shape
carat
color
clarity
  1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. PriceScope Upgrade Completed
    For issues, questions and comments click the link below
    https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/pricescope-upgraded-comments-and-issues.229551/

    Dismiss Notice

Advice on second birth after a traumatic first one.

Discussion in 'Family, Home & Health' started by GraceAva, May 13, 2011.

  1. GraceAva
    Rough_Rock

    Messages:
    84
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2011
    by GraceAva » May 13, 2011
    Hi everyone! ive just found out i'm pregnant with my second child. My little girl, Grace, is 1yr old and this baby wasn't planned but is a happy accident. When i had Grace is was the worst experience of my life although she was worth it of course! I was in full blown labour for 2 days, pushed for 2 hour and had terrible tears. I think the midwives i ended up with believed in natural birth with no intervention or even help. They even at one point sent me back to the ward in the late stages off labour and sent my partner home as they said that if the doctors came in and saw how long i had been there they 'would start messing with me'. As soon as i got to the ward the nurse in charge sent me straight back and was angry with the midwifes for sending me there, during all of this i was in agony and very scared. Even writing this is upsetting me. But my point is that i am now terrified of child birth and swore i would never have another child but nature has decided otherwise! I am seriously considering having a c-section, i would love to now if anybody else has been in this situation? or had a planned c-section after a traumatic birth? or had a traumatic birth but then had a much nicer experience? thanks!
     
  2. fieryred33143
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    6,689
    Joined:
    May 18, 2008
    by fieryred33143 » May 13, 2011
    Grace, it doesn't appear to me that you had a traumatic birth due to severe medical complications. It appears that you had the wrong medical team for you which is very unfortunate.

    If I were in your shoes, I would make some decisions about how the second birth should go and then find a medical team that fits your needs so that the second isn't like the first.
     
  3. Puppmom
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    3,010
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2007
    by Puppmom » May 13, 2011
    Grace, I agree with Fiery - doesn't sound like you had medical issues - just bad circumstances. When I was in childbirth class, there was a woman who was attending because she had a poor birth experience the first go around. She needed to get her feet back on the ground by hearing over again the stages of labor etc. Up until then, all she thought about is what happened to her the first time around. She did say she was glad she came to class and that it gave her a sense of reassurance. You think you would be will to attend childbirth class? I'm sure the educator/nurse would be glad to spend some extra time with you. Knowledge is power!

    I think there are a probably a lot of suitable options somewhere between natural child birth with no intervention and c-section.

    Good luck!
     
  4. MonkeyPie
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    6,059
    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2008
    by MonkeyPie » May 13, 2011
    Big ditto. I would have been so furious!

    I have a couple suggestions. First, look for another location to have the baby (if possible). If that is not an option, don't go with the midwives. They try so hard for natural births because so many people want that, but it isn't always a possibility. (Like you, I was in labor for a long time - 54 hours - and in the end had a c-section. I can't tell you how much I wish I could have skipped all that agony.) While going natural is good, it isn't your ONLY option. Not everyone has easy births!

    Another suggestion is for you to meet all your possible delivery doctors BEFORE your due date, like a month or two before. Ask them questions about how they would treat your labor if they are on call the night you end up there, and if you find one you mesh with, ask if you can request them. Some doctors are totally into this, and I wish I had known that before I went into labor, too. It's always worth a try.

    I hope this L&D is much smoother for you!
     
  5. GraceAva
    Rough_Rock

    Messages:
    84
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2011
    by GraceAva » May 13, 2011
    thanks for your reply, i should have said that i live in the UK and things are very different here from what i can gather. it seems that in the US you can choose your doctor beforehand, here you just turn up at hospital and get dealt with by whoever is working that day! i actually went through 5 shifts of midwives. my partner said maybe we should look into going private but i don't know if we would be able to afford it.
     
  6. MonkeyPie
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    6,059
    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2008
    by MonkeyPie » May 13, 2011
    I'm in the US and this is what happens here, too. I had no idea who would deliver me, and at the time I was ok with that. Not anymore! Next time I will be getting what I want or there will be hell to pay!

    I'm hoping Pandora will come and see this, she's in the UK and had a crazy L&D, too. She will likely have better advice.
     
  7. GraceAva
    Rough_Rock

    Messages:
    84
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2011
    by GraceAva » May 13, 2011
    well just looked into going private and your looking at between £10-£20k, so thats out of the question!
     
  8. somethingshiny
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    6,746
    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    by somethingshiny » May 13, 2011
    I was going to ditto fiery's post until you said you're in the UK. I know that things are very different there. I wouldn't schedule a c-section because you had a traumatic first birth. This time, you'll be more aware of the stages of L&D and how your body reacts. You'll also be more verbal in your own needs. C-section isn't easy to recover from, especially if you have a toddler. Two days of a rough labor is better than 2-4 weeks of rough recovery.
     
  9. dreamer_dachsie
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    23,832
    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2007
    by dreamer_dachsie » May 13, 2011
    Darling, you need to see a therapist to sort through your experience and come to terms with it! I have a very close friend who was traumatized by her first labour, and she opted to do some therapy with someone she trusted before having her second. She said it helped immensely. The mental part is so huge in labour, and trying to come to terms with what was a traumatic experience for you is key to moving forward IMO.

    And then I would find a care provider you really trust to help you through the process. Sounds like you had poor care the first time :nono: Although miswives are supposed to be woman centered, obviously some are not. Ask around and find someone who really takes your needs into account and holds your care as his/her first priority.

    ETA: And just read your later posts and saw you are UK. I would look for an interview doulas to find a birthing partner and coach who can help guide you through the process and stay with you the whole time so you will not feel alone. That is what a midwife does here in Canada, and for me it was a great help during my labour. FWIW, my friend who had the traumatic experience with her first labour was with doctors, and opted for a woman-centered midwife the next time who stayed with her and met with her regulary pre-labour and whom she trusted, and she had much less fear and anxiety and a better birth and post-birth experience that time. So if you cannot count on having a particular person with you because of how the medical system works, then find someone privately to be a birthing coach and companion and perhaps advocate for you during the process. It will help a lot. Plus therapy.
     
  10. diamondseeker2006
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    49,958
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2006
    by diamondseeker2006 » May 13, 2011
    Plus epidural. I can't imagine not taking advantage of that! It allowed my babies to come into a world that was not filled with the screams of a mother in major pain! I hope you can demand what you need this time!
     
  11. Pandora II
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    9,613
    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2006
    by Pandora II » May 13, 2011
    Hi, I'm in the UK - London - and had a pretty horrible time having my daughter Daisy. I was in labour for 54 hours and ended up with forceps, a massive haemorrhage and a 2 day stay in ICU with 5 blood transfusions followed by a miserable 5 days in post-natal! Oh and an episiotomy that hurt worse than labour (they gave me morphine for the first 5 days).

    But, I can't say enough good things about the medical team I had who were kind, there 100% of the time (my midwife looked after only me and was there the entire time unless I'd sent her off to get herself a coffee) and ultimately saved my life - a c-section would have killed me. Basically Daisy's head was Occipito Transverse and she was stuck so deep in my pelvis (deep transverse arrest) that she wasn't shifting or putting any pressure on the cervix so after 40 hours I wasn't even finger-tip dilated despite strong 5 minute long contractions with a minute between them. I also love the anaesthetist - she was my favouritist person that night... epidurals rock. Seriously they are just the best thing ever.

    The team I saw afterwards were also fantastic and very worried that I would end up with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They told me that if I wanted to have another child they had a team to help women with previous traumatic experiences plus if I absolutely wanted to I could opt for an elective caesarian.

    If I did have another I would absolutely go back to the same hospital - would I pick a c-section? I would prefer not to, but the odds of a second PPH are hugely increased so I'd certainly think about it.

    I hate, hate, hate stroppy know it all midwives who try and keep women away from the evil clutches of those sadistic doctors who roam the corridors scalpel in hand just for fun! Most OBs will do everything they can to avoid a c-section unless it is in the best interests of the mother and baby.

    The hospital I was at was St Thomas'.

    They have an amazing birth centre and one-to-one care is the norm. It's considered one of the best places to train and it's very competitive to get a place there so all the midwives are young and really, really nice. I met all the ones in my team and I can't say a bad word about any of them and some were fantastic.

    The unit is sparkly new and there's even an indoor garden with fountain etc to wander around in. Plus, in the home-from-home unit you stay in the same room from when you are admitted until you go home and there is a sofa-bed in the room for your husband/partner. Plus a great view of Big Ben. Oh, and a private bathroom with piped Entonox into the bath - and 2 birthing pools in the unit. The hospital birth centre (separated from the home-from-home by the operating theatres which can be used by either side) is more high tec and there are no birthing pools. You can also have an epidural there which you can't in the h-from-h. Your husband can also stay with you from when you are admitted until you go to postnatal - there's no sending people home as they think that adds emotional distress which can slow things down.

    They also have the only Perinatal Mental Health Unit in the UK which was a godsend for me.

    I know that people who are out of area can be specially referred there so if you are anywhere near London it might be worth asking your GP to try and book you there.

    BTW I am from a family stuffed full of doctors so I am generally pretty scathing about the NHS, so the fact I'm giving this place 10/10 should say something.

    They are breastfeeding nazis though.... :mrgreen:

    I would seriously suggest hiring a doula next time if you are not with a great hospital (I wouldn't go back to the one you were at before as it will just strengthen the bad memories and anxiety). Tell the midwives straight away that you are traumatised and if you don't get a good response (eye rolling, yes dears etc) then demand to be sent somewhere else. I would really try to get St Thomas' or Kings - and if you definitely want a c-section then the Chelsea and Westminster is the place to go as they seem to do one for everyone (their rate is ridiculously high).

    Feel free to ask any questions or advice - one of my closest friends is an OB as is my uncle so I can check hospital units out with them if you need an outside opinion.
     
  12. Blenheim
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    3,136
    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2006
    by Blenheim » May 13, 2011
    I would also look into a doula. I think they're more often used for natural birth, but their ultimate purpose is to be the advocate of the laboring woman and to help her have the experience that she's looking for. Labor is a vulnerable time when you're easily suggestible, and it can be so helpful to have someone there who knows you and can keep in mind what YOU previously established that you want and help to remind you of your options if they just tell you to go home again or anything else that would go against what you want. Husbands, sisters, etc can also help to be good advocates, but they're generally not as used to dealing with laboring women and knowing what to expect and how to handle various things that can come up.

    And yes, therapy could also help a ton.

    I hope that this time goes a lot more smoothly for you.
     
  13. Deelight
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    5,544
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
    by Deelight » May 14, 2011
    Grace sorry you had such a terrible experience - one the positive you have a precious little girl to show for it :) as others have said it seems more to do with the medical staff then complications - I would be very upfront with the doctors/midwives from the get go explain what happened and discuss your options - be prepared to stand your ground . Also I think being aware of the options and doing your research prior is really empowering towards getting the experience you want - despite having a crap experience it could have gone a lot worse for me if I didn't hold my ground.

    I was determined if possible to have a natural birth (as long as bubba was not in distress) I couldn't afford the c-section as really I had no one to look after me while caring for the baby.

    I had a pretty crap experience my daughter was born on Sunday so my OB was not on (I am in Australia and going private does not guarentee you get your doctor) and I had an ob that I have never met before - long story short during my labour I asked for an epi at about 8-9cm (was ignored and in severe pain by that stage depsite being told earlier that it was not to late) had an epistomy and a vaccum (the description DH gave me of what this guy did was not pretty he was brutal) used with no local anisthetic and stiches put in before it kicked in) threated with a C-section repeatedly (after 30 hrs of labour in total I was just exhausted) - despite the little one not being in distress cause she was a bigger baby and told she would be born with a disabilty if they had to dislocate her shoulders if she had broad shoulders (my ob knew she was a bigger baby and told me it would be right and no causes for concern ) I was also yelled at by the ob for crying and told to stop when I was pain - essentially this dude was in a rush and wanted to slice to get her out cause she was just taking her time

    I ended up complaining to my ob and have been told that the next one he will be there and that I shouldn't have any issues with the second cause it generally does get easier - I also lodged a complaint with the hospital


    I told hubby we were never having kids again and one was done but as time gets one I kinda think another may be okay I want her to have a sister he wants a boy LOL - I keep telling myself she was more then worth it and that makes the experience positive

    GL hun :)
     
  14. AussieNic
    Rough_Rock

    Messages:
    81
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2010
    by AussieNic » May 14, 2011
    I was going to suggest a Doula as well. I never had one, but belong to an online parenting forum where a lot of the ladies have doula's for their pregnancy/birth.

    I had quite some emotional trauma after my 1st was born. A horribly long labour, which resulted in an emergency c/s where i was given a spinal block, that didnt quite work and luckily i managed to let them know that i could feel them starting to prep me... My 2nd child, We let our OB know about my previous birth (public for #1, private #2) and he booked me in for a c/s due to the previous one. We just had #3, 5 weeks ago (a surprise baby too) and i went with a scheduled c/section cause i had so much scarring from the previous c/sections. (Have been told not to have any more children now) The point to my rather long post is that maybe some counselling will help as well? It was suggested to me, but i never did it... I had almost 9 years between #1 and 2, and it still affected me greatly.

    With my 2nd child I was in labour upon arriving for my c/section, and was allowed to labour naturally, and even though it was a different hospital, different dr and midwives, i was on my back with that belt around me and felt like it was my first birth all over.... i just wasn't emotionally equipped to deal with it..counselling might have helped me at that point?

    With my 2nd and 3rd children, I was so terrified that i had general anaesthetics! My ob supported my decision 3rd time round knowing my history.

    Doula, maybe some counselling? and heaps of questions.. write a really detailed birth plan and hand them out to everyone you come in contact with at the hospital, maybe??

    Congrats on your surprise bubba too :)
     
  15. Jennifer W
    Brilliant_Rock
    Trade

    Messages:
    1,954
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2010
    by Jennifer W » May 14, 2011
    Grace, I'm sorry you're in this situation, it must be upsetting. Can I recommend that you contact Sonia at The Baby Gurus?
    http://www.thebabygurus.com/about-us
    I had a couple of days with her when I was pregnant, and it made the world of difference to my mental state, to my preparation for a positive experience and to my ability to articulate what I wanted even when things didn't go to plan. If you can, give them a call - I'm pretty sure they'd be able to help and support you emotionally and practically.

    Which country are you in? I'm in Scotland, and there are some exceptional maternity hospitals and units within general hospitals to choose from here. I hate to say this, but quality of care can depend on where you live. Sometimes travelling just a few more miles gets you exactly the care you need and want. I drove past three hospitals with maternity units to get to my choice of medical and midwifery team and facilities, and it made for a good experience even though nothing went to plan - I had a lot of confidence in the staff there, and in their attitudes towards risk and choice. So, I'd do a bit of research into neighbouring areas. Go with a written birth plan - it doesn't guarantee anything will go the way you want, but it does make your views and wishes known.

    Also, if a c-section is the best thing for you (on the basis of a clinical judgment) then don't be scared! I had an emergency c-section and honestly, it was no big deal. Now, I'm someone who needs to be sedated for a dental check-up, so if I wasn't fazed by it, it isn't that bad! I went home the following day and I did not experience any pain, so while I absolutely understand that this isn't everyone's experience, it is possible. I had nursing support at home, which was nice - something to ask for maybe?

    The only other thing I can add is that you should stick around here - there's a lot of support and empathy to be had on PS, particularly from the moms.
     
  16. GraceAva
    Rough_Rock

    Messages:
    84
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2011
    by GraceAva » May 15, 2011
    Thanks for your kind replies everyone, it does help to know im not the only one who feels like this. i (stupidly!) looked at some forums to do with elective c-section and read some very upsetting opinions, some saying it was selfish and cruel. i'm pretty confident that is not the case! i do think counselling would help but i'm not really into the doula idea. i might be completely wrong but i get the impression that they really push natural births, and i have no desire for a natural birth!
    Is it possible to have an epidural from the second the labour starts to the end? last time i did have an epidural towards the end of my labour, it lasted about 1-2hrs, then the midwifes refused to top it up. looking back i think they just gave me that as they knew they would have no choice but to call a OB otherwise as i was to weak to push a baby out. it gave me a much needed break and was heaven. i then had a spinal block to get stitched up. i've been told that if you have a VB after having lots of stitches all the old tears will just pop back open, does anyone know if thats true?

    Pandora, its sounds like you had a terrible experience, you poor thing! my daughter was OP so was never going to be an easy birth, we just had to wait for her to turn around in her own time. St.thomas's sounds lovely but i live in wales so its not really an option. i had my daughter in Shrewsbury & Telford hospital as its the closest, it does have a bad reputation and quite recently i saw in the Times that it has the second highest death rate of any hospital in the UK. they do have a birth center in the town where i live but you can't have a epidural and if theres any complications its a hour to the nearest hospital. my other option is Wrexam hospital, it would be great if any of your family knew anything about it. Also it would be helpful if you could get an insiders opinion on having an epidural for the whole labour and birth, i don't know anyone who has done it or if its even possible.Thanks.
     
  17. hawaiianorangetree
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    2,692
    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2009
    by hawaiianorangetree » May 15, 2011
    Grace, yes it is possible to have an epidural for (pretty much) your entire labour. When my waters broke (but nothing else happened) the dr decided to start me on labour inducing drugs/ hormones but they put the epidural in first so I never felt any contractions or pain. I was in labour for 25 hours and it ended in a C section as the baby was distressing (she had a very large head and there was no way she was coming out!)

    So from start to finish, I didn't have anything more than a few period type cramps just before I went in for the c section (they must have let it wear off a bit) and the recovery from the c section wasnt too bad either.

    Dee, did you get any response from the hospital with your complaint? I was so livid for you I wanted to make a complaint to the health department myself! :cheeky:
     
  18. Jennifer W
    Brilliant_Rock
    Trade

    Messages:
    1,954
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2010
    by Jennifer W » May 15, 2011
    My epidural was self administered - I topped it up when I felt like I needed to by pushing a button. Maybe that's something you could ask about when looking into which hospital to use? It gave me a feeling of having some control.
     
  19. Pandora II
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    9,613
    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2006
    by Pandora II » May 15, 2011
    Oh you poor thing. My sister had her first at Shrewsbury. She had polyhydramnios that the hospital had failed to spot, a big baby (9lbs 12oz) and she was in labour for 36 hours. Because there was so much fluid the baby's head wouldn't engage and she was having a terrible time. The midwives told her she obviously had a very low pain threshold, wouldn't even let her have Entonox till she was 4 centimetre and wouldn't call an OB. When my niece was born it was discovered she had a severe cleft-palate.

    Babies with cleft-palates can't breast-feed as they can't form the vacuum to suck successfully. Did they tell her this - nope, instead 2 midwives tried to force the baby to breastfeed, told my sister she wasn't trying and that giving the baby formula would damage her. My sister ended up very traumatised and vowed she'd never have another baby there. They are absolute (insert word of choice especially those being with 'B') there. Oh, and they sewed her up with no anaesthetic at all.

    Do you have any possibility of going to Birmingham? They're very good there according to my husband's step-sister. I will check on others in the area. My sister had baby no.3 at Hereford but since she was in labour for 90 minutes start to finish and only got to the hospital 25 minutes before he was born (an 11 lber)she can't really comment. I don't think she was thrilled with the antenatal care.

    Epidurals - I know they 'say' that having an epidural ups the chance of a c-section or instrumental delivery I'm not totally convinced (nor are many doctors in that field). You need to take into account that a lot of people opting for epis are having them because they are struggling anyway so they might well have ended up with section or vacuum/forceps anyway. I wasn't even finger-tip dilated when I had my epidural (they were starting me on pitocin at that point as my waters had broken over 40 hours earlier) and it got me to 10cm in 10 hours - pain free. I had a patient controlled one so I just pressed a button when I wanted to top it up - it was also a mobile one so if I hadn't been on the pitocin and huge amounts of monitoring equipment I could have wandered around with it as it doesn't make your legs go numb! It also meant that when things did go wrong and they needed to get her out very fast there was no messing about in the operating theatre trying to get epidurals/spinals done as it was already there. One of the conditions for instrumental deliveries is adequate anaesthesia so they were negligent at Shrewsbury in not providing you with that.

    In my opinion most OBs would prefer you to have an epidural and try for another vaginal birth than to opt for a c-section as it is much less risky for both you and the baby. Second deliveries are also generally easier and quicker than the first.

    I hope you have a good and supportive GP as that is half the battle when it comes to getting the right care.

    If the worst comes to the worst and you hate the hospital you are booked with, it is a little known secret but if you turn up to any hospital in labour they have to take you. I couldn't get a bed in Tommy's for hours because they had so many people from all over the country doing the 'oops I just happened to be in London' so as to get into a 3 star hospital - they went from 6,000 births a year to over 8,000 once they got such a good rating. It drove them crazy because they have a lot of specialist needs patients booked there (there's a NICU, SCBU and specialist childrens hospital on site dealing with neonatal cardiac issues) and only a certain amount of space. So, it's frowned upon but if you are desperate... :wink2:

    Will see what info I can get on different places - remember on-line reviews tend to just give the worst case-scenarios. Try posting on Mums-Net for hospital reviews as they're pretty good as well.

    Doulas - I have lots of friends who use these and they need not be natural-birth tyrants. You can have introductory meetings with lots till you find one who you gel with. They are there to help you and be your advocate. They will deal with stroppy midwives, get you that epidural, keep you calm and they mean that you are never on your own and they have lots of experience of all kinds of births. The only person I know who wasn't happy was a girl whose doula seemed to have an overly close relationship with the hospital and seemed more on the side of the staff than hers - although it may have been that there were good medical reasons for whatever was going on that she didn't like. Anyway, don't rule the idea out. They also help with establishing breast-feeding etc after the birth.
     
  20. GraceAva
    Rough_Rock

    Messages:
    84
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2011
    by GraceAva » May 15, 2011
    thanks pandora, you are a great source of information!! i also encountered the breastfeeding nazis at shrewsbury, they told me if i gave my baby a single bottle of formula it would cancel out all the goodness of any breast milk she had had! i can laugh at it now but at the time it was horrible. i have also heard many many horror stories from there. i think Wrexam is my best bet, i really don't want to travel to far and as we have a toddler its not really an option. i've got to say the community midwifes where i live are amazing and there are really into home births. in a way that would probably be the best option but i'm just so scared of not being very near an epidural. do you know anything about old stitches popping open or is it another scare story? my stitches will only have had 2yrs to heal which doesn't seem like a massive amount of time.
    p.s to everyone who said that i need to stand firm with the OB's and midwifes, your right. when i had my daughter i was only 24 and intimidated by the whole thing and very scared. i also believed that they knew best but i've learnt my lesson there!
     
  21. jstarfireb
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    6,228
    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    by jstarfireb » May 15, 2011
    Pandora is absolutely right about epidurals. Just wanted to chime in since I'm in training to be an anesthesiologist. I couldn't imagine going through labor without one. There's no evidence that epidural analgesia increases the chance of c-section or has any adverse effects on the baby, and the studies show it only prolongs labor for 45-60 minutes on average (45 minutes before pushing, 15 minutes during pushing). Most of our epidurals these days are "walking epidurals," meaning that you can still feel and move your legs. There's a constant infusion of medicine as well as a patient-controlled aspect (pressing a button to get an extra dose), and there's at least one anesthesiologist in the L&D suite 24/7 to troubleshoot problems. You can get one basically as soon as you get admitted to the labor floor, but we generally recommend waiting until your contractions start to become uncomfortable, because the longer an epidural stays in, the higher the chance that it will pull out of the correct space or otherwise not function correctly when you really need it.

    I would interview a few doulas and specifically ask what they think about epidurals, and find one who won't judge you for using one! Some doulas are into natural childbirth and others will support whatever decision you make, combining drugs and non-pharmacological methods of relaxation and pain relief. I also don't know the details of the UK health system as I'm in the US, but if you can choose your doctor or OB group and talk with them beforehand about all of your concerns, that would be helpful. Most OBs would prefer to try vaginal delivery over C-section, but there are some who will do an elective C-section if you are interested in it and know the risks. C-sections are no walk in the park; they routinely come with about twice as much blood loss as vaginal deliveries, and it's major surgery with a longer recovery time and higher risks of complications. That said, I personally would consider an elective C-section if I ever got pregnant. The important thing is that you have a realistic idea of what to expect.

    I'm sorry you had such a hard time with your first delivery. Generally they get easier after the first, and hopefully the second will be much less traumatic for you.
     
  22. Loves Vintage
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    4,331
    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2007
    by Loves Vintage » May 15, 2011
    I had quite a long labor. I pushed for 3 hours, after being induced a day and a half earlier and not feeling any contractions for the better part of a day. I was exhausted, and though I had wanted a natural birth, I could not stop telling the anesthesiologists how much I loved them after my epi. (Not sure what kind of epi I had, but there was no patient regulation of it. I did have it topped off once, but it wore off during the pushing!) Anyway, my point is that my doctor told me repeatedly that all of that pushing paved the way for my next birth, and that my next birth would be EASY. Since I've heard second births are often easier than the first, I tend to think this is the case, or maybe I just really want to believe her!!

    I also had a doula, who fully supported my desire for a natural birth. Once it became clear that I would be induced, she remained flexible, and let it be my decision whether to have an epi or not. Basically, whatever I needed to make me more comfortable, she would support. If you spend some time interviewing doulas, you may find it empowering to have someone there solely to support you.

    Good luck in finding some additional support. I hope you have a positive birth experience this time.
     
  23. MonkeyPie
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    6,059
    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2008
    by MonkeyPie » May 15, 2011
    Unless you have some sort of condition, then no, that won't happen. Otherwise it would happen to every woman that tried a VBAC, too. Scar tissue doesn't mean weaker, though I would talk to your doctor about it and see what you can do to help prevent new tears.
     
  24. dreamer_dachsie
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    23,832
    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2007
    by dreamer_dachsie » May 16, 2011
    I suggest a Doula so you don't feel alone in the labour, and perhaps have someone to advocate for you with your care providers when you cannot voice what you want to say. If you want an epidural, then find a doula who supports that choice!

    My friend I mentioned earlier wanted an epidoural and also wanted midwives, so she found care providers who supported her and her choices. You can likely do the same if you look.
     
  25. lbbaber
    Brilliant_Rock

    Messages:
    691
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2011
    by lbbaber » May 16, 2011
    Grace, I havent read the other responders yet but recently went through this myself. My 1st birth was AWFUL, you name it, it went wrong. Water broke and then I had a heavy labour for over 48 hours, pushed for 2 hours and 28 minutes, epidural never took so I had NO pain meds, DR wouldn't even try the epidural until I had laboured for over 24 hours (even though I was on pitocin :errrr: ) bc I wasn't dialated enough and then hemoraged(sp?) and needed a transfusion, infection bc my water was broken for more than 24 hours (which is a big NO-NO), not to mention tearing and so much more (I'll spare everyone the boring details)

    Fast foward a few years and I was pregnant again. I spent MY entire pregnancy TERRIFIED. Long story short, bc of my complications, my OB decided to schedule a C-section (at the last minute, I was at 41 weeks). Just as we scheduled it my water broke and for some reason I decided to try it vaginally.

    I AM SO GLAD I DID bc IT WAS THE EASIEST BIRTH EVER. I even had my mom, SO, and BFF in the room while I delivered. It was a BEAUTIFUL experience....Quick laboUr, epi worked, 20 minutes of pushing and baby was out with only a small episiodomy (although this baby was 9lbs 10oz and exactly 1lb bigger than my 1st).

    The point I am trying to say is that they say EVERY birth is DIFFERENT for a reason. I wish I had listened to that saying during my pregnancy bc I spent WAY TOO MANY hours/days/weeks PANICKED.

    The ONLY thing I did different w/the 2nd birth was change to a hospital that uses attendings for epidurals instead of students. It made a difference bc I have scarring in my spinal cord d/t a brain tumor (lots of spinal taps).

    I'm sending you lots of dust in the hopes that your 2nd birth goes as nice as mine!!!
     
  26. DivaDiamond007
    Brilliant_Rock

    Messages:
    1,828
    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2007
    by DivaDiamond007 » May 21, 2011
    Both of my deliveries were traumatic - I hemorraged after my son was delivered due to an atonic uterus and required blood transfusions and I had a placental abruption with my daughter which resulted in an emergency c-section under general anesthesia. My son was 4 weeks early and relatively unscathed; my daughter was 5 weeks early and spent 16 days in the NICU with a variety of problems (respiratory distress, no suck/swallow/breath, no sucking reflex, bradycardia, apnea and oxygen desaturations). Honestly, talking about it with my OB/GYN and coming to terms with what happened has helped me. At one point you realize that you can't change the past and you must look forward to the future. I know that I didn't do anything wrong with either of my deliveries but that didn't keep me from feeling very guilty. My doctor explained that sometimes things just go wrong and there's nothing you can to except to mitigate the damage done to mom and baby. At the end of the day I know I am so blessed to have my wonderful children!

    ETA: My daughter's name is Grace as well :)
     
  27. Pandora II
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    9,613
    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2006
    by Pandora II » May 22, 2011
    In the UK they are more relaxed over the timing. The usual is to start induction if you haven't delivered within 36 hours of your waters breaking. They stick you straight on IV antibiotics when you are admitted.

    Also, we don't get to choose who you book with unless you are paying thousands to go private. You basically go with your local hospital or birth centre unless you can persuade your GP to send you somewhere different. The chance that you will have ever met the person that delivers the baby is pretty slim. Also, unless there are problems the midwives deliver the baby not the OBs - they only come in if there are particular issues or problems.
     
  28. GraceAva
    Rough_Rock

    Messages:
    84
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2011
    by GraceAva » May 25, 2011
    thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. i think i might slowly be coming around to having a VB. there was an article in the paper today about the NHS offering counseling to woman who ask for c-sections after a traumatic birth. so im going to contact the midwifes today and start looking into what my options really are. here in the uk the truth is that the help and support you get depends on where you live, what the health trusts policies are in your area and basically the personal opinions of the the midwifes and OBs who are dealing with you. as i live in the countryside i dont really have the option of asking to see another OB or midwife because there really isn't any!! if i find that they are really unhelpful my one other option is to have the baby in Birmingham. all my family are there so would be able to stay with them, but im not sure if the maternity services are any better there?
    lbbaber and divadiamond007, how did you get over the fear when it came to your second delivery? i know that if your scared your labour wont progress well so i know i need to 'get over it'! do you think at some point in your pregnancy nature takes over and you become fearless?
     
  29. diamondseeker2006
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    49,958
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2006
    by diamondseeker2006 » May 25, 2011
    Thank you so much for posting this, jstarfireb!
     
  30. MichelleCarmen
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    15,880
    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2003
    by MichelleCarmen » May 25, 2011
    Hi,
    I also had a midwife group (they rotated each week), so the only reason I knew which midwife would be there was because I was induced. What I did was pick a midwife group who was located at a hospital so I had the option of an epidural AND was closer to a dr in case I needed a c/s. Turned out, I did end up needing one. I pushed for 3.5 hours and my son never budged. My midwife also was the type who wanted to prevent a c/s if possible, but she should have called in a dr. earlier, IMO.

    For my second baby, I was able to pick between a VBAC or a c/s and I chose another c/s and was mentioned above, recovery from a c/s while having a toddler is difficult unless you have family around. I didn't have any and my dh went back to work two days after my 2nd son was born.
     

Share This Page