A little embarassed by my upgrade.....

[jaysonsmom]

So, it finally happened. I have been trying to keep my upgrade under the radar because is one of the bigger diamonds among my peer group (parents at my kids'' school) and at work. Well, last night after work, my boss decided to take a few of us out for drinks. It was a dimly lit restaurant/bar (no idea what the lighting was like), but my little sparkler caught the attention of our waitress, who kept GUSHING about how gorgeous my ring was, and how LUCKY I was, yada yada yada. I was SO uncomfortable because was there with my female boss who wears a plain wedding band (she is European, and very low-key), a male coworker,who incidently also only wears a plain band, and a single female coworker in her 30''s. Every time the waitress came around, she was talking about my bling. Then she said she wanted to see it up close, so I held my hand up to her face...I didn''t know how to say no

I just kept saying thank you!

Each time the waitress left, there would be a little lapse of silence because obviously my coworkers didn''t know what to say, and probably didn''t care to comment. I was so mad that someone put me on the spot the like that. I also wished someone at my table would say something witty or acknowledge the situation so it''s not like there''s an elephant in the room. At least if one of them said...oh, it is beautiful, it''ll give me an opening to say, it''s an upgrade that dh has saved 10 years for.

I guess I don''t want to be perceived as a materialistic person...these people hardly know me, and I''m fairly new to this job. WWYD?

 

[somethingshiny]

I wouldn''t be concerned with looking materialistic. If you had gushed to the waitress about the stats and setting, perhaps you''d appear materialistic, but as it is, you were demure and humble.

Your ring is absolutely stunning, people should notice it! As far as your dinner companions being more low-key, it probably matters less to them than you think. I''m sure they spend their money on cars or vacations or tvs.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I think the only reason you felt like there was an elephant in the room is because you care about having a larger diamond or think that they care about your diamond. The most likely thing is they do not care about your ring at all! I doubt your boss is embarassed by her plain band in comparison to your diamond. Yes a large diamond is a status symbol, but I am sure if your boss wanted one she could have one too. She probably spends her money in other ways!

 

[waterlilly]

Not sure what the issue was with that - someone was gushing about your ring, isn''t that a good thing?!

Your coworkers probably didn''t say anything because they simply don''t care. If they don''t have diamond rings, they just don''t relate.

If the waitress was gushing over someone else''s (fill in the blank with an item you don''t find interesting) would you have said anything when she left?

I''d see it as a conversation between the person being complimented and the waitress and wouldn''t say anything about it either.

I guess if you don''t want people talking about something you are wearing that is an attention draw - don''t wear it? But, that would be a crime in my opinion

 

[MissGotRocks]

That''s the downside of having a beautiful diamond ring I guess. It probably meant nothing to your boss or coworkers - it is surprising how many people really don''t care about jewelry or it''s worth.

It is your business what you have and where you spend your money so don''t let that be discouraging. No one is owed an explanation - whether they think it''s a good idea or not!

I understand your uncomfortable position but after some thought, I''m sure you''ll realize that it really doesn''t matter. BTW, isn''t it fabulous when someone does notice it??

 

[betty6333]

It was nice of the waitress to notice! But I also understand how it can be embarrassing when too much attention is paid to it! I am sure they thought the waitress was a little overly excited about it and move on (since they are not into diamonds much and probably just are happy with what they have anyway).

You have a beautiful ring, try to let the waitresses excitement be a compliment to you and not to worry about what others think, it is what it is.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Date: 6/26/2010 11:42:05 AM
Author: waterlilly
Not sure what the issue was with that - someone was gushing about your ring, isn''t that a good thing?!


Your coworkers probably didn''t say anything because they simply don''t care. If they don''t have diamond rings, they just don''t relate.


If the waitress was gushing over someone else''s (fill in the blank with an item you don''t find interesting) would you have said anything when she left?


I''d see it as a conversation between the person being complimented and the waitress and wouldn''t say anything about it either.


I guess if you don''t want people talking about something you are wearing that is an attention draw - don''t wear it? But, that would be a crime in my opinion

I actually thought about not wearing it, but I spend 8-10 hours at work, I cannot be parted from my ring for that long

 

[VRBeauty]

I wouldn't read anything into the co-workers' reactions re the ring.

As for the waitress, well, she was out of line. One compliment....OK. Gushing over a customer's possession... not OK. Repeatedly interrupting your group's conversations with something not related to her job... not OK. If anything, your co-workers were probably more interested in how you handled this situation than they were about your ring.

 

[Haven]

I''m sorry the waitress spent so much time gushing over your ring. One compliment would have been nice, but she was out of line by talking about it every time she came to your table. And it does sound like your coworkers just didn''t care either way about it. (And if they did, that''s their problem, not yours.)

That being said . . .

You like big diamonds. OWN IT! There''s nothing wrong with liking beautiful jewelery, no matter what the size. You''ll probably run into more people who make too big a deal out of your ring, and if you keep feeling like you should deny that you love it, or that you have to justify owning a large stone, then you''re going to keep feeling bad when that happens.

I bet you''ll feel much better about these situations as soon as you allow yourself to be honest about the fact that you love your big diamond.

Wear it well, and enjoy it!

 

[Beacon]

The waitress was probably at the ring shopping stage herself. I often get many compliments from ladies who are newly engaged and therefore have an ering obsession!!

I doubt your coworkers cared, except that they probably thought the waitress was odd! No need to explain the 10 year savings plan etc.......

When I first got my upgrade I was a bit awestruck by it and sort of ashamed to show it around too much. I understand how that is. But you''ll soon get over it and the ring will become the "new normal", and part of you. Enjoy!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 6/26/2010 11:41:12 AM
Author: dreamer_d
I think the only reason you felt like there was an elephant in the room is because you care about having a larger diamond or think that they care about your diamond. The most likely thing is they do not care about your ring at all! I doubt your boss is embarassed by her plain band in comparison to your diamond. Yes a large diamond is a status symbol, but I am sure if your boss wanted one she could have one too. She probably spends her money in other ways!

I agree with this - not everyone is excited about diamonds and more than likely the uncomfortable silence was because there was no interest in the topic. Maybe they thought the waitress was inappropriate and making you uncomfortable - why would they add to that discomfort by saying something?

What would I do? Absolutely nothing!

 

[lulu]

I''m in the process of upgrading from a 1.5 to 2.14 carat brilliant. Where I live small diamonds are the norm. People were always impressed here by the 1.5, but I really welcome comments on my rings. A beautiful diamond is worth noticing. Some people spend their money on cars or travel but I choose diamonds. (You guys understand I know)
What makes me feel guilty is thinking about how much good you could do for other people with $20,000. I have a hard time with that, and it bothers me that I still want that diamond.

 

[Luckyeshe]

I don''t think you have anything to worry about. It''s not the server''s fault that she was in awe of your beautiful ring. As someone else mentioned, it''s not like you started the conversation with the server and forced your coworkers to listen to you gush about your diamond. So I think you''re worried about nothing. I highly doubt your coworkers think you''re materialistic. People choose to spend their money as they see fit. To each his own.

 

[Arkteia]

The waitress has clearly overstepped the boundaries. Is she a person who would also make commments on a customer''s Gucci bag or Loubotin''s shoes? We all like nice things, but she was at work! And you were her client!

Another thing - imagine her loudly admiring your ring, and next table being occupied by a criminal? A thief? Someone looking for easy money?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/26/2010 11:27:23 AM
Author:jaysonsmom

I guess I don''t want to be perceived as a materialistic person...these people hardly know me, and I''m fairly new to this job. WWYD?

the next time when you guys go out for dinner be sure to tell them to put on their sunglasses.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/26/2010 10:40:12 PM
Author: crasru
The waitress has clearly overstepped the boundaries. Is she a person who would also make commments on a customer''s Gucci bag or Loubotin''s shoes? We all like nice things, but she was at work! And you were her client!

Another thing - imagine her loudly admiring your ring, and next table being occupied by a criminal? A thief? Someone looking for easy money?

if a waitress complimented my rock then i''ll tip her an extra 10%.

 

[waterlilly]

I don''t see any problem with what the waitress did.

People come on here looking for compliments, giving compliments, gushing over other peoples rings, etc. etc., but in real life there is a problem with it?

Maybe the waitress is a fellow PS''r - I mean, hey - it''s OBVIOUS she has impeccable taste in diamonds, right??

 

[Amethyste]

Well that is nice that the waitress kept complimenting you on your bling.. She was probably just being nice to you, as most waitresses I have seen or waited on us are the outgoing personality a probably didn''t think a thing about it when the compliments came out of her mouth

At least you didn''t get the " I really love your ring, can I see it? " Then proceed to lift my hand for her to look at it closer and then she said " That cannot possibly be real, right?"

Enjoy the attention, all you can say is "THank you" and appreciate that you did your homework well and got yourself a gorgeous diamond for a fraction of the price than most would pay elsewhere...

 

[Laila619]

Eh, I say don''t worry too much about it and enjoy it! While it might have been a bit awkward, I''d be so flattered that the waitress noticed and loved my ring!

 

[junebug17]

The waitress clearly didn''t mean any harm, sounds like she truly loved your ring and was very excited about it. But I do think that it would have been a little more appropriate to compliment it once, and leave it at that. But again, I''m sure she didn''t intend to embarrass you, she probably thought you would be flattered by her comments.

Jaysonsmom, you are wearing a big beautiful diamond that is going to garner attention at times, there is no way around that. You''re not going to be able to control people''s reactions to your ring, so you''re going to have to work on changing your mindset a little. I think time itself will take care of that for the most part. It sounds to me like you are still getting used to wearing your ring. As time goes by it will feel more natural to be wearing it, and you won''t feel as self-conscious about it.

As to your co-workers reactions, I really can''t think of anything that they could have said. I guess they could have complimented it the first time the waitress gushed, but there was really nothing to say after that. I wouldn''t take their silence as disapproval of your ring. You are jumping to the conclusion that they think you''re materialistic, they didn''t to anything to indicate they felt that way. And I''m sure that people will be able to tell by your general demeanor and personality that you''re not materialistic, so try not to worry about that.

I also wouldn''t go into the explanation of how you saved for the ring for years. IMO, that would come across as defensive. People usually don''t launch into an explanation of how they were able to afford their new car, or pool, or house.

The bottom line is, start working on not caring what other people think. Just relax and enjoy your gorgeous ring! There is no shame in owning a beautiful piece of jewelry.

 

[decodelighted]

What if it has been *your haircut*, or *hair color*, or flawless skin or something that she''d been gushing over? I''d wager your temporary feelings of "spotlight on you" embarrassment would have been the same! And that your coworkers/boss wouldn''t have known what to say after THAT either!

Unless they were giving you DIRTY LOOKS or something afterwards & not just neutral "now what do we talk about" faces ... wouldn''t worry about it a bit.

Honestly, I would think it would be WORSE to explain about it being a) an upgrade and b) that you''d been SAVING for an upgrade for 10 years. Not that there''s anything wrong with that -- just that it is too much personal information for people who barely know you. You know how when people tell lies they just spill out way too much detail ... its kind of like that, only it would be the truth. Still awkwardly TOO MUCH INFO, knowwhatImean? You might think it would relieve your "guilt" and explain why you have such a sizeable ring -- but you DON''T OWE ANYONE that explanation and chances are they don''t want to hear it.

 

[marcy]

I wouldn''t worry about it. That ''s nice your waitress noticed and paid you some lovely compliments. As for your co-workers - I doubt any of them care. Some people just are not in to jewelry and are oblivious to what someone else is wearing. I notice the jewelry that every waitress, cashier or teller I talk to has on; but that''s because I notice jewelry. A flashy, sparkling ring will get attention. Don''t be embarrassed by your gorgeous ring, just enjoy it.

 

[Beacon]

Deco your "disclaimer" is hilarious!!