Advice needed for uncomfortable friend situation

[swingirl]

I haven''t read all the responses but one thing I can add is with babysitters it''s best to talk about money up front. Even though you were planning on paying her after she returned with the kids, if you didn''t tell her that she might have thought the money given to her was the whole deal, movie money and her pay.

Maybe your babysitter kept the money knowing full well it wasn''t hers or maybe she misunderstood the requirements. Either way I would NEVER use a babysitter whom I hadn''t meet, even if she was related or recommended by a friend.

And on top of it I would not trust a 20 year old with 3 kids that she is driving in a car, taking them to public parks and movie theaters and feeling comfortable making choices about changing the plans several times including taking them to someone else''s house (her grandmother''s). No wonder she is 20 with a newborn. Doesn''t sound like she''s the most responsible person. (no offense to any young mothers here)

 

[icekid]

Date: 7/25/2009 5:05:22 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I don''t have any advice, I just think it''s between you and your friend''s Daughter.. FWIW my DD gets $20 an hour, but that''s up in Nantucket. She will be up there next month after working here all summer for Free, an internship in Real estate developmnet. So she is psyched to make some money during August and will charge $25 an hour because the demand is so high and she''s 21 and very responsible.. She''ll bank a lot of coin I''m sure.. And no one will blink an eye at that rate.. crazy I know..


I hope all works out for you, I think she took advantage of you big time, so I am seeing red flags all over this...

Good for Ashley! That is way more money than I make....

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 7/25/2009 7:57:43 PM
Author: icekid

Date: 7/25/2009 5:05:22 PM
Author: Kaleigh
I don''t have any advice, I just think it''s between you and your friend''s Daughter.. FWIW my DD gets $20 an hour, but that''s up in Nantucket. She will be up there next month after working here all summer for Free, an internship in Real estate developmnet. So she is psyched to make some money during August and will charge $25 an hour because the demand is so high and she''s 21 and very responsible.. She''ll bank a lot of coin I''m sure.. And no one will blink an eye at that rate.. crazy I know..


I hope all works out for you, I think she took advantage of you big time, so I am seeing red flags all over this...

Good for Ashley! That is way more money than I make....

I know it''s insane, but will say when she is home and my friends ask her to sit for them, she does it for free.. Because they are such close friends, and those kids are like family to us... But up there, she could be sitting for 5 kids... 2 may be of one family and 3 from another but they are all renting a house, so she will be in charge of all of them. Running each kid to a different actvity or camp, tennis lesson swim lesson, sailing lesson... These kids are way over scheduled then she will have to ba available to the family the whole time they are on island, so she isn''t sitting on the beach while the kids make sand castles.... Methinks kids on vacay should enjoy the simple pleasures of the beach... But whateve..

My son on a good day makes $200 a day as a caddy again insane, but he gets there at 6AM to get in line, and they are ranked by ability, he''s pretty much at the top.. He knows the game inside and out, and has met so many great people.. He gets requested by the chairman of NBC a lot, they have a wonderful relationship that has built over the years... He knew all about Autism Speaks, so when he mentioned that to them, they were floored, And have had a great bond ever since..

Sorry for the thread jack...

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 7/25/2009 9:31:05 AM
Author:Girlrocks
Anyone remember my post a few weeks ago about my 'friend' who gave me the 7 year old Ruth Chris' gift card for my birthday?

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/really-ticked-off-at-best-friend-what-should-i-do.117297/

I work from home. I had a teleconference on Thursday from 1:30-3:30pm. My friend has a 20 year old daughter who just had a baby about 6 weeks ago. I know that she needs money, so I asked her if she would be interested in taking my kids to the pool for those 2 hours and I would pay her. She agreed.

It rained. I called her mother to ask what plan B was, the mother said that her daughter decided she wanted to take them to a movie instead. Fine. I kept my youngest at home since that is nap time anyway. She had my older 3. I gave my 9 year old $50 for the movie, snacks, etc. I was planning to pay the babysitter after she got home. Off they go....

3 hours later they return. She didn't take them to a movie, says they got to the mall 10 minutes after it started (I don't know how, they left 45 min before the movie started and the mall is 20 min away). She took them to her grandmother's house which has a large park next door to play at. Then she took them for an ice cream and came home.

I asked my daughter for the change, says she gave the money to the babysitter when she got in the car for the movie so it wouldn't be lost. The babysitter did not give me any money back.

DH and I both believe that my daughter gave her the $50 when they got in the car, and she purposely did not take them to the movie so that she could keep the money. We all know that the first 15 min of a movie are ads and trailers, so going in 10 min late would have been no big deal anyway, had that really happened. How much could ice cream for 3 kids cost...$10 MAX, which means she pocketed $40 for 2 hours of babysitting.

I e-mailed my 'friend' this morning to ask if her daughter had any change for me; her response 'I have forwarded your e-mail to her.' WTF??? Aren't you her mother? (BTW...this entire situation was arranged by her mother and I; I never spoke to the daughter directly until she came to drop them off afterwards.)

DH is LIVID to say the least. He seriously wants to go over there today and tell this whole family off.

What should I do at this point?

I probably have a few things to say here on different aspects of the situation. In no particular order:

(1) She got back 3 hours later, so technically you had her babysitting for 3 hours. That might explain the $ slightly better??? Even though you did only need 2 hours.
(2) Even if it was only 2 hours (plus her petrol), the hourly rate paid is usually higher if it is only a couple of hours. (Because its very hard to get someone to work for just 1 or 2 hours).
(3) You didnt actually follow through with paying her the `wage` as you said you were going to. Perhaps in hindsite you could have told her that you were supplying $50 for `expenses` and the wage was to be seperate before she started the job. I always tell my babysitters about $ Ive left for pizza delivery etc. They never assume its for them because they know I will pay them latter. Mind you, they sometimes spend most of the expense $ just because its there.

.

(4) When someone is financially desperate and your friends daughter (who just had a baby 6 weeks ago ) you should err on the generous side eg round up not down etc. However its your choice to not employ her again, but dont argue over $10.
(5)I personally would not bring the $ thing up as you really needed the job done for your work and you can know now who you are dealing with.
(6) Given all that you have said, I would probably never use this girl again because she cant be trusted to follow instructions, and that is the biggest red flag of all to me. Money aside, I fear trusting her with your kids because she seems to be on a different wave length to you. She is not someone who I would feel safe leaving my kids with. She is probably exhausted with a new born too, and that is not who I would want looking after my kids, unless it was in my home while I was there. I wouldnt want that sort of person to baby sit even for free.
(7) You are kind to continue helping her out, I do things like that because it makes the world a fairer place. But you dont need to employ her as it might end up costing you in stress and worry.

 

[Apsara]

For what it''s worth, I had a friend--my BEST friend for 15 years-- whose son screwed me over and was caught in an unethical situation in multiple lies (I had gotten him a job where I worked). Even when confrotned with paper evidence of his lying and deceptions, she choose to essentially end the friendship as did I--we just stopped speaking/calling/etc. Even after all we''d been through--and she was a wonderful friend on so many occasions, I just couldn''t deal with her dysfunctional reltionship with her kid (who was horribly disrespectful to and manipulative of her--I came to find out she essentially supported him and he was the reason she worked 2 jobs, seven days a week.)

I share this to echo what someone else commented--you are worlds apart from these people morally and ethically....I''d walk away. Believe me--I know how you feel--I put one the most vauable things a person has--her professional reputation--on the line for this woman''s kid because I loved her and believed her.... and it was a disaster. I learned a valuable lesson. My advice, having lived thorugh a similar thing, is walk away. I miss my friend sometimes, but it''s better this way--I can''t trust her, and without trust, what kind of reltionship can you really have?

Good luck to you.

 

[jewelerman]

If it were me i would have delt with the baby sitter directly.Handing her the money, asking exactly what the plans are, and giving her instructions that you needed change back and to come in with the kids to be paid after the job was done so you could ask how everything went and clearing up any loose ends.A problem like this was to be expected when you are dealing with a person who would give you a out dated gift card!Chalk it up to experiance and have direct communication with the baby sitter next time around.