aprilcait
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2006
- Messages
- 788
I love my mom, we talking almost every day, and we get a long great. The problem? My mom has a drinking problem, DH and I are TTC, and my mom wants to be an involved grandparent. I haven''t told my mom that we''re TTC, but she has made it clear in conversations that she really wants to be an active figure in her grandchildren''s lives. I love that about her and I truly want her to be involved, but I don''t want to endanger my future child by placing him/her in the hands of a woman I 100% know will get drunk when taking care of him/her over night or in the evening. I''m not sure how or even when to address the issue with my mom. Do I do it now, wait until the child is born, wait until she asks to take care of the child overnight? Do I get my dad, sister, and aunts involved to do an intervention? Should I do it casually and one-on-one? Should I just never have my child(ren) stay with my mom in the evening or over night to avoid bringing it up?
If you''re interested in some background information, here it is (if you''re not, that''s fine too). My mom''s back story: she grew up in a gregarious Irish Catholic family and witnessed her father''s daily routine of unwinding with a whiskey after work, the family viewed alcohol as a requisite at any family gathering, she was brought up with an appreciation for a good Irish Coffee, etc. Her father wasn''t a "bad drunk" but alcohol was significant to him... alcohol was a part of life.
The routine: as soon as my mom starts cooking dinner, out comes the white wine and a wine glass. After dinner, she''s drunk-dialing friends and sloshing her way through any next-day preparations. I can''t even count the number of times my sister or I wound up cleaning up after her... guiding her up to bed after she fell asleep in a half-standing position face planted on the kitchen counter, cleaning up food she left sitting out all night after a post-drink nosh, taking care of our disabled brother because she was far too hammered to do it, etc.
Even though my mom''s drinking problem has been brought up to her by various family members many times over the years, she never acknowledges the problem. If the amount she imbibed is brought up, she says (without fail): "I''ve only had one glass of wine"... yes, it''s one glass but it''s been refilled numerous times. If her inebriated state is mentioned, she says: "I''m just tired". If anyone says she has a drinking problem, she vehemently denies it and says that she neither has a dependency nor an addiction.
If you''ve read this far, thank you! Any help or advice we be immensely appreciated.