Alcohol consumption in your household...

[trillionaire]

Question for you all... and yes, I recognize that this can be a sensitive subject for some folks...


So, FI and I have never lived together (excepting 3 months one summer), and have primarily been LDR in our time together. As a consequence, though neither of us drink constantly individually, we have fallen into a pattern of drinking quite a lot when we are together. Not to the point of being sick, of course, but we would split a bottle of wine every night on weekends together, mimosas on weekend mornings, and recently, FI has started drinking beer, so now it''s like I have the bottle of wine (over two days) and he has a six pack of beer over two days. Now, we aren''t getting sick, not neglecting responsibilities or having mal-effects, but we are both on the same page about being uncomfortable about drinking so much, as well as wasting so much money on alcohol. Right now, I''d say we drink 5 of 7 days together

. I''m not worried about being addicted or anything like that, it''s more of an issue of us transitioning to a different lifestyle/relationship configuration... we haven''t moved-in together yet, so this is all still pretty new and novel, and we are actively talking about how to modify this as well as other lifestyle and budget areas... so I guess my purpose here is to have a conversation about drinking... what is normal/acceptable, and what is considered excessive. What are other singles and couples doing?


I appreciate any and all advice, input, bashing, etc. LOL.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

alcoholism is a progressive disease so it is something you should worry about. 5-7 days of drinking a week does sound excessive but if you aren''t dependent on it, aren''t using alcohol to self-medicate, it isn''t negatively affecting your life or health and it is something you can control and enjoy than maybe that is your normal. Only you know what is right for you. Are you sure it is not a bigger problem for your BF? We are very good at ignoring the red flags and lying to ourselves. I would just tread very carefully. Things can get out of control very quickly. Have an open and honest conversation with your BF (sounds like you have) and try having fun and relaxing without alcohol.

 

[sba771]

I am not a drinker but my FI is. He likes fancy and specialty beers. I would say he used to drink about 2-3 beers a night 2 times a week including weekends when we first got together. Then, unless we were out or had a really bad week, it just would be on the weekends. Now he has cut back but only because he gained a lot of weight (that is what living in the land of beer and pork does). I have no problem with drinking, I just don''t like most wines and can''t stand beer. Most of our friends without kids tend to drink wine almost nightly. I don''t know how much but I think a glass of something a night isn''t too atypical or weird. In all my old black and white movies they seem to drink a TON more than anyone I know and they drank a lot of hard stuff straight up. Everyone is different. I am no help.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

We don''t drink a lot. I would say maybe 1 beer 2 nights a week. Not every week though...it just depends. We used to drink a lot more, we would go out 3-4 nights a week. But then we had kids, lol, and that changed things a bit.

 

[E B]

I'm breastfeeding, so I only have one weak drink a week. My husband probably has two beers (or mixed drinks) on Friday and Saturday nights.

Before we had the baby, however, we were in a pattern much like you described. I think we were drinking 5-7 days a week, two or three beers/glasses of wine a night. We recognized it was a problem (for us), and decided to limit drinking to weekends ONLY, and only a couple of drinks at a time. Maybe you could try this and see if you feel better about the amount, and better overall? After I stopped drinking so much, I felt so much better in general. No more groggy/nauseated mornings.

 

[miraclesrule]

Ugh, this post brings back some memories. I''m going to share. I had to break off a relationship because of this issue. I didn''t see my BF on an every day basis outside of work, but when together, we would go shoot pool at a neighborhood bar, which turned out to be his hangout. He was a chef, and most chefs I know...drink after work, so I didn''t think it was a big deal. I was drinking with I was with him, and I was getting sick, because I wasn''t used to drinking that much...ever. When I started spending a lot more time with him because I wasn''t working for a spell, I realized that he drank himself to sleep every night. I must have gotten sick at least once a month, maybe more. I had to break up with him. I loved him so much and I know that he loved me more than anyone I had ever been with, but he loved his Vodka even more. I couldn''t live that life, or watch someone I love destroy their liver. He is a functioning alcoholic for sure, most of them are, but I didn''t want that to be my life.

It''s good that you are checking yourself for any potentially addictive patterns that either of you may develop.

 

[iheartscience]

My husband will have one beer at home (with dinner usually) maybe 1-2 times a week max. I actually never drink at home-I only have drinks when I/my husband and I go out with friends. So to me, drinking 5 out of 7 nights kind of sounds like a lot.

I'd ditto EBree's suggestion of just drinking on weekends and see how that goes. Besides-aside from the $, all that drinking is a LOT of extra calories!

ETA I think a lot of alcohol-related behavior is probably due to how you grew up. My parents aren't big drinkers at all-my dad will have a glass of wine a few nights a week and that's pretty much it. Sometimes we'll have wine at a big dinner but alcohol never really plays a part in any gatherings/parties we have. So I don't see drinking daily as normal and I never will. However, I'm sure a lot of people are used to drinking at every meal, having after dinner drinks, etc., because that's how their family is.

 

[JSM]

My DH drinks way too much, he knows it, and is cutting back. Unfortunately, he is using it to self medicate and we''re working on that too. He comes from a family of alcoholics and it is a constant source of worry.

In contrast, I very rarely drink (maybe a couple times a month, and it''s usually a couple glasses of wine).

I think the key is to find a balance that YOU are comfortable with. Some people (due to body size, genetic tolerance, etc) can have a six pack over the course of an evening and not even feel buzzed. Some people can drink two beers and it has a great effect on their mental state. Cost as you mentioned is also an issue, alcohol is expensive! If you are home and not driving, you can afford it, and it doesn''t affect your work, relationship, or family, then I don''t have a problem with moderate drinking at home.

However, if it''s making you guys uncomfortable, then listen to your instincts.

 

[ljmorgan]

I'm pregnant now, but when I'm not pregnant I would maybe have 1-2 drinks a month when going out, my husband drinks even less frequency. We're not against alcohol or anything, we just don't see the point in drinking it at home (we're not wine lovers) and rarely have drinks when dining out.

I would say that a 6 pack of beer every two days during the week is excessive -- it's just not necessary. Maybe make a rule of no alcohol during the week unless you're going out -- I just can't see a reason to sit at home and drink beer when there are so many other beverages available. I'm sure that you two will find your balance as you adjust. Ask yourself why the drinking is so frequent.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/15/2009 11:35:59 AM
Author: thing2of2
My husband will have one beer at home (with dinner usually) maybe 1-2 times a week max. I actually never drink at home-I only have drinks when I/my husband and I go out with friends. So to me, drinking 5 out of 7 nights kind of sounds like a lot.

Ditto. I very very occasionally will have a glass of wine at home-but usually only when we have guests.

 

[KimberlyH]

My husband and I both really enjoy wine and beer and we drink (drank for me, I''m pregnant) regularly (i.e. a glass with dinner most nights). I''ve seen him tipsy two or three times our entire relationship, and I''ve been drunk three times in the three+ years we''ve been married. Neither of us drinks to alter our state of mind, we enjoy the taste. We both have alcoholics in our family and are congnizant of the affects of drinking in excess and what it means to be an alcoholic. Too much is different for everyone; I know alcoholics who binge drink once a month and abstain otherwise and people who drink daily who have no issues with alcohol. I think people need to find their own reasonable limits, and they may be very different from what is normal for others.

 

[Lilac]

DH and I don''t really like alcohol (I personally hate the taste of it) so we very rarely drink. If we go out with friends, he''ll have one beer (but that''s so infrequent I can''t even remember the last time that happened).

The one thing I do really love is wine - the kind with hardly any alcohol content

- so I buy a couple bottles to keep in our apartment and we open one every weekend for the Sabbath and over the course of the weekend we finish it. Occasionally we open another one during the week and finish it over 3-4 days. The most we ever have at once is 1 glass.

 

[geckodani]

DH has a beer every night. We tend to have a few drinks on the weekends together (usually one out of the two nights). Actually drunk occurs a few times a year.

 

[zoebartlett]

My husband and I rarely drink. We''re not against it; we just never think about keeping alcohol in the house. We may occasionally have a drink if we go out, either to a restaurant or to friends'' houses, but it''s pretty rare.

I agree with what others have said, and I''d encourage you and your boyfriend to continue talking about this. As Tacori said, things can get out of control very quickly, sometimes without you realizing it at first.

 

[Lynn B]

We drink occasionally. Not daily, by any means... I wouldn''t even say weekly.

When I cook Mexican, we enjoy a cold beer or a fun, fruity Margarita with it. If we make pizza, we like a frosty beer. A nice Italian meal may mean we bring out the red wine. But none of that is an absolute, we are just as likely to have juice, water or milk with our dinner!

Honestly, Trill, the fact that you are having concerns about this tells me it is something you are doing well by looking twice at. In the world of alcohol consumption, I would ALWAYS rather be "safe than sorry". It can become a slippery slope.

 

[packrat]

Before the kids came, we used to go out now and again-moreso before we even got married. When we were dating it was pretty much an every Friday/Saturday thing-the bar we frequented had a DJ that would play a certain song when I came in..was pretty handy actually so my friends knew I was there haha. It''s never been something that we would say, have a glass of wine with dinner or while watching a movie together...neither of us are "alone" drinkers-we drink a little when we have parties or go out...which is so infrequent as to be laughable. With the kids, I don''t want to have more than a beer or 2 when we have parties b/c I don''t want to be buzzed-I need to be in control.

Anymore, I''d rather just have a chocolaty coffee drink.

Alcoholism is on both sides of our family, and it is something that kind of..can sneak up on you. It''s good for you and your boyfriend to talk about it before it gets out of hand...or if you feel it''s out of hand now. Would it bother either of you to spend the week hanging out together and with your friends without drinking?

 

[April20]

We drink at home more than we drink out, mainly because it''s much more expensive to drink out. We have a very well stocked liquor cabinet at home and DH is an excellent bartender. That being said, DH and I usually end up having drinks during the weekend, though DH will occassionally make me a nightcap cocktail during the week. If I drink during the week, I typically don''t have more than one and DH makes them small. He might have a beer or a glass of wine during the week if what we''re eating for dinner goes with it.

I grew up in a household where alcoholism was a HUGE issue and I''m very, very sensitive to overdrinking. Very. I''ve never felt that the amount that we drink even leans towards excess and if it did, I''d curb it and fast.

If you think you''re drinking too much or too regularly, I''d take a hard look at it. It''s obviously of concern to you or you wouldn''t be thinking about it. You might want to think about going 30 days without alcohol and then introduce it back into your lifestyle in a more modified way than you feel you''ve been doing to date. Just a thought.

 

[Octavia]

When DH and I go out with friends, we usually have one or two drinks. Most weeks, we go out at least once, maybe more if people are feeling particularly social. We drink at home only rarely, sometimes a glass or two of wine with a special meal or we might split a beer if we each want a taste but not the whole thing. Neither of us has a problem turning drinks down when we just don't want any, and we drink quality beer and wine to enjoy it, not to get drunk. I don't think that one or fewer drinks per day is really excessive, but it also depends a lot on the person drinking. Either way, moderation is key, and I think part of the problem with wine is if you refill the glass when it's still partially full, it's hard to keep track of exactly how much you've drunk...so best to wait until the glass is empty before deciding whether or not to have another. Those vacuum wine savers will keep a bottle drinkable for several days, too. Alcohol consumption is definitely a good thing to keep yourself aware of, so it doesn't start to slide like you're noticing!

 

[sctsbride09]

We usually keep our drinking to the weekends. I do not drink beer, and if Dh has any beer it is never more than 3. I am a wine person

, but I never exceed 2 glasses. On the off times that I have, friends coming over yada yada, I always regret it! Sometimes, we like to have mimosas on Sundays..hmm..its Sunday now

. I know some people may think drinking on the weekend is excessive, but you know what? It works for us, we can afford it, we dont overdo it, and we have no children. So, I think if you guys can say yes to the same things, whats the big deal? Ok let the roasting begin

 

[Ara Ann]

None.

Alcoholism runs in DH's family (both sides) and he knew himself well enough to ever start drinking. He would have used it as a crutch for sure. I drink maybe at weddings and a glass of wine over the holidays, but even that is not the rule.

Drinking is over rated IMO and though it's never been an issue for us, it could have been had DH not had the personal fortitude to abstain. I'm happy DH never went down that path.



My niece's husband drinks A LOT, and on the weekends with the guys...they have a young child and another on the way. There was a particularly ugly scene a few weeks ago, he came home blotto out of his mind, with a drunk friend in tow to spend the night. Didn't go over well with my niece. I wish he'd step up to the plate and grow up...he's a big boy and needs to be a good example for their child and a responsible husband too.

 

[bee*]

It really depends for us. When we go out on a night out I''ll usually have 2-3 glasses of wine and DH will have a couple pints of beer. Some weekends I''ll split a bottle of wine over the two nights but most weekends, I just stick to non-alcoholic drinks unless I''m going out.

 

[MonkeyPie]

DH and I only drink at parties/holidays, and even then it usually isn''t excessive (depending on who we hang out with). Personally, I think that since you have a LDR and only see each other occasionally, then you aren''t drinking as much as you think you are. But I am also not a wine drinker so I have no idea how much alcohol is actually in a bottle.

If you think it''s a big deal, just don''t do it. If you feel like you HAVE to drink, then get worried.

 

[vc10um]

I''d say BF and I have alcohol with dinner maybe once every two weeks to once a week. Either each grabbing a beer, or pouring a glass or two of wine. Both of us watch what we eat, and frankly most days we don''t end up with enough calories remaining to indulge. Also, BF isn''t much of a wine drinker, but I love it...and have many bottles in the house...but I rarely open them because I don''t know if they''ll get finished!

BF also loves port, and I enjoy it as well, so when I have that in the house, we may have a glass of that in the evening while watching TV.

In the winter, sometimes, we''ll make Hot Cocoa from scratch and add a little peppermint schnapps...but that''s a rare treat.

When we go out to dinner, we''re pretty much tightwads, lol...so we rarely drink alcohol at restaurants. Special occasions only...especially 50% off wine night at Melting Pot. Then we drink the whole bottle between the two of us...but that''s also over the course of a 3 hour meal.

If we''re at a bar with friends, BF will probably have 1-2 beers, and I''ll probably have 2-3 drinks of some sort, and that''s it.

Hope that helps!

 

[ksinger]

Date: 11/15/2009 10:47:18 AM
Author:trillionaire
Question for you all... and yes, I recognize that this can be a sensitive subject for some folks...


So, FI and I have never lived together (excepting 3 months one summer), and have primarily been LDR in our time together. As a consequence, though neither of us drink constantly individually, we have fallen into a pattern of drinking quite a lot when we are together. Not to the point of being sick, of course, but we would split a bottle of wine every night on weekends together, mimosas on weekend mornings, and recently, FI has started drinking beer, so now it''s like I have the bottle of wine (over two days) and he has a six pack of beer over two days. Now, we aren''t getting sick, not neglecting responsibilities or having mal-effects, but we are both on the same page about being uncomfortable about drinking so much, as well as wasting so much money on alcohol. Right now, I''d say we drink 5 of 7 days together

. I''m not worried about being addicted or anything like that, it''s more of an issue of us transitioning to a different lifestyle/relationship configuration... we haven''t moved-in together yet, so this is all still pretty new and novel, and we are actively talking about how to modify this as well as other lifestyle and budget areas... so I guess my purpose here is to have a conversation about drinking... what is normal/acceptable, and what is considered excessive. What are other singles and couples doing?


I appreciate any and all advice, input, bashing, etc. LOL.

Well, if I drank 7 days a week I''d never survive! LOL! But then I''ve never been much of a drinker, even when I was young. I''ve never been wound tightly enough to NEED it, and I''m pretty sensitive to alcohol and sometimes it can make me feel good, and other times, I have one sip and get a blinding headache. And I never really know which one it will be. That combined with the fact that feeling out of control is not a pleasant feeling to me, and you have a real alcohol lightweight.

Lessee though...the hubs likes a couple of drinks in the evening, but during the school year rarely drinks mid-week because it disturbs his sleep. I rarely drink these days because it now also wreaks havoc with my stomach, especially red wine. So he''s liable to have a six-pack of Bass on a weekend, and I MIGHT have one glass of wine or one mixed drink? I went out after the symphony last night, and passed on drinks altogether, and drank water. That stomach thing again. Of course the point is, I didn''t feel like I''d been deprived of anything.

If you''re concerned, then break the pattern. See how hard it is. It really shouldn''t be hard at all if there is no problem with self-medicating. You say neither of you drinks individually, but if you haven''t been around him, you may not really KNOW how much he''s been drinking. I''m NOT accusing here, but I am saying that you don''t really know. Drinking can be pretty hard to spot, especially if it''s binge drinking. Few and far between, but a real lulu when it happens. Anyway, go a whole week or 2 and see how you guys do without it. That''s what I''d do.

 

[diamondfan]

There is nothing wrong with having a glass of wine or cocktail, either with dinner or just because..or having a beer etc. I am not a huge drinker but have at times consumed more than I should and regretted it after. I hate spending money on it and feeling sick and bloated too...alcohol definitely puts on weight, it is empty calories and you tend to consume more food when you are drinking.

I think the bottom line here is you are not destined to become alcoholics with this type of drinking. Of course anything is possible. However, if you are not liking it than that is what counts and you guys can make the change and should, if it bothers you. Otherwise watch it and be careful.

 

[Tuckins1]

Rarely... And when I do, it''s usually not more than 2 drinks total. I am sooooo over waking up feeling like s&*t.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Just in case you think you *might* have a problem here are some questions for you and your BF. 10+ drinks in a 5 day period seems excessive and I am concerned. I just hope you have common ground without the alcohol.

 

[oddoneout]

I''m glad you''ve discovered that your drinking may be a bit out of control. It''ll be easier to cut back now. For me I drink maybe a glass or two of wine (or have some other drink) on the weekend (not every weekend and not sometimes not even a full glass).

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I think when you''re asking yourself if you''re drinking too much, you probably are. If you and your FI are often drinking when together, it may be more difficult to break that pattern when you move in and are use to having a few during your shared time.

As far my drinking. . .I''m a huge fan of microbrew beers and do drink a beer about 3 nights out of the weekdays. I like to have one while I''m cooking. On the weekends, my kids get to have free evening time on the computer and spend most of that time in the office and then I will relax and have a couple more while watching a movie. Sometimes if we''re out with friends, I do drink too much! I admit, I love beer. But, I don''t drink any other types of alcohol. . .no wine or hard liquer and I''m REALLY super picky about the beer I''ll drink. Only the good stuff. . .which IS an expensive treat. My fav is $10 for a six pack. If only budwiser was available, I''d stick with water!

 

[Haven]

We rarely drink, and when we do it's only when we're with other people.
DH has never been much of a drinker, he'll occasionally have one cocktail when we're out with friends. I'll do the same.

The only time we drink any alcohol in the house is when we're entertaining. Every once in a while I'll have a glass of wine while I'm cooking dinner, that probably happens a couple times a year.

We were actually just joking around about how our bar is still fully stocked with alcohol leftover from our wedding in July 2008.

If it's any help, I did drink much more in college and a few years after. I'd say a couple nights a week in college, and Fridays and Saturdays after. I'd have a few drinks though, never enough to get sick or hung over. (Now all it takes is one glass of wine and I'm done for the night.)