a fear part II?

[elephant]

Before I post this, because it has a HUGE potential of sounding superficial and shallow, I have to say that a) I would marry my bf with a twisty tie and b) I am not talking about people who are financially strapped.

OK, well, after reading "a fear?" I was wondering if anyone had ever been disappointed with the ring? Well, more like, their boyfriend/fiance had "cheaped out" on the ring. For example, you knew your boyfriend has plenty of money for a ring and just decided that he didn''t want to spend much on it?

Would you feel:

a) A little disappointed/hurt
b) Elephant, you are shallow and awful for even asking this question
c) Just fine with it

 

[ammayernyc]

Call me shallow too then! I would be SUPER disappointed if I didn''t get a big ring.

I, too, would marry my bf with a twisty tie, but:
1. He makes a lot of money and has money saved;
2. We live in NYC which is the land of big diamonds; and
3. He also has been talking about big rocks. I tried on a 2.something and he asked the salesperson if she could show anything bigger...

So, if a smaller ring came my way, I would certainly be upset.

 

[elephant]

Well, I''m glad I''m not the only one a little apprehensive about this topic.... Yesterday, my boyfriend said: Geez, who can afford to spend 2 mos. salary on a ring and my response was: People who have [hisamt] in the bank with no debts....

Part of me would just basically feel like he didn''t place much value on the engagement in general....

But, then part of me feels like I should just shut up and take whatever he gives me and stop being pre-emptively ungrateful....

But, then, we''re moving to a larger city, probably NYC and I don''t want to look out of place or HIM to look cheap....

Sigh. Clearly, I''m conflicted....

 

[jlc0604]

I''d be upset too. I have a passion for diamond rings, so I really want to LOVE my ring. So I''d be disappointed if it was something that wasn''t exactly my style. I''ve picked out something that I like, but is also a reasonable amount for us to spend considering our finances. Ideally, I''d like something slightly larger, but I can''t justify spending that much now while we have so many other things to save for. We''ve both agreed on the general budget and size of the diamond. So if he went and bought something much smaller than what we''ve discussed, I''d be disappointed. Luckily, my BF wants to get a nice diamond too, and he''s the one who thinks we should go larger.

 

[MissAva]

Elephant...you are not shallow. Please dont start giving yourself guilt over something yet. To me the engagment ring is the one piece of jewlery that you will wear everyday for the rest of your life. It is a symbol of his love and desire, of his wanting to be with you for the rest of his life. I dont think that any month salary should be placed on the ring. However that doesnt mean he shouldnt spend more then that either. If ya''ll dont have any debt a ring sound like the ideal thing to splurge on becuase in ten years it will still be there, it wont be out of fashion, and chances are if he gets you a lovely ring you wont be wanting to upgrade anytime soon. Talk to him...or even let him read PS a little so he can understnad that you are not the only one out there who feels this way.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

No one here has yet to say anything that indicate shallowness. When we were first talking about getting engaged, I remember my SO barging through the door one day upset and exclaiming, "The stores told me I needed to spend 2 months salary on your ring! I don''t have that kind of money! We''re not going to be able to get engaged!" My poor SO...

We talked about our finances. We were 2 professionals but barely starting out in the field. He was a 1st year teacher and I was a part-time sign language interpreter. We agreed not to spend much on the e-ring as we just wanted to be married to each other. We spent all of $700 on my 2/3 TCW marquise wedding set. As happy as I was to be married to my DH, as friends and family members got engaged. He knew I wasn''t 100% happy with my ring. He could see my "green-eyed monster" come out as my cousin (2 years younger) got married 3 months later and my sister (4 years younger) got married 5 years later. They were all sporting these 1 - 2 carat rings and I had my 2/3 TCW wedding set...

I remember one day in the movie theatre, he admitting feeling badly that he couldn''t afford anything more at the time. We agreed that by our 10-year anniversary I would have a new ring...my DH (the sweetheart that he is) stuck to his word and came through with flying colors!!!

Do I feel shallow? I guess I could, but the fact is that it was all we could afford at the time and we didn''t want to finance the ring, but we did what we need to so we could be married. The ring I have now is what my DH would''ve given me 10 years ago if he could''ve afforded it and now he knows that I''m 110% happy and it was worth the wait in the end!!

 

[beautifuldisaster]

Ah...a fear part duex Love it..

Ok...well in all honesty, I would be dissapointed and hurt if my guy who I know can afford a nice piece of ice bought me a diamond chip that I had to use a microscope to see.

As bad and shallow as it sounds, it matters to me. I guess that makes me a bad person, I don''t know. I remember my best friend''s brother was told by his future wife that anything less than 2 carats means i like you, but 2 carats means I love you...heavy eyerolling there. I wouldn''t go that far.

If my boy is pulling $100k and comes at me with an itty bitty ring that he spent $500 on, oh hell yes......there will be world war 3. I don''t expect him to go into debt up to his eyeballs but I did expect him to save and pay for the ring that I wanted. I wasn''t asking for a $50k ring either. I love him and would accept a twist tie from him, but damnit, twist ties just don''t sparkle

 

[MissAva]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 107px">Date: 5/3/2005 10:51:25 PM
Author: beautifuldisaster

I love him and would accept a twist tie from him, but damnit, twist ties just don''t sparkle

Sorry but that will have to be an away message...too funny!

 

[beautifuldisaster]

LOL thanks...i made it my signature...per your suggestion of using it again lol

providing that i did it right anyway

 

[elepri]

My fi didn''t spend a 2-month salary on the ring. He makes good money but we both have student loans up to our ears from grad school and business school plus i''m technically still at school and only working part time. I kind of decided on the budget that seemed reasonable to me and that would afford us a 1.5 carat stone. He was fine with it and even went slightly bigger. Had he told me, he was planning to spend much less, yes, I would''ve been disappointed. On the other hand, since his money is now my money, it didn''t make sense to me to spend more than that on the stone. I was just happy that we both agreed on the budget so easily.