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AGH! I HATE MY COUSIN!!! (vent)

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robbie3982

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I have a cousin, Y, who I absolutely hate. I wrote a post about her when I first got engaged because my mom wanted me to ask her to be a bridesmaid in the wedding. I''m so glad I didn''t let her pressure me into that one. Being the mature person that I am, I''m always very nice to her despite how poorly she treats me.

FI and are currently in NY visiting my aunt, uncle and cousins (Y''s cousins as well) and there''s already been so much drama and we haven''t even been here for 24 hours.

We got in at 1:30 this morning after a 7 hour drive and slept in till about 10. When we got up, everyone was already awake so we went around and said hi to them all. I made a point of saying hi very nicely to Y. She completely ignored me, though she definitely heard me. I thought, ok, this could be worse. I can deal with her ignoring me.

I haven''t seen any of these relatives since getting engaged this summer so obviously there''s lots of wedding related talk. Two of my cousins (her cousins also) as well as my sister are bridesmaids and we''re planning on going dress shopping while I''m here since I won''t see them again until the summer and by then it will be too late to get bridesmaid dresses since the wedding is in September. Well, my aunt and my mom were asking about my registry and decided to look through it online. They were going through the list of things as we were all sitting in the room watching tv. They got to a scale that we put on that happens to do body fat analysis and they started asking about it since it was listed oddly. I told them well, our scale is pretty gross looking and if we''re going to get a new one it might as well have cool features.

Y looks at me and loudly says "You''re so full of yoursel!" I said "excuse me?!" and she completely ignored me. I wanted to say something back, but I bit my tongue and reminded myself that despite that fact that she''s 31 and I''m 23, I am the mature one I needed to act it.

When we sat down to dinner (Thanksgiving dinner mind you!) she was in charge of pouring the champagne. She went around and poured everyone''s glasses except FI''s and mine. She stopped at ours and put the bottle down by FI. FI didn''t say anything, but thought it was really rude and definitely an intentional snub.

As everyone was clearing the table, I start talking to my mom''s cousin about wedding hairstyles. Her daughter just got married and we were talking about her hair. I said I think I want to wear mine half up or at least have some pieces back and out of my face . With me, FI, Y''s bf, my 15 year old twin cousins and my mom''s cousin sitting there she says to me, "Well you can always do something different for your next wedding"

I WANTED TO KILL HER
. I seriously wanted to jump accross the table and kill the b*&#$. I''m still so mad typing this. Instead, though, I said "Why would you say something like that?" and she says "Well, we all know you''re not good at relationships" Totally not true. So I said, "And you are???" She''s had 2 boyfriends. Ever. And she says "Yes." I told her she needed to get over herself and she said, that I do. Her poor bf is so nice and he seemed so embarrassed that she was acting like that and he was trying to stop her. After that she got up and went into the kitchen. I was shaking really hard from keeping my anger bottled up. My mom came back into the room, I burst into tears and ran out followed by FI, my mom and the twins. Everyone could not believe that she did that. She''s done stuff like that before, but never around her bf. I am so upset. I''m not upset because she said it or she thinks it, but because not one person f''n said anything to stand up for me!!!
In our room, FI started crying because he''s so upset about the whole situation (Y is staying in the same house we are). He wants to leave, but feels like it''s wrong because we drove all this way to see everyone. My aunt whose house it is went and yelled at her and told her she can''t talk to me like that and her bf yelled at her too and apparently she''s going to be nice now, but I''m sorry it''s not enough! They should throw her out! It''s not like she doesn''t have anywhere to go. She lives less than an hour away.



I really want to kill her.

I am definitely not holding my tongue anymore if she says anything. Apparently my uncle wants to throw her out (he hates her too) but my aunt doesn''t want to create problems with Y''s mom (her sister who is not here since she lives in Israel).

I think I''m going to have to get very drunk to deal with the rest of this holiday...
 

anacgarcia

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2006
Messages
360
I really don''t know what to say, that was really mean and you have every reason to hate her.. but don''t let her ruin your holiday, she''s probably just jealous because you''re getting married at 23 and she''s not even close at 31...

Ignore her.. it''ll make her mad..
 

anchor31

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Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
Ugh, looks like I''m not the only one dealing with family drama... Those are such horrible things to say!
I''d definitely want to kill her too.
 

luvinlife

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Joined
Jun 18, 2006
Messages
277
Robbie-
Happy Thanksgiving. Sorry about your cousins outburst. It is obvious that she has a HUGE issue with herself about something and you appear to be a good target to unleash her fury upon.

My idea is this.............be yourself, and be in love with that great fiance of yours. It''s amazing how happiness bothers the bitter.

LL
 

sparkel

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Joined
Mar 22, 2006
Messages
111
I don''t post very much but all I can say is WOW! Everyone else on here is much nicer than me because I would have called her a miserable cow told her to F*&^ off. Ok maybe I wouldnt have said that but I likely would have looked her right in the eye and said well I understand that you would say that since you are clearly jealous of me because you are SOOOO old and I''m getting married before you. Then I would have kicked back and watched her turn purple.

I seriously think that there is no reason for you to hold back after such a clear attack.

Keep us posted and I hope that your holiday ends better than it started,

Rebecca
 

Tacori E-ring

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Date: 11/23/2006 7:20:15 PM
Author: luvinlife
Robbie-

Happy Thanksgiving. Sorry about your cousins outburst. It is obvious that she has a HUGE issue with herself about something and you appear to be a good target to unleash her fury upon.


My idea is this.............be yourself, and be in love with that great fiance of yours. It''s amazing how happiness bothers the bitter.


LL
I agree! I know it must be hard to ignore her but she obviously has issues. Just enjoy your family and picking out BM''s dresses! So fun!!!
 

robbie3982

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Thanks for the support everyone. Y''s bf has not come out of their room since the incident. She went up to get him for dessert and then told everyone that she''s not feeling well. Neither have been seen since. I really hope they''re packing, but I highly doubt it. Her bf is so nice and I really feel bad for him. They just moved in together around when FI and I did in the summer. He can really do sooo much better.

I hate how she ruins everything. I really wanted to be able to go dress shopping with my mom, my aunt, my sister and the twins, but now my aunt says she can''t go unless Y is no longer here since she would be left out. Ugh. At least she''s not anywhere near me.
 

Kaleigh

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Just continue to conduct yourself with grace and dignity. This cousin is super jealous of you Robbie, and has some issues methinks. Don''t let her ruin your holiday. Best thing you can do is rise above it, although I''d be super pissed too.
Hang in there, and I really hope you get to go dress shopping. At least you can go with your mom?? Let''s hope tomorrow is a better day. Fingers crossed!!!
 

robbie3982

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Lol. Don''t worry, it''s just bridesmaid dress shopping. I found a store up here that has my dress and I think it would be fun to go somewhere where they can try on bridesmaid dresses and I can see how they''ll look with my dress.
 

ladykemma

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ya know what poetic justice is? her boyfriend breaking it off after seeing her behavior...
 

poptart

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I''m so sorry that happened to you. Hopefully she won''t bother you anymore or will just leave. I bet ladykemma is right and her boyfriend is going to break everything off after seeing her childish behavior.

*M*
 

Mara

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she sounds like a real charmer! don't let her get to you. just ignore her. yes she is acting ridiculous and yes everyone knows it. but just do not let her bother you. it's quite obvious she could care less about being yelled at or having people hate her, so she is not going to care a whit that you are upset, that her mom yelled at her, that everything thinks she's outta line. if staying there drives you nuts, get a hotel and stay there instead. you have power within your means to remove yourself from that situation if necessary. i wouldn't *expect* your other family members to toss her out or whatever, because family is family and i think that family can get away with a lot of things esp when people feel 'obligated' to put up with things. but YOU don't have to put up with it. and if you choose to stay there and continue with the family thing, then just ignore her as best as possible and know that she would not be that venomous if she did not have mega issues of her own going on and is probably very unhappy.

hope you can salvage some of the holiday and have a good weekend. oh the other thing that you have in your power is to not allow her to be around you in non-family gathering times. aka no shopping with her, etc. it's just another opportunity for her to try to push your buttons.
 

Ellen

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Date: 11/23/2006 8:46:38 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Just continue to conduct yourself with grace and dignity. This cousin is super jealous of you Robbie, and has some issues methinks. Don''t let her ruin your holiday. Best thing you can do is rise above it, although I''d be super pissed too.
Hang in there, and I really hope you get to go dress shopping. At least you can go with your mom?? Let''s hope tomorrow is a better day. Fingers crossed!!!
Exactly, she is jealous.

Robbie, I really feel for ya. I went through a similar situation. One of my 5 SIL''s went through a period after I got married, of making very cutting remarks about me in front of the family, always. While she tried to put a jokey spin on it (not as blatantly rude as your gal), no one lost the real meaning.

While I wanted to tell her off, I would simply say nothing, and let her look the a$$ she was. For the longest time, no one else said anything either. I''m still not sure why, although she is the baby of the family, and has had a traumatic past, but hey, she doesn''t hold the market on those.

Finally, we were all out to eat one night and she made another remark, that was loud enough for me to hear on the other end of a very long table. I just sat there thinking, how long am I gonna be able to ignore her? With that, one of my other SIL''s, who also happens to be my best friend, said to her, Sandy, why do you do that, it''s really not nice.

That was it, that''s all it took for her to quit. lol All I could think was, why the hell didn''t somebody say something sooner??


But the point here is, she''s the one who came out looking like a youknowwhat. And no one has forgotten it either.

You just keep keeping your cool. IF by chance this isn''t the end of yours (and it might be), I would imagine now that the dam has broke, someone will step up to the plate again if need be.

Just keep up the class act.
 

ladykemma

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Date: 11/23/2006 5:46:10 PM
Author:robbie3982
I have a cousin, Y, who I absolutely hate. I wrote a post about her when I first got engaged because my mom wanted me to ask her to be a bridesmaid in the wedding. I''m so glad I didn''t let her pressure me into that one. Being the mature person that I am, I''m always very nice to her despite how poorly she treats me.

FI and are currently in NY visiting my aunt, uncle and cousins (Y''s cousins as well) and there''s already been so much drama and we haven''t even been here for 24 hours.

We got in at 1:30 this morning after a 7 hour drive and slept in till about 10. When we got up, everyone was already awake so we went around and said hi to them all. I made a point of saying hi very nicely to Y. She completely ignored me, though she definitely heard me. I thought, ok, this could be worse. I can deal with her ignoring me.

I haven''t seen any of these relatives since getting engaged this summer so obviously there''s lots of wedding related talk. Two of my cousins (her cousins also) as well as my sister are bridesmaids and we''re planning on going dress shopping while I''m here since I won''t see them again until the summer and by then it will be too late to get bridesmaid dresses since the wedding is in September. Well, my aunt and my mom were asking about my registry and decided to look through it online. They were going through the list of things as we were all sitting in the room watching tv. They got to a scale that we put on that happens to do body fat analysis and they started asking about it since it was listed oddly. I told them well, our scale is pretty gross looking and if we''re going to get a new one it might as well have cool features.

Y looks at me and loudly says ''You''re so full of yoursel!'' I said ''excuse me?!'' and she completely ignored me. I wanted to say something back, but I bit my tongue and reminded myself that despite that fact that she''s 31 and I''m 23, I am the mature one I needed to act it.

When we sat down to dinner (Thanksgiving dinner mind you!) she was in charge of pouring the champagne. She went around and poured everyone''s glasses except FI''s and mine. She stopped at ours and put the bottle down by FI. FI didn''t say anything, but thought it was really rude and definitely an intentional snub.

As everyone was clearing the table, I start talking to my mom''s cousin about wedding hairstyles. Her daughter just got married and we were talking about her hair. I said I think I want to wear mine half up or at least have some pieces back and out of my face . With me, FI, Y''s bf, my 15 year old twin cousins and my mom''s cousin sitting there she says to me, ''Well you can always do something different for your next wedding''

I WANTED TO KILL HER
. I seriously wanted to jump accross the table and kill the b*&#$. I''m still so mad typing this. Instead, though, I said ''Why would you say something like that?'' and she says ''Well, we all know you''re not good at relationships'' Totally not true. So I said, ''And you are???'' She''s had 2 boyfriends. Ever. And she says ''Yes.'' I told her she needed to get over herself and she said, that I do. Her poor bf is so nice and he seemed so embarrassed that she was acting like that and he was trying to stop her. After that she got up and went into the kitchen. I was shaking really hard from keeping my anger bottled up. My mom came back into the room, I burst into tears and ran out followed by FI, my mom and the twins. Everyone could not believe that she did that. She''s done stuff like that before, but never around her bf. I am so upset. I''m not upset because she said it or she thinks it, but because not one person f''n said anything to stand up for me!!!
In our room, FI started crying because he''s so upset about the whole situation (Y is staying in the same house we are). He wants to leave, but feels like it''s wrong because we drove all this way to see everyone. My aunt whose house it is went and yelled at her and told her she can''t talk to me like that and her bf yelled at her too and apparently she''s going to be nice now, but I''m sorry it''s not enough! They should throw her out! It''s not like she doesn''t have anywhere to go. She lives less than an hour away.



I really want to kill her.

I am definitely not holding my tongue anymore if she says anything. Apparently my uncle wants to throw her out (he hates her too) but my aunt doesn''t want to create problems with Y''s mom (her sister who is not here since she lives in Israel).

I think I''m going to have to get very drunk to deal with the rest of this holiday...
ya know hindsight and quick retorts always come later to me but this would have been a great opportunity to throw your drink square into her face. not classy, i know...
 

Ellen

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Date: 11/24/2006 9:31:24 AM
Author: ladykemma
ya know hindsight and quick retorts always come later to me but this would have been a great opportunity to throw your drink square into her face. not classy, i know...
No, but it probably would have felt REALLLY good.
 

nejarb

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Aug 3, 2006
Messages
324
she''s bonkers!

don''t kill her.

i know it''s easier to say than do, but you should try not to let her get to you so much. you''re letting her make you feel intense hatred and that is a dangerous emotion, physically and mentally. i think it''t bad for your immune system and your blood pressure.
 

diamondseeker2006

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The one thing that will elevate you far above her is if you can be gracious and kind when she does things like that. Your first reply was just perfect. It shows everyone what kind of person you are and what kind of person she is. I think she really has some serious issues, and maybe when you can get past the anger, you can pity her instead. I do think there were problems with this whole arrangement, though, because you did ask some cousins to be bridesmaids and not her. And I 1000% agree with that decision! However, to go to the aunt''s house when you know she''ll be present and expect to go dress shopping with your other BM''s is sort of a slap in the face to her. I think it would have been better to go to the anut''s for the dinner and stay somewhere else with your mom and BM''s so you could have done your wedding shopping without her being around it. Personally, I''d leave and go to a hotel or something. And I do imagine her relationship is in big trouble right now, too. Next year, think of a better location for your family gathering...like YOUR mom''s! I would aviod ever being around this cousin and I wouldn''t want her at the wedding. I would not invite her because of the things she said..unless she apologizes.
 

Julian

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Wow, she is so transparent. She is clearly jealous and insecure. On top of that, she has a huge mean streak!

What a horrible thing to say to a bride-to-be. She has some serious issues with being 31 and not engaged. Maybe try to think of her as The Walking Wounded instead of the Evil Blob from Hell. Sounds like she's had a really bad life and doesn't know how to turn it around. Odds are, she never will with that kind of pain she's lugging around with her. Poor woman.

Nothing you can say or do to her will compare to the suffering she inflicts on herself.
She is her own worst punishment. Try to remember that and smile sweetly!

Just look at that gorgeous ring on your finger. Get lost in the sparkles. You will feel instantly happier. Grab your husband-to-be's hand. Look into his eyes and see the love that shines from them. He wants to marry you and love you forever! That will also bring you back to cloud 9.

Everytime you feel anger, look at your ring or go kiss your sweetie! If you didn't have a wonderful guy like that, had a horrible life and mean spirit... you miiiiiiiiiiiiight be like your cousin. Thank the heavens each day that you are not!!!!

Hugs!

ETA: Totally agree with diamondseeker2006. The bridesmaid omission (totally justified!) and dress shopping might have made her even nuttier. But hey, at least you know what kind of person she is. Now you know you made the right decision in not having her as a bridesmaid. Can you imagine the drama that would unfold had you caved in?
Pat yourself on the back for that one & try not to instigate her by dress shopping w/the other bmaids!
 

robbie3982

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So far today she''s ignoring me.

LadyKemma, I definitely thought about throwing my drink in her face, but she''s really not worth wasting a glass of vueve clicquot (I have no idea if I spelled that right).

I think there''s some confusions about the relations of everyone. The aunt whose house we''re staying at is Y''s aunt too, not her mother. I didn''t ask her to be a bridesmaid because we''ve never gotten along and because she stated (to other people) as soon as she heard I was engaged that she wasn''t going to the wedding. She never even told me congratulations. There was no way I was asking her to be a bridesmaid. I know it might seem kind of mean to exclude her, but I don''t see the point in pretending that we get along especially on my wedding day.

My immediate family lives in Pittsburgh, but the rest of my extended family lives mostly in NY. We all congregate at this one aunt''s house for family events. I''m definitely not going to let her chase me away from seeing my family who I only see once or twice a year. Y lives in NYC and sees them all the time.

The cousins who are bridesmaids are the daughters of my aunt whose house we''re staying in.

We''ve got more extended family coming over today for brunch and it''ll be interesting to see what happens.

Y is obviously jealous and I''m sure there will be more wedding talk since I haven''t seen these relatives since before I got engaged. I''m not going to refrain from talking about wedding stuff just because she can''t handle it though. I''m not going out of my way to shove it in her face, but I like talking about my wedding and if people ask I''m not going to ignore them.

I''ll keep you guys updated.
 

Julian

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Oh definitely don''t hide your happy planning for the benefit of your difficult cousin!

And now you see you did the right thing in omitting Y from your wedding party. =) Keep us posted!

Remember, you are the bride-to-be! Kudos on keeping your cool when she was obviously losing it.

The best revenge is living well...and happily! So don''t even let it get to you one bit.

How exciting will it be for you when more family members come over! They will ooooh and ahhh over your ring and tease you to pieces about the wedding! They will be so happy for you both. Enjoy being fussed over!
 

Ellen

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Date: 11/24/2006 9:59:05 AM
Author: diamondseeker2006
The one thing that will elevate you far above her is if you can be gracious and kind when she does things like that. Your first reply was just perfect. It shows everyone what kind of person you are and what kind of person she is. I think she really has some serious issues, and maybe when you can get past the anger, you can pity her instead. I do think there were problems with this whole arrangement, though, because you did ask some cousins to be bridesmaids and not her. And I 1000% agree with that decision! However, to go to the aunt''s house when you know she''ll be present and expect to go dress shopping with your other BM''s is sort of a slap in the face to her. I think it would have been better to go to the anut''s for the dinner and stay somewhere else with your mom and BM''s so you could have done your wedding shopping without her being around it. Personally, I''d leave and go to a hotel or something. And I do imagine her relationship is in big trouble right now, too. Next year, think of a better location for your family gathering...like YOUR mom''s! I would aviod ever being around this cousin and I wouldn''t want her at the wedding. I would not invite her because of the things she said..unless she apologizes.
ds, I kind of agree on the point you made about it not being the greatest arrangement. Having said that, I''ll also say this, people like her don''t NEED a reason, if there isn''t one, they''ll find one.
 

Miranda

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That stinks. Sorry she is making a mess of your holiday. Just tell her that at your next wedding - your 50th anni. vow renewal ceremony- maybe you will use the other hairstyle. She''s just jealous. Nasty, nasty. Her mother should wash her mouth out with soap!!!
 

RoseAngel04

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OMG! How HORRIBLE! Wow, I''m sure it was very hard to restrain yourself. I can''t believe someone would say something like that outloud while eating Thanksgiving dinner!! She for sure has jealousy issues towards you...and how rude for her not to poor ya''lls drink. I''m so sorry all this drama had to happen and especially over the holiday. Try to compose yourself and be the bigger person. I KNOW how hard this can be, but don''t stoop to her immature level. You are the younger one, but she''s the one acting like a child.

I have to bite my tongue constantly around my SIL (my brother''s wife). She is a complete and total S-N-O-B and wants everything to revolve around HER! So, she has acted anything but pleasant about us getting married. The day after we got engaged my bro became a deacan at his church and had a ceremony that we went to. So we arrive at the church before them and my bro comes up and tells us congrats and looks at the ring and told us how beautiful it was. SIL walks by, not saying anything to us or looking in me and FI''s direction. My bro said to his wife "Hey did you see THIS ring?" and she proceeds to lie and say "Ya I saw it." SHE DID NOT! Ugh...sorry just a lil venting. The next time I saw her I wanted to stick my ring in her face and say "Hey SIL you NEVER got to see my amazing ring!" But we didn''t see them until 3 months later and I decieded against it. Anyways, she has never said anything that awful as your cousin did....but if she did I''d have to chew her head off!

I hope the situation gets better Robbie so you can enjoy the rest of your holiday and go BM dress shopping soon. I went with one of my BM''s Tuesday and it was so much fun!
 

kcoursolle

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With those actions, I would seriously consider not inviting her to the wedding. If she says those things to you, she obviously won''t behave herself at the wedding and she can''t be called friend enough to come.
 

lawmax

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Date: 11/24/2006 3:09:44 PM
Author: kcoursolle
With those actions, I would seriously consider not inviting her to the wedding. If she says those things to you, she obviously won''t behave herself at the wedding and she can''t be called friend enough to come.
I don''t post on most threads, because I simply don''t have the time, but I have to say that this quote is a VERY good point! For all of my life, I would do what was the "right" thing for others and in this case, I''d probably invite the cousin. However, having gotten older and wiser, I do not think that you should invite her. I know she has said that she won''t attend, but she may do so just to spite you and have the opportunity to try to hurt you on your most joyful day. Frankly, I wouldn''t even give her the opportunity at this point. Everyone has heard her and seen how bold she is with her venom, so they''d understand your decision...on the other hand, the only ones who truly matter on your wedding day are you and the groom.

Just my 2 cents.
 

Madam Bijoux

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Your cousin's behavior ruined everybody's good time. She made a complete a$$ of herself, demeaned herself in everybody's eyes and probably won't be invited to any other family get-togethers any time soon. Your aunt should have called her aside and read her the riot act. Your behavior was mature and admirable.
 

robbie3982

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At today''s brunch the older generation wanted to get a picture of everyone in my generation and Y refused to be in the picture because I was in it. She didn''t do it loudly, but I''m sure at least a few people heard her.

My mom had been saying until this point that FI and I had to invite her to the wedding even though we both disliked her, but she now said that we don''t have to and no one will be upset about it.

I, however, am upset that my mother plans on inviting her to my sister''s bat mitzvah. She and my aunt (Y''s aunt not mother) feel that it''s up to my sister if she wants to invite her. My sister has some disabilities (mental and physical) and wasn''t there when everything happened. I don''t know if anyone told her (she is shielded from a lot) and even if they did I don''t think that she would understand. I think it''s ridiculous for my parents to invite her to ANYTHING when she hasn''t even apologized for what she said! My aunt said she''s not sorry and she doesn''t think she was wrong. Ugh. Everyone is so afraid of upsetting her mother who is really nice. My mom did promise, however, that should Y say or do anything at the bat mitzvah that she will be thrown out.
 

poptart

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Date: 11/24/2006 5:35:57 PM
Author: robbie3982
At today''s brunch the older generation wanted to get a picture of everyone in my generation and Y refused to be in the picture because I was in it. She didn''t do it loudly, but I''m sure at least a few people heard her.

My mom had been saying until this point that FI and I had to invite her to the wedding even though we both disliked her, but she now said that we don''t have to and no one will be upset about it.

I, however, am upset that my mother plans on inviting her to my sister''s bat mitzvah. She and my aunt (Y''s aunt not mother) feel that it''s up to my sister if she wants to invite her. My sister has some disabilities (mental and physical) and wasn''t there when everything happened. I don''t know if anyone told her (she is shielded from a lot) and even if they did I don''t think that she would understand. I think it''s ridiculous for my parents to invite her to ANYTHING when she hasn''t even apologized for what she said! My aunt said she''s not sorry and she doesn''t think she was wrong. Ugh. Everyone is so afraid of upsetting her mother who is really nice. My mom did promise, however, that should Y say or do anything at the bat mitzvah that she will be thrown out.
Sometimes the problem with family is that they ARE family, so you can''t exclude them from everything. My advice to you would be ignore her. Completely. When she says something mean, don''t respond unless you ABSOLUTELY can''t help it. Just pretend like she isn''t even there. That way, she will notice she''s not getting a response out of you and she is just getting yelled at by everyone else. I wonder what her issue is. I really have never met anyone so downright MEAN (and I hope I never do). Just don''t talk to her at all and hopefully everything will work out. (And on the plus side maybe she will say something mean at the bat mitzvah and be thrown out
, hehe).

*M*
 
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