A little revenge against your Ex?

[Dancing Fire]

http://betabeat.com/tag/revenge-****/

 

[monarch64]

Nope, and I have a lot to be vengeful for. But I refuse to stoop to his level. I could tell you stories that would BLOW YOUR MIND about my ex, but you know what? I've moved on.

Before I met my now-love and husband/father of my child, love of my life, I did consider exacting revenge on my ex. But I believe that karma will take care of things. Now, happily married and mother and wife to two of the greatest people I've ever met, I can safely say I don't give a rat's ass about any of that revenge stuff anymore. It's for the birds. Life is short (cliche), why waste time or energy on the *******s you come across in life?

Btw, it's not just ex husbands or wives or lovers I feel this way about. Ex friends=same thing. Rid thee of the toxins, I say.

 

[Kelinas]

Nope. While there were times in the past when plotting something sinister made my day, I know that there is a special place in hell for people like my ex, and he was on the express road there far before he met me.

Karma is a funny thing- everything catches up to you eventually

 

[Ally T]

I also believe in Karma.

I did however do a little revenge once. I lived in Wellington, NZ for a few years, much of which with my disgustingly wealthy, and just generally vile, mentally abusive significantly older ex-boyfriend. The night I decided to leave he was in Auckland on business, so I invited several girlfriends over & we raided the wine . This included bottles that cost hundreds of dollars each & a ridiculous bottle of whiskey that cost the earth that i was always threatened about touching. We recklessly & happily drank the lot. I then had my things packed & shipped back to the UK & sold my car before the week was out & he came back. And poof!! The wine & I were gone....

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Nope, and I have a lot to be vengeful for. But I refuse to stoop to his level. I could tell you stories that would BLOW YOUR MIND about my ex, but you know what? I've moved on.

Before I met my now-love and husband/father of my child, love of my life, I did consider exacting revenge on my ex. But I believe that karma will take care of things. Now, happily married and mother and wife to two of the greatest people I've ever met, I can safely say I don't give a rat's a$$ about any of that revenge stuff anymore. It's for the birds. Life is short (cliche), why waste time or energy on the *******s you come across in life?

Btw, it's not just ex husbands or wives or lovers I feel this way about. Ex friends=same thing. Rid thee of the toxins, I say.

EXACTLY THIS!! Well, minus the babies (at this point). I am all about getting rid of bad people. Why be friends/date/interact with a-holes?! Also, there is no need for revenge if you're over them. I wish the bad people well and move the hell on!

 

[Circe]

I'm actually really horrified this is A Thing - partially because of the creepy dudes who think, "Huh, so I got dumped ... know what'll make me feel better? Humiliating my ex!" but even more so because OTHER DUDES SPECIFICALLY LOOK FOR IT. Not because they want amateur ****, but because something about knowing that the woman in the film didn't consent to its distribution makes it more of a turn-on for them. It's on the same continuum as upskirt photos and voyeurs putting cameras in changing rooms at the low end, and rape at the high end. SO UNSPEAKABLY CREEPY.

P.S. - I so very much look forward to our legal system catching up with our technology, so that these idiots can be appropriately punished.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I'm actually really horrified this is A Thing - partially because of the creepy dudes who think, "Huh, so I got dumped ... know what'll make me feel better? Humiliating my ex!" but even more so because OTHER DUDES SPECIFICALLY LOOK FOR IT. Not because they want amateur ****, but because something about knowing that the woman in the film didn't consent to its distribution makes it more of a turn-on for them. It's on the same continuum as upskirt photos and voyeurs putting cameras in changing rooms at the low end, and rape at the high end. SO UNSPEAKABLY CREEPY.

P.S. - I so very much look forward to our legal system catching up with our technology, so that these idiots can be appropriately punished.

She can play the same game too...

 

[Circe]

I'm actually really horrified this is A Thing - partially because of the creepy dudes who think, "Huh, so I got dumped ... know what'll make me feel better? Humiliating my ex!" but even more so because OTHER DUDES SPECIFICALLY LOOK FOR IT. Not because they want amateur ****, but because something about knowing that the woman in the film didn't consent to its distribution makes it more of a turn-on for them. It's on the same continuum as upskirt photos and voyeurs putting cameras in changing rooms at the low end, and rape at the high end. SO UNSPEAKABLY CREEPY.

P.S. - I so very much look forward to our legal system catching up with our technology, so that these idiots can be appropriately punished.

She can play the same game too...

Doesn't have quite the same effect. Women are condemned for having sex, period. Men are only condemned if they're having non-hetero normative sex (or if they're notably bad at it). So ... dude failing to get it up, or doing anything involving a stuffed animal, a vegetable, or some kind of weird comic-book based roleplay? Sure, maybe. The basic vanilla stuff these women are having their lives ruined over? Not so much ....

 

[amc80]

I don't need revenge, I won the breakup. And that's good enough for me.

 

[Autumnovember]

Back in HS I was very revengeful...now, I don't have the energy for that crap and I just let karma do its job

 

[Smith1942]

The link won't work for me so I don't even really know what we're talking about here. Is it something to do with posting a sexual video of your ex online without their consent? I thought that was criminal. I've never dated anyone who would stoop to such depths though and I can't imagine doing that to someone else either.

It's amazing how much hatred people hold towards their exes. If you were involved with someone who treated you criminally badly, then I can understand it. However, most break-ups are more of the standard garden variety, and seem to be due to a disconnect between what people want in life or it's down to one person feeling stronger than another, and those break-ups are natural.

I find it abnormal and creepy when people hold on to a ton of hatred after one of these natural break-ups. And I think a lot of people hate their ex just because it didn't work out, or because the ex didn't feel as strong as them. I once worked with a guy who liked me a helluva lot, and ended up hating my guts just because I didn't feel the same way. Oh, excuse me, I didn't realize that I was put on this earth for the sole purpose of being your partner! What he was communicating by behaving that way was that it was unacceptable for me not to feel the same way and unacceptable to reject his advances. We had to work closely together, and for two whole years he would not even turn his head to look at me when I had to speak to him. Let me make clear that absolutely nothing ever happened - it was 100% unrequited love on his part.

It was a big part of what made me leave that job and my friend, who is friends with an employment lawyer and judge, said I should have got him for sexual harassment. However, it's a small industry and I just moved on. But the judge friend who is experienced with sexual harassment cases called me one morning to talk about it, and the first thing she said was, "Is he five foot four and does he have a bald patch?" !!!! Very un-PC thing to say......but she was absolutely right. He was indeed five foot four with a bald patch. I just couldn't believe that she'd said it - after all, not every short bald man is an office pest! But she was bang on the money in his case.

Bit of a tangent, but someone else mentioned about people apart from ex-lovers falling into this category of revenge, and about karma. I have sat back and let karma take its course. I'm not saying I wouldn't laugh if someone posted a video of the office pest online. But let's just say that anybody who gave me a problem in my twenties has now, at approaching forty, got pretty much the life they deserve. Most times, you don't need to take revenge. The reason they caused you a problem is the same reason their lives aren't working out - i.e. their problematic personalities. Actually, some dreadful things have happened to my former enemies, to the extent where I've actually felt bad for them.

 

[tammy77]

My revenge is being happily remarried and loving my life while my ex is still wallowing in his failure and being taken care of by his parents at the age of 37. That's more than enough for me.

 

[TC1987]

http://betabeat.com/tag/revenge-****/

Why are women so stupid. It is very simple to make sure this does not happen: If there are never any images created, there is nothing to be posted. And while you're at it, never put anything in writing, either. Always leave yourself a way to weasel out.

Why the Hades do all of today's young people have NO FILTER, NO BRAINS! Keep some things private and unattainable.

 

[Circe]

http://betabeat.com/tag/revenge-****/

Why are women so stupid. It is very simple to make sure this does not happen: If there are never any images created, there is nothing to be posted. And while you're at it, never put anything in writing, either. Always leave yourself a way to weasel out.

Why the Hades do all of today's young people have NO FILTER, NO BRAINS! Keep some things private and unattainable.

A lot of the time, they apparently don't know - in the age of the iPhone, it's awfully easy to post a surreptitious video.

And, even if they do participate ... even if it isn't the best judgement call ... dude, it's still the skeezy dudes doing this who are the ones at fault.

 

[Dee*Jay]

http://betabeat.com/tag/revenge-****/

Why are women so stupid. It is very simple to make sure this does not happen: If there are never any images created, there is nothing to be posted. And while you're at it, never put anything in writing, either. Always leave yourself a way to weasel out.

Why the Hades do all of today's young people have NO FILTER, NO BRAINS! Keep some things private and unattainable.

A lot of the time, they apparently don't know - in the age of the iPhone, it's awfully easy to post a surreptitious video.

And, even if they do participate ... even if it isn't the best judgement call ... dude, it's still the skeezy dudes doing this who are the ones at fault.

I disagree on this point: If the man/woman* is a willing participant, he/she* absolutely shares the culpability. (*I'm using he/she sort of references here becuase I can easily see a woman posting this sort of thing).

Who among us with two brain cells to rub together can ever be 100% certain SOMETHING won't go wrong and nekked pics of your nekked parts won't wind up SOMEWHERE. Even if you're dealing with the love of your life (and vice versa), who's to say the phone won't get stolen or the cloud where all this stuff is stored won't be hacked? Your beloved may not do it, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. And seriously, any MORON (and yes, I just said MORON) who doesn't believe a relationship CAN go bad... well... I won't say "deserves" this, becaues I don't think anyone deserves this, but IT CAN HAPPEN. Pull your heads out of your cooches people and use a little common sense!

 

[Circe]

http://betabeat.com/tag/revenge-****/

Why are women so stupid. It is very simple to make sure this does not happen: If there are never any images created, there is nothing to be posted. And while you're at it, never put anything in writing, either. Always leave yourself a way to weasel out.

Why the Hades do all of today's young people have NO FILTER, NO BRAINS! Keep some things private and unattainable.

A lot of the time, they apparently don't know - in the age of the iPhone, it's awfully easy to post a surreptitious video.

And, even if they do participate ... even if it isn't the best judgement call ... dude, it's still the skeezy dudes doing this who are the ones at fault.

I disagree on this point: If the man/woman* is a willing participant, he/she* absolutely shares the culpability. (*I'm using he/she sort of references here becuase I can easily see a woman posting this sort of thing).

Who among us with two brain cells to rub together can ever be 100% certain SOMETHING won't go wrong and nekked pics of your nekked parts won't wind up SOMEWHERE. Even if you're dealing with the love of your life (and vice versa), who's to say the phone won't get stolen or the cloud where all this stuff is stored won't be hacked? Your beloved may not do it, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. And seriously, any MORON (and yes, I just said MORON) who doesn't believe a relationship CAN go bad... well... I won't say "deserves" this, becaues I don't think anyone deserves this, but IT CAN HAPPEN. Pull your heads out of your cooches people and use a little common sense!

I disagree. As I understand it, kids these days are using it as some weird measure of trust, which means its ridiculously easy for young men to make it some weird pre-condition ..."If you loooooooooooved me, etc."

The difference between somebody doing something like that out of love (or, "love," otherwise known as "hormones,") and somebody else posting it for public consumption to betray that love and deliberately humiliate the person they conned into trusting them ... night and day. No need to get victim-blame-y.

In an age when "boudoir" photos are popular ... it really does seem like it IS that element of non-consent that's the turn-on. You can find all the free **** you want on X-tube ... it's that extra soupcon on humiliation that makes the revenge **** sites as popular as they are. That says something massively gross about our society, and women being quick to blame other women for acting stupid, moronic, or like they've got their head up their cooch only reinforces it. Too many sexual abusers use the same exact phrases as the more conservative members of society - "she was asking for it," and "what was she wearing?" and so on.

Let's put the blame where it belongs - on the people who actually DO things wrong. Not the people who are their victims because they're too trusting, or in the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

[Dee*Jay]

http://betabeat.com/tag/revenge-****/

Why are women so stupid. It is very simple to make sure this does not happen: If there are never any images created, there is nothing to be posted. And while you're at it, never put anything in writing, either. Always leave yourself a way to weasel out.

Why the Hades do all of today's young people have NO FILTER, NO BRAINS! Keep some things private and unattainable.

A lot of the time, they apparently don't know - in the age of the iPhone, it's awfully easy to post a surreptitious video.

And, even if they do participate ... even if it isn't the best judgement call ... dude, it's still the skeezy dudes doing this who are the ones at fault.

I disagree on this point: If the man/woman* is a willing participant, he/she* absolutely shares the culpability. (*I'm using he/she sort of references here becuase I can easily see a woman posting this sort of thing).

Who among us with two brain cells to rub together can ever be 100% certain SOMETHING won't go wrong and nekked pics of your nekked parts won't wind up SOMEWHERE. Even if you're dealing with the love of your life (and vice versa), who's to say the phone won't get stolen or the cloud where all this stuff is stored won't be hacked? Your beloved may not do it, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. And seriously, any MORON (and yes, I just said MORON) who doesn't believe a relationship CAN go bad... well... I won't say "deserves" this, becaues I don't think anyone deserves this, but IT CAN HAPPEN. Pull your heads out of your cooches people and use a little common sense!

I disagree. As I understand it, kids these days are using it as some weird measure of trust, which means its ridiculously easy for young men to make it some weird pre-condition ..."If you loooooooooooved me, etc."

The difference between somebody doing something like that out of love (or, "love," otherwise known as "hormones,") and somebody else posting it for public consumption to betray that love and deliberately humiliate the person they conned into trusting them ... night and day. No need to get victim-blame-y.

In an age when "boudoir" photos are popular ... it really does seem like it IS that element of non-consent that's the turn-on. You can find all the free **** you want on X-tube ... it's that extra soupcon on humiliation that makes the revenge **** sites as popular as they are. That says something massively gross about our society, and women being quick to blame other women for acting stupid, moronic, or like they've got their head up their cooch only reinforces it. Too many sexual abusers use the same exact phrases as the more conservative members of society - "she was asking for it," and "what was she wearing?" and so on.

Let's put the blame where it belongs - on the people who actually DO things wrong. Not the people who are their victims because they're too trusting, or in the wrong place at the wrong time.

This is an interesting thing about "kids." That puts a whole 'nother spin on it for me. Certainly as a younger person (and I'm interpreting "kids" to mean teens? Or maybe JUST OUT of the teen age years for purposes of this discussion?) there are MANY things I would have done that I wound not in a million years even consider now. Part of my problem is that since I spend my entire professional life assessing and mitigating risk, I look at everything that way. I.e., the "what could go wrong" factoring. Now. But not when I was 13/17/21... hell, even beyond that! Thank god the technology we have now didn't exist then or I would likely be in a world of trouble!

And I do get your point about about males being more likely than girls to do this. BUT, I still think there are plenty of women (I'm going to make a generalization that I am just thinking through here) in the 20s range who would, out of anger/spite/whatever post pictures of Mr. No Longer Right. Especially if Mr. No Longer Right was not exactly Mr. Long, if you know what I mean!

 

[Circe]

This is an interesting thing about "kids." That puts a whole 'nother spin on it for me. Certainly as a younger person (and I'm interpreting "kids" to mean teens? Or maybe JUST OUT of the teen age years for purposes of this discussion?) there are MANY things I would have done that I wound not in a million years even consider now. Part of my problem is that since I spend my entire professional life assessing and mitigating risk, I look at everything that way. I.e., the "what could go wrong" factoring. Now. But not when I was 13/17/21... hell, even beyond that! Thank god the technology we have now didn't exist then or I would likely be in a world of trouble!

And I do get your point about about males being more likely than girls to do this. BUT, I still think there are plenty of women (I'm going to make a generalization that I am just thinking through here) in the 20s range who would, out of anger/spite/whatever post pictures of Mr. No Longer Right. Especially if Mr. No Longer Right was not exactly Mr. Long, if you know what I mean!

Heheheheh.

I teach 18 year olds (which may be why I veer towards the side of over-protectiveness) ... and a lot of the things they say about the current dating scene sends chills up my spine. I'm sure there are exceptions out there - but I'm teaching a bunch of privileged kids, and when they tell me there's no dating, just a lot of hanging out in groups before going off to do "whatever" together, frequently under the influence ... yeesh.

I've always been massively paranoid. Never let my high-school-through-college boyfriend so much as snap a pic down my shirt (which, in retrospect, GOOD CALL SELF, as he is stalky and creepy now). But in an age where it's not a big deal of digging out your camera, setting it up on a tripod, etc., etc., I can see how a lot of good sense can fly out the window "in the moment," and I feel like the consequences hit girls a lot harder.

If a dude is caught in that sort of video, he got laid! He's a stud! If a girl did, she got laid! She's a slut! Like I said above, unless we're talking a micro-penis or a deeply weird kink, it's just not a source of shame for men. Not to mention the bit about how being vindictive is a lot likelier to get a girl labeled a bunny-boiler ...

 

[TC1987]

...
I teach 18 year olds (which may be why I veer towards the side of over-protectiveness) ... and a lot of the things they say about the current dating scene sends chills up my spine. I'm sure there are exceptions out there - but I'm teaching a bunch of privileged kids, and when they tell me there's no dating, just a lot of hanging out in groups before going off to do "whatever" together, frequently under the influence ... yeesh.

I don't buy that they don't know that photos and videos can be leaked to the public or posted on p*rn sites. They are just too foolish, gullible, and out of touch with reality if they think it can't happen to them. How many times has that been mentioned by the news? Even 20 years ago there were studies and PBS documentaries saying that teens in high school were having substance-abuse parties, mixing pot, pills, and booze, watching p*rn flicks, and then trying whatever was shown on the screen. The high school girls interviewed sounded like veteran hookers. Some were turning lesbian and others were swearing off of men and dating and were looking forward to leaving town and going away to college for a fresh start.

In these cases of sex videos and naked pictures posted on the Internet, I think I am justified in blaming the victim. It's just what I said regarding "learning by trial and error": By the time you are in your teens and definitely when you are an adult, you should not be learning by trial and error anymore, because you are not a young child. You should be thinking things through before you act, analyzing actions for possible consequences, and you should have enough sense to look out for your own health and safety and dignity, and not do foolish things that will haunt you later. Even when I was a teen or young 20-something, I was of the opinion that nobody needs a nude picture or video of me. So, there are none.

As for the teens, don't their parents do any parenting? I blame the MTV shows and the rap music and the rest of the ghetto culture for devaluing the dignity of women and reducing the status of women to roughly that of livestock. But if women don't have the sense to say No, then they have to learn how to live with the consequences.

I do think that people who post other people's nude photos and videos without permission need to be outed and publicly identified, to warn other women.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

The guys posting are trying to humiliate their ex's for sure. Those guys watching are watching because it is something they are not supposed to be seeing. Its the forbidden fruit that excites them.

In an age where we have all this sexual freedom, I don't understand why the women feel the need to immortalize their bodies for the guy. Is he supposed to view this when she is at work, the gym, or what. He can see her body anytime he wants, he needs a video? I don't find anything romantic about making a video for a boyfriend or a husband. Some mystery should be left.

The so-called victim ought to be called up on this. We teach women to value themselves, their bodies. No-one has a right to anything you don't want to give. But, if you decide you do want to do something, you may have consequences, just as when you don't use some sort of birth control, you may become pregnant. Can't let the women off the hook. There is a continuum to all this.

Cameras have been around a long time. Photo developers were not allowed todevelop nude pictures.

But, I bet DF carries a nude photo of Mrs DF in his wallet?


Annette

 

[Tuckins1]

This is absolutely despicable.

 

[tammy77]

Yes, it was dumb of her to allow the photos/videos. That doesn't mean this dirt bag should get away with blackmailing her by creating email addresses in her name and sending them to her bosses. He also posted her whereabouts with naked photos attached to destroy her career.

I sincerely hope the guy doesn't get away with it. The kind of stuff he did went beyond embarrassing when he posted the dates/times/locations for her presentations and her address. He went WAY too far. The kind of filthy jerks that peruse those sites could have harmed her physically.

 

[iLander]

I disagree. As I understand it, kids these days are using it as some weird measure of trust, which means its ridiculously easy for young men to make it some weird pre-condition ..."If you loooooooooooved me, etc."

The difference between somebody doing something like that out of love (or, "love," otherwise known as "hormones,") and somebody else posting it for public consumption to betray that love and deliberately humiliate the person they conned into trusting them ... night and day. No need to get victim-blame-y.

In an age when "boudoir" photos are popular ... it really does seem like it IS that element of non-consent that's the turn-on. You can find all the free **** you want on X-tube ... it's that extra soupcon on humiliation that makes the revenge **** sites as popular as they are. That says something massively gross about our society, and women being quick to blame other women for acting stupid, moronic, or like they've got their head up their cooch only reinforces it. Too many sexual abusers use the same exact phrases as the more conservative members of society - "she was asking for it," and "what was she wearing?" and so on.

Let's put the blame where it belongs - on the people who actually DO things wrong. Not the people who are their victims because they're too trusting, or in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If you loved me? Seriously?! Kids today are falling for a line that hasn't changed since the '50's? Well, that's just STUPID!

I've explained all this BS to my DD in detail. I've even told her that "boys all think with their little heads until they are at least 25 years old. Period. They are good for nothing until then. So don't think they are going to marry you, be the one, or any of that BS, until they mature." I've also said "date a lot of different guys at once, this current teen girl thing about "true love" (brought to you by Taylor Swift and her ilk) is crap".

 

[iLander]

As for the teens, don't their parents do any parenting? I blame the MTV shows and the rap music and the rest of the ghetto culture for devaluing the dignity of women and reducing the status of women to roughly that of livestock. But if women don't have the sense to say No, then they have to learn how to live with the consequences.

I do think that people who post other people's nude photos and videos without permission need to be outed and publicly identified, to warn other women.

No. They don't these days. My DD has so many classmates whose parents are divorced and the parents seem to have forgotten the kids! I saw the moms at the pickup line, and they were dressed like hookers! Should a woman over 40 REALLY wear hot pants, heels and halter tops at school?

DD's friends tell stories of waking up to breakfast with whoever mom brought home, or dad's myriad new girlfriends hanging around on their "weekend with dad". Or mom's new boyfriend offering them pot. Worst was one girl who walked in on naked mom sleeping next to naked stranger! Can't even manage to lock the door.

DD's friends tend to have no curfews, sometimes they get home before mom or dad. I don't blame divorce, there are plenty of responsible single parents, but some of these people just can't seem to keep it in their pants when their kids are around. And they buy the girls very tacky outfits and say how "cute" they look.

 

[iLander]

DD shows me pictures that her friends are PUBLICLY posting of themselves in tiny bikinis, falling out of their shirts, in VERY suggestive legs spread poses (in tiny shorts) or whatever. These are even private facebook pages, but public pages, wide open twitters, whatever. The girls seem to love whatever crude comments complete strangers post.

I am thinking specifically of one girl, who sports DD cups, and she seems to be looking for validation from strangers. It's really sad. Her dad has a "new family", her mom dates constantly, and this poor little girl cries on DD's shoulder constantly about how she can't find a boy that cares about her. (I've considered telling the mom or the dad --who owns a big car dealership, and I'm sure his salesmen are enjoying pics of his daughter--but I think they would just shoot the messenger).

If they're taking lewd photos of themselves, and HAPPILY posting them, I'm sure they know that the boyfriend's **** tape isn't going to stay private.

 

[orbaya]

My guess is these young girls do not understand the "foreverness" of the internet. Once it's out there, it's out there. No taking it back. They way too naive and trusting...."John" would NEVER share my photos with anyone, ever!" Even adults are like this....boggles my mind.

Growing up my mom always said told me to never write what I wouldn't want others to see. Nowadays this should be expanded into saying don't do pictures/videos that you wouldn't want your parents to see.

 

[Dancing Fire]

But, I bet DF carries a nude photo of Mrs DF in his wallet?


Annette

I don't have any photos in wallet of anybody or things.