A divorced diamond

sappysailor · Jul 9, 2009

My parents got divorced a few years ago after almost 20 years of marriage. My mom still has the ring. She has told me that I can use the ring when I propose to my girlfriend (probably happen in a few months). I would definitely have the stone reset because I know my girlfriend wouldn''t like the actual ring. What do people think, does the ring have bad joojoo/bad luck?? I''ve mentioned it to my girlfriend and she doesn''t seem completely opposed to the idea. Its about a carat. I''d love people''s input. Thanks.

Lorelei · Jul 9, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 2:28:22 PM
Author:sappysailor
My parents got divorced a few years ago after almost 20 years of marriage. My mom still has the ring. She has told me that I can use the ring when I propose to my girlfriend (probably happen in a few months). I would definitely have the stone reset because I know my girlfriend wouldn't like the actual ring. What do people think, does the ring have bad joojoo/bad luck?? I've mentioned it to my girlfriend and she doesn't seem completely opposed to the idea. Its about a carat. I'd love people's input. Thanks.

Welcome!

Personally I wouldn't want it, if it was a treasured heirloom then I would probably feel differently but not in this case. I would rather have my own diamond even if it was much smaller than one with that history. Now to look at it from another perspective, we sometimes have no way of knowing the history of our diamonds, they could be ' divorce diamonds' or have been through all kinds of situations! But in this situation, I would not want this rock.

ETA - as Kitty so eloquently said, if the diamond was intended as a non engagement ring gift such as a pendant then that would be ok with me, but not for an e-ring.

Lilac · Jul 9, 2009

My parents got divorced when I was 2 years old. Right before my wedding, my mom gave me the diamond from her engagement ring from my parents'' marriage and made it into a beautiful necklace for me. I wore that necklace at my wedding (and several times since then) and I treasure that necklace and the diamond.

However, I would not have wanted to wear it as my own engagement ring. If my mom had given it to my husband to use for my engagement ring, I would not have liked it so much. I can''t really explain it so well, but I wanted our own diamond to start our marriage - one that was just about us and one that didn''t have any history of a failed marriage behind it.

Now, whenever I look at my engagement ring, I think of my HUSBAND and I think of us picking it out together and starting a new, happy life together. And when I wear that diamond necklace I think of it as a gift from my mom and my dad and it makes me smile. I wouldn''t have wanted to look at my engagement ring and have any thoughts of their divorce.

My personal opinion is that you should buy a new diamond for your girlfriend.

neatfreak · Jul 9, 2009

Eh. If you can afford to get her her own stone that is what I would do. Put this one in a beautiful pendant for her down the line or something like that. Or find a vendor who will give you a good trade in value on it so you can put the $ toward your fiance''s new diamond.

Haven · Jul 9, 2009

My father left my mother in September after 30 years of marriage.

My sister''s now-fiance proposed with the stone from my mother''s engagement ring in May, about eight months after our parents split. My mother gave me the setting from her ring, and I plan on having a colored stone set into it and wearing it daily.

My sister is proud to wear our mom''s diamond, and I''ll be proud to wear her setting. We obviously treasure the diamond and setting for all of the good things that came out of that marriage, rather than focusing on the negative.

I think it all depends on your girlfriend and how you believe she''ll feel about it. I''m not the sentimental type, and I don''t tend to attach meaning to things, so I''d be fine with it. How do you think your girlfriend would feel?

Kaleigh · Jul 9, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 2:53:21 PM
Author: neatfreak
Eh. If you can afford to get her her own stone that is what I would do. Put this one in a beautiful pendant for her down the line or something like that. Or find a vendor who will give you a good trade in value on it so you can put the $ toward your fiance''s new diamond.

Ditto

LaurenThePartier · Jul 9, 2009

I'm not overly superstitious at all, but divorce diamonds for an e-ring are my one exception. Jewelry is oddly emotional, and it seems completely irrational to care where the diamond came from, but I defnitely do. I would definitely enjoy it as a pendant, or half of a set of studs, but there's no way I would be ok with it being my engagement ring.

Maybe even a right hand ring, but it really doesn't matter what we say here. It's your g/f's opinion that matters, and if she would be ok with it, then I would let that be your guide.

princesss · Jul 9, 2009

But me in the bad joojoo court. I think it would be different if it was her mom''s stone (like in Haven''s situation) because the relationship is different. But I think I''d rather have my own e-ring stone. If you can still get the stone without using it for an e-ring, you could turn it into a lovely wedding gift (a pendant or something) and maybe reverse the joojoo, but it would weird me out a little.

whitby_2773 · Jul 9, 2009

hi sappy

i wouldn''t mind one little bit, and i think it would be lovely for a beautiful stone to be connected to a beautiful relationship.

perhaps your ring would be the ring this diamond always deserved.

if your fiancee doesn''t mind, then, so long as you don''t mind recycling as opposed to buying new, i''d go right ahead.

consider the diamond a gift from your mother, rather than a symbol of a failed marriage. altho - how failed can it really be in your fiamncee-to-be''s eyes? it produced you!

good luck to you both!

Efe · Jul 9, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 3:13:49 PM
Author: whitby_2773
hi sappy

i wouldn''t mind one little bit, and i think it would be lovely for a beautiful stone to be connected to a beautiful relationship.

perhaps your ring would be the ring this diamond always deserved.

if your fiancee doesn''t mind, then, so long as you don''t mind recycling as opposed to buying new, i''d go right ahead.

consider the diamond a gift from your mother, rather than a symbol of a failed marriage. altho - how failed can it really be in your fiamncee-to-be''s eyes? it produced you!

good luck to you both!

My sentiments exactly! Plus, I am way too practical.

lucyandroger · Jul 9, 2009

If your future fiancee doesn't mind, then I say go for it. That diamond was given with love by your father to your mother and now you will give it with love to your fiancee. I sincerely doubt your fiancee will look at the diamond and think of divorce. Instead she'll think of you proposing and your wonderful future together.

ETA - If my BF proposed with that diamond, I would be extremely grateful to have a beautiful diamond and very excited that we had a few extra thousand dollars to put towards the wedding or a house!

Dreamer_D · Jul 9, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 2:55:16 PM
Author: Haven
My father left my mother in September after 30 years of marriage.

My sister''s now-fiance proposed with the stone from my mother''s engagement ring in May, about eight months after our parents split. My mother gave me the setting from her ring, and I plan on having a colored stone set into it and wearing it daily.

My sister is proud to wear our mom''s diamond, and I''ll be proud to wear her setting. We obviously treasure the diamond and setting for all of the good things that came out of that marriage, rather than focusing on the negative.

I think it all depends on your girlfriend and how you believe she''ll feel about it. I''m not the sentimental type, and I don''t tend to attach meaning to things, so I''d be fine with it. How do you think your girlfriend would feel?

I would feel this way about a ring from *my* side of the family, but maybe not from my boyfriend''s family, ont sure why.

If the diamond in question was very large, then I would accept it in a heartbeat though! But given it is moderate in size, if you can afford to get her a"new" diamond, then I would go that route and make this diamond into a nice pendant.

purselover · Jul 9, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 3:25:14 PM
Author: lucyandroger
If your future fiancee doesn''t mind, then I say go for it. That diamond was given with love by your father to your mother and now you will give it with love to your fiancee. I sincerely doubt your fiancee will look at the diamond and think of divorce. Instead she''ll think of you proposing and your wonderful future together.

ETA - If my BF proposed with that diamond, I would be extremely grateful to have a beautiful diamond and very excited that we had a few extra thousand dollars to put towards the wedding or a house!

I completely agree, it wouldn''t bother me at all

Italiahaircolor · Jul 9, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 2:55:16 PM
Author: Haven
My father left my mother in September after 30 years of marriage.

My sister''s now-fiance proposed with the stone from my mother''s engagement ring in May, about eight months after our parents split. My mother gave me the setting from her ring, and I plan on having a colored stone set into it and wearing it daily.

My sister is proud to wear our mom''s diamond, and I''ll be proud to wear her setting. We obviously treasure the diamond and setting for all of the good things that came out of that marriage, rather than focusing on the negative.

I think it all depends on your girlfriend and how you believe she''ll feel about it. I''m not the sentimental type, and I don''t tend to attach meaning to things, so I''d be fine with it. How do you think your girlfriend would feel?

+1.

I doubt many of us know where our diamonds really came from. Since people are now actively engaging in upgrade policies, people sell them due to money matters, etc...chances are not every single diamond purchased is straight from the mine. You just happen to know the history behind this stone.

I say reset it, purpose, and live a happy life!

ckrickett · Jul 9, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 3:21:08 PM
Author: BizouMom

Date: 7/9/2009 3:13:49 PM
Author: whitby_2773
hi sappy

i wouldn''t mind one little bit, and i think it would be lovely for a beautiful stone to be connected to a beautiful relationship.

perhaps your ring would be the ring this diamond always deserved.

if your fiancee doesn''t mind, then, so long as you don''t mind recycling as opposed to buying new, i''d go right ahead.

consider the diamond a gift from your mother, rather than a symbol of a failed marriage. altho - how failed can it really be in your fiamncee-to-be''s eyes? it produced you!

good luck to you both!

Click to expand...

My sentiments exactly! Plus, I am way too practical.

I''m gonna add a third vote to this.

Also I can definately see where people would not want it, and they are very good reasons. I, myself, wouldn''t have a problem tho.

tlh · Jul 9, 2009

I love heirloom jewelry, with the wonderful fond memories behind them - diamonds are OLD, millions of years old, it is the cut that makes them unique and new. Put me in the Bad mojo court, I''d send it off to be recut so it is a TOTALLY NEW DIAMOND, just the same carbon - the carbon that was there to make you! I wouldn''t want the diamond in my Ering in the context you gave, I''d rather have something much smaller, with a mysterious background to it... knowing YOU picked it out for me... or the diamond recut...

best wishes!

BlueSki231 · Jul 9, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 4:30:54 PM
Author: tlh
I love heirloom jewelry, with the wonderful fond memories behind them - diamonds are OLD, millions of years old, it is the cut that makes them unique and new. Put me in the Bad mojo court, I''d send it off to be recut so it is a TOTALLY NEW DIAMOND, just the same carbon - the carbon that was there to make you! I wouldn''t want the diamond in my Ering in the context you gave, I''d rather have something much smaller, with a mysterious background to it... knowing YOU picked it out for me... or the diamond recut...

best wishes!

Well I wouldn''t consider myself in the "bad mojo" court but i was also going to suggest having it re-cut! as long as it''s not already an ideal cut stone..

otherwise if she''s alright with the idea then why not save some money?

House Cat · Jul 9, 2009

People are buying antique diamonds all of the time. I''m wearing one right now and often wonder the history behind it. I like to think there is a great love story there...that''s the romantic in me.

I don''t believe "joojoo" sits in objects. I believe it is carried around in the hearts of people. If you carry the belief of bad joojoo around in YOUR heart while giving this ring, then it probably will come to you. If you believe that you can give this diamond with a clear heart, knowing that you and your FI will be carving out a love story of your own, then use the diamond.

diamondringlover · Jul 9, 2009

I wouldnt mind at all

tigian · Jul 9, 2009

I think I would be ok with it.

lala2332 · Jul 9, 2009

i wouldn''t care as long as it was reset and I liked the actual stone. My wedding band---well soon-to-be wedding band---is an estate piece. Who knows what history it has? I don''t care, I LOVE it!

ficklefaye · Jul 9, 2009

i guess it would really depend on what your gf thinks, but maybe she wouldn''t mind if you gave it a new life in a new setting

if she really hates the idea, you can always trade it in for another diamond

lulu · Jul 9, 2009

It wouldn''t bother me at all.

Linda W · Jul 9, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 2:53:21 PM
Author: neatfreak
Eh. If you can afford to get her her own stone that is what I would do. Put this one in a beautiful pendant for her down the line or something like that. Or find a vendor who will give you a good trade in value on it so you can put the $ toward your fiance''s new diamond.

Definitely!!!!! I think this would be an excellent idea.

HopeDream · Jul 9, 2009

My first choice would be to trade the diamond in for a different stone, but if the divorce ended well - the two parties are still speaking to each other, and it''s a "we still have dinner together once in a while" kind of divorce then I might keep the diamond.

If it was a "not speaking to each other ever" bitter, bitter divorce, (like my parents) then definitely get a new stone, or at least have it blessed by a holy leader of your faith, or bless it yourself. Do something to make it new again and different than it was.

I think this could be considered a "mind clean" situation.

Gypsy · Jul 9, 2009

I agree with neatfreak.

BUT that said. Your parents got divorced from each other, and the diamond was not the cause of that. It''s not a ''divorced diamond''... no one was divorcing the diamond. So, really... it''s just a rock.

As for what you should do. Here''s my best advice.... ASK HER. She''ll tell you what she thinks. And hers is the only opinion that matters.

iheartscience · Jul 10, 2009

Date: 7/9/2009 2:58:42 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier
I''m not overly superstitious at all, but divorce diamonds for an e-ring are my one exception. Jewelry is oddly emotional, and it seems completely irrational to care where the diamond came from, but I defnitely do. I would definitely enjoy it as a pendant, or half of a set of studs, but there''s no way I would be ok with it being my engagement ring.

Maybe even a right hand ring, but it really doesn''t matter what we say here. It''s your g/f''s opinion that matters, and if she would be ok with it, then I would let that be your guide.

Ditto! My fiance''s mom offered him her ring from her last marriage, but I said no thank you! I also didn''t get an antique diamond engagement ring for the same reason. I''m really not that superstitious usually, but I was for my engagement ring. But if your girlfriend really, truly doesn''t mind, then that''s another story.

Lady_Disdain · Jul 10, 2009

I think this is really about how you and your girl will feel. If neither of you mind, go for it! If, on the other hand, it does bother one of you, then don''t force it because of money. I would rather have a tiny diamond (or no diamond) than one that upset me for any reason.

It wouldn''t bother me at all, though.

jewelerman · Jul 10, 2009

Its a family heirloom no matter its history.Id wear it in a minute.History is history,and you can create your own...besides think of the serious money and time you will save on a one carat!This fact in itself is a good omen to a good start on your life together.One carats presented in love is a good karma starter.Dont refuse the diamond,you can always get your own diamond down the road!

lyra · Jul 10, 2009

Diamonds don''t have karma. If they did, we would have to spend more for ones rated AGS/GIA ideal karma. I assume the union of your mother and father produced you, which is a GOOD thing! If your girl doesn''t mind, then use the diamond.

A divorced diamond

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