Wedding $

[noelwr]

Date: 6/29/2008 2:10:00 PM
Author:alli_esq

I mean, I know there are ways to stretch a budget...but when the venue itself costs $20,000-$25,000 by itself, I just don''t know how people do it.

I think I just had a mini heart attack!

wow, now I feel REALLY good about my $500 venue that I get to have all day! helps when you''re marrying in South Africa and earning Euros.

we''re actually getting married at town hall (in Europe) on the one day a week you can do it for free. you just walk into a room, sign the papers with your witnesses and then 5 minutes later you''re done. on any other day it would cost you a minimum of $500 (but you get nicer venue and can have more than 4 people attend).

then a week later we will have our wedding ceremony in South Africa with our families. it won''t be "official" and we''ve actually asked our brother-in-law to "marry us" but we''re not spending any unnecessary finances. the most important thing to spend your money on is the food and drinks and then the music for the party. oh and the photographer is important to me. everything else is a nice-to-have and doesn''t have to be expensive (invitations, clothes for bridal party, flowers, cake, rings).

 

[marchswallowbird]

What you need to do is prioritize the things that are the MOST important to you. You already said you don''t care that much about flowers but you do care about the band. So scour the earth for a decent band that doesn''t cost an arm and a leg, and minimal or no flowers. It''s important to you to have as many friends and family there as possible, so look for a less formal venue that perhaps you can decorate yourself or with the help of friends. Or find a location that is so full of natural beauty because it''s a garden or something, that you don''t really need a lot of formal decorations. HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER to help you!! It will be well worth the cost.

Good luck!

 

[WishfulThinking]

Hi alli! I am new to this section of PS and learning more tips and tricks about wedding planning every day. These women are GEMS at finding great deals and have a wealth of knowledge and suggestions. It''s an awesome resource.

I totally feel ya on the "sticker shock"- oddly, I knew exactly how expensive things were from the get-go because I have done a TON of research. However, we have a TINY budget. It helps that we are having a very, very small ceremony with only immediate family [less than 15 people], but here are two things I have looked into to save costs that you might be able to use as well:

- Inexpensive dresses! I have a thread here asking for suggestions for wedding dresses under $200, and so many people have posted gorgeous options for us. It is a great way to cut costs, imo.

- Photography students! We are looking into hiring a photography student from a school or college in our area. A lot of these people are totally talented [ask for a portfolio, always] but might come at a lower price, especially if they can use your pictures for their portfolio. Also, a camera-savvy family friend might be able to help you out here.

It all depends on where your priorities are. We all have things we care more or less about. If you and your FI can make a list of the things you want to focus on, you can then scale back on items that are not on that list. Trade flowers for a band. Cut out the videographer. Do you have any crafty friends that you could enlist to help you with DIY projects? There are a lot of resources on the internet about things you can do to cut costs that I can''t think of off-hand, but I''m sure a good search would turn up some of them.

Most of all, remember that it''s just one day of your life, and that it will be beautiful no matter what because you are marrying your FI! It sounds cheesy, but it reassures me every time.

 

[alli_esq]

Date: 6/30/2008 11:43:35 AM
Author: Haven
Alli--Congrats on your law degree. Educational debt is worth every penny, in my opinion. I have quite a bit of my own, but like you, that''s the ONLY debt I carry.


I also meant to say earlier that we''ve been to so many weddings over the last few years, and really the most lovely and heartwarming wedding was a dear friend''s. They had the reception in a small reception hall, they did most of the details DIY, and their total budget was $10,000 because they were paying for it themselves and they didn''t want any debt. It was perfect. I loved every minute of it, and so did the bride and groom.


We''ve also been to some really extraordinarily expensive weddings, my FI''s friends are all a bit older, and they all spent around $60,000 to $70,000 on big Chicago weddings. They were lovely, but still the most wonderful experience was that first one I told you about.


My FI and I started with a very small budget, ended up getting an incredibly generous gift from my parents for the wedding, so now we''re going to end up spending about $40,000 on the entire thing. The basics of the wedding are exactly the same as they were when we were working with our small budget (same venue, day, etc.) but the extra money allowed us to get little extravagances we weren''t planning on having, yet really wanted in the first place--engraved invitations, my Melissa Sweet gown, a particular caterer. I''m happy that we didn''t change the feel of the wedding when our budget grew, because I think that''s when the whole thing starts to feel a bit put on.


GOOD LUCK on the bar exam, and on starting your law career and your marriage!

oh, Haven, you are too sweet! I''m sorry I didn''t have a chance to write back earlier--and by the way, you are going to be the most gorgeous bride! You have lovely taste and all your pictures just look gorgeous!!

thank you for the congrats--I am very happy to be done with law school and will be even happier when I am done with the bar and have a job

but, yes, I have to say, I like being a fiancee!! It''s really fun...my good friend I mentioned earlier, who just got engaged, couldn''t care less about the engagement and just wants to rush into the wedding part...I''d probably do the same if I were in her position; she''s been DYING to get married for ages to a guy who has been rather immature at times, and both and she live will with their respective parents until they get married. Me--I''ve been living with my FI for a year now (a year yesterday, actually!), so I know nothing practical will really change once we get married...but I have to say being ENGAGED feels different, and so exciting and great.

I will continue to check in here to get tips from all you brainy brides to see what we can do with our budget in a reasonable (but hopefully somewhat elegant) way

 

[Independent Gal]

I haven't read through everything the others have suggested, but I just want to suggest a few things and reassure you that you CAN have a fabulous wedding for less than 40K, so long as you are willing to work at it:

1) Guest list - trim trim trim! Count up the people you would be crushed not to have there. Try to keep it under a 100.

2) Venue - have you considered a restaurant? Depending where you are (i.e., NYC more likely than rural Ohio), some restaurants have FABULOUS funky decor (so your decor cost goes to next to nothing), will let you have the whole place, are already equipped for DJ's, can clear a space for a dance floor etc. Then there's no rental fee, you usually just have to spend more than X dollars

3) Sunday night is really not that bad. If you had the wedding on Friday night or a ceremony anytime before Saturday night, people would have to take Friday off. So what's the difference taking Monday off? I had my wedding on a Sunday, and you know what? It was not even a teensy problem.

4) Invitations - you don't need to be crafty to DIY. Available kits are idiot-proof, GORGEOUS, and very inexpensive. Check out invitesite.com They even pre-crease the liners so you know where to fold them. It's a little time consuming, but you don't have to be even a tiny bit creative or even coordinated. Idiot proof! Nearly every guest commented on my invitations and how beautiful they were, and they only cost $3 each (and this is a chi-chi crowd, by the way).

5) Dress - you don't need to wear an Oscar de la Renta from a chi-chi salon. Buy a sample or pre-owned dress or a

6) Decor - If you get a venue that's already well decorated, you hardly have to spend a dime

7) Photography - hire a student. You'll get great, creative shots for a fraction of the cost

when it comes to the bridal industry, keep your head screwed on. You do NOT need most of the crap they sell. Napkins with your names on them? Really?

9) if you end up with a DJ, don't get a wedding DJ. A real DJ often costs WAY less and they are more skilled at actually playing good, non-cheesy music.

You can do this without going broke!

 

[Independent Gal]

One more thing: don''t necessarily hire a planner, as planners will tend to tell you that you absolutely MUST have x, y, or z (like a cake) when you really don''t need one at all.

By definition, they are really ''into'' weddings, so they may be more inclined to convince you that things are important that aren''t necessarily.

 

[alli_esq]

Ohhhh, Independent Gal! Those are all great tips--ESPECIALLY that invitation site! Thank you so much!

I am so freaked out and unstable with bar studying and not having a job and everything that I actually welled up reading your post. I''m like overwhelmed when anyone is looking out for me...haha, wow, I''m nuts.

Thanks, though, really--huge help

you are so right about keeping my head screwed on. I look at some of these bridal magazines (my rule is only at the gym--so it motivates me to go!), and I can''t believe some of the "great ideas" they have.

 

[Independent Gal]

We''re always here for ya ! And as you start planning, you''ll find the girls on here are full of specific ideas and suggestions in any budget so we can help you.

Just as a guide, we had WP2 in a big city, and at US currency-adjusted prices, it came to about $18,000, including the aboslute BEST food in town for 80 people, gorgeous invitations, open bar, an amazing club DJ (granted, we got a deal there because he''s a friend), and stunning photography. Sure we didn''t have a cake, and we didn''t have napkins with our names on them. And yeah, I made the favors myself, but even the socialites at my wedding who are used to 100K bashes are still talking about what a great time they had and how wonderful the music and the food were. Nobody could tell it was DIY, and nobody even noticed there was no cake, etc!

Oh, and here''s a tip for cheap favors: www.vosgeschocolate.com, buy the mini-bars ... absolute best chocolate in the USA... ask for a 10% bulk discount. Then buy organza bags on ebay for about 5 cents each... et voila! extremely classy and delicious favors for $2.30 each!

And just, yeah, ebay. In general.

 

[violet02]

Date: 7/2/2008 5:13:12 PM
Author: Independent Gal
One more thing: don''t necessarily hire a planner, as planners will tend to tell you that you absolutely MUST have x, y, or z (like a cake) when you really don''t need one at all.

By definition, they are really ''into'' weddings, so they may be more inclined to convince you that things are important that aren''t necessarily.

It depends on the planner, mine is the queen of cheap cheap cheap! She gets 15% discounts from vendors and passes that on to me, she doesn''t take a cut, and she''s all about finding the cheapest and nicest vendors possible. I''m the expensive one, lol. Seriously she does her best to reign me in. And her price was SO reasonable! She found us our cheaper venue and many many things so it''s been money well spent.

If you are on a very inexpensive budget and I mean VERY tight then yes you may not want to hire a planner. For piece of mind though at least a day of co-ordinator.

 

[alli_esq]

just wanted to thank everyone again for their input...

I found out last week that I got the job I really wanted (yay!

), and although I will still have to negotiate salary, at least I know I will have an income after the bar! I hope I will just have fun wedding planning instead of stressing nonstop...

 

[Anna0499]

Congratulations! I am in law school myself, so it''s encouraging to hear that a recent graduate has a job with all the horror stories I''ve heard about disgruntled law students!

 

[alli_esq]

oh, IndyGirl, thank you!! I feel your pain, trust me! Let me know if you need any advice about law school. I have very ambivalent feelings about it, as many do (especially going through the hell of bar study), but I''m always happy to talk to anyone about the process and my experience if it will help any!

 

[kittybean]

Alli, congrats on your job! I also just graduated from law school, got engaged a month ago, and am trying to do the wedding planning and bar study right now. It is a lot to have on your plate!

IndyGirl, the prospects after law school are really not so dismal . Have you considered applying for clerkships? A clerkship can be an amazing way to start your career and make lifelong connections in the legal world. The federal ones are very difficult to get, but many state court ones (from district to appellate levels) are not as difficult to get and can be equally rewarding. If you ever want to talk law school, let me know. I didn''t love the experience (ditto Alli on the horror of bar study), but I''m very happy I finished.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/9/2008 7:58:40 PM
Author: kittybean
Alli, congrats on your job! I also just graduated from law school, got engaged a month ago, and am trying to do the wedding planning and bar study right now. It is a lot to have on your plate!

IndyGirl, the prospects after law school are really not so dismal . Have you considered applying for clerkships? A clerkship can be an amazing way to start your career and make lifelong connections in the legal world. The federal ones are very difficult to get, but many state court ones (from district to appellate levels) are not as difficult to get and can be equally rewarding. If you ever want to talk law school, let me know. I didn''t love the experience (ditto Alli on the horror of bar study), but I''m very happy I finished.

Hey...sorry for the late reply, I just now saw this reply to me! I really think that there is a spot for everyone in the legal field if they want to work hard and actually love the law, but many people go to law school who don''t want to be lawyers. It''s amazing how many law students/lawyers/paralegals/etc. are on PS!

I always have that fear in the back of my head that the person in those newspaper articles about law students not making enough money to pay off their loans will be me someday! I just finished my first year and have three more to go (joint degree) so hopefully it flies by! I actually got a job at a small firm downtown this summer and will continue working her part-time until I find another position. I would love to clerk for a judge sometime and might try to do it through my school so I can earn some credit. I will keep you and Alli in mind when finals time & OCI time roll around again! Thanks so much for your advice!

 

[noelwr]

Date: 7/2/2008 5:10:11 PM
Author: Independent Gal

when it comes to the bridal industry, keep your head screwed on. You do NOT need most of the crap they sell. Napkins with your names on them? Really?

I''m getting those. I think they''re really cute.

I am very susceptible to internet shopping marketing ploys.

so I guess the moral of the story is to not look at wedding websites trying to sell you all this stuff you don''t really need. you can leave the stuff for me...