.

 

[trillionaire]

Thanks everyone for all of the replies!! It''s been great to read everyone''s experiences and perspectives. As I mentioned, FI and I both have open discussions about this issue, so it was good to get some advice and perspective about what other couples are doing. Both of us had alcoholic grandparents, and so are cautious about any excessive behavior, and both of us plan to modify our current drinking level... We''ve also done the 30 days of no drinking thing in the past, to check for addictive behaviors... but both of us find it easy not to drink, we just really like the taste of wine and beer... we drink it, cook with it, even have stuff to make wine and beer. I plan on taking some wine classes after I move... I love wine as a lifestyle, lol! That said, we still are going to restrict our consumption... it costs far to much, and I can''t drink and diet at the same time... and I need to fit into a wedding dress!!!

 

[zipzapgirl]

We live in a big city and most social events revolve around bars, restaurants, and cocktail parties. We drink about three nights a week, usually one weeknight happy hour (ca. 2 beers each), one weekend dinner at home with wine (split one bottle), and one evening out with friends (2-3 glasses of wine or about 3 beers each). Sometimes we go out big time, but that''s only about once every three months for a special birthday, wedding, holiday party, etc.

I think you''ve just gotten into the habit of celebrating and socializing a lot--same habits as the LDR, but now with more time. I''d say try to cut it down to weekend evenings and events/gatherings for a while. It helps if you add in other activities like taking walks, going exploring/shopping/museums, or having a coffee instead.

 

[wsu12]

Date: 11/15/2009 3:42:12 PM
Author: diamondfan
There is nothing wrong with having a glass of wine or cocktail, either with dinner or just because..or having a beer etc. I am not a huge drinker but have at times consumed more than I should and regretted it after. I hate spending money on it and feeling sick and bloated too...alcohol definitely puts on weight, it is empty calories and you tend to consume more food when you are drinking.


I think the bottom line here is you are not destined to become alcoholics with this type of drinking. Of course anything is possible. However, if you are not liking it than that is what counts and you guys can make the change and should, if it bothers you. Otherwise watch it and be careful.

Agreed. My husband and I drink "socially", for us that translates to 3-4 drinks each in a 7 day period. It is almost always wine for me and beer for my husband. We rarely drink during the week. It is typically on Friday and Saturday evenings. I don''t feel we are on a path to alcoholism and it no way feel out of control.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 11/16/2009 4:19:43 PM
Author: trillionaire
Thanks everyone for all of the replies!! It''s been great to read everyone''s experiences and perspectives. As I mentioned, FI and I both have open discussions about this issue, so it was good to get some advice and perspective about what other couples are doing. Both of us had alcoholic grandparents, and so are cautious about any excessive behavior, and both of us plan to modify our current drinking level... We''ve also done the 30 days of no drinking thing in the past, to check for addictive behaviors... but both of us find it easy not to drink, we just really like the taste of wine and beer... we drink it, cook with it, even have stuff to make wine and beer. I plan on taking some wine classes after I move... I love wine as a lifestyle, lol! That said, we still are going to restrict our consumption... it costs far to much, and I can''t drink and diet at the same time... and I need to fit into a wedding dress!!!

I think the fact that you''ve both recognized that you''re drinking more now that before is huge! You''ve noticed that it''s getting a little out of hand or whatever, you both know that you''re able to modify the behavior, and you''ve identified what is excessive for you and what is not. I think you''ll be just fine. Great topic, Trill! It''s always interesting to me to see what others deem appropriate as far as consuming alcohol. I grew up in a household where it was pretty much forbidden, went pretty overboard my first year and a half of college, and then changed my drinking habits when I figured out what was healthy and what wasn''t. It is very easy to go from unwinding with a glass of alcohol to binge drinking when you''re consuming alcohol regularly, but if you know yourself and your limits it''s also pretty easy to curb your drinking and slow down or stop if it''s becoming a problem and you''re really not an alcoholic.

There is even a website that has to do with drinking in moderation...it''s sort of an in-between thing for people who don''t necessarily want to stop drinking, period, but want to make sure they aren''t drinking excessively. I can''t think of the name of it, but I did some research a few years ago because I thought there might be an issue for me (I was drinking 4-5 times a week and sometimes for no apparent reason other than everyone else was--think Sunday/football games, "thirsty Thursdays" with friends, etc.) and it helped me put things into perspective and see that I could differentiate between socially drinking 1-2 beers instead of 4-5.

Just found the site--it''s called Moderation Management. Still active, FYI (and anyone else who might be interested.) Uh...cheers? Hee hee.

 

[princessplease]

FI and I rarely drink. He maybe has two beers/month, and I drink less that that. If we do drink, it''s usually out at the bar, or at parties. and that is maximum, 1x/month. Even so, we only drink maybe 3 drinks each when we''re out.
FI used to have a serious alcohol problem, so he is extremely cautious about how he drinks.