LiW AHH! He is confussing me!!!

[penniepie25]

Oh guys,

As you know if you read my other posts i have been with my bf for 2 years we are both in our mid 20''s and moving into our first home in about 10 mths! YAY!

So we know marriage is in the future and that we both want a long engagement but we didnt set a "timeline" (which i would rather not do) - We did however establish that I am ready and he knows what he wants and that it "will happen" but he isnt ready just yet. I respect this - we have had some rough patches lately and i think we need to work through a bit of that and our communication skills for him to be ready. I AGREE with him - he comes from a broken home as do i and also his parents current relationships are rocky yet again - so i see his nervouseness...I am being patient and respecting this...

However the last while he is confussing the hell out of me! - LOL

Within the last week for so he has said the following things:

"How do you know i already dont have a ring"
"I love you sooo much and want to be with you for such a looong time" (this one i know isnt extrordinary but for him it is - heheh) he is THAT open with verbal things like that
"I cant wait to live with you, i would be soo honoured to call you my wife one day, you are so beautiful"

YET in the same day he is saying :

"would you be upset if i didnt ask you to marry me before we move into the house"
and the classic....
"I know i want to its just im not ready just yet" "but it WILL happen"

HOLY confussing...

May i add all marriage mentions he brought up which he is a guys guy, doesnt talk seriously about "happenings with us" unless we sit down and open decide to discuss it - he is fairly simple and these things he is saying are OUT of his ordinary sweet things - and may i add all within the last while....

I also do what to say i did discuss with him is outside pressures and if he has any - he did fully admit he feels them...friends, his dad and sometimes me bringing it up alot....i told him dont worry about me - im ready and when you are we will discuss more - dont ever ask unless you are a million percent ready!!

So anyone want to try and interpret why the up and down and back and forth with him???

At some points i think ok he isnt ready now but he did say to a friend "he is moving in that direction" so i was thinking something before the house is perfect - gives him almost a year etc etc.....he starts mentioning things on his own asking me Q''s about marriage etc etc....then im like <MEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! hit with the bomd "would you be mad if we didnt get engaged before the house"....what the!! - either you said that becasue u are throwing me off or i just dont know - a day earlier you just said out of no where you woule be honoured for me to be your wife.....for no reason all i said was "good morning" LOL

What do you guys think - LOL

Im not pressuring him, im not anxious anymore....he is just got me wondering - LOL

Id like to be engaged before the house - if not i wont be upset...but none the less i would be happy ofcourse!

 

[gwendolyn]

I think it''s in your best interest to not try to dissect every single thing he says, if you really are going to be relaxed about it. Just let him say what he wants--it''s his actions more than his words which will truly show you when he''s ready anyway, so just wait until he does something. Then you won''t have to wonder, you''ll know.

 

[Just_Me]

Excellent advice from Gwendolyn, IMO.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/12/2008 11:33:37 AM
Author: Just_Me
Excellent advice from Gwendolyn, IMO.

Tanks! I try.

 

[KCCutie]

ITA!

He may just be trying to get a feel for how you feel. My SO went through about 2 weeks of saying things like this too. Very up and down, hot and cold I was just totally honest and answered his questions. I think he just wanted my honest opinion without a serious sit down discussion so he''d just pop little things into our conversations to see how I''d react. Just when I thought I would go crazy with all this hot and cold he just stopped, and now I''m sure he has a plan and doesn''t want to talk about it AT ALL.

So just go with the flow. Be totally and completely open and honest with him and wait and see what happens. His actions will speak louder than any words.

 

[gwendolyn]

I'm so old...what's 'ITA?'

Oh, is it 'I totally agree?' Or am I just reading into it because I like it when people agree with me?

 

[KCCutie]

Date: 5/12/2008 12:38:28 PM
Author: gwendolyn
I''m so old...what''s ''ITA?''

Oh, is it ''I totally agree?'' Or am I just reading into it because I like it when people agree with me?

Tee Hee I bet if I''m not older than you we''re darn close so don''t worry about that honey!

I think it is " I totally Agree" at least that''s what I meant

 

[claireabelle]

One thing at a time, baby!

You guys are getting a house together so you must be on the right track. forget about marriage for now and enjoy the homemaking! It''s so much fun!

Also, everything he said is positive... just sounds like he''s waiting for the perfect time. Maybe he''s not financially ready... or wants to wait until you''ve settled in to your new pace and all the madness of moving is out of the way...

I don''t think you have much to worry about.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

HAHA - I feel your pain. After six years of on again/ off again dating in a long distance relationship, (he''s in the navy) we are heading in the right direction. I''m moving to the city he was just stationed in (he''s been in Japan for three years and is finally in the US again!), we get to talk a million times a day, he says things randomly like, "we love each other" just to be silly. I''m so happy, but also like okay buddy, let''s get this show on the road!!!

I feel totally comfortable bringing up engagement now, and I say things like, "so just in case you are thinking about rings... think cushion cut sparklies please!"

He''ll joke back with, "oh we don''t need a material thing like a ring to symbolize our love." i]

>

or similar to yours, he says things like, "I just bought a house! Did you forget?" to which i reply, "so a ring is like a drop in the bucket!"

It is maddening, but exciting all at the same time!


My advice is just to enjoy this time that you have now to anticipate the future. If you''re happy, then just be happy

You won''t ever get to redo this stage in your relationship, so don''t be in too big of a hurry to rush right through it. As for me, I know it''s not the right time for us to be engaged since we''re just now going to finally live in the same city, but I sure wouldn''t say no if he asked today!