A Video/Link I'd Like to Share

[madelise]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/06/waiting-for-proposal-engagement-ring_n_2250553.html

 

[MBKRH]

I read the story last week on HP, and I must say, her quote "... 'pre-engaged' stage a "purgatory." "You're not a wife or a fiancee," Becker told host Alicia Menendez, "but you're a little more than a girlfriend. So you're in a very odd state." (I think I'm going to borrow this quote for my signature ).

I could not agree more. It IS like a purgatory. Going back to my thread about the "boyfriend" title, and other appropriate titles, it falls hand-in-hand. And I've been there a few times, not just with M. Since I've never been a "serial dater", LTRs are all I know. And I experienced waiting all too early. And with each relationship, as they got longer, it got harder. Now, at 30 years old.... I can't help to think that god forbid, if M isn't the one, I don't think I could handle going through all this mess again. I just WANT that commitment and want something good in my life that I can appreciate.

Thanks for posting, mad. I needed a little bit of reassurance at the moment.

ETA-


Unbelievable, all the snarky comments about that video.
Although, I do agree- airing her dirty laundry on the web wasn't a great idea. If he does propose now, I don't think it'd be for the right reason. My two cents.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

Purgatory is the perfect description lol

 

[madelise]

Here's the full length video: http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/se...sn't-he-asked-me-yet/50bd2225fe3444542e000422

I've been feeling like ultimate $hit lately over this wait.
There's one part of it, where a commentator said, "If you're waiting for a really long time, maybe you're not HIS 'The One'", and seriously, I'm just so anxious and nervous that SO is dragging his feet in the mud because he doesn't feel the same way about me. I mean, we all know that men will propose on the spur of the moment, when they're ready sort of thing.. and that nothing can stop them if they really wanted to do it. I sorta feel like, every time I bring it up, I'm giving an ultimatum of some sort by letting it be known how upset, hurt, resentful, and angry I am. That ultimatum placement isn't what I truly want-- I want HIM to want it. And since he hasn't proposed, it must mean he doesn't want it, right?

Like what the hell is he even waiting for? There are endless amounts of people posting that they're in school, need to finish school, need to save up money for a ring, etc. He doesn't have any of these issues! The ring is there, sitting idly. There are no obstacles for him to overcome. He's just sitting there, by choice.

"We actually were talking about getting married next year, but I still didn't have my ring yet. But my thing was is that I told him, even if we were to get married, I know me, and I know that the resentment of the fact that he took so long would weigh on me, and would probably keep coming up…. so that was why I ended it..." - Tekisha Slack.

"There does come a length of time where you will carry the bitterness of having to wait. Even if you do get engaged, even if you do get married… it sort of eclipses this fairy tale moment, where now it seems like a practical measure rather than something that was in this moment of passion and romanticism…"





Ugh. I'm just so resentful and hurt right now that I don't know if I can get over this pain. He KNOWS 100% very well how I feel about men stringing women around, dangling the ring in front of them. He KNOWS I hate it when guys drag it out and hurt the girl. He just doesn't get it. He thinks that if I didn't know that the ring existed, I wouldn't be as anxious. Yes, he doesn't truly believe I'm hurt, he thinks I'm just anxious. No, I'm HURT. It fricken hurts to know that he isn't so madly in love with me that he wants to propose as soon as he can. And I'm scared this pain will stay with me, even after he proposes. I'm just so hurt right now. If he drags his feet about this, will he have cold feet at the alter? Will he drag his feet there?

 

[madelise]

"so everyday that I was with him, everyday that went by that he didn't say, "would you like to get married", it felt like a rejection".


Word. I feel like I'm getting rejected every time I see and hangout with SO. Every weekend, I feel rejected. Every holiday, every vacation, it feels like a rejection.

 

[MBKRH]

Here's the article from a few weeks ago:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/caitl..._2232251.html?utm_hp_ref=weddings&ir=Weddings

 

[MBKRH]

Here's the full length video: http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/se...sn't-he-asked-me-yet/50bd2225fe3444542e000422

I've been feeling like ultimate $hit lately over this wait.
There's one part of it, where a commentator said, "If you're waiting for a really long time, maybe you're not HIS 'The One'", and seriously, I'm just so anxious and nervous that SO is dragging his feet in the mud because he doesn't feel the same way about me. I mean, we all know that men will propose on the spur of the moment, when they're ready sort of thing.. and that nothing can stop them if they really wanted to do it. I sorta feel like, every time I bring it up, I'm giving an ultimatum of some sort by letting it be known how upset, hurt, resentful, and angry I am. That ultimatum placement isn't what I truly want-- I want HIM to want it. And since he hasn't proposed, it must mean he doesn't want it, right?

Like what the hell is he even waiting for? There are endless amounts of people posting that they're in school, need to finish school, need to save up money for a ring, etc. He doesn't have any of these issues! The ring is there, sitting idly. There are no obstacles for him to overcome. He's just sitting there, by choice.

"We actually were talking about getting married next year, but I still didn't have my ring yet. But my thing was is that I told him, even if we were to get married, I know me, and I know that the resentment of the fact that he took so long would weigh on me, and would probably keep coming up…. so that was why I ended it..." - Tekisha Slack.

"There does come a length of time where you will carry the bitterness of having to wait. Even if you do get engaged, even if you do get married… it sort of eclipses this fairy tale moment, where now it seems like a practical measure rather than something that was in this moment of passion and romanticism…"





Ugh. I'm just so resentful and hurt right now that I don't know if I can get over this pain. He KNOWS 100% very well how I feel about men stringing women around, dangling the ring in front of them. He KNOWS I hate it when guys drag it out and hurt the girl. He just doesn't get it. He thinks that if I didn't know that the ring existed, I wouldn't be as anxious. Yes, he doesn't truly believe I'm hurt, he thinks I'm just anxious. No, I'm HURT. It fricken hurts to know that he isn't so madly in love with me that he wants to propose as soon as he can. And I'm scared this pain will stay with me, even after he proposes. I'm just so hurt right now. If he drags his feet about this, will he have cold feet at the alter? Will he drag his feet there?

Mad, I feel your pain. I've been there. But, you know he has the ring, which is further than I ever got. So, that's a plus. A proposal is bound to happen eventually, I mean- I really don't think any man in their right mind would spend so much money on a ring and never propose. That's asinine.

Guys just don't. get. it. Period. They don't have to deal with the pressure of waiting; the hounding of anxious family members and friends, coworkers, even random strangers. And if they do, it's like water rolling off a duck's back. It doesn't faze them one bit. Whereas we, unfortunately as women, agonize over it. It keeps us up; it makes us all smile a sh*t eating grin and saying "congrats" every time someone gets engaged that's been with their SO for less time, or they're younger. In a way, I think we are programmed this way. We learn watching all those darn movies and Disney outcomes- the whole "fairytale outcome." It's what we all WANT, in one aspect or another, whether we will openly admit to it or not. It's a crap shoot.

The quotes are so spot-on, it's redic.

I know you're frustrated with him just sitting on the ring. I can't even imagine how that must feel, especially if there are no obstacles in his way. And I don't think he is stringing you along, but just waiting for the right moment. I know it's hard to look at it that way. But, as I said- he has the ring. It's go big, or go home at this point. And I don't think he's going to back down. Lots of ~*~*~*~dust~*~*~*~**~ that he'll do it soon. Hang in there. ****hugs*****

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

First off...HUGS!!! I echo much of what MBKRH says. He spent a lot of money on a ring...I am sure he wants to marry you!!! I can't say I have been n your position, but I empathize with how you feel. And I think boys r stoopid. They shouldn't take us to look at rings till they are ready to buy, they shouldn't buy the ring unless they are ready to give! I honestly think its all a big game to them. They know we want it and they have control over it. I don't think they realize how hurtful it is....

I have been through the resent thing with my ex from a long long time ago. Girl that will eat you up inside. I never worked it out and once it was buried in there, he could have pulled the moon out of the sky and I wouldn't have flinched. Please please don't let it get to that point! Besides this huge engagement ring snafu, the rest of your relationship is good right? Try to focus on the positive, I know how hard it is, but you don't want that angry resent monster to take hold!!!

Dust dust dust that your SO gets with the program!


On a separate note, I was back at Tiffany's today and I have getting that infinity double chain bracelet!!! You have inspired me Madelise! Hehe. And it also put the e ring monstah in me....then I was home and SO started talking about his dumb watches and guns...and I got pouty and said "we'll you better be buying my ring, cause with all THOSE purchases, I'm not sure where you will have the money! Maybe you were lying about 2013 after all!" Then he got mad told me to stop talking about the ring and that he plans on getting it. I told him I want to start our life now, we live together and have been for over a year....you tell me I'm going to be your wife...make that step dammit!!!!

I have also found something he really doesn't like is when he tells me he is going to be with me forever and I rebuttle with "we'll as far as I know I'm single till I have a ring on my finger!!!" And he pouts and says "that's not true" so I tell him "you're not my emergency contact, on my life insurance and last thing I knew when I fill out documents, I put single!" Hahahahhahaa I WIN I WIN!!!!

(Maybe you can try hat hehe, it feels sooooo good to give it back in a sense!)

 

[MBKRH]

Tekisha is my girl- "..children aren't on the table for me...I don't feel my biological clock ticking... kids aren't in my future. I'm old fashioned I would never propose to a guy...

The highest compliment .... the highest way that you can tell a person that you love them is to tell them that you want to spend the rest of your lives with them."

Bam- right there. This is me.

 

[MayFlowers]

I've been feeling like ultimate $hit lately over this wait.
There's one part of it, where a commentator said, "If you're waiting for a really long time, maybe you're not HIS 'The One'", and seriously, I'm just so anxious and nervous that SO is dragging his feet in the mud because he doesn't feel the same way about me. I mean, we all know that men will propose on the spur of the moment, when they're ready sort of thing.. and that nothing can stop them if they really wanted to do it. I sorta feel like, every time I bring it up, I'm giving an ultimatum of some sort by letting it be known how upset, hurt, resentful, and angry I am. That ultimatum placement isn't what I truly want-- I want HIM to want it. And since he hasn't proposed, it must mean he doesn't want it, right?

Like what the hell is he even waiting for? There are endless amounts of people posting that they're in school, need to finish school, need to save up money for a ring, etc. He doesn't have any of these issues! The ring is there, sitting idly. There are no obstacles for him to overcome. He's just sitting there, by choice.

Ugh. I'm just so resentful and hurt right now that I don't know if I can get over this pain. He KNOWS 100% very well how I feel about men stringing women around, dangling the ring in front of them. He KNOWS I hate it when guys drag it out and hurt the girl. He just doesn't get it. He thinks that if I didn't know that the ring existed, I wouldn't be as anxious. Yes, he doesn't truly believe I'm hurt, he thinks I'm just anxious. No, I'm HURT. It fricken hurts to know that he isn't so madly in love with me that he wants to propose as soon as he can. And I'm scared this pain will stay with me, even after he proposes. I'm just so hurt right now. If he drags his feet about this, will he have cold feet at the alter? Will he drag his feet there?

madelise, I'm so sorry that you are hurting right now. All I can really say to comfort you is try your very hardest not to compare your relationship to anyone else's. Just because he hasn't proposed, doesn't mean he doesn't want to or even that he doesn't already have something planned. I know that I have felt like BF doesn't want me anymore or isn't confident about our relationship because he hasn't proposed. Usually, I have these feelings after seeing a friend or acquaintance get engaged and "lap" me. My thought is always, if that guy was able to propose after such and such amount of time, then why can't BF do it after almost 6 years? But everyone has different timelines and like others have said, your BF would not have spent the money on a ring if he wasn't completely serious and in love with you. He may be feeling completely stressed and anxious about the proposal trying to make it perfect for you. Try your hardest not to resent him and let him do the proposal. It WILL happen eventually.

 

[madelise]

Thanks for your loving, ladies *big e-hugs*. I've got an update, and I will post in the update thread.