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Age of Commitment

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Magpie09

Magpie09

Shiny_Rock
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Hey
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I was reading a book recently on engagements and it stated that men are more likely to marry or get engaged once they've reached the age of commitment. I was interested to know whether or not this had merrit. So ladies have your SOs reached the age and do you think it affected when engagement talk started. Those who are waiting for a while yet do you think this affects you? Non-Ladies in Waiting feel free to chime in.

The books stated:
High school graduates- 23/24
College graduates- 26
Graduate school- >28
*ETA- 20% however either reach the age a couple of years before or after what the study found.*

(Thought an interesting topic of discussion would be fun to liven up the board as it's been a bit slow lately
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I''ll start

My so is 24 this year and although we have discussed marriage in our future i don''t think we''ll be getting engaged in the next year at the very least, maybe 2. So i guess he''ll be in the age group then as he is a college graduate.
 
My FI was 25 when he proposed and he''s a college graduate, so he was just under the age.
 
FI and I both 22 at engagement last year, 23 now. Will have just turned 24 when married in Sept. both college grads. He's in grad school right now, I'll be getting my masters in 2 years.
 
I''m 26 (27 next month) and BF is nearly 31. He is a college graduate I am just finished my PhD about 12 months now. As I was so focused on my studies for so long, the engagement topic never really came up. However, since I finished a year ago it''s a different story!!! We are hoping to get engaged this June
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Hmm..I do think that both men and women tend to marry later if they have more advanced education. Amongst my peers it was quite unusual to get married before ones late twenties or thirties.Most of those I know who married younger either divorced or have very troubled relationships.


I also think some reach a certain age/time when they think they should marry or feel social and personal pressure to marry and do but it creates problems as they are not genuinely ready.

There are so many variables that go into someone being ready though.

My husband and I were 35 (him) and 30 (me) when we were engaged and married. We had only been together just over a year when we married but when we met we each had had a lot of understanding/self-awareness and also knew we had something quite wonderful together. We were just ready but more importantly we were ready together. We each feel quite blessed to have met someone so willing to be vulnerable, loving, open and willing to be self aware. Neither of us were ready to marry someone who was not and we also had to be there ourselves to be truly ready! And it took us both some life experiences to get there.
 
Oh and I have a law degree but went back to school 6+ years after undergrad to get it and my husband has a college diploma, a university undregrad degree and specific trade schooling. He is now pursuing another degree after taking an early retirement from the military.
 
Well, I''m 22 and will be 23 a few months before the wedding. I am a grad student right now, FI is a college grad, but he may soon pursue a master''s also. So... I guess we don''t really fit those stats very well!
 
I do think education (and by extension, peers met while obtaining that education) influences marriage age. My DH has only a HS education, but he proposed at 28 (however, I and many of our friends were in graduate school at the time). Many of our friends are still unmarried.

For many, thankfully, marriage happens when both people are ready, which is the way it should be!
 
DH is advanced he proposed at 24 while in law school
 
Doesnt work for me.

J was 30 when he proposed, and he''s a high school graduate. We had been dating almost 4 years.
 
Those ages are pretty accurate based on my personal experience. A lot of people from my hometown who did not go to college married young, and then there was another round of marriages just after college (around 22-23). I went on to law school, and some of my classmates there were older or had married out of undergrad, but most of them waited until after law school to get married (26-28 to get married/engaged).
 
Hmm I''m not sure if I agree with there being significant psychological changes at those ages, more so I think it is considered more socially acceptable to wait until you finish education to get engaged and married which reflects itself in those ages. I personally would have had no problem getting engaged while still in school but SO feels very strongly about finishing school before he proposes. I don''t really understand why though.. I mean its not like he woulndn''t finish school once we got married or anything. Idk, for him(and many men) he has a one track way of thinking. He''s not very good at multitasking and I think this is kind of like a bigger version of multitasking. So finishing school is one task and getting married is another. He just sees one before the other and it doesn''t sit well with him to think about working on them simultaneously. It''s fine with me to wait but I would definitely be more comfortable with getting engaged before finishing school than he would.
 
My husband was 31 when he proposed and he''s a college grad - I guess he''s just slow? :) to be fair, we only met when he was 29 :)
 
We fit the trend.

A is 26 and a college grad, and should be proposing well before he turns 27 in November. I''m 25 and have my Master''s.
 
For me personally, there was a huge psychological leap from 21/22 to 25/26. Everyone is different though. I have friends in their mid twenties through early 30s. Some can''t imagine being married yet, some might get married within a year or two, one is married and one is engaged. I know everyone is different, and I don''t mean to be condescending or rain on anyone''s parade, but as a general rule, I don''t think peeople are ready to be married right out of high school, because I think we change a lot, and as a result, what we expect from relationships changes.

My married friend got married at 25 to someone she has been with since she was 17. But I tend to think that might be an exception. Plus, both of them had time to grow as individuals and develop their own interests. They found that they were still compatible and married at an age and time in their lives that they and their families felt comfortable with.

When I was 16 I had a promise ring and would have quite literally bet my life that I would marry my bf when I was 18, and legally able. But, within a year or two I realized how different we were, and by 20 we had broken up. I can''t even imagine today what it would be like if that relationship ended in marriage. I would have never believed it at the time and thought everyone who tried to dissuade me didn''t understand. I''ve talked to my friends about this, and they all feel the same way about guys they dated in their teens. You can commit to someone without marrying them right away, and I''d recommend this route for the very young.
 
Whoops! I misread a post and thought someone wanted to get married in high school... makes my comments somewhat irrelevant- sorry ladies!
 
According to this, my husband is slow!

He has a graduate degree, and he proposed at age 37.
 
FI was ready to propose at the age of 24 while still in law school. I was not ready for the commitment as I was still an undergraduate and wanted to go to grad school, so I didn''t know what my future plans were. Our relationship had a bit of a role reversal since he was waiting on me to be comfortable with an engagement/marriage. He actually proposed when he was 28 (3 years out of school) and I was 26. I am still in grad school and will be for the next 2-3 years so I didn''t want him to wait until I was finished. I guess he was right on time!
 
I guess DH falls into the "other 20%" group. We went to college together and he was 21, I was 22, when we graduated (and had recently started going out). I think we started discussing marriage sometime between 6 months and one year together. DH proposed when I was 24 and he was still only 23! We were both 25 when we got married. He was in no way afraid of commitment.

Very few of our college friends are married though. We're all turning 26 this year, so I guess the guys need to get on the ball (unless they're in grad school I guess).
 
FI finished grad school, and he will be getting married at age 28.
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That said, we''ve been together since 20/21, and he''s been very, um, ''committed'' ever since. When we discussed marrying age early on, we both agree that nothing before 27, and 27-28ish age sounded idea. At the time, we were undecided about kids, and now were are thinking no kids. I also like the idea of getting married at age 30 as I aged, but I guess 28 is just as nice.
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Date: 3/18/2010 11:09:36 AM
Author: Callisto
Hmm I''m not sure if I agree with there being significant psychological changes at those ages, more so I think it is considered more socially acceptable to wait until you finish education to get engaged and married which reflects itself in those ages. I personally would have had no problem getting engaged while still in school but SO feels very strongly about finishing school before he proposes. I don''t really understand why though.. I mean its not like he woulndn''t finish school once we got married or anything. Idk, for him(and many men) he has a one track way of thinking. He''s not very good at multitasking and I think this is kind of like a bigger version of multitasking. So finishing school is one task and getting married is another. He just sees one before the other and it doesn''t sit well with him to think about working on them simultaneously. It''s fine with me to wait but I would definitely be more comfortable with getting engaged before finishing school than he would.
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I think there''s a lot of truth to this. Men seem to want to finish one stage of life before starting another.

 
I think it has less to do with age and more to do with when the man feels secure in his career/ place in life. Typically when you have a graduate degree, it takes the time to get the degree and then more time to establish your career.

FI got engaged at 26 and will be 27 when we are married. He has a law degree. However, I would say we became a committed couple when we moved in together and bought a car together when he was 23 and still in law school.
 
I also agree that men tend to view things in "stages" and like to complete one before beginning another. My partner and I are 26/27 and will likely be engaged within the next few months and likely married within a year or two, so I guess we are on schedule. We met in law school when we were 22. We''ve officially lived together for 1.5 years (unofficially we lived together the last two years of law school as well). I didn''t start seriously thinking about marriage until we both passed the bar and had been living together for 6+ months (although we''d decided long before that we would "one day" get married). When started talking about it more seriously he would say "soon, but I''d like us to have permanent jobs first." (We both did judicial clerkships which are 1 or 2 year terms).

I think this is a typical guy attitude. It sort of makes sense to me.... but if you''re already living together and sharing expenses anyway (with no problems), and would get married whether the other person loses their job/makes a ton of money....what''s the difference?

Before I met my current bf, I dated a guy on and off for two years or so. We stopped seeing each other when I was 22 and he was 26 or 27. We were friendly for a bit and I could just tell he was ready to marry. I remember telling him, in a joking sort of way, "I guarantee you will marry the next person you date." He was engaged within a year and half.

I do think that sometimes there may be some truth to the belief that women wait around for "mr. right" and are ready to take the plunge when they find him, but guys just decide they are "ready." I think there was a Sex & the City episode about this lol.
 
Date: 3/18/2010 10:18:01 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Doesnt work for me.

J was 30 when he proposed, and he''s a high school graduate. We had been dating almost 4 years.
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I have so much trouble grasping the fact that you and J aren''t my age - you two are going to look young forever! *jealous*
 
me and SO are both grads and are in our thirties, so we do fit the stats!
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ETA: i mean we've been thru grad school (slightly different here in the UK!)
 
My BF and I are not quite finished with college, but we are both planning to get a bachelor''s degree next spring. We should be engaged by the summer. He''s 22 and I''m 21 (we''re exactly 7 months apart; actually born on the same day in the same year.) I''m planning to get my master''s afterwards, but by then we''ll be married.

I guess we''re kinda younger than the average, but in my area, a good amount of our friends and acquaintances have or will get married by the time they graduate from college. BF''s best friend is married and still in college, though his wife has graduated. (They began dating the first year of high school.) Two more of my friends are engaged to be married after at least one of them have graduated.
 
I believe that the ages represent where a guy would be in his life with regards to career/ money. At 23 a high school graduate for the most part with have an established career and be on the path to buying a house or saving for one, etc. So he is able to provide for a family.

A friend of mine married at 24 and he is a high school graduate and the other men in my group are college graduates and are around 24/ 25 now and are planning on getting engaged/ Married in the near future. I think there will be a domino effect after the next engagement in the group and alot of the couples will get married soon after.
 
Weird! My FI (college degree) proposed to me at 26 and my younger brother (high school) proposed to his girlfriend at 21 (actually just last week - we''re thrilled!)
 
hmm... pretty cool. I am a college grad and 23 right now. BF is a hs grad with some college and he is almost 22. I think he will propose around 23... (I would be 24-25) so this is interesting.
 
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