Agh frustrated!!

[Parsley]

Hey girlies
Need a quick vent!

This weekend, my boyfriend was really really worried about something, and when he gets worried, it''s a serious business. He gets into a vicious cycle of thoughts, barely speaks, can''t sleep, can''t eat, can''t concentrate.

So I spent my weekend doing everything I could to calm him and reassure him. I made a roast for us, on Sunday morning I went out to the shops to buy ingredients so we could spend the day baking (I suggested it, and he jumped at it), spent the day baking, washed up, offered to make him dinner (he couldn''t eat though) made him more hot drinks than I can remember, offered the world on a plate to him. During this time he was really sweet to more, far more than he ever is usually. He didn''t ever really thank me, but I though that he was just too worried to notice that I was running all over the place for him, and after today he''d at least acknowledge what I''d been doing.

This morning he goes off to sort this thing out, and after he left, I wrote him a note about how much I love him, that no matter what the world throws at him, me or us, I''ll stand by him, that he''s the love of my life and that I won''t let anything hurt him. I had to leave before he came back.

So awhile later I text him something boring bout getting a dr''s appt, which he misunderstands and rings me. By now everything has been sorted that he was worrying about, and I know he''s got home and seen the note. He didn''t say one word about it, or about the weekend. I think maybe he''s saving it to talk when I''m home...I dare hope that he''s written me one too. I get home, nothing, nothing from him either, I have to ask whether or not he got the note! He says yeah, and that he put it in his drawer.

Now that he''s not worried he''s gone straight back to his old self that can''t bear to show his love by being *NICE* to be, oh now, got to continue with his aggrivating habit of showing it to me by being mean and teasing me constantly. I know that this is genuinely his way of showing it, and it is joking, but I''ve told him again and again that I can''t take this being the only way he can say he loves me, that eventually it starts to grate.

I''m just so frustrated that I can do all this stuff without even the smallest thank you from him, that the mere thought of being even the slightest bit romantic doesn''t ever enter his conscious.

Any of you have completely and utterly unromantic bfs? What do you do?! How do you cope? I''ve tried so hard to forget how much I long for a little bit of romance and focus on how much I love him, but is it really so hard just to have a hug waiting for me when I get back? A cup of tea in the morning? A quick text to say thank you?


A very frustrated Parsley
xxxxx

 

[TooPatient]

B is very unromantic too. The typical software engineer. Always logical. Always thinking.

I get frustrated sometimes by the lack of romance. Usually head for a bowl of icecream or nice hot bath. Venting here helps.

Every so often he''ll do something sweet and romantic. Not often, but when he does it is really special and I know he put a lot of thought and care into it.


(like the last time I was really sick, he got up at 2am and made me a cup of tea to drink in bed)

 

[tyty333]

Parsley,
I sort of got mixed messages from your post. Part of me thinks that you did a good thing for your boyfriend because you
love him and you shouldnt always expect a "Thanks". You had his back when he needed you and in a good relationship
he would have your back when you need him. But...then it gets down to the him picking on you and the lack of
romance and basically your not being happy with how he treats you (which I totally understand). I think you maybe
saw a glimps of how you would like him to treat you but he went back to his old ways. I have to say that people
dont usually change. He may not have the romance in him, the "thank you"s that you need, or the showing love
without teasing/grating on you (which I totally dont understand). You have to decide what will make you happy and
what you are willing to live with. If this is enough and is going to keep you happy for the rest of your life - great...
but as I suspect from your post you are not happy. You have to decide for yourself.

My DH is not very romantic either (a typical engineer)...but I''m not a person who feels like I need a lot of romance
(I used to be a software engineer so maybe that has something to do with it). It works for us becasue we are about
the same. However, my husband would never tease me or be mean to me to show me that he loves me. Thats
not really love to me.

We''re here if you need to talk,
tyty

 

[fuzzers]

Hey Parsely, just wanted to offer you hugs! I have a similar issue. BF doesn''t know when to let off on the teasing sometimes. We tease each other A LOT, but sometimes it''s just not appropriate, you know? And I miss the little romantic things too that we used to do a lot in the early stages of the relationship. For my birthday this year, I suprised HIM with a card telling him how thankful I was to him etc., and I didn''t get a card in return until a couple days after my birthday.

But men are not mind readers! If he''s bothering you... let him know! That''s all the advice I have really. But it works for me!

 

[Parsley]

Hi guys, thanks for you support.

It''s seems much more like fuzzers has it. It''s gentle ribbing like any couple does, I used the word mean cause that''s the word we use to each other about it all the time.

Fuzzers - when you said "We tease each other A LOT, but sometimes it''s just not appropriate, you know?" it was like you''re in my head! Sometimes you can just laugh at it and roll with it, but sometimes you''re like, yeah seriously I''d just like this to be a nice moment rather than a funny one.

And tyty333, I sooo appreciate your post And in many aspects you''re right, last weekend was a snippet of what I''d like more often, which is why I got so frustrated! I have told him many times that I''d like him to lay off the joke teasing sometimes and he says that he gets it, but I''m not sure he does. A BIG part of the problem I think, is that he gets confused about what I''m really feeling. My body doesn''t respond well to the pill, as far as being hormonal goes. I physically couldn''t bear to go off it as my periods were beyond horrible before I was on this, and it made me life hell. But now I get so moody it''s unbelievable. And I''ve spoken to H about this a few times, saying that I''m sorry that sometimes I will be irrational etc., but he can''t take that to mean that I never really mean what I''m saying, that it''s all hormones which it clearly can''t be! I think he''s got a bit of an issue bringing these facts together:
1) I do get moody and hormonal and get more upset about things that I really am or should be.
2) This doesn''t mean that I don''t mean anything I say when I''m upset about something.

It''s fair enough not bringing them together, I can see why it''s confusing, but he''s taken the route of thinking I don''t mean anything, rather than erring on the side of caution, which I think is what I''d do! I''d rather say to him "I''m sorry, I didn''t mean that, I was wrong to ask you to do that" than have to say "I''ve asked you before not to do that, why is it still happening?" You know? I don''t want to have to be the cowbag that is always nagging, I''d much rather apologise and suck it up.

Sigh.

The drs appointment mentioned in my first post is to discuss what options I''ve got as far as the pill goes. I''m on my third, may have to continue till I find something that suits me!